The summer heat wasn’t being merciful. Beads of sweat trickled down the forehead of the golden haired girl in black suit leaning on the railings of the balcony. Her porcelain white skin reddened in contact of the hot summer air. Summer wasn’t her season. She hated it. But of all the things she had been through that day, the heat was nothing to her.

She rummaged her purse and took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She lit a stick with ease, shielding the fire from the merciless wind with her other hand. She took a quick draw, quick enough for the substance to fill her lungs and somehow clear her mind before she exhaled the smoke. She knew well about the danger of smoking—her father had made it clear when he died of lung cancer—but the five-centimeter-tobacco stick between her index and middle finger was her last retreat when things got out of control. And now was the best time to smoke the hell out of her problems.

She turned around, now leaning her back on the railings, blonde strands of hair flew about gracefully as she moved. She took another puff, the scorched end slowly dissolving into the air when the ashes accumulated. Her shoulders began to drop loose as the weighing thoughts in her head disappeared one by one. But there was one thing she could not seem to get rid of. It was a name that kept echoing in her head. Her eyebrows had furrowed more times that day than they usually did an entire week.

“Dammit!” She snapped at the wind before storming towards the door and into the building, bringing all the negative air with her.

***

Traffic was pretty bad for Seohyun and Yuri on the way back from the interview. It had been ten minutes since the last time Yuri could hit the gas and she was getting anxious behind the wheels. It was right in the middle of the day when the sun was highest and the last thing Yuri need was being trapped in the middle of the sea of angry drivers whose heads were as hot as the engine running under their car hoods, their impatient honks her ears.

Lost in her own soundless frustration, Seohyun was struggling to figure out an entirely different thing. Her nature of sticking her nose on other people’s businesses was getting worse every minute since she and her eonni finished the interview earlier. The nagging itch in her guts just begged to be relieved. She considered carefully, as the silence inside the car made it more insufferable, before finally decided to spill everything on the table.

“Okay, so, I won’t just sit still here on shotgun in the middle of bad traffic under the 2pm summer sun, smiling like an idiot, pretending that I do not want to know about what happened earlier during the interview,” she crossed her arms, air blowing from her nostrils.

Yuri sighed. She knew more than anything that her maknae would always find a way to stick her nose in people’s businesses. And she also knew that Seohyun would not let it go so easily.

Yuri’s eyes rolled and stopped at Seohyun. “You’re not going to let me get away with this, are you?”

“Nope,”

Yuri released a second sigh.

“Okay. So…where do I begin?”

“You can start from who she is.”

“Right. So. She’s---“ Yuri paused. “Well, she was a friend,”

Pfft, obviously, Seohyun thought.

“You’ve only been with Girls’ Generation for 2 and a half years, but Taeyeon, Hyoyeon and I actually go way, way back since high school. See, we were just your typical high school groupie. Then at some point, Jessica came into the group,”

Seohyun knew about how three of her sisters have been friends since school times. Hyoyeon had told her the story. But this was the first time she heard Jessica’s name mentioned in it. As speculations go, Seohyun suspected this Jessica left a huge impact on the group.

Before Yuri continued, Seohyun decided it was time for Detective Seo to come into play. “Wait! Let me guess. By the sound of her name, she was only half-Korean. Probably the other half is American? You guys spent so much time together, forming an unbreakable bond, until something happened that forced her to go back to her hometown, and you guys hated her for leaving, probably because she didn’t say goodbye. That’s why none of you guys ever mentioned Jessica to me.”

Yuri’s jaw dropped. She wondered why it never occurred to her about opening a detective agency with her youngest sister.

“Gee, maknae. Why did you even bother asking?”

“To hear you justify my speculation. So? What happened after that?”

Yuri still felt uncomfortable talking about Jessica. The three of them—Taeyeon, Yuri, and Hyoyeon—never talked about Jessica in a long time for a reason. Even just hearing her name after such a long time made her feel weird. Like something from the deepest and forgotten part of her memory that has been buried for so long was suddenly dug out. All the memory of her and Jessica came crashing inside her head, releasing some mixed feelings she never thought she was capable of.

“I don’t think it’s the right time for me to start talking about her, is it? I mean, you said it yourself why we never mentioned her to you. There’s a reason.” Yuri said to Seohyun, finally feeling annoyed.

Seohyun, though to her disappointment, sensed her sister’s discomfort. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, eonni. I didn’t mean to pry or anything. I was just curious about what happened,”

“I understand. I owe you an explanation but I’ll save it for another time. For now just get some rest. It’s still a long way and will take even longer to get home in this traffic,”

Seohyun did as she was told. She lowered the headrest of her seat and shifted her body facing the windshield of her door. She then giggled, as she gazed out the window to the endless lines of automobile, thinking about Yuri’s “case”. This is gonna be fun, she thought before finally dozing off the whole two-hour drive towards their home.

***

“How was the interview, sis?” Asked a young girl with eager eyes waiting by the door of the apartment.

The blonde girl who just came in to their shared apartment carefully took off her high heels and put them on the shoe rack by the door. She walked deeper into the room towards the kitchen, patting the younger girl on top of her head as she passed her, and put the bag of take-out food she bought on the kitchen counter.

“Well, it was okay, Soojungie. I guess. But you won’t believe who the person I had to interview turned out to be,” said the older sister.

The younger sister, Soojung, followed her sister to the counter. “Who, Sica eonni? I still don’t understand why you took the job before even knowing who you were going to interview,”

They carefully took out all the food from their take-out containers and move them to other serving plates. It was Chinese food for dinner, complete with Soojung’s favorite dumplings. Both of them were so busy they never had the time to cook for their own. Not only that but also none of them can cooked decent food. Every time either of them tried to cook, something went wrong and they ended up eating delivery food. Now every night whoever went home the latest would bring home take-out food for dinner.

Jessica, or Sica as her sister called her, took a plate of the food over to the couch to watch TV and eat. Soojung sighed at her sister’s behavior. They never bring their dinner outside of the dining table. They were pretty strict about it and many other house rules they’ve set in mutual agreement in their shared apartment, and Jessica was always the stricter one. This strange behavior could only mean one thing to Soojung, that her sister had a bad time at work.

As she approached her sister, Jessica was eating away her frustration while watching the latest episode of their favorite drama. Soojung sat down next to her sister and scooted closer, taking her sister’s arm into hers.

“Who was it, eonni?” asked Soojung, feeling certain that it was what caused her sister’s foul mood.

Jessica stopped eating, her eyes still fixated at the TV screen. “Kwon Yuri.”

The name echoed in Soojung’s ears. She knew that name. It was a name they were once familiar with, before they both moved to the States. When they got back to Korea, that name was never brought out ever again until today.

“Eonni,” she leaned her head onto her sister’s shoulder. “Have you ever wondered how they were doing? I mean, after we departed for America?”

Jessica didn’t respond. Instead she continued eating her Chinese noodle.

“I actually miss them, eonni,” Soojung continued. “I miss their jokes, their dorky antics, their laughter,”

Jessica kept munching on her noodle, eyes glued to her favorite actor on the screen.

“But what I miss the most is…” Soojung slowed down, started feeling drowsy on her sister’s shoulder pillow. “What I miss the most is…seeing you smile because of her.”

Jessica stopped eating. She then put her plate to the side table next to the couch and turned to her precious Soojung, who was now fast asleep on her shoulder, puting her hand atop her sister’s head and brushed her hair gently as she turned back to the TV. It may seem to her younger sister that she did not care, but despite the many seconds her eyes were glued to that handsome actor who played the protagonist of their favorite drama, his face never made it to Jessica’s mind. The only picture that was in her head was a picture of the face of a girl smiling, with skin a bit darker than most, and a pair of eager eyes, full of passion. The face of a girl who was once the reason behind her smile.

“Me too, Soojungie…” She whispered. “Me too…”

***

Yuri wandered the streets alone under the moon light, trying to get away from the endless questions her youngest sister has been throwing at her. There was never much traffic in this part of the city so the air was very clear despite being in the city. It was relaxing for her. But as usual, a night as nice as this would never be complete without a drink or two.

Fifteen minutes away from the house she and the rest of the members shared, her feet led her to a local bar that she’d never been to. It was quite small, but the ambience was nice. There was a small band playing a slow jazz in the background. There weren’t many customers too, unlike the crowded night clubs she was used to. The place was a bit dull, but it was clean and tidy, not because it was well maintained, but seemed more like it was rarely touched. Although it was far too different than her usual loud hangout place with all the flickering colorful lights, this was a good change of atmosphere.

The stool by the counter felt oddly comfortable, in contrast of her first impression about the whole place. She’d normally go to have a drink with her other members, but she never wanted to involve the others if she had some problems that was too personal and would most of the time choose to drink all her problems away by herself. This night was no different.

Yuri fidgeted with her phone while waiting for the bartender to show up. There were so few customers that night that the bar was left unattended, despite the loud ringing of the doorbell when she opened the door. Before long, a figure hastily appeared out of the door on the back of the counter. It was a slender girl, probably her height, wearing a black tank and a pair of jeans with plaid shirt messily tied around her waist. Her hair was sleek dark brown and was tied back into a ponytail. Her skin was so milky white that it shone bright inside the dimly lit place. As the bartender turned her attention to Yuri, she gasped.

“Yuri eonni?” asked the bartender.

Yuri was puzzled for a second. Then the bartender’s face became familiar as it came into focus. But still she couldn’t place a name.

With guilt of not remembering the greeter’s name, she responded with a word followed by a lingering pause, “Heyyy...”

The bartender was hurt. They just woke up next to each other the morning earlier and Yuri had already forgotten about her. She couldn’t help but feel insignificant in Yuri’s eyes.

“Um…it’s Im Yoona. You know, we woke up next to each other this morning and such,” she said, trying to hide the hurt in her eyes.

Yuri cursed herself for not remembering Yoona. Normally, when she had a one-night stand, her partner would understand that they should not contact each other or engage in anything further after the one night they spent together. That was why she never bothered to remember any name of the girls whom she’d spent a one-night bed session with. There were even some nights that she spent with a partner without knowing each other’s names. But Yoona was an anomaly. Somehow she had gotten Yuri to open the door that has been tightly shut for all the previous one-night ual partners she’d met.

Yuri saw the hurt in Yoona’s eyes and panicked. “I-I’m sorry! I do remember you from this morning. It’s just that I’m really not good with names. Pardon my lame brain,”

Instead of getting upset, Yoona giggled. “Hihi, it’s okay, eonni. So, what can I get you?”

Guilt still lumped in Yuri’s throat. She knew Yoona was only pretending to be fine. But seeing how Yoona really tried to not show her disappointment, Yuri decided lingering on it would just make it worse.

“Um…just a Scotch and soda would be great. Please,”

With a smile, Yoona poured her customer’s order into the glass. The bar didn’t have many other customers that time and the only customer in front of her now was the girl she had a crush on, which made her super nervous. To hide away her nervousness, she took a cocktail mixer and pretended to rub it clean, just to get her hands busy in front of her crush. But the nervousness made her clumsy instead and dropped the mixer. She bended over to pick it up but it just kept rolling around the floor and giving her a hard time.

On the other side of the counter, Yuri just finished her glass of Scotch and was impressed by the scene in front of her. As Yoona bended over, the back part of her tank top lifted and revealed a tiny tattoo of a brown bear, whom she believed was the Rilakkuma bear, a little to the right side of her upper waist. When Yoona finally got her mixer back and got up, she caught Yuri staring at her backside. Again, instead of getting upset, she smiled. She had a huge crush on Yuri that even the smallest attention made her all fluttery.

Two seconds passed before Yuri snapped out. “Ah, sorry! I didn’t mean to stare…”

“It’s okay, eonni. You’ve seen me without any of these on, anyway,” teased Yoona, referring to her clothes.

Yuri’s face reddened. This day has been the most unpredictable day of her life. And this girl whom she just met the night before has given nothing but surprises to her otherwise dull day. And suddenly the mixed feelings she’s been having since meeting Jessica at the interview vanished. It felt as if Yoona had casted a soothing spell on her.

“So,” started Yuri, diverting the topic. “Is that really Rilakkuma?”

It was Yoona’s turn to blush in embarrassment. “You-you saw that? I thought my shirt would cover that part,”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t cover enough. So…what’s up with him?”

Yoona kept her hands busy with the now dirtied cocktail mixer. “Well, it was because of my past relationships,”

Yuri wanted to laugh, but held it instead and made some of the whiskey she was sipping went bursting out of . “What? You dated Rilakkuma?”

“Aniyo! I was never good with relationships that all of my past relationships kept ending badly. And I’ve loved Rilakkuma since I was small and I just knew he’ll never leave, unlike the jerks my younger self was always seemingly interested in, so I got him tattooed into my skin,”

Yuri was amused. “Aw, that’s cute. Is there any more of them there? Maybe his friends?”

Her teasing made Yoona blush. Even at this moment, she couldn’t stop replaying in her head what happened last night.

“Haha, sorry. I didn’t mean to be such a ert,” said Yuri. “About your past relationship, don’t you ever think that you’re not good with relationship. I’m sure it was them who was being such jerks towards you and ruined the relationship. You’re smart and cute. You’re a great girl, Yoona. I’m sure you’ll find the right one someday,”

Yoona was caught speechless. She’d never expected Yuri to be such an advice-giving relationship expert, knowing how she never had a serious relationship for so long, and mostly only do relationships that lasted for a night.

“T-thank you, Yuri eonni. That means a lot to me,”

A couple hours passed and it was past midnight. Yuri decided to go back before arousing suspicion from her members for wandering alone outside at night. Before setting off, she called back to Yoona.

“Hey, uh, Yoona,” called Yuri. “I know we could’ve started off better than last night but it’s been fun. Let’s hang out again some time,”

Yoona tried to calm her hysterically beating heart as best as she could but the excitement got the better of her, she jumped and clapped. She couldn’t have wished anything more. Just maybe, somewhere along the way, her dream would come true and she could be by Yuri’s side for the rest of her life. Well, a girl can dream.

“O-Of course,” she stuttered. “I-I’d love that. I’d love that very much,”

Yuri smiled. “Do you have a pen?”

Suddenly puzzled, Yoona took a pen out of her pocket and handed it to Yuri. “Here,”

Yuri took the pen as well as Yoona’s hand by the wrist. With the pen, she then began writing her number on Yoona’s hand.

“There. Now you don’t have to rely on Seohyun to contact me,”

Yoona still couldn’t process if all this have been a dream or not. Then, to make sure, she asked Yuri, “eonni. You’re not that drunk, right?”

“Of course. My intension when I first walked into this bar was to drink away all my problems until I’m wasted,” She flashed a smile. “But you make it unnecessary,”

Yuri walked out of the bar leaving the bartender speechless. She headed home with much relief, even thinking about dealing with Seohyun to get it over with. The thought of Jessica was once again brought back into the deepest place in her that she hoped would never have to be dug out again.

She walked down the streets, towards the comfort of the presence of her sisters, with each step taken without knowing that somewhere in the city, someone was struggling not to shed a tear at the thought of her name.

-----

​Author's Note: