“...and you can exchange love only for love.”

– Art of Loving by Erich Fromm

Some people would believe that finding love is as easy as catching one’s eye in a sea of people or maybe getting the number of the person across your table in the library. Love could be seating right next to you inside the train, love could be inside the car parked in front of your neighbour’s house, love could be the one you turned down when you were 6 years-old at the playground, holding a teddy bear in hand. Love could be anyone, to say the least, but in his case, love was the person standing in front of him, deep brown eyes that turn into deep crescents when love smiles. Love has a sandy blonde hair that almost seemed to shine like gold under the sun. Love had big fluffy ears that reminded him of an elephant named Dumbo and the saddest of all, love was someone else’s love and as far as he knows – love loved this someone else too.

It is indeed tragic to find love within a distance, within an arm’s reach and yet finding out that love can no longer be yours so instead of taking risks and following his heart – as assumed that it was the object that gave such feeling – he lets love go.

2 years after, love is seating right next to him inside the train.

“Hey, I remember you! You’re Kyungsoo’s friend right?” Love mentions the name of his friend, the one whom love loved then.

“Yes” He nods and smiles; he couldn’t believe that he would see love once more in the most unexpected place because he barely rides the train. He rides it only when his brother borrows his car or when his mother told him to do so because using gas would harm her daisies but mother left a few months ago and brother already has his own car so what is he doing inside the train then?

“Where are you heading?” Love asks, he smiles at him - definitely clueless of the redness forming in the latter’s cheeks.

“I..I, uh...” He couldn’t explain his self to love because truly, he was heading nowhere. Today just felt like a nice day to take the train to a random station and grab some coffee in a random coffee shop while reading a random book as random thoughts would sprawl out into his head and he would randomly type it in his phone and send it to himself so that he won’t forget the randomness of his thoughts or of his feelings – if ever feelings did exist.

The announcer says the name of the station.

“Well, I better get going now.” Love said

Today of all days, he finally had the courage and it seeped through his hand, he reaches for love’s hand as he stood inside the train, love turned back of course, love felt the warmth of his hands and if he was lucky enough, love could have felt at least a few sparks. Finally, he spoke,

“Uh, this is my station too.” His beautiful fingers slowly letting go of love’s hand

Love smiles and says, “Okay then, why don’t we just go together?”

It seems like an invitation so he nods at love and smiles at him again.

“So where are you really going to?” Love asks

“To a coffee shop, is there a coffee shop near this place?” He asks

Love laughs at him and of all the things, he never imagined it was to make love laugh. To make love smile was easy because love always smiled – love smiled at him when he was six, in a playground with his teddy bear as love turned him down, love smiled at him when love was parked in front of his neighbour’s house. Love smiled at him when love loved someone else and that someone else was his friend but today, love laughed and he doesn’t care if he made love laugh out of his stupidity or of his wit because making love laugh seemed special to him.

Love slowly stops laughing but it still echoes in his ears, like music slowly fading out. Love asks, “You really went here for coffee? Is that what rich people do now? Ride trains for cups of coffee?”

He replies, “First, I’m not rich and second, yes. I did come here for the coffee.”

Love smiles and takes his hand, “I know exactly where to take you.”

“But don’t you have to go to somewhere?” He asks

“I could skip school today.” Love says

“Skip school for a cup of coffee? You’re kind of crazy.”

“You rode a train for a cup of coffee...Who’s crazy now?” Love laughs again.

So love brushes his beautiful fingers and takes him by the hand as they ran 3 blocks, almost beating the red lights for pedestrians. Love never looked so free and happy and he felt glad to be a central part of love’s day – even for once.

The coffee shop smelled of old books and of course, the aroma of fresh coffee beans, grinded ever so carefully. Love buys them 2 cups of hot chocolate even if they came for the coffee. Love had always been this odd, he remembers how Kyungsoo would complain that they would go to different places and love would never order what was supposed to be ordered in that place, love always bought something different – something oblivious if he had not seen it in the menu. Love had a thing for the little things; he makes sure that nothing is left unnoticed or unseen or in this case – untasted,if there was such word. Love was odd and it made him lovelier.

He sits beside the window of the coffee shop and the morning sun illuminated their seats perfectly, it felt warm but it did not feel hot – just the right amount to see and to feel. Love takes the seat in front of him and slides his cup of hot chocolate. The sun made love look beautiful, his eyes bore this striking shade of brown and his hair, now black complemented it. He never imagined to see such view and with that, love looks up and smiles at him. Love struck him and saw him dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry.” He says “It’s just that it’s been 2 years and I didn’t expect to see you, really.” He lies. If he were to tell the truth, he’d actually be sorry for staring at love for too long.

“I didn’t see it coming either. Ever since Kyung - we’ve broken up I haven’t heard anything from him or his friends but it feels nice seeing you today.” Love says

“So, uh, you’re in your senior year too right?” He asks

“No, actually.” Love chuckles a little. “After he and I broke up 2 years ago, I transferred to another school and to another course. I’m finally doing what I want even if I’m a year later than you guys.”

“You’re finally taking up Music? Oh my... I, I just feel so happy for you. You’ve wanted that ever since high school and now, you’re actually there.” He could not hide his excitement

“You remembered.” Love smiles – for the nth time then continues, “I wasn’t really into literature. I mean I did love it and I enjoyed it but mostly because we were together back then.”

“I’m really happy for you, really.” He said really twice, he seemed nervous when love was around.

“So you, what are you doing here taking trains and drinking coffee?” Love asks, taking a sip of the hot choco and looking at him intently – love’s eyes towards his eyes, two pairs of eyes.

“I’m graduating soon.” He replies

“And you’re taking up music too, right?”

“Yes, I’m planning to study masters abroad or maybe get a certificate for theatre here. I, uhm...I’m not really sure if I could take a year off and do free lance music jobs.”

“I heard you’ve been getting offers.” Love asks. Again, he finds himself dumbfounded with what has been said to him, how did love know? He thought.

“Yeah, uh, how did you know?”

“Well, most of my classmates know you. I think you’re really popular among music students. They said you got offered to start an album or something – I mean that’s big time.”

“Not really big big time, it’s just I’m not sure if I’ll take them because I don’t want to be tied to something for the mean time. Everyone, uh, they tell me I’m good but I think good has no substance. I want to sing with substance you know...I think you’ll get this too because people like us, we can do things and they can tell us that we do well or we do great but I want to make the people feel when they listen to me...You know...” He even used his hand to express his thoughts.

“I totally understand. Maybe they saw the potential in you, or whatever it is inside your heart. I think that’s what they hear when you sing because that’s what I hear.” Love says

He could not believe what love said, love listens – love never forgets, love remembers. He falls silent.

“I remember when he asked you to sing for me back in highschool, and it really made me feel something, towards music towards...” Love says and then he halts, he leaves at least a word left unspoken.

“I...uh.” His cheeks are now blushing, he never knew that love could make his body feel like there were hundreds of fireworks exploding at once – from his cheeks, to his ears to his spine. Indeed, love was the only one who was capable of this and if love didn’t stop from completing the sentence, he might have exploded all at once by now.

They spent an hour or two in the coffee shop sharing thoughts over a few sips of the now cold chocolate drink.  Love rises from his seat and takes his hand once more.

“Let’s go somewhere.” Love says and he couldn’t – under any circumstances, say no to love.

Love’s hand felt stubby on his wrists, he finds that love is no longer wearing the bracelet his friend gave – the one who loved love 2 years ago. It might be a sign that love had lost, that love might – if there are any chances – be ready to find love too. He didn’t know that love has already found someone too – probably even two years ago or even when love was six.

They end up inside the music room of love’s school, love sits in front of the piano and plays the piece that other sang for love back then. He sang it for love, he did it for his friend.

He started singing as love’s stubby fingers pressed on every key and love did not fail to miss a single note. He then asks love, “How did you learn to play it on the piano?”

Love answered, “Because I like remembering things, silly little things that don’t really make sense to some but it does to me. I learned this then after you sang it for me. I guess I mastered it over the years.” Love chuckles shyly, he wasn’t finished so he continues, “Your voice, though. It still sounds the same, ever since.”

“Well, uh, the secret’s practice and I think you know that.” but the real secret is this, he felt the same ever since. Hence, every note made its way to its proper place and the feeling was still there, it never left him. Love never left him.

This time, he plays the piano. A new song, a new feeling – one he feels now. Love falls silent as he sits beside him, love closes his eyes. Love did not believe that the brain had anything to do with music because music, in all its essence, makes you think without having to think. It might sound like an ironic thing but to love, music emptied the brain and fills in the mind, the soul – the heart, even. Love opens his eyes as the other finishes playing the piano. Their eyes meet once more and love knew, love did exist even after a stroll from a bad relationship.

He breaks the silence and says, “You know, sometimes I just let the words fill the melody and my fingers key in the notes. Sometimes they don’t match, sometimes they do. The words and the melody form the song but the message it makes forms the music. I guess that’s what I want to do once I graduate, I don’t want to make a song or a piece or a tune, I want to make music.”

Love indeed felt the same fireworks the other had felt inside the coffee shop. Love has never seen someone so passionate that it made his soul striking. Love is in awe; love is in love.

Love tears a page from his music sheet and hands it to him, love kisses his forehead and says, “Sorry, I forgot that I had to be in class today – it’s a performance thing so I can’t miss it. I have to go. It was lovely seeing you.”

Love steps out of the door of the music room.

After a few seconds, love opens the door and says, “Read that when you’re in the train home. Okay?” Love smiles and for the second time, he lets love go.

He finds himself walking out of the music room and out of the university. He rides a cab back to the train station but decides to sit under the shed just a few steps away. He opens the music sheet and there he finds love’s song.

The song was dated 2 years ago on top was the title and beneath it was written in little scribbled letters,

For Baekhyun written by Park Chanyeol

He folds the music sheet neatly and places it inside his pocket. He smiles at the title, To Love

It is indeed funny that these circumstances had happened...all in his dreams, he wakes up with no music sheet in hand and love is indeed a fantasy he has yet to live.

Today decides to ride the train; he barely rides the train. He rides it only when his brother borrows his car or when his mother told him to do so because using gas would harm her daisies but mother left a few months ago and brother already has his own car so what is he doing inside the train then?

He tries to find love and luckily the universe decided to give him a chance, he sits inside the train and parallel to him, he finds love with Kyungsoo - his friend - sleeping on love’s shoulder. Love smiles and says, “Aren’t you his friend?” as he pointed at the person sleeping right next to him, on his shoulder. He nods and smiles. Love brushes the hair off his friend’s face and smiles so delicately at the little thing.

He loved seeing love happy because love deserves to be happy and if it’s his friend who makes love happy then he can’t do anything about it.

He stands up at the next station and says, “It was nice seeing you.” Love waves a good bye.

He lets love go once more.

WIW

Inspired from Art of Loving by Erich Fromm and When Love Arrives by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye. 

Thanks @deuxbu