There needs to be something more defining about love then having your heart beat fast and suddenly have your stomach do flips like the day the Chinese takeaway they ordered tasted strange. Because lately he’s been experiencing all these symptoms when he’s around Soonyoung and he’s about 120% sure that they’re just friends.

It’s not like symptoms necessarily means that the diagnosis is correct, Seokmin reminds himself. There was one of those days when every bone in his body ached as his head burned up and he was pretty sure that was sure signs that he was sick.

Wonwoo, that jerk, had dragged him out of the bed and gave a royal diagnosis of lazy. A foot to the face didn’t stop Wonwoo from dragging him to the practice room. The rest were a bunch of unsympathetic asses who just told him to stop whining and that no, he was not sick.

The only one who actually bothered to check his temperature, force him to drink water and give him muscle ache patches was Soonyoung. Who unfortunately, was the exact cause of his problems these days, so he couldn’t ask for his help. Even when they were best friends and shared everything (underwear excluded, they were people with standards. Standards that certain people- actually just Minghao and Junhui-did not possess.)

So yeah, recently he’s been Minorly Screwed because he can’t separate fantasy from reality. Or something like that. Now he’s lying on bed reflecting on His Sad Life (and who is he to complain when Seventeen is doing well?!)

“You feeling okay? You looked really distracted during practice.”

Soonyoung looks at him, sharp eyes soft as he looks straight at Seokmin. He feels a sudden urge to leave, because his heart is beating so fast that’s almost a certain sign of cardiac arrest. He really can’t take it, Soonyoung glances under his long eyelashes, wet hair framing his face and towel wiping at his damp face. But what does him in is the genuine concern that’s laced in every word of his, the fact that he’s been looking him out for him.

It’s normal, Seokmin scolds himself. Get a grip on reality.

“Thinking and got distracted.”

And the thoughts were all filled were you, those are the words that went unsaid. Thoughts about how handsome he looked when he got serious about teaching the choreography, how he was always dependable and hardworking. Perfectly admirable (and illegally adorable). God, he’s sounding like a teen girl with a puppy crush. Or like Joshua when he gushes over just how nice and gentlemanly Jeonghan is (ironic, considering it comes from the gentleman of the group no less.)

“Care to share them?”

Soonyoung’s wormed his way into his side of the bed, poking at the sides of his waist. He’s gotten fat, that’s all he can think of as he feels his sides cave on Soonyoung’s fingertips.

“It’s nothing serious.”

Seokmin knows he’s a pretty good liar, but from the furrow of Soonyoung’s brow his deception has clearly failed. Not like he got much practice on lying to him. If anything he’s an oversharer, feeding him random useless information such as his craving for barbequed meat and minute-by-minute accounts on the disgusting activities of Mingyu and Wonwoo (things he suddenly finds he wants to do with Soonyoung, but he needs to kill those thoughts. Now.)

"Don’t worry. Go rest, you’ll be really tired tomorrow if you don’t sleep soon.”

It’s either the weariness from a day of practice or the ugly smile that comes out from his mouth when he sees Soonyoung forces back sleepy yawn that does it, because he’s smiling again and lying down, earlier tension lessened but not gone.

“Good night. Sweet dreams.”

Those are words whispered after he knows Soonyoung has fallen asleep, words said along with the soft breathing coming from his mouth. The kitten-like lips that normally curved into a subconscious smile were a little pouty today but nonetheless utterly endearing. Like everything Kwon Soonyoung was.  

Like everything he wasn’t, creeping on a band member and staring at their sleeping figure. Pretty disgusting. He would full well call any member out on that one.

He takes his words back. He’s not Minorly Screwed. He’s Majorly Screwed. This calls for urgent action.

Seokmin has pretty good grades, so like a diligent student the night before the exams, he revises all his past interactions with Soonyoung. But like the stressed student overdosed on coffee yet falling asleep at 3 a.m., he’s regretting all of his poor life choices. Most of them start and finish with a “why on earth do I have a not-crush-crush on my best-friend-bandmate- not-romantic-life-partner-best-buddy?”

The only thing he consoles himself with is that this is likely temporary. With enough sleep and worrying about the next comeback the very shojou manga (which he does not read, mind you) like feelings will disappear the way fried chicken does in the dorms. In three minutes flat. Without crumbs.  

But like his off-tangent thoughts, these pesky love-like affections are probably just a fun little distraction his brain came up with because it could be fun. Whee, go have a giant crush on your best friend! Now you’ll overthink everything that has never been an issue at all! Like spending excessive amounts of time hanging off each other! Going out together on off days to eat! Constant skinship, teasing and affection! Bathing together! Sleeping together! Not in that way! Etcetera Etcetera!

Anyway, he’s going crazy. And since SoonSeok (why did they come up with a ship name?) is certified insane, maybe he needs to check into the mental institution. Actually, it sounds like a good idea. At least he’d have more valid reasons to be away from Soonyoung, rather than simply being shifty and avoiding him for no valid reason.  It just isn’t quite acceptable that he suddenly gets overexcited like a child and craves approval he never worried about before. It’s frustrating to overthink things that were so good, so natural once before. Now he’s always stressed, trying to keep the flush on his cheeks down to stop looking like a sunburnt tomato.  

Soonyoung doesn’t help either. All he does is show is frustrating (adorable) concern and cling even tighter. They’ve always been close, but now he sticks even closer like they were meant to be together. Which is obviously untrue, because Soonyoung is brilliant and talented and deserves the perfect guy or girl, which obviously he can’t be. Soonyoung deserves much better. Like Mingyu and Wonwoo are both annoying so they fit and Jeonghan and Joshua are too saintlier-than-thou.

So he pulls away a little for his own selfish needs. He’s always the mean one, always the selfish one when it came to the both of them. Soonyoung always gives and all he does it take. Totally unworthy. Well, a wise man (which may or may not have been Seungkwan, who wasn’t very wise) once said that time and distance solved or problems. So pulling away it was. Only temporarily.

After all, he’s just a mere Lee Seokmin who needs to keep his mouth shut and emotions in check for the sake of their friendship. What he needs the least is to start running his mouth to ruin everything good they have going.  The last thing he wants is for it to be irreconcilably awkward. Because it is awkward, but like teenage acne it’ll fade with time. Soon they’ll be cracking typical dumb boy jokes and making terrible puns together. When he stops getting a mental breakdown when Soonyoung looks at him with those cute eyes and sweet smile.

“Do you hate me now?” 

Soonyoung asks this early in the morning, hair still damp after his bath and a waver in his voice that Seokmin completely detests. Soft and uncertain, face half-hidden under the covers ready to escape into the safety it offered.  

“I could never hate you.“

“Then why don’t you want to talk to me anymore? We don’t do anything together anymore. What did I do wrong?”

“It’s not your fault.“

And it isn’t. It’s his. Lee Seokmin, useless guy of the century who makes his precious Kwon Soonyoung sad.

“It’s your problem with me. You act all normal with Wonwoo. With Mingyu. With Jeonghan. With everyone!”

The sheer volume scares him. Soonyoung only speaks loudly when he’s mad. Then almost as suddenly as he got mad, the anger seeps away and he slumps back onto the bed, fingers gripping the covers tightly.

“Tell me. I can change, you know? Why do you keep ignoring me?”

He sounds so sad and small. There’s a catch in his voice and tears glistening in his eyes, a plead to tell him everything, tell him what happened, tell him something.  

Yet he stays still, rooted.

Soonyoung lifts the covers past his face, totally hiding underneath it. There’s silence. Seokmin can hear his ragged breathing, quiet whimpers muffled by the blanket.

Then he hears it. Soonyoung’s crying.

He doesn’t think. His hands just fly up to pull away the covers, to let his eyes meet Soonyoung’s tear-filled ones and to stare straight at them.

“I’m sorry. I like you. I like you too much. I’m sorry.” 

And this is where he makes his exit, this is the moment where Soonyoung and him stop being friends and he tells the management to swap rooming arrangements because he doesn’t want to sleep next to an unwanted creep. He stands up to leave, but a hand clings onto him and pulls him back.

“What are you sorry for?”

“Everything. I-“

“I like you too, idiot. Everyone can see that.”

And even when they’re still tears in Soonyoung’s eyes, they still shine brightly like someone just dusted fairy glitter over them. His smile is adorable as Soonyoung pulls him close.

The kiss is salty with tears, and he knows he never ever wants to make Soonyoung cry again. Not when he’s the one misunderstanding things, not when he’s the one who causes him pain. Never again.

“You fool. If you just told me we both wouldn’t need to suffer so much.”

“I thought my feelings were just temporary. You deserve better. ”

“Well, I want you. And you sure as hell make this last forever.”

Seokmin salutes and gets a hard smack on his arm. They fall asleep under the covers, dreaming of an eternity together. 

A/N: it’s been forever since I’m so sorry!! just cleared my exams recently. hope ya’ll still enjoy reading this still and please forgive me :x