The food on the table had long gone cold, but Joshua still sat there, poking at the chicken on his plate.

A buzz came from his phone on the kitchen counter, and Joshua scrambled over to check it.

“Upgrade your account and become a premium member for only 4999 won! Limited time offer.”

Disappointed, Joshua put his phone down.  Looking up at the astronomy-themed clock hanging from the wall, he realized that it was already a quarter past eleven. With a sigh, Joshua moved over to the table, picked up his plate, and proceeded to dump his half-eaten chicken and rice down the garbage. Grabbing plastic wrap from the kitchen, Joshua covered the food he had made for Jeonghan, who was nowhere to be seen. Jeonghan typically texted if he was going to stay late for work, but today, Joshua hadn’t gotten any notices. Considering how Jeonghan got off work at five, it was obvious that Joshua wasn’t going to receive one.

Still, he tried his best to be understanding, and as Joshua put the leftovers in the fridge, he managed to convince himself that everything was going to be okay.  ‘So what if Jeonghan didn’t text today? He was probably busy,' Joshua thought to himself. Humming a bit, Joshua turned off the lights in the kitchen and walked towards the bedroom he shared with Jeonghan. Grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a white T-shirt from the dresser, Joshua made his way to the bathroom. “Anyways, this is the first time this has happened, and Jeonghan has a lot of things going on at work these days,” Joshua reflected. Brushing his thoughts aside, Joshua closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of warm water falling gently against his skin. After drying himself off with a towel, Joshua put on the clothes he had brought with him. Heading back to the bedroom, Joshua unraveled the blanket he had folded this morning, then lied down onto the bed, head resting comfortably on his memory foam pillow. Turning off the bedside lamp, Joshua shifted around before finding a comfortable position, then closed his eyes and drifted off into sleep.

Waking up with a yawn, Joshua blinked a few times, picking his head up from his pillow. As he gazed around the room, Joshua realized that Jeonghan hadn’t slept in the bed yesterday night, or perhaps hadn’t come home at all. Sitting upright, Joshua dangled his feet over the bed, and put on his slippers before walking into the dining room, worried about Jeonghan. A sense of relief hit Joshua when he saw Jeonghan sitting at the dining table. Jeonghan glanced up from the book he was reading and gave a little wave, and Joshua smiled warmly at Jeonghan before taking a seat next to him.

“Sorry for not telling you yesterday, but things ran a bit late at work, and my phone ran out of battery. I didn’t want to wake you up, so I slept on the couch after coming home,” Jeonghan said, pecking Joshua on the cheek. Joshua swiftly glanced down at Jeonghan’s hand, checking that the promise ring they had gotten together a year ago was still resting on Jeonghan’s finger. Indeed, it was, and staring at it made him feel giddy inside. Admittedly, nothing about the situation seemed abnormal, as Jeonghan was a very considerate person, but Joshua couldn’t let one thing go. When Jeonghan had leaned in to kiss him, Joshua noticed that he smelled – different. No matter how odd it sounded, Joshua knew Jeonghan’s scent, and something about the way Jeonghan currently smelled reminded Joshua of high-end perfume. Still, Joshua did not voice his suspicions, instead continuing to smile at Jeonghan, although his eyes were now rather calculating.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jeonghan asked, sensing that something was wrong.

“Like what? I’m looking at you the way I always look at you,” Joshua laughed, before leaning in to kiss Jeonghan.

That was perfume all right.

“I made some scrambled eggs for breakfast, so if you want any, feel free to grab some. They’re on a plate in the kitchen,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua headed toward the kitchen, a frown etched on his face.

There was no way Jeonghan could be cheating on him, right?

Joshua paused by the scrambled eggs, and looked down warily.

Grabbing a spatula, Joshua stabbed down at the eggs before scooping some into his plate, still puzzled as to why Jeonghan smelled the way he did.

As Joshua sat back down at the table, Jeonghan announced, “I have to go to work a bit early today, due to an important event that’s coming up soon. Have a great day! I’ll be back before you know it.” After wrapping his arms around Joshua’s shoulders and pressing to his lips, Jeonghan grabbed his jacket from the rack by the door and walked out of their apartment, turning back once to grin at Joshua. Joshua smiled back, waving as Jeonghan left. As soon as Jeonghan was out of sight, Joshua’s face fell.

After drumming his fork on the table for a minute or two, Joshua stood up and went to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror for a couple of moments, studying his appearance. Leaning in, Joshua noticed that his eyes were quite awkwardly upturned, and his nose was honestly rather pudgy at the end. His lips were always chapped, and their natural color was something Joshua had always despised. His skin wasn’t that great, either, and Joshua looked closely at his reflection, picking out each blemish and pore. He contemplated it, but Joshua felt too nervous and self-conscious to even lift up his shirt, afraid of seeing the layer of fat he had underneath it.

What had he done to deserve someone like Jeonghan?

“Nothing”, Joshua voiced, grimacing at the lankiness of his arms, and the short stubs he had for fingers. Unlike his own, each of Jeonghan’s features carried a certain perfection, from his enviously long eyelashes to his perfect, proportionate build. Back when they had first started dating, Joshua couldn’t help but be cranky each time someone commented on how beautiful Jeonghan was, whether it be the ahjumma from the convenience store, or even some random stranger they passed by on the street. Jeonghan would always comfort him, telling Joshua that he loved him just the way he was, but looking in the mirror, Joshua knew that Jeonghan had been lying. Who in their right mind would love him, especially someone as flawless as Jeonghan?

An hour went by as doubts clouded Joshua’s mind, before he finally resulted to wait for another sign that Jeonghan might have been cheating on him before jumping to immediate conclusions. Joshua took a walk to the 24 hour convenience store around the corner to do some shopping and clear his head. Picking up a carton of orange juice from the fridges near the back of the store, Joshua placed it into the basked he had filled with various snacks to bring home. Upon seeing him at the register, the middle-aged lady behind the counter, whom Joshua had known for well over two years now, immediately launched into speech.

“Are you still with that flower boy, Jeonghan?” she asked, worried.

Joshua was perplexed. “Yes, why?” he inquired, suspicious, and honestly, a bit frightened.

“Oh, good, good,” the woman said, obviously more relaxed. “It’s just, when I was working around one or two in the morning, Jeonghan walked him, carrying a girl on his back. She seemed rather drunk, and Jeonghan purchased a bit of medicine before taking her back outside,” she said, and Joshua feared that his worries had been confirmed.

“Did you ask him what he was doing?” Joshua said.

“I tried, but Jeonghan seemed rather timid, and eager to get somewhere,” the woman said, “I’m pretty sure he and the girl called a taxi and went somewhere together.”

Joshua felt like he was going to cry. In fact, the tears were beginning to well up in his eyes, and Joshua hurried outside after paying the woman at the counter.

Running to the park, Joshua was winded as he sat down onto a bench, furious at himself for being such an idiot. It was bound to happen someday. Jeonghan was too good for Joshua, and he had finally realized it. Raising his right hand up to his face, Joshua stared at the promise ring on his fourth finger, feelings of nostalgia, anger, and sadness all coming to him at once. His phone buzzed, and through his tears, Joshua read the message on his screen.

JEONGHAN ^^

3:04 PM

I’ll be coming home late again, so don’t wait on or worry about me. I miss you, but we’ll see each other in the morning! Love you!

Joshua stared down the text, then clicked the trash icon in the top right corner of the screen.

“Are you sure you want to delete this message?” the font on his phone read.

Joshua hesitated a bit, then jabbed at the “Yes” option.

“Love you,” Joshua scoffed, “what a joke.”

Making his way home, Joshua didn’t bother making dinner, instead hopping into bed, curling up into a ball, and wishing that he could disappear from the world.

“Well, I’ll disappear from Jeonghan’s world soon,” Joshua thought, smiling wryly to himself.

Joshua noticed something balled up in the corner of the room, which he went to pick up and unravel.

It turned out to be Jeonghan’s shirt from the previous day. Joshua sniffed it, immediately recoiling at the strong, floral scent emitting from the fabric. Flipping it around, Joshua wouldn’t be lying when he said that the discovery of lipstick marks around the collar of the shirt didn’t surprise him. At this point, nothing really did, and Joshua, too exhausted to cry, chose to throw the shirt back onto the ground before climbing back up onto the bed, miserable as ever.

The next morning, the same cycle repeated itself, with Jeonghan having to leave for work early, and returning home late at night.

Joshua started acting more and more distant, something that was taken into account by Jeonghan. The day Joshua noticed that Jeonghan had taken off his promise ring was the day that Joshua finally snapped. He was going to confront Jeonghan about everything that had happened, and there was no way Joshua was going to forgive him.

Joshua sat in bed, thinking about everything that had happened.

He hated it. He hated Jeonghan, he hated what their relationship had come to, but most of all, Joshua hated himself. He hated himself for being so stupid, so naïve, so imperfect…

Before he knew it, tears started to stream down Joshua’s face, and he began to sob uncontrollably, the scent of Jeonghan on the blanket he used to wipe his face making everything worse. Suddenly, Joshua heard a familiar rattle of keys coming from the entrance to the apartment, followed by Jeonghan’s voice, saying, “Joshua? Are you there? The lights in the kitchen are still on.”

Glancing at the clock on the counter by the bed, Joshua saw that it was 11:14 PM. At a loss for what to so, Joshua closed his eyes and ducked his head underneath the covers so that Jeonghan would not see his face, red and puffy from crying.

Joshua heard Jeonghan’s footsteps approaching, and buried his face even deeper into the bedsheets. Jeonghan stopped by the bed, saw Joshua’s huddled form, and chuckled to himself. Taking off his socks, Jeonghan slipped into the blanket next to Joshua and wrapped his arms around Joshua’s torso. Joshua recoiled, wriggling out of Jeonghan’s embrace, prompting the other to turn the lamp on the bedside counter back on.

“What is up with you these days?” Jeonghan demanded. “You barely even acknowledge my presence, and when I hug you or kiss you, you either edge away from me or walk away altogether. I didn’t want to bug you about it, since I thought you needed your personal space, but now you’re making it seem like we’re absolute strangers.”

“You thought that I needed some personal space?!” Joshua shouted, turning around to face Jeonghan, who was startled by Joshua’s screaming. “You’ve been, I quote, having to work late for what, the past week? You spend about fifteen minutes with me in the morning, then leave for work the rest of the day! You might as well just not come home!” Jeonghan looked taken aback, and the hurt shone clearly in his eyes, but Joshua was too angered to stop.

“It all started with the girl you took home that one night. You could’ve at least said something to me. Who wants to know that someone they love has been cheating on them from the ing convenience store ahjumma?” Joshua continued to yell, letting out all of the anger he had been storing up for the past week. “Anyways, even if you deny the fact that you probably slept with that girl, I’d still like to point out that you took off your promise ring, which means that our promise, or in other words, our relationship, is officially over.” Joshua finished, about to storm out, when Jeonghan caught him by the wrist.

“Oh, Joshua…” Jeonghan whispered, and how sorrowful and frail his voice sounded made Joshua feel a tinge of regret at how harsh he had been. Still, Joshua resulted in his mind, Jeonghan had deserved it, for what he had done.

“If you don’t have anything important to say, I’ll be leaving now. Feel free to keep the stuff I have here, I never liked any of those things, anyway,” Joshua hissed, beginning to walk out of the bedroom, when Jeonghan suddenly came behind him, wrapping his arms around Joshua’s waist.

Jeonghan was holding a black box in his hand, which Joshua recognized, from the advertisements he had seen on TV and his occasional visits to department stores, to be a jewelry box. “What’s that for, your girlfriend? Nice to know,” Joshua said sarcastically.

Joshua felt something wet dripping down his shoulder, which realized were Jeonghan’s tears, and was about to comment on it when Jeonghan opened the box to reveal a set of shining silver rings, one engraved with the words, “Jeonghan”, and the other with Joshua’s own name.

“I was working overtime so that I could afford this new pair of rings for us,” Jeonghan said, voice filled with sadness. “Look, it’s shaped as a wreath of leaves, to represent what you got me for our first anniversary,” Jeonghan laughed, a sound so broken that it was almost painful to hear.

“What about the woman you brought with you to the convenience store that one night?” Joshua managed to whisper.

“She’s someone I hired to help me design the rings. One night, she got extremely drunk at a night club, and the manager dialed the most recent contact on her list, which just happened to be me. I got her medicine to help get rid of her headache and to prevent her from throwing up as much as she was, then called a taxi and accompanied her home. She tried to kiss me multiple times on the way to her house, insisting that I was her boyfriend, but I fended off most of them, except for the one that she happened to land on the collar of my shirt. I swear, after dropping her off back home, I came straight back to our apartment! Please, you have to believe me,” Jeonghan begged, looking at Joshua with the most miserable expression Joshua had ever seen on Jeonghan’s face.

“Jeonghan, I…” Joshua paused, trying to find the right words, refusing to look at Jeonghan’s face, but his confident demeanor cracked, and he lifted his head up to gaze into Jeonghan’s eyes. They were filled to the brim with his tears, but behind them, Joshua saw nothing but complete innocence and sadness.

Joshua brought his lips up to Jeonghan’s, and the moment they touched, everything felt right. “I’m so sorry,” Joshua mumbled, fighting back tears, and Jeonghan lifted his chin up, looking down into Joshua’s eyes.

“No, I am. I should have told you everything sooner, I know, but our anniversary is coming up, and I wanted it to be a surprise,” Jeonghan said.

“I should have trusted you, and I do, it’s just, I’m so stupid, Jeonghan, I don’t even know why you –“Jeonghan put a finger up to Joshua’s lips, shushing him.

“You want to know why I love you? I love you because you’re Joshua Hong, and I knew that I loved you from the minute I saw you, and it hurts me every time you question the fact that I am completely and utterly in love with you. Do you understand?” Joshua nodded.

“Good. Now, always remember that no matter how long we’re apart, though this work thing will never happen again in the future without me explaining myself, I assure you that you will always be the one I come back home to. No matter what.” Jeonghan smiled gently at Joshua, causing a flush of pink to appear on the other boy’s cheeks.

“You’re so cute,” Jeonghan laughed, and Joshua couldn’t help but grin at him foolishly.

“I love you,” Joshua beamed.

“I love you too,” Jeonghan said, “and although I love every minute I spend with you when we’re awake, I still believe that our best moments spent together are the times when we’re asleep,” Jeonghan joked, and Joshua smiled before plopping himself down onto their bed. Jeonghan lied down next to him, wrapping his arm around Joshua, who curled up against Jeonghan’s torso.

Everything was going to be just fine.