Chanyeol lets his fingers slide against the glossy surface of white and black piano keys, humming along to the melody they create. 

It's their first free day in well over a month and everyone has already gone out to celebrate with food, running on renewed energy due to a good night's sleep and the promise of spicy chicken even though it isn't even noon yet.

He can feel the buzz of their new comeback like a tangible wave underneath his skin, making him feel excited and happy and scared, all at the same time. There's always that element of pressure- what if the fans don't like the new songs? What if they can't manage to please everyone? And so on, and so on, building up in his and everyone else's minds until they're a shaking, quivering mess that needs to be comforted. 

With a sigh, Chanyeol lets his eyes flutter shut and his fingers keep moving across the keys, thoughts giving way to the soft sounds of a familiar song that never fails in calming down his nerves when everything gets to be a little too much. 

"I heard that song at the dermatologist.", a voice says from somewhere behind him, and Chanyeol doesn't even have to open his eyes to know who it is. 

He grins, shifting on the piano stool to make room for one more person, without the other boy having to even ask. There are quiet shuffling sounds, bare feet moving across a wooden floor, and then a shift in weight beside him, a new warmth from their close proximity. Chanyeol feels bold enough to move closer, until their thigs press together and their sides just barely touch, but with enough room for him to keep playing without looking up still. 

"You're a little rusty.", Baekhyun teases, his voice kind and playful and all the things Chanyeol adores about him. 

A smile pulls at the corners of his lips and he decides to look at last, because it would be a shame to waste the chance to see his friend up close. And when his eyes finally land on the other boy's face, he's momentarily taken aback, just like every single time this happens. He sees pale skin and long eye lashes and pink lips, which spread into a grin the moment their eyes finally meet. Chanyeol wonders, not for the first or last time in his lifetime, if there will ever come a day when he becomes used to this boy. If the mere sight of him will ever stop taking his breath away, and if he'll ever stop thinking of him as something beautiful, wonderful, awe-worthy.

Looking at Baekhyun now, with his heart giving an occasional stutter and his mind beginning to struggle with forming coherent thoughts, he sincerely doubts it. 

"What?", Baekhyun asks him, then, and his voice is breathy like he's experiencing the same things. He looks amused, with a curious glint in his eyes and a teasing curve to his beautiful mouth and Chanyeol has to stop himself from doing something stupid, reckless, and very much life-changing. He laughs, a sharp exhale through his nose that sounds more like a snort than anything, sending a fond warmth through Chanyeol's body, and repeats, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

And that, that is why Chanyeol loves him. Well, among the other million reasons, that is. Because no matter how many praises he gets or how many fan comments he reads, telling him all about how stunning and amazing he is, Baekhyun still has the nerve to doubt it. He still gets that nagging feeling in the back of his mind, somewhere far far away, that he is something lesser than he really is. He still needs to be reassured, sometimes. Still needs comfort. Still feels pain. No matter how high his walls go, no matter how thick his skin gets, and no matter how much time he spends under the spotlight, he is still, at his very core, the same boy who Cnanyeol fell in love with years ago. 

"No.", he manages, and his voice cracks even on the one syllable. And then, because he's not capable of thinking when they're this close, he says the first thing that comes to mind in order to fill the silence, "You look nice today." 

With anyone else, this would be okay. With anyone else, his heart wouldn't stop beating for a second, and his cheeks wouldn't flare up embarrassingly, and his voice wouldn't waver when he keeps talking. 

"I mean, you- you always look nice. It's just that today you, uh, look like you slept well. You don't look that tired, is what I meant..."

What he means by all of that, as dumb as it sounded, is that Baekhyun looks more radiant than he would if he was tired. His eyes are wider, and their natural shine is back, and his smiles are wider and more contagious than when he barely even has the energy to smile in the first place, and his hair is fluffy and ruffled from sleep, and he smells like their bed sheets smell right after they've been washed. 

"Oh", Baekhyun says, still looking amused, because he can't understand the meaning behind his friend's words.

If Chanyeol was a braver person, he'd tell him. He'd explain, and he'd do the most reckless, nerve-wracking thing in his life, and risk everything important. But he's not very brave at all. 

Baekhyun leans into his side, elbowing him softly, and glances back at the piano. "Play the song again. I like it.", he says quietly. 

His fingers are unstable and shaky as they move to the keys again, and he sincerely hopes that it isn't too obvious what Baekhyun does to him without even trying to do anything. He tries to breathe, tries to will his hands to be steady, to not fumble across the keys and ruin the song that his friend wants to hear. It's easier with his eyes closed, because then he can pretend that Baekhyun isn't as close as he is, can pretend that that isn't Baekhyun's head resting on his shoulder, not his warm breath fanning across the sensitive skin of his neck. 

He fumbles and misses and the melody is so out of tune that it's painful, even to his own ears, and he cringes at the mistakes his hands make, still shaky, still not cooperating with his brain, still ruining him. Baekhyun laughs, and Chanyeol can feel it throughout his entire body like a wave crashing down on him, making his heart clench painfully. 

Hands press against his, and it takes all of his willpower not to look, because if he does it'll all come crashing down around them. If he sees Baekhyun's fingers so close to his, he'll want to lace them together and maybe never let go. So he breathes, as steadily as his racing heart will allow it, and tries to focus on the song their joint hands make across the keys. It sounds right now, no more fumbling or shaking or messing up. It's like this with everything he does- sometimes all he needs is Baekhyun, and everything works out the way it's supposed to. 

The words are right on the tip of his tongue, clawing against his throat and trying to get out, but he won't let them. Not yet. His eyes are still closed, so he can still control himself, can pretend that the fluttering of his heart is normal and that his palms are always this sweaty and that his skin is always so sensitive to another person's closeness. 

But then the song is over, and the hands on his are gone, and he has to face the harsh reality of being in love with someone that he probably shouldn't be in love with, someone he definitely can't have. And, because he somehow manages to mess everything up eventually, he opens his eyes. His second mistake happens when they immediately search out Baekhyun's, and his third is when their gazes meet. 

His fourth, cardinal mistake as they call it, is letting his mouth open when he should have fought to keep it closed. But Baekhyun is smiling at him, and it's not his usual smile but the one he saves for quiet moments when there are no cameras or fans or schedules looming over them. The one he wears over their first cup of coffee in the morning, or when they're brushing their teeth side by side in the bathroom, or when he's just woken up and doesn't think before cuddling up to the taller boy as soon as they see each other, his words unfiltered by his still-asleep brain as he mumbles things like "you're as warm as my bed" or "you smell like my pillow" or "can i fall asleep on you?". And Chanyeol is hit with the full force of the suffocating love he feels for his best friend. 

"I love you.", he says in an instant, which wouldn't be a big deal because they've said that to each other a hundred times before, except his brain has apparently stopped filtering out words that definitely shouldn't be said, and his mouth is too fast anyway. "You're beautiful and warm and I love you."

He gasps, and pulls away, and manages to close his eyes in time, just before he's able to keep talking further, to keep digging deeper into his own grave. He braces himself for the inevitable silence, awkward until Baekhyun moves completely away, walks out of the room, out of the dorm, and out of his life, too, maybe. But it doesn't come. Instead, his cheeks start to burn up again when palms press against them, warm and soft just like Baekhyun himself. 

"Look at me.", he says quietly, and Chanyeol does because how could he ever refuse? 

He stares, and Baekhyun stares back, and when he smiles it's contagious because Chanyeol smiles right back at him, even though his heart is lodged somewhere in his throat and he feels like a fish out of water, slowly but surely suffocating. 

Baekhyun blinks at him, and then he moves close, and Chanyeol thinks he might die for good. 

"In case you didn't understand the other million times I told you this", he says, dangerously close to Chanyeol's lips but not quite as close as he'd like, "I love you, too. Also, you should really keep your eyes open when you practice playing the piano...", he smiles, "And I'd really like to kiss you right now."

He can't do anything except nod, nearly knocking their foreheads together, because he's clumsy and uncoordinated and too eager, all altogether too happy to care. And he must look really dumb right now, wide-eyed and blushing like a tomato, probably grinning like a fool, his left eye twitching because it does that sometimes, when he's like this. 

But then Baekhyun is bringing him closer with the palms still cupping his cheeks and he really doesn't care about any of those things, can only think about how soft the other boy's lips are, how good it feels to press his own against them, how instinct tell him to reach out, too, and bring his hands to Baekhyun's neck to pull him closer still. It's clumsy and they're too eager, and their teeth knock together more than once, but it's perfect all the same because it's him and Baekhyun so how could it be anything other than that? 

His mind is blank, the only words still left are the words he wants to gasp out into the spaces left between them, no matter how small they are. 

I love you, I love you, I love you, he thinks. And he keeps thinking it, over and over and over until the feeling settles somewhere deep in his bones and warms him up from the inside out. He thinks it until his heart feels like it's going to burst with how true the words are, and when it becomes too much he pulls away and says them, too, because the more he says them the more true they feel. 

"I love you", he kisses Baekhyun, because he can, and he doesn't ever wanna stop. "I love you", kiss, "I love you", kiss, kiss, kiss. 

Baekhyun laughs against his lips and holds his face a few inches away, staring at him like they're just seeing each other for the first time.

He says it back, and pecks Chanyeol's lips, and then he says it again because no matter how many times he does, it never stops being true, and his heart never stops stuttering right after he does.