Donghae lifted his heavy eyelids, trying to find ringing alarm clock. He didn’t want to get up. And he even felt more tired than usual, although he had fallen asleep quite early. He finally found his hated alarm clock, attempting to turn it off. But nothing happened, ringing still continued. Donghae shook with it, too sleepy to realise how absurd it was. Then, he figured out two things. It was too dark outside the window to get up. And the ringing didn’t come from the alarm clock.

He forced himself to get up, heading to the door. It was probably too early after waking up, because he didn’t find anything weird about ringing doorbell in the middle of the night. He opened the door, covering his eyes because of sharp light, which was filling the corridor. However, at the moment he was able to focus on a person standing in front of him, he felt totally awake. Heechul was leaning against the wall, his face was covered with tears and blood. He was looking at Donghae with his red scared eyes.

“Donghae…” he sobbed. “Sorry… I’m sorry for waking you… I just… I didn’t know what to do…”

Donghae grabbed his arm, dragging him inside. He slammed the door without a word, turning the lights on. Then, he made Heechul sit on a chair, taking ice from his freezer and disappearing from the kitchen. He came back in a few minutes, bringing the first-aid kit.

“He threw me out.” Heechul whispered, while Donghae was silently nursing his torn lip. “I… I know he’s gonna calm down in a few hours and take me back. I’m sorry, I just didn’t know where to go.”

Donghae pulled away, piercing him with his eyes.

“Heechul.”

“You know, he doesn’t mean it.” Heechul said, but it sounded rather like hysterical sob. “He loves me, he just…”

Donghae couldn’t stand other tears streaming down his face. He raised his hands, carefully reaching the scared boy. He didn’t know if Heechul wasn’t hiding other bruises under his t-shirt. Then, he pressed him against his chest. Heechul clenched his body without hesitating, bursting into tears. Donghae embraced him, he his hair, caressing beaten body and soul.

“If only you weren’t such an idiot.” Donghae whispered. “If only you knew how much I love you…”

Heechul sighed. “You know I’ve been aware of it from the very beginning. And I hate myself for taking advantage of you every time I’m not able to handle being at home. I just can’t…”

“I know.” Donghae said flatly.

Heechul had already told him. He knew about his fear of being near his lover, but he also knew Heechul loved Yesung. His love was too strong, he couldn’t imagine his life without his lover, even though Yesung was able to hurt him like this. Donghae didn’t understand.

He closed his eyes. Maybe Heechul really took advantage of him, but he didn’t feel abused. He wanted to take care of him, although he couldn’t own him. Heechul belonged to someone else. But now, he was here. And he was so close. Their faces almost touched each other.

“Don’t do that.”

Heechul knew, what Donghae wanted to do. He knew and still, he didn’t do anything to stop him.

“Just once…” Donghae whispered.

He wanted to show him the gentleness he deserved. He pressed against Heechul’s lips in a soft kiss. Heechul shivered in his arms. The soft touch made him sigh. He instinctively moved his lips. He tried to remember the last time he was kissed like this, but his memory was blank. He was sure Yesung used to kiss him gently, he knew it used to be perfect. But he couldn’t remember. All those bruises overlaid memories of soft touches.

Donghae pulled away. Heechul smiled with his sad, teary eyes. Donghae his cheek, he was desperate. He didn’t want to see him like this. He almost didn’t remember how Heechul’s real smile looks like. He kissed him again, just to avoid his sorrowful eyes.

“Stop…” Heechul whispered, when the kiss started to be too passionate and too dangerous.

Donghae stopped. He knew Heechul wouldn’t stop him even if he tried to do much more. He didn’t mean his words. It would be the same as the kiss. He would let Donghae touch him, longing for tenderness he missed. And Donghae would have everything he wanted, lost in pleasure for a few minutes. However, the cost would be too high. What would remain of their friendship? And he knew Heechul would hate himself. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself. And Donghae loved him too much to let him suffer. He was supposed to symbolize comfort and safety. He couldn’t lose his trust just because of his own selfishness.

“You should sleep.” Donghae said quietly, his hair once again.

“You’re right.”

Donghae pressed Heechul’s hand, pulling him to the bedroom. At the moment he lay down and embraced him again, he could feel Heechul’s heart racing. Maybe he was expecting something else. Maybe he even wanted something else. But Heechul belonged to someone else. Donghae had to respect it.

 

Teary voice woke Donghae up a few hours later. The sun was already shining through the window, blinding him for a while. He recognized the voice. There was no chance he wouldn’t.

“Heechul?”

He was finally able to fully open his eyes, sitting up. He was prepared to offer his embrace once again, but there was no one except of him.

“Heechul?” he tried one more time, but he already knew his was alone.

Nobody could respond, because the voice, crying and sobs were coming from the other side of the wall. Heechul left. He came back home. And now, he was crying again. He could have stayed, at least for a breakfast. Had he rushed back to his personal hell so much?

Donghae felt terrible. He was so useless, so helpless.

“Please, Yesung, stop,” Heechul pleaded, his voice was muffled with the wall, but Donghae could hear that more than clearly.

He could hear the pain in his voice. Donghae didn’t know, what Yesung was doing, but Heechul suffered. Again. And Donghae couldn’t help him. Again. He clenched a blanket, his eyes filled with tears. He was trembling, when he covered his ears, trying to silence Heechul’s voice, but it was useless.

Enough. He got up, wiping his tears. He was so angry he could hardly breathe. He didn’t care anymore. Heechul asked him so many times not to interfere. But it was enough. He wasn’t able to go on, not like this. He knew he couldn’t do much, but everything was better than just sitting and listening Heechul’s desperate pleas.

He took a spare key Heechul had given him long time ago. It was enough.

 

A/N: Hi! Sorry for letting you wait. I'm gonna try harder and update another chapter soon.