five: the royal rumble

6 months.

It took 6 months for him to get himself back onto his two feet. It took him 6 months to pick up the pieces of his broken-heart, and let it heal. It took him 6 months to realize that he was missing someone.

Throughout those 6 months, he was a wreck. His house was just as messy as his own life. The oven ready food that he bought symbolized how lazy he got after being shut out of someone’s life, that someone whom he thought was the one. His bed was always left untouched, wet patches still not dry after a day of crying. He was a wreck, and he knew it.

But through the 6 months of getting back to his usual self, he realized that love wasn’t all just the looks. Love wasn’t all about picking up girls like they were an item on a shelf. Love wasn’t all about change.

It was all about finding who would be there no matter what. It was all about finding who would be there when you were at your lowest point. It was all about finding who would be there when you were going insane, mental enough that you couldn’t control yourself anymore.

It was all about finding who would be there when you couldn’t be there for yourself.

“Jimin,” Soyun breathed, pulling away from his passionate kiss. “Stop.”

He stared at her, the same confused look taking over his face. She sighed frustratingly, roughly running her fingers through her hair. He reached for her, only to have her back up away.

“Jimin,” she began, “I think we need to break up.”

The tears began to form in the brim of his eyes, blinking fast to make them go away. Soyun began to fiddle with his fingers, and he looked at them, remembering how Eunji had the same exact habit.

“W-Why?” He asked, beginning to think that ‘why’ was now his question.

“I’m falling out of love,” she replied, avoiding his intense stare. “I’m falling in love with someone else.”

“What did I do to make you fall out of love?!” He yelled, grabbing her arms, shaking her back and forth to get an answer. “What can I do so that you’ll fall in love with me again?”

“Nothing,” she whispered, slapping his arms away, only to wrap her arms around her belly. “You can’t do anything, Jimin. No matter what you do, I’m not going to fall in love with you again.”

He grabbed her arms again, a bewildered look in her eyes. “Tell me what I can do so that you won’t leave me.”

“Jimin, you can’t do anything!” She screamed, “there’s nothing you could do because you’ll still be the same dorky Jimin I met for the first time!”

“Who’s the guy?” He muttered, eyeing her as she wrapped her arms around herself again. “Who is he?”

“That doesn’t matter—”

“It matters to me!” He screamed, desperation in his face. “Did you even love me at all?”

“I did, Jimin.” She began to cry.

He grabbed her arms and she winced in pain, only to start shaking her back and forth as if she was to make her fall in love with him again. He was waiting for her to answer until she let out a cry, pushing him away.

“Jimin, stop! It hurts!” She begged. The anger inside of him was hurting him, but he had no idea that the pressure of his fingers around her arms were hurting her. She pushed him away, only to wince in pain, “Jimin, stop! I’m pregnant!”

His eyes widened, “am I the—”

She shook her head, “you’re not the father. I’m two months in.”

He felt disgusted. She reached out to him, only to have him ignore her. He went upstairs in under a minute, coming out with her bags and things. He handed them to her, “you know your way out.”

“Jimin, I—”

“I said, you know your way out.” His back was faced towards her.

He heard her sigh, and the door shut. He felt tears begin to wet his cheeks, and he knew.

He knew that he was only infatuated with her.

“The rain won’t stop, will it?” Eunji stared out the window, her chin resting on her hand.

Jimin chuckled, “it probably won’t until tomorrow morning.”

She sighed, turning towards him with a cute pout. Glancing towards the coffee table, a leather pocket book caught her eye. It had no label on it, but she was so curious to find out what the content was inside each page. The pages were almost worn out, some of them were hanging out of it, and some of them looked like they fell in a puddle of water.

“What is this?” She grabbed it, waving it in front of him.

“It’s most of my articles, some questions that I wonder about, journals, and more,” he replied. “But I don’t think you’ll like them, they’re pretty horrible and tremendous.”

She cocked her head to the side, “I’m pretty sure I’ll like them, trust me.”

Opening to the first page, she bit her lip as she read ‘For her’ written at the very first line. With a heavy heart, she flipped to the next page to see the very first article.

What does it feel to fall in love? Is it the spark that you feel whenever you see someone flash a genuine smile or is it something else?

She glanced at him as he shrugged his shoulders, letting out a laugh. Flipping to a random page, her fingers fell upon a page that looked worn out. It was a dry page, almost as if tears stained it.

October 27th, 2014.

I realized one thing tonight. I was infatuated with her. I was too infatuated that I let it intoxicate me, forgetting myself. I was too infatuated with her that I was so blind to realize that she was just playing games behind my back.

I was never in love with her.

She felt him tense up beside her when she flipped to the last page. The last page was his article that Sungjae discovered. Infatuation. She stared at the title, letting her thoughts wander. What happened to Soyun? When did they break-up?

Her thoughts were cut short when she felt a warm hand place on top of hers. She glanced towards Jimin, the air knocking out of her when she realized how close he was. He smiled, his eyes looking into hers. She felt her heart skip a beat,