You POV~

I was just sitting in my living room, on the couch, thinking of what actually went wrong.

I stared at the wall finding for the right answer.

Was it anger?

Was it fear?

Was it just a mere misunderstanding?

Was it just a childish act of spilling false words?

Even I can’t explain it because to anyone and everyone, each story differs with different feelings.

A certain understanding that the person might understand it as.

Well, to me, it was definitely one sensitive topic that everyone goes through, and that is ‘trust’.

As a little girl, I have always love singing.

It was always been my first love.

A first love that I can’t seem to let go~

I wanted to be a singer.

But I keep doing things that are nothing near to what I wanted to be.

I have been praised constantly for my singing.

I have entered contests and did covers.

Everyone keeps telling me that I did really well and have a special unique voice.

But the problem was that I have always been shy and afraid of rejection.

Even when I entered contest, it was all online based.

I have always been hiding in the dark, not knowing where I should go.

Everyone tells me I can do it, even my best friend, Jiyong always reminds me to smile and sing with emotions. He constantly says, “My singer” you are the best, “remember to keep that confidence level up’. He knew I had a low confidence level.

Sometimes I don’t believe I can do well, I don’t think I am efficient enough but I keep telling him that if I ever give up, please hold onto me and remind me I can do it.

*Flashback Starts*

One rainy night~

“Baby girl, what are you looking for?” Jiyong came into my room seeing me in a frantic situation.

“Just looking for my red plastic bag that I placed here” I tucked my hair behind my ear, constantly looking for that one piece of paper.

It was not just a paper, I needed it for school.

If I don’t hand it in by tomorrow, I would see an F in my report card.

“Oh…I think I threw it away, I was helping you clean up yesterday.” Jiyong said while I stared at him in disbelief.

“WHAT! WHY?” I shouted at him almost immediately.

“I told you I was going to throw yesterday anyway.”

At the time, I was singing and listening to music. I did not notice him throwing my stuff away.

“BUT WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THROW IT AWAY! I NEED IT!” I shouted even louder this time.

“I EVEN PUT IT ASIDE SO YOU WON’T TOUCH IT!” I continued to burst into anger.

I am a rather calm person, I don’t get angry easily but it takes me really big fires to burn me and this was one.

“YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT PROPERLY IF YOU WANTED IT!” He started to shout back and his nose was flaring up. He crossed his arms.

“IF IT WAS SO IMPORTANT, WHY DID YOU NOT KEEP IT PROPERLY?” He got angry back at me and I can’t believe what I was hearing.

“BUT I PLACED IT ASIDE, WHYYYYYYY WOULD YOU TOUCH IT?” I shouted again feeling I needed to let everything out. I was beyond annoyed.

At this moment, he should have apologised but instead he said a sentence that broke me.

“If you were not listening to music all the time, you would have seen what I was doing!” HE USED HIS MONOTONE ANGRY VOICE BACK AT ME.

“SO I SHOULD NOT EVEN LISTEN TO MUSIC?!” I SHOUTED BACK AT HIM. What does the music and singing have to do with this?

“WHY DO YOU EVEN LISTEN TO MUSIC ALL THE TIME, IT’S NOT LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO BE A SINGER!” He shouted once again but louder.

And this time it was done for.

My heart cracked. The person I trust my whole life.

I can’t even trust my friends or even anyone and now the person I trust whole heartedly tells me I can’t do it.

I can’t do it at all.

All this time, I was doing what I love and you say I can’t do it.

I trusted you and you can’t even give me a single ounce of ‘I believe you can do it’

I was speechless.

My tear just fell off and I could not even control myself.

I don’t know if it was anger that replaced him but he knew how important it was to me, why you would even use it against me.

“Jiyong…leave me alone…” I ran out of my room and out of the house.

* Flashback ends*

I don’t mind people bullying me verbally.

I don’t mind people scolding me.

I don’t mind people trying to make me weak and small.

But don’t ever make it seem like you don’t trust me especially when you are really close to me and I trust you with all my might.

Because all the amount of trust I put in formed in years but gone in a few seconds.

I am not asking for much. He knew I wanted to be singer but my stage fright was my bad point. My hands would shiver and shakes as I grabbed the microphone in my hand.

“Baby girl, I am sorry.” He came sitting on the couch beside me as I continued to stare blankly at the wall.

It has been three week since I talked to him.

Every time, I see him in school, I would avoid him.

Every time, I see him standing outside my locker, waiting for me to go there, I would end up carrying my books home with me despite it being really heavy. It was as heavy as my heart.

Every time, I see him in the lunch table, I decided to bring bread every day and sit on the bench at the pond outside.

Every time, I see him coming into my house, I would walk out of the door and walk around my neighbourhood.

Every time, he tried to talk to me, I would plug in my ear piece and listen to music.

Ever since that day, every time I saw him, I felt like I can’t do anything. All the faith and confidence sink rock bottom.

I tried to tell myself to forgive him but I can’t. When he was not there for me, singing was my only friend.

A friend that gave me different types of feelings, happiness, sadness, anger and etc~

He thought using my pet name for me would change my mind but I also kept thinking of all the good moments together and what he has done for me.

Like when it was raining one day and he gave me his jacket to cover my ‘so-called white transparent shirt’ and he got drenched in the rain as he passed me the small umbrella of his.

Another time he saw me having flu in class and quickly gave me medication to get rid of the flu.

He carried me to the sick bay to get rest~

I was so thankful for all the things he has done for me. But why hurt me?

Why say that one sentence that he knew it would just break me?

When I decided to say my first words after a long time, “Jiyong…”

“Can I ever trust you?”

He kept staring at me and said, “Yes, you can always trust me.”

“I was angry at you for throwing the paper away but I was even angrier and felt even more hurt when you told me the one thing I did well…was something I can’t do.”

I looked down and fidget with my fingers while I could see that he was somehow hurt and sorry.

“I trusted you…” my lips parted and became drier. I was hurt.

It felt like a few spears that darted into my heart.

“I am sorry baby girl.” He quickly wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me tight, putting his chin on my right shoulder.

“I did not mean to hurt you, I said it out of anger, please forgive me…” He continued to clear the misunderstanding.

“I know it’s what you do best and I hurt you for saying you can’t do it. But I know you can do it baby girl, it was just the anger in me.”

I hugged him back and said, “I am sorry for shouting at you too Jiyong.”

A few tears slid down my cheeks and could no longer control myself once again.

As he parted away from me, he grabbed my face and his face came much closer to mine, “Trust me again will you?” He wiped the tears on my face and gave me another tight hug.

“I should forgive him right? A simple trust is all I need.”

 

Thank you for reading everyone :D please remember to comment also :D <3