10 August 2014
They say love is like a fresh spring breeze that hits you suddenly out of nowhere. You can't plan, manufacture or organise it. Instead, you must seize the moment and enjoy it. However, just like a breeze, love comes and goes at it's own will-you can't stop it.

My love for my best friend, Oh Sehun, came quick and fast. It was the sudden realisation when we were lying in the heap of snow, side by side whilst staring into each other's eyes. That's when I felt it. The thumping of my heart. It was that sensation of need as I stared into his beautiful hazel brown eyes. And when he lifted up his finger to carefully push away a strand of hair covering my face...I knew. I knew I had fallen for him.

And maybe I was stupid, falling for my own best friend when I always argued that a male and female can be "just friends." But I couldn't help it. I couldn't help the rosy cheeks I had when he touched my hands, I couldn't help the feeling of need when he fell asleep next to me on the bus, and I couldn't help but feel the accelerating of my own heart whenever I laid eyes on his smile. And I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy and annoyance when he introduced me to his girlfriend.

"Hana, this is my girlfriend, Choi Minhee." Sehun announced as he linked his hands tightly with the beautiful girl next to him. Choi Minhee....she was the girl whom everyone in school eyed for. She had gorgeous, sparkly eyes paired with a small yet cute face and a rather high nose. She was the girl who got straight A's in all her subjects, but still managed to be incredibly sociable and have a heap of friends. She was beloved by everyone, friends, family, teachers, boys, girls-she was the perfect girl.

And there were many countless nights where I wished that I could be her. If I had to put a person to perfection, then Choi Minhee was pretty damn close to it. But when I remembered that I had one thing she didn't had, it was that I had a handsome and kind best friend. And I would feel better after receiving a text from Sehun to wish me a good night, and I would fall asleep dreaming about spring and flowers.

Until I found out he fell for her.

And then everything disappeared like a flick of wind. 

"Hey," I said, forcing out the cheeriest, bubbliest smile I could muster, you could say I was a master at acting. Most of times, Sehun could tell, how I was really feeling when I tried to hide my true thoughts. That's how close we were; he knew my heart and so did I. Frequently I pondered on the fact that Sehun knew me so well, but was so oblivious to the fact that I loved him. I wasn't sure if he was pretending or he just didn't notice. Nonetheless, it didn't matter, because he would never fall for me.

Today, Sehun didn't seem to notice my dark and sorrowful emotions at all, his eyes were all on her. I saw it. The sparkle and love in his eyes. And I hated it.

She was perfect.

And I wasn't.

Whilst Sehun was going to order our food, Minhee shot me a big smile, and said, "You know, Sehun talks about you a lot. I'm glad I finally met his best friend."

I laughed forcefully, shaking my head, "No, Sehun always talks about you! I was the first to know his crush for you. I'm glad that he's with a girl like you."

Lies.

I wish he could be with me instead.

Minhee's face lit up like candles, "Really? Well, I guess I am very lucky to have him. Sehun's amazing, sometimes, I can't help but feel like I'm not good enough for him."

I almost snorted out loud at that statement, Minhee was feeling insecure? Well, who knew. Did she not realise she was the most perfect girl in the world, or was she just trying to be modest? Either way, I wished she wasn't such a humble girl because it made it that much harder to hate her. Because she was so damn nice, I couldn't bring myself to loathe this girl. It was true. She and Sehun matched. 

"Whatcha talking about?" Sehun asked, as he came back and slid next to Minhee, wrapping his arms around her waist. I witnessed his action carefully, and couldn't help but form a lump in my throat. 

She had no idea. She had no idea how much I could sacrifice to be right in her position.

Minhee giggled softly, "Nothing. We were just talking about girl stuff. You won't understand."

Sehun wiggled his eyebrows and nuzzled her neck, causing her to laugh harder from the friction. I think I almost gagged at the sight-never did I ever imagine Sehun to be such a cheesy guy. I guess, that's what love does to people. 

"Too much PDA guys," I murmured, taking out my sunglasses jokingly and slipping them on. Sehun laughed, and bent over to swipe them off my face, placing it on the table.

"You'll just have to get used to it, best friend." He teased and purposely kissed Minhee on the cheek. Her cheeks flushed a rosy red, and I clenched my fists to hold in my bottled up feelings.

I would never get used to this.

Best friend.

Staring up at the night sky adorned with blazing stars, I felt as if I was standing in the middle of the universe, alone, wondering if anything was thinking of me.

And as I slowly walked out to the balcony from my room, I closed my eyes and made a wish.

I wish Sehun could be mine.

"Hana." 

I spun around to find my brother behind me on the balcony, his hand in his pockets and his hair all ruffed up. 

Hansuk had an extremely tall stature, the tallest in the family. 185cm, that giant. And then there was me with a mere 160cm, and then Haneul who was taller than me by 3 centimetres! I was indeed one of the shortest of the family.

"What?" I asked as I leaned over to lay my head on his shoulder. He wriggled a bit, annoyed at my little skinship, he wasn't the type of guy who enjoyed it, but I always did it to irritate him.

"Time for dinner," he muttered and flicked my forehead before slumping away. I huffed in annoyance as I  rubbed my forehead. 

Catching up to him, I punched him slightly on the back as revenge, he rolled his eyes at my childish antics and wrapped an arm around my head, pulling me towards the dining table.

"Yah! Let go! Ugh! Haneul! Help your sister!" I screamed as I saw Haneul setting up the table calmly. She only giggled at the sight and sat down at her seat instead of coming to my aid.

Damn Haneul, she was always on her big brother's side. And damn Hansuk, he always doted on his precious little sister. I was his younger sister too!

When he finally released me, I could no longer make a scene as my parents sat down, and I shot him a glare before sitting down. He poked out his tongue in response and sat opposite me, next to Haneul, engaging in a deep conversation. 

Then, my parents started conversing with each other about work, then asking Hansuk about his new job.

And I sat there. Alone.

Just savouring on my food, pretending I had not the care of the world.

They say silence is golden. To me, silence is deafening.

If love is a spring breeze, then my love is like the harsh winter, threatening to break my heart every minute with the cold crackle of ice.

Second by second.

Breaking me apart.

Hello! I'm here with a new chapter, and I just want you all to make sure to check the dates at the top of each chapter. Just to give you a heads up, the story will not go in chronological order, instead they will be pieces of life, and you can match everything together by the end.

xoxo

-happydot