Title: Home
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Chansoo
Word Count: 1866 word drabble.

another summer day has come and gone away 
in paris and rome. i wanna go home.
                              - michael buble

-

Chanyeol looks out the window before looking down at the paper that was practically blank, except for the few words scribbled at the top. With a grunt, he sets down the pen in his hand and rereads it over and over again, the words embedded into his brain. 

‘Dear Kyungsoo,’ 

That’s it. That’s all that he’s every been able to scribble down. He’s tried almost everything, but he just doesn’t feel like anything he writes would ever be  good enough to send. How could he send anything when the last words he ever said to the male was hurtful and cold words. He would never forget the words he said to the younger male, remembering the way Kyungsoo’s eyes had looked up at him with pain, tears filling them. 

Every time he writes a letter to send back to Korea, he ends up crumbling it. It would always start the same way, asking if Kyungsoo was well and telling him of all of the things that he’s seen so far. He always contemplates on whether he should add an apology, but he only knows it would only cause more to their pain. 

He doesn’t understand himself. He doesn’t understand why he’s still doing this, why he’s still here and not holding Kyungsoo in his arms instead, but that is what he had chosen about a year ago. 

“Paris? Rome? Are you crazy?” Kyungsoo asks, eyes wide as his boyfriend takes his hand, eyes pleading. “Chanyeol, we don’t have that kind of money. I--I barely make enough to pay for the groceries.” He tries to get it into his boyfriend’s head, but Chanyeol seemed set on what he wanted to do.

“Let’s explore the world together, Soo.” He presses on. “We can do it. I have been saving up a lot and I have enough for both of us to travel and maybe stay awhile. Maybe I can find a job over there too.” 

Kyungsoo stares at his lover as if he’s gone crazy. He doesn’t think it’s a bad idea, but Korea was his home and he had no intentions of leaving it behind. He finally got his dream job at the bakery that he grew up in and Chanyeol knew that, so he didn’t see why the latter would want him to run away from a job that he’d been dreaming of since he was a kid. 

“I--I can’t, Yeol. I’m sorry.” 

They were always attached at the hip, so Kyungsoo’s answer takes Chanyeol back a bit. 

“You... don’t want to come?” 

“I can’t... You know how much I wanted that job. I just can’t leave it so suddenly.”

“Right.” Chanyeol chuckles. It’s that scary kind of chuckle that scares Kyungsoo. 

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” He speaks, unable to stop the trail of words that flow out of his mouth. “This is something I want. Have you ever thought about what I wanted too? I’ve been wanting to travel for a long time. I’ve told you... and you just... shoot me down?” Chanyeol continues on, eyes cold as he looks down at Kyungsoo who is trembling from crying silently. 

“Fine. If you don’t want to come along, I will go alone.” 

The night consisted of Kyungsoo pleading Chanyeol to stop packing his clothes and to just think about it more for a little. But no. The taller male was so sure that this is what he wanted. He didn’t save up his money for nothing. He was leaving in two days and that was it. 

In those two days, Kyungsoo kept his distance, but stayed close at the same time all together. 

On the last day, he was there to bid Chanyeol goodbye. It was definitely bitter, but he pretended to be happy for him. 

“If this is what you really want...” 

If you really want to leave me behind....

“Then I will support you. Have fun traveling, Chanyeol.” 

Then I will let you go. Goodbye, Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo gave one last kiss to his lover’s lips before he went off to board the plane. 

Chanyeol will never forget that look.

That look that longed for him to come back and change his mind. He knew it. He knew that it was that look, but he didn’t care at the time. He boarded the plane, and that was all.

Chanyeol tried calling Kyungsoo a few times, but it was denied for a few weeks before his number was changed all together. Luckily, with a bit of studying, Chanyeol found that he at least still lived in the same home as before, so if he really did successfully write a letter, he would be able to send it and maybe Kyungsoo would read it.

It was a slight chance, but he wanted to do it. 

He needed to.

Picking the pen once again, he bites on his lower lip, brain aching as he tries to put together something. 

“Dear Kyungsoo, 

How are you? How have you been? If you’ve been wondering about me, I’ve been alright. I went to see Paris first, like I had told you about. It was quite a sight. The food was... different. It was just like as you said it would be. Remember when you told me about the snail food that one night we sat together on the couch? Yeah... I remember. And you weren’t wrong, by the way. Oh, and the Eiffel Tower was beautiful. But.... it would have been better with you by my side. Knowing you, you might have cried from it’s beauty. There were a lot of tourists crying from it. It reminded me of you. I” 

The letter had started off quite well, until he paused for a second, skimming over it with his eyes. 

“No.” He mumbled, scribbling the paper angrily with ink before crumbling the paper and tossing it to the floor. 

Taking another blank sheet of paper, he tried again.

“Dear Kyungsoo,

Remember me? Have you been well, Soo? I miss you. I don’t know if you miss me too, but I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. I just wanted to check up on you and give you and update if you were wondering about my whereabouts. I went to see Paris, and so far it’s been great. It really reminds me of you, you know? I wish you were here to explore it with me. There’s so many people here, yet I feel so lonely because it’s you that I want to be here with.” 

Another pause, one more grunt, and one more crumbled paper joining the other one on the floor. 

“Dear Kyungsoo,

It’s Chanyeol. I hope you still remember me. Are you wondering how I am?  I’m fine, baby. How are you? Do you still work at the bakery? You still have your job, right? Don’t burn anymore fingers by accident. I know how much you slip up...”

Where was he even going with these letters?

These were just unspoken words and thoughts that he’d built over time. They were things that he wished to say in person, or over the phone at least. 

He wanted to hear Kyungsoo’s voice, to touch those lips that he’d been longing for, and to feel Kyungsoo’s love like he used to every day of his old life.

He was just too far from where Kyungsoo was now. 

Chanyeol feels as if he’s living someone else’s life and not his own. This wasn’t right.

Sure, it was what he’d dreamed of, but he had originally imagined it with a small doe eyed looking boy beside him, holding his and every step of the way. 

With each season passing by without someone to hold his hand, he finds that this isn’t what he wanted. 

What he really wanted to do was come home. He wanted to go home, and home was where Kyungsoo was. No-- home was Kyungsoo.

Heart beating rapidly, Chanyeol now took the pen once again to write down on the paper furiously, finding a steady rhythm to write with, not pausing once this time. 

After an hour, a hand cramp, and a cup of water to clear his mind, he folded up the letter and stuffed it in an enveloped, sealing it with his tongue. After that, he started to pack his belongings quickly, booking himself the next flight to where his home was. 

Forget Paris and Rome, forget being surrounded by a million people that still made him feel all alone. He just wanted to go home, because he missed Kyungsoo.

He was done keeping all the letter that he’d written for the past few years. It was time.

It’s been a year since Chanyeol had left him alone, but everything seemed the same. Besides having the actual male around, Kyungsoo had left the home untouched, because he was so accustomed to the life he had lived in.

It was hard letting him go, but Kyungsoo managed to force himself to do it. He made it seem as if it didn’t phase him, changing his number and all, but he still broke into tears every night when he realized that the other side of the bed was cold and it wouldn’t ever be warm again. 

After months, his best friend had insisted he try and move on. He had even offered to help pack away the rest of the belongings that Chanyeol couldn’t bring along, but it resulted in Kyungsoo breaking down and banning Luhan from his home for a few weeks. The latter never tried again after that.

Kyungsoo knew his mental health wasn’t getting any better, but how do you forget someone who you loved for year and years, only to have them leave you within three days? He couldn’t forget so easily.

Today, he would try.

After a year, he finally decided it was time to move on. The first step with that was getting rid of his ex-lover’s belongings.

It was painful for the first few hours, picking up each item before having a million flashbacks hit him like a truck, but he found that if he just closed his eyes and tossed them out, it hurt less.

Seven hours of cleaning, Kyungsoo didn’t even notice the loud knocking at his door. It was pretty loud, so he found it silly how he couldn’t have heard it. He was sure to hear a mouthful from Luhan once he finally opened the door.

“Alright, Luhan. You can stop knock--” Kyungsoo’s wide smile falters, eyes going wide once he sees the familiar, yet foreign face right in front of him. 

“Chanyeol...”

His hair is a bit longer, hair brown now, rather than his blonde hair that he had left home with. His style of clothing was a bit different as well. Kyungsoo assumes that it was because the style was different there, obviously. But it was still so Chanyeol... Chanyeol was still Chanyeol.

His smile was the same and his voice-- oh god, his deep voice. It brings tears to his eyes because it’s been a year since he’s heard that velvet voice.

“Chanyeol...” He chokes out once again.

“Hello, Soo.” He grins, holding up an envelope proudly,as he looks into Kyungsoo’s eyes. “I’m home.”

//

+ idk what the this was. michael buble makin me feel emo af.  this was . i am . gbye. oh and i didnt reread this for errors so (: