"Xiumin ? " Sehun's voice was small but inquiring. Who was Xiumin? The 23 years old Luhan that had appeared in front of him had mentioned him with an endearing tone, as if he was someone precious. Taking advantage of the situation, he pushed his luck: "Who is Xiumin?" But maybe too much. As he utered those words, he felt a strong grip wrapping his neck and lifting him up, pushing him against the wall. Luhan's eyes were a dreadful malocchio, piercing Sehun's soul with his abhorrence. The latter could feel the fingers around his neck strangle him with an unsuspected strength. His harasser's respiration was shallow and frantic. Sehun's one was becoming harder as the air was blocked from reaching his lungs. Luhan's voice came out wheezy and taut: "Don't you dare approaching him anymore. Don't you even dare saying his name again. All those people in white calling themself doctors when they are just mere soulless technicians, we don't need those. So stay away from Xiumin. " Then it clicked in Sehun's mind. Who Xiumin was and what was Luhan rambling about. But his legs were weakening and his pulse had started racing wildly, dark dots staining his vision. However Luhan was too strong for him. As he thought he would pass out, the grip around him disappeared and air rushed back into his body. He blinked a few times, regaining his sense, when his gaze met Luhan's. But this time it was Luhan. Or, as he had just discovered, Xiumin. The boy was looking at him in horror, his bottom lips quivering. Bitting at his thumb in panic, he backed away, eyes darting in every way. His whole body was trembling, pupils drowning in fear. He had attacked him. Sehun. He had almost killed him. Sehun. Luhan broke. Suddenly, the door slammed open and nurses rushed inside, Suho and Baekhyun following them: "What happened? We heard a commotion." But his voice died as he caught sight of the scene in front of him. Luhan was hunched on the ground, body convulsing and crying hysterically. As for Sehun, he was still leaning against the wall, poker-faced but eyes glued to the boy's body. Suho grabbed him and pulled him outside of the room while the nurses were taking care of the patient. "What happened?" He almost shouted at his apprentice who was once again backed against a wall. "Nothing..." The younger psychiatrist murmured, avoiding his chief's obvious stare. The said - one was about to shake the other man when, grabbing him by the shoulders, he took sight of the purplish marks around his neck: "What is that Sehun?! Did he attack you?!" His voice was the allegory of worry. He reached out for the bruises with the tip of his fingers, but the raven-haired man slapped them away: "I said nothing happened, Joonmyeon." His voice was low and frightening. The other didn't miss how the man had actually used his true name, which practically never occured. Sehun pushed him away, maybe a bit too harshly, but at the moment, his mind was too hazy to think straight. "I have to go back to Luhan's side. Sorry." Without any other word, he left. Suho was staring at the wall in front of him where mere seconds ago stood the younger man. A cynical laugh escaped his throat as he started throwing slow punches in the wall, woebegone: "You're so pathetic, Joonmyeon." From afar, someone was looking at the scene, a concerned pout plastered across his face. *** As Sehun was about to enter the room, a nurse came out of it, almost collapsing against him. Flustered, she started stuttering, head hung low not daring to look at the handsome psychiatrist in the eye: "Yo-you can't go in. Mr Luhan has fallen asleep. He was given tranquilizer." Sehun nodded and the nurse left, cheeks still brightly burning crimson. Luhan was surely feeling guilty for what had happened, he knew it. He wanted to go in and comfort the boy, to tell him it wasn't his fault and that he wasn't mad at him. That he was alright. But he couldn't. Reluctantly, he left after letting out a nth loud sigh. He would do it tomorrow, he thought. But now he needed air. Fresh air. *** "Hey... I heard from Kyungsoo..." Chanyeol whispered. Burying his face in the crook of his boyfriend's neck, Beakhyun sighed heavily. "Is Sehun alright?" The small psychiatrist shrugged in response, grabbing he other man by the sleeves before leaning his forehead again the latter's chest: "I have no idea. Sehun freaking disappeared and I went all around the hospital but heck I can't seem to find him." Beakhyun let out a shaking breath. The tall doctor pressed his body closer to his, his hair gently: "Don't worry Baek. You know Sehun is a tough boy. Something like that wouldn't shatter him so easily." But the said - man wasn't convinced: "You didn't see him, Yeollie... he actually seemed almost... hurt." He finally blurted out. And it was right. Even if Sehun didn't let any emotion appear on his face, Beakhyun wasn't dumb. His friend had been shaken. It seemed he was already pretty committed to the honey - haired boy. "And Luhan was inconsolable." Chanyeol gently cupped his worried boyfriend's cheeks, locking their gazes: "Maybe it's for the best. Maybe Luhan could actually help Sehun." The flame of hope and love in Chanyeol's eyes warmed up the down - spirited man who managed to smile slightly: "Yeah maybe..." If only. *** Suho was seated at his office desk, still staring at the same picture, the same faces. A long time ago, he used to have everything a person could want. But he didn't cherish it enough. So it slipped from his fingers. Then it was too late. Suddenly, a compassionate hand appeared on his shoulder, patting him blandly, and exturpated him from his mooning. He turned his head to meet a gentle gaze: "Kyungsoo..." "It still hurts, right?" It wasn't really a question, but more an understatement. The older psychiatrist didn't respond, pressing his lips in a straight line but eyes lingering back to the picture. They were in college. "Sehun - ah! You know I love you, right?" The said - male's body stiffened at the sentence, but after some seconds, he nodded. "I love you very very much, and I hope you do too." Sehun's body froze. He didn't say anything. Didn't dare to breath. But Suho didn't notice. No. He didn't want to notice. Sehun was his. And only his. "I'll heal you so you could be able to express it too, Sehun - ah." But Sehun didn't want to express it. He didn't have anything to express. "Don't worry, I know how you feel." But he didn't know. Nobody knew. Nobody knew how Sehun was feeling. How lost, disoriented and dull he felt. He felt like a doll -an emotionless one- who everybody interpreted in their own way and treated as they felt like. If they fought he was happy, then he was. If they fought he was sad, then that's how it was. And nobody questioned how he really was. Suho was one of the many people acting this way. He had taken an interest to the poker-faced boy, which happened to grow into love. Sehun was interesting for Suho. He didn't have any emotion. And for him, it was a challenge. When he grew to love the man, he assumed it was reciprocal. But Sehun didn't like him. He just went with the flow, as he always had. "Sehun - ah... I'm getting tired of this. Don't you like me?" But no answer was pronounced. "If you don't then you should tell me. If you don't answer I'll assume you don't." Once again, nothing. Sehun was just feeling numb. He was tired of it. Tired of not feeling anything: "Suho. You should find someone who really cares for you. You know right well I can't be this person." Suho smiled. He knew it. They had never made love. Sometimes they would make out, but he knew Sehun was just responding to his touch as an automatism. His feelings had always been one-sided but he had still clung to he other. But now Sehun was voicing out his thoughts for the first time, and for Suho, it was more than an improvement. Because more than wanting Sehun for himself, he wanted Sehun to be healed. He didn't know why, but he knew it. Sehun was sick. And as Sehun had always stuck to him, struggling not to hurt him, he had a debt to repay. He had to heal Sehun. However for that, he had to let go. So he did. "I messed up, Kyungsoo. It was my fault. Not his. I took him for granted and didn't try to undurstand him." Suho declared in a spiteful voice. "I loved him while I fully knew he didn't. Nonetheless, I forced my feelings onto him, taking advantage of the fact that he wasn't able to reject me. Now it is just right that I am paying for my sins. But things will get better, Kyungsoo, I know it." He had a radiant smile. But the smile was quickly covered by two plump lips pressed against his. "Hopefully." Kyungsoo thought has he kissed his long-time crush. *** Sehun wasn't particularly fond of the outside world. Usually, he would crumple in his couch and deal with his thoughts in peace. But now he needed fresh air. He needed to clear his mind. Slothfully, he took out his notebook and clicked his pen open: "First night: the patient had a nightmare. He was screaming "Xiumin". He was crouched under the bad. Previous hypothesis correct: he hides under the furniture when feeling in a state of anxiety. The only way to calm him down was to give him back his plush." He took a deep bowl of fresh air which tickled his dry throat before returning to his scribbling. "Sudden apparition of his 23 years old personality. Luhan. He tends to be overly protective of Xiumin and despites doctors. Xiumin seems to be the name of the 6 years old personality. Sounds like a Chinese name (to look up). He has-" But he paused, bringing his fingers to his bruised skin. No. Luhan wasn't violent. He knew it. Crossing out the two words, he couldn't help but think about the quivering Luhan. He wasn't violent, he was... "Scared..." He breathed out. That was right. Luhan was just scared to death. *** His eyes flew open. He was in a dark room. "His" bedroom. Suddenly, a shiver ran through his body at the realization. He was lying in the bed. The bed. He was lying in the bed, staring through the empty night. His breath was shallow, his heart pumping wildly in his chest, making his almost choke. No. He hoped. Please, no. Some clatter could be heard near his door and he shut his eyes tightly, praying every god that nothing would happen. Unluckily, the door opened in a slow creaking sound, letting in a small frame. He could feel his bed sag as someone sat on it, just beside him. The person brushed his bangs aside with the tip of his moisty fingers, before the hand slid down his cheek, cupping it, while dry and rough lips invaded his, forcing him into a kiss he didn't want. Stop! This is wrong. So wrong. But no one could heae his pleading thoughts. He then felt a hand brushing again , starting unbuckling his belt. No. Mom. No. But he couldn't do anything apart from crying while her filthy hands would roam against his body, staining him for life. Maybe even for longer. When she finaly left, he was a crying mess lying in impure bedsheets, body shivering in the obsene smell of the room that would be forever stuck in his mind, hunting him for a lifetime. Sobbing, he grabbed his clothes, putting them back on. He then crawled under his bed. It was cramped but his body could fit just as if it had been designed for this purpose. This was is hiding spot when he was stuck in his house. He would always crawl there when his father intended to hit him. The fattish man couldn't even bend on his knees to pull out the terrified boy, so he had found an other way. He would sit on the bed, crushing Luhan. But Luhan didn't care. Being crushed was safer than confronting the outside world. So he would wait for his so-called father to leave, listening to his curses and insults. It still hurt. But Minseok would be there after to heal him. So it didn't matter. Luhan was curled in a ball under his hospital bed, tightly holding onto his doll. Minseok. His eyelids felt heavy and he didn't noticed when he felt asleep. What he knew was that his last thought was about a certain poker-faced psychiatrist he wanted to see again. *** The next morning, Luhan was sitting on his bed, chewing on his doll, gaze fixed on the bedroom's doorknob. It was past breakfast and Sehun still hadn't come. Was he upset? He definitely was, Luhan moped. Suddenly, he jumped out of fright as the door was slammed open. But instead of the tall and handsome raven-haired psychiatrist he expected, a small light brown - haired man appeared behind it, an angry frown pasted on his puppy - like facial features. But his expression immediately softened when he saw the frail being Luhan was, cowered on his mattress. Baekhyun was angry when he heard Sehun hadn't reported how his patient had used violence against him, but now that he was seeing the latter more clearly, he understood. Luhan was armless. "What are you doing here Baek?" A disembodied voice asked behind him. Turning around, he met with his friend's face: "Sehun - ah! " He chirped anxiously. "Don't give me 'Sehun - ah' and just get out, Baek. I'm not in the mood." "Yes! Right away!" On that, he spined around and stumbled outside the room. Even without any expression, the psychiatrist often managed to creap the hell out of the smaller one. Luhan, who had assisted to the scene, started trembling again. Sehun was mad. Averting his eyes, he focused on the slow steps coming his way. He could feel the tears well up in his eyes. But he couldn't let them out. He had no right. Without a warning, two strong arms wrapped themselves around his tiny frame and he collided against the same warm chest that was always consoling him. "I'm sorry Luhan." His eyes widened at the words. Why was Sehun apologizing? "I'm sorry for pushing you into a corner like that. I was being insensitive." The patient was holding his breath in anticipation, not daring to move an inch. "I'm going to take care of you Luhan. I promise." With this words, unwillingly, Sehun had stole a part of Luhan's heart. He could feel the front of his shirt being stained with tears, but no sound was coming from the crying boy, unlike usual. That's how Sehun understood that the boy crying in his arms was the real Luhan. Finally, a broken voice filled the silent room: "I don't want it." The patient croaked. Memories were flashing through the sick boy's mind, blinding him. Minseok's body was a palette composed from different shades of red, bruised and broken. But Luhan was fine, and that was all that mattered to him. So he was smiling: "I'm going to take care of you Luhan. I promise." But the said-boy's glare was tenebrous: "I don't want it." The voice was as frightening. However, it did matter to the orange - haired boy: "Well I want to." "Don't you dare approaching me anymore." Luhan's eyes were boring onto Minseok's ones and his tone pierced the latter's heart cruelly. But that wasn't what alarmed him. The cause of his fear were the hands wrapped around his neck that had pined him against the wall and that were currently preventing the much needed oxygen from reaching his lungs. His whole body was heating up as he was struggling for air. But nothing could do. The world was slowly vanishing from his sight. All of a sudden something triggered inside of Luhan and he snapped out of his transe, realizing what he was doing. He had almost killed him. Minseok. "Minseok..." But there was no answer. "Xiumin!" The said - boy finally locked gaze with him. He wasn't mad. Nor afraid. He was hurt. Luhan stopped crying. That memory. Minseok. Sehun. They were completely alike. And that was why Luhan felt so committed to the psychiatrist despite of his hatred toward the one who was trying to get rid of Xiumin. He drowned his gaze into the other's one and met his warm and comforting aura. Luhan was beginning to like this gaze. But he wanted more. He wanted to see Sehun's smile. With a last lingering look, he switched back to his 6 years old self, his face immediately softening, the frown between his eyebrows disappearing. Sehun noticed how Luhan let his place to Xiumin and without a warning, the latter started pinching his cheeks, stretching them upwards, forcing the expressionless man to smile awkwardly. And Luhan giggled. His eyes turned into upwards little crescent shining with glee, and his laugh teased the silence, filling it with its melodious notes. Luhan's smile was back and Sehun was feeling as if he could also smile. Maybe he would... *** "What's with the tense atmosphere here, guys?" Baekhyun snapped as he was entering the psychiatrist's staff room. "Kyungogo?" He provoked the latter. But as impossible as it sounded, the tiny wide-eyed doctor didn't spare him a glance, focusing on his files. Which obviously annoyed Baekhyun who clearly longed for attention. Slapping his friend's back, he snorted. "Yah! What's up with the gloomy face. I would almost swear you were rejected by your crush! " But the deathly glare Kyungsoo gave him finished convincing him. A loud choke could be heard beside them, coming from Suho who seamed to be smothering. "Wait. Don't tell me I guessed right." Kyungsoo parted his heart-shaped lips: "Actually..." "Who?! Where?! When?! Who is the idiot who dared?!" The other cut him. The concerned boy rolled his eyes at his friend's agitation but nonetheless, he tried answering, when once again he was halted. But this time it was Suho : "I am." Baekhyun's eyes practically fell out of their orbs as his jaw almost dislocated. "But I didn't really reject him. He took back his confession." The bystander had now a bewildered look on his face: "He took back his confession?!" He squeaked. "And you let him be?!" "Well..." "Oh my gosh Suho stop being such a Sehun and handle the things as they should be handled, man!" "I didn't know my name could be used as an insult." An embodied voice retorted. "But Sehun - ah! " Baekhyun whined, turning to face the source of the voice coming from the newcommer. "Didn't you just hear the same thing as me? He -ouch! That freaking hurts, you moron, stop it!" He cried as Sehun was dragging him out of the room by the ear: "Don't meddle in their problems. You're not Mother Teresa nor anything so let t