Everyday they come. They tell me stories of how their day went, the performances they had and the schedules awaiting them. No matter how busy they get, they still make time for me everyday, and when they go over seas for promotions, they would call the hospital and ask that they put the me on the phone. They tell how tiring it can be but how fun it became because they did it together. Then they would grow quiet. After this awkard moment passes Minho would always say "Of course it would be more fun if you could join us hyung." Then all 3 of my brothers would continue telling me their feelings, walking in one at a time and just be there for me. I would hear the door open everyday, hear them slowly shuffle their feet across the prestine marble floor and then hear the smile in their voices as we were all reunited again together. That is, at least most of us.

They greeted me gently, scared to disturb the battle I am fighting. But not once did I have to fight this battle alone, because they were always there behind me, supporting me and giving me strength, giving me a reason to go on each day. They tell me the funniest things, like how Onew hyung nearly choked on a chicken bone, eating too fast. They all laugh. I get so fustrated because I can't join them, and I know I probably never will.

Each and everyday they come, never getting sick of sitting in the same room, talking about the same things, only to get no response. each visit, my brothers squeeze my hand, each time hoping that I would squeeze back, but for 6 months, they left not in dissapointment but with hope, hope that I will come back to them.

It has been 6 months since I became frozen. frozen from living my life. I became this way but no matter how hard times got, I was never alone. These people who treasure me so much to the point that my heart hurts. It hurts because I know I can never do or give anything back. The only thing I have left is to hold on. But how long can a person hold onto a life with no freedom? No joy but only sadness. I feel like my goal is right in front of me but I can never really reach it.

I want to leave them so they can move on. I don't want them thinking it was their fault, because it wasn't. I was trapped in the darkness, it has been so long. So long since I felt something, responded to anyone, it has been so long since i did anything. I wanted to move my lips. My lips, my eyes, my face, me. Funny how over the pass six months I have forgotten what I looked like. The six months of pure emptiness.

In reality the doctor said to Onew, Jonghyun and Minho "Key was extremely lucky. He had survived the terrible car accident." I should have been grateful. Truthfully I just wish it had been me and not my dongseng Taemin. Taemin, who had his whole life in front of him, so young and had enough charm and talent for the both of us. To have him suddenly taken away and not be able to mourn properly left me in anguish. Today was D-day. I would wake up no matter what.

"Hey Key, how are you doing today?" Onew asked in a soothing tone as if talking to a new born baby.

"Guess what I did today? I tried to cook chicken soup for myself because my voice kept cracking but it didn't turn out right." He continued.

"Yah hyung! Don't talk too much or else your throat will get worse!" argued Jonghyun.

"Key-ah, do you remember when we turned up the music really loud in  the practise rooms and then the SuJu hyungs came in and scolded us until our backs hurt while bowing?" a remembering smile played on Jonghyun's lips.

"Hahaha... me and Minho had like a deja vu moment." continued Jonghyun.

I pulled all my might to open my eyes at that moment, I couldn't just lay there anymore seeing my brothers waste their life holding onto the past. I was the only who could change that.

I was in agony, something was pulling me down but like always I embraced it and kept fighting Until I finally opened my eyes. At first it was just bright light and I thought to myself that maybe I pused it too far this time and I really left the world. But then I saw the dazed faces of my brothers. i sat up and punched Jonghyun and watch the colour from Onew's face drain out.

"It's really cold today isn't it Minho? Weird it's summer but really cold." I looked at Onew hyung and Jonghyun hyung. "Hyungs, I'm really cold!" They just stared at me.

"I really want to say something but I suddenly forgot.... Oh yeah.... YAH!!! ARE YOU ALL PABOS?!?!?! Stop coming here and trying to do the impossible, go out there and make your life worthy! WOW... Okay, haha hyungs now that was a bit overboard I guess. But you gotta consider that I was frozen for six months. Well now that I am finally awake I just wanted to say one thing, I love you my SHINee brothers." I yawned suddenly extremely tired and cold. "I'll talk to you later okay? I'm really tired." I peacefully closed my eyes and fell into the darkness.

"HEEELLLPPPP!!!!!! DOCTOR!!!!!!" screeched my brothers.

News Report later that night.

Today, 20 year old Kim Kibum died at 12:07pm in Seoul National Hospital. He suffered from a terrible car crash six months earlier and was placed in a coma. Just moments before his death, he woke up to say his final good bye to his SHINee brothers Onew, Jonghyun and Minho. We pray that he may rest in peace and know that he did a good job in the cold battle field.