“How’s home? Tell me what I’m missing out on. I’m pretty sure Jaebum’s nagging hasn’t stopped at all, and neither has Youngjae’s butter fingers, so please make sure he doesn’t break any of the fancy ceramic bowls my mom mailed us, alright?” Jinyoung coughed quietly, swiftly continuing before I could interject on how he probably would never see the bowls again.

“Did Bambam decide to buy a new sofa or something?” Jinyoung asked, his laughter resembling the wind chime we had hung up on his window when we first moved into the dorm – light, melodious and at the same time, almost too soft to be heard.

“It’s not home without you, Jinyoung.” I replied him in the most direct way I could without lying or talking about anything else, staring out of the window as I tied the drapes up. The beams of warm light were falling into the room and casting away dusty silhouettes, significantly brightening the mood of the otherwise too white, too dull and too sterilised, atmosphere in the ward. The Han River was in the distance, and I could see families and lovers walking in the park from afar, enjoying their picnics and outings. Dogs were chasing the birds, and birds were flocking towards the skies. The clouds hung low, but they were still pure white, without a single smudge of grey or rain.

I ing hated it.

We used to go for our own escapades, and sit by the river on late nights, tossing pebbles to see who could throw it the furthest. I had never lost to Jinyoung, and my pebble would always spin clockwise as it left my fingers, and bounce across the surface of the water multiple times before it finally submerged, creating a canvas of ripples that reflected the gleaming moonlight, whereas Jinyoung’s would sink into the water at first contact most of the time. The only thing I could think of, as I continued looking at kids playing the same game we did months ago, was how I should have let him win. At least once.

“What are you thinking of?” Jinyoung asked, and I finally noticed how hopeful his expression was, even as he closed his eyes for a moment.

“You.” I answered, walking over to the bed and holding out my hand to feel his forehead, checking his temperature. “How’re you feeling?”

“My head kind of hurts.” He murmured, his cold hand slowly finding its way to my slightly less cold one, our fingers interlocking before he opened his eyes. “But it’s better now that you’re here.”

I sat, perched precariously on the edge of the bed, not even bothering to resist the blush that seemed to coat my cheeks every time words flowed so confidently out of Jinyoung’s mouth. He made way for me, and I immediately crawled under the covers he held up for me, before wrapping my arms around him. He felt cold, even under his long sleeve fleece pyjamas and hospital gown bottoms, so I tightened my grip around his waist. He smelled amazing – like himself, even though I caught an indistinguishable whiff of herbal shampoo and fever relief patches that the nurses covered him in. Jinyoung leaned his head on my chest with minimal effort, and if I weren’t so preoccupied with thoughts of him dying in my arms, I would have been embarrassed at how fast my heart was pounding. Jinyoung said nothing, but just hummed contentedly as we held one another intimately and innocently, at the same time.

A few minutes passed, and even though I closed my eyes, all the sleepiness and exhaustion seemed to go away. My mind was whirring too actively for me to drift off to sleep. I hesitantly opened my eyes, careful not to make any sudden movements as I peeked at Jinyoung. He was breathing quietly, his eyes squinting even when they were closed every once in a while. There were small beads of sweat that lines his forehead, causing his black hair to be matted with perspiration. In comparison to his dark hair, his face paled even more. He looked like a porcelain doll – vulnerable and breathtakingly beautiful in the most exquisite manner.

I felt a lump in my throat, and my nostrils began to burn, just like they did before I started crying. I forced myself to swallow, and kept blinking, trying to have my breathing under control before Jinyoung opened his eyes to a bawling mess. Today was not the day. I was not going to break down in front of the love of my life when he needed me to give him strength.

Gradually, the tremor in my throat came to a slow halt and I pursed my lips together, still admiring his small frame until I saw him jump slightly at the sudden noise, although he still had not opened his eyes. The door swung open loudly, but thankfully did not slam into the wall and c