Because I'm no more than a fans in the crowd,

Does it makes sense for a perfect guy like him to fall over me - the ordinary girl that filled with flaws? 

No.it must be no, right? 

So I don't have any choice to choose whether I like it or not,

I only can smile or maybe crying as I want to watch him to be happy,

I can't hate him. 

I don't want to hate him. 

Because eventually I will end up getting hurt, 

I'm the one that will only be in pain, 

They told me I wasn't in true love, 

I only having a delusional between love and obsession. 

But then if this feelings ain't real, why must it be this hurt? 

Even if it is a lie...can someone please tell me that he once fell for me?

----jian,21th June

My phone is vibrating from the calls that I received. 

I took a glance to the screen.

I smile happily after looking at the familiar number before my smile fades away.

Little me know that he's going to call me after the breaking news spread throughout the world like the lightning. 

I expected this already. I let out a small sigh as I ignored the calls and close my journal.

I stared at the phone screen for a while before deciding to answer the 10th calls.

"YA PARK JIAN! what make you so long to pick up my calls??? don't you know how worried I am???"

Someone over there is yelled at me.

I calmly smile while my hand make a way to the balcony.The night wind greeted me on the cheek .I lift my head-watching the night sky instead of the buildings with a busy city down there.

Why should you worried?do you really worried or you're just pretending? silly.. I want to ask him that but I couldn't.I'm his friend,right?Of course he's worried, right? I tried to console myself.

"Jian? are you there? you okay?" he gradually softened his voice tone as he realized his mistake. 

"Hmm yoongi..why wouldn't I be okay?is there anything that will make me feel not okay?"

Only silence become the answer.

"Jian..I'm sorry.I thought to tell you yesterday or today but you're busy so.."

Oh.If I didn't cancle our lunch yesterday..he will let me know first instead of the media?and I was just thought to asked him for a dinner tonight as an apology for ignoring him these lately days but look what has happened in the blink of an eye. 

"Does she pretty? she loves hip hop as well?she have a beautiful smile? her eyes is sparkling like the stars?she must be the luckiest person on earth, right?" 

"Jian.."

I gasp as I realized I'd crossed the line.

"Y-yoongi..I'm sorry.My mistakes...Yoongi, you know what?I didn't actually focused on what you just told me.Um I'm still doing my work so yea busy.Will call you later, okay?"

"Jian,I-"

I pressed the red button before listening on what he's going to say before drop down my knees on the floor.

No.

I really can't even listen to his voice..

Tears flow down through my cheeks. 

I buried my face on my knees with hands around my legs. 

I've been know him for 3 years.I,Park Jian.The ordinary music writer was given a chance to do a collaboration with Min Yoongi the famous composer and producer.God knows I felt like my life was already completed.The whole universe know that I became who I am today because of Min Yoongi, my inspiration.

The success of the collaboration made us became a close friend until today.So close yet I don't know how we could be this close.

I know him better than he knows himself but yet 3 years are maybe too short for him to realized my feelings for him. 

But today-

I never know that my routine to scrolled down my twitter timeline before starting my work will pain me this much, I shouldn't let the news to wreck me as it can be a rumors.But then I saw the phrase-

Min Yoongi stated that he has been dating a member of girl group,A.A-Ahn Yeri for 2 months. 

I was surprised and dumbfounded as I can't speak any words.2 months..how could I not noticed it? how can't I noticed how different Yoongi was since 2 months ago? from the cold guy to a friendly guy.From the antisocial and silent guy then changed to the cheerful guy..

Am I too busy to not noticed all that? I spend all over my lifetime for him.And only getting busier for my song project for a month.

Why fate is cruel to me?

But at the end of the day- I should know well that I wasn't supposed to develop my feelings for him at the first place.

It will be only a hopeless love.

And now everything is too late.