“Everybody knows it only hurts in the end, but you were worth the pain”.

            I’m a player, breaking is what I do. I don’t “feel”. I’m not stupid like the rest of you, willingly letting them steal your heart. Yes, I’ve fallen for a lot of people, but what they stole was a decoy. In the end, I’ll be the one saying “I never loved you”, and guess who gets to pick up all the pieces and put it back together? Yes, the idiots. Those idiots who never saw what was coming. As for me, I had whatever advantage I can absorb out of them.

            Even what I had for you wasn’t real, well… At least at first.

            I guess you never know how it felt, until you get the honor to experience it. Being left by someone who –you thought– loved you. All those promises, they just didn’t matter anymore. What used to be special is now bland, and you try to refind happiness although you realize it wouldn’t be the same happiness you used to have.

            Sometimes at night, when it’s dark and I can’t sleep, and all these strange shadows began to appear, I am no longer afraid of them. I have too many things in my mind, too many feelings in my chest, there was no room for fear. The days when I had my head on your chest, wrapped in your arms, and all I could hear was the beating of your heart, they were played in my head in constant loop. Don't ask me why I joined the group of idiots who believed in this so-called love, I wish I knew the answer.

           If you ask me, my answers are like a coin, both meaningful and meaningless. There's one other thing I realized, a strong, genuine human trait. Denial. As much as I hate to admit it, I've been trying so hard to find a decent reason to justify what I did, leaving you. I began denying that I actually felt something, I denied how great of a person you are, I denied that all the mistakes you made never made any impact on how I feel. And as we all know, along with denial comes pretend.

            I pretended I was alright, in fact, even better now that you're gone. I pretended you did something wrong, but you never did. I pretended that I'm looking forward to breaking more people, when the truth is, all I want is to fix you. Some liars are too good at lying that they can deceive themselves. It's pathetic, but yes, that's what I'm doing.

            I'm living in a made up reality, a scenario. I go through everyday holding this invisible script, the script that I wrote. Even my head starts lying to me, forcing me to believe them, convincing me that it knows what's best for me. There's a war going on within me, and believe me this is the only way to put it. I'll be honest, I'm not good with expressing how I feel, because on a daily basis I don't feel. The only things I do feel are joy, fear, anger, and... Well alot of things but that doesn't include whatever I felt for you, or what I'm feeling now. See, I at expressing.

            In one sentence I'm basically Batman on drugs.

           Perhaps this is enough for a foreword, I'll should go back, back to where everything started.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE : I'm not a K-Pop fan, but I needed site where I can share my story to the world, and of course there were other sites that provides such service but they weren't quite what I had in mind. Most of them are too hard to access, and the display itself isn't very pleasant to see. A friend of mine [sleepyheadnim] had referred me to this site, and I like the user-interface so I decided to write my stories here. Since this is an fan fict site, I have to include a celebrity, and the closest Asian celebrity I have come to 'idolize' is Yook Sungjae in BtoB. Although if I had to be honest, I have absolutely zero knowledge about K-Pop whatsoever. English also wasn't my first language, it was my third. So please, leave a comment if there is anything that I need to update or fix. This story is based on real-events, but all the names have been changed in secrecy purposes. Thank you]