BGM: VIXX - On a cold night, BTS- rain, Hatsune miku - Life game

  “Urgh… Hick!” the brunette hiccupped. He sat on the floor with his legs outstretched, body leaning to the back with only his arms supporting him. His hair was in quite a mess, but he doesn’t seem to care. He sheepishly ruffled his hair and grabbed the green, translucent bottle with his right hand. He then took a big mouthful of the liquid. He finished the bottle of alcohol and let the green object dropped out of his hand. Ping. He then wiped his mouth dry with the same hand and heaved a deep sigh. He looked to his left and grabbed a new can of beer, and opened it with the flick of his thumb. He chucked down the liquid easily, as if he was drinking plain water. He finished the can of drink after a few moments, then crushed the metal single-handedly and threw it to the side. He burped rather loudly and blinked a few times, then looked around the apartment: the floor was basically covered in clusters of beer cans and bottles, be it the empty ones or the unopened ones. The strong stench of alcohol flooded the space, yet the brunette didn’t even seem to take notice of it. The sound of his breathing, occasional hiccups and the clinking noise of the metal cans and glass bottles were the only thing that could be heard in this dark apartment. The curtains had been closed for weeks, and the air was not fresh.

  The floor trembled when the smartphone not far away from Taehyung vibrated. Buzz. Buzz. The screen of the smartphone lit up faintly. Taehyung stretched out his arm and reached for the device. He grabbed the phone and saw a new notification. He unlocked the phone and saw a message from Jungkook, an underclassman in the same club as him back in his high school days. They somehow managed to stay in contact with one another even after graduation.

From: Jungkookie ♥♥♥

To: AlienTaehyung ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

Hyung,

     How have you been nowadays? I haven’t heard from you for quite a long while, and the rest of us have not seen you recently, too. You have been holed up in your place ever since that incident had happened, and we are all very worried. I mean, it’s perfectly normal to feel upset over this, but all of us didn’t want to see you suffer alone either. Would you please come out of your apartment and meet up with the rest of us? It’s better if you tell us how you feel now… I hope that you will get back to me as soon as possible. I miss you.

•19.12.20xx

  Taehyung read the message that he received a while ago from the younger. He appreciated the younger’s effort in sending him a message. However, even though he had read the message just a few moments ago, the younger’s words doesn’t seem to get inside his head. He looked upon the words with cold, lifeless eyes, then shut the phone down and threw the phone onto the couch about three feet away. The brunette felt a surge of bile right in his throat; he quickly grabbed another bottle of alcohol and ran towards the bathroom. He crotched down before the toilet and vomited out all the contents in his stomach. He vomited so hard he felt as if his stomach was about to eject all of his guts out. He choked on the sour and unpleasant after taste as he slowly lifted his head up from the toilet. He flushed away the vomit and washed his mouth, trying to get rid of the foul taste. However, no matter how many times he washed his mouth, the sour and disgusting flavor still lingered in his mouth. He groaned in annoyance as he took another swig from the bottle, not caring about the fact that the liquid had overflowed and was dripping down his chin. He walked out of the bathroom with the unfinished bottle of alcohol in his hand. He was so dunk that he was already swaying from side to side. The brunette had heard from many people around him that getting drunk is like an escape from reality if being sober is too painful. Taehyung was sure that he was deeply intoxicated, but the emptiness was biting away at him. He felt even more tired and hurt than when he was sober and fully aware of his surroundings. He began to see black and white spots in his vision as he began to rock forth and backwards. Then, after a few seconds, he dropped onto the carpeted floor and out.

*

*

*

*

  The brunette’s face wrinkled as he was beginning to wake up; it had been a while since he had a good night sleep. He stretched his arm and felt some weight on him. The male sat up and saw a white blanket on his thighs, and the apartment was unusually bright, too. It took the brunette a while to readjust to the brightness that he was once familiar with. He looked around the house and saw that it was no longer covered in trash; it looked way cleaner than before.

  Just then, a voice was heard from behind Taehyung.

  “Yo, seems like your living condition . I can’t believe how you have survived in this filthy place for a month. Jeez, take care of your hygiene, will you?” the voice reprimanded the brunette in a gentle tone.

  “Seokjin hyung…” Taehyung seemed shocked from the sudden appearance of the older. “By the way, how did you get in here?” the brunette eyed Seokjin suspiciously.

  “So much for cleaning up your house. And did you forgot? You gave me a spare key to your house.” The older said as he took out the spare key and waved it in the air for a few times.

  “Oh, I forgot about that. Anyways, why are you even here to begin with?” the brunette questioned the older.

  “Yah Kim Taehyung, is that the way to talk to your hyung?” Seokjin responded to the brunette’s offensive attitude.

  “J-just… Please answer me, will you?” Taehyung replied, he sounded as if he was pleading for an answer.

  “Hmph. I just decided to pay you a visit. Nothing more. Nothing less. Frankly speaking, I didn’t expect the place to be so thrashed though. So gross.” Seokjin answered the younger male as he decided to let the matter on the other’s attitude go.

  Seokjin decided to let the matter go, and spoke again, “Taehyung ah, go take a bath for now. I am going to make you a meal.”

  “W-what?” The younger stuttered.

  “Didn’t you hear me? Go take a bath, you stink, seriously. I am sure you haven’t eaten a proper meal for quite a long time, right?” Seokjin said as his eyebrows creased, as if he was showing displeasure to how Taehyung smelt. He shuffled towards the cramped kitchen and began to prepare for the ingredients in the plastic bag.

  “W-why..?” Taehyung whispered, so soft that Seokjin could hardly hear him.

  “What why? Shouldn’t you be glad that I took the effort to clean up your goddamn house?” Seokjin responded to the younger, even though his hand did not stop moving.

  “You don’t need to help me.”

  “But I already did.”

  “You can just leave now.”

  “Really? Is that how you are going to treat me?”

  “You don’t have to trouble yourself. Just leave me alone.”

  “Leave you alone? What the hell? Didn’t the rest of us leave you alone for long enough? Just how long are you going to stay in this state? It’s been a month, you can’t lock yourself up in here any longer.” Seokjin said sternly, his hand stopped moving, as he grew agitated.

  “I… I can’t… I really can’t. I still couldn’t forget him. I can still see him in front of me. I know it’s just a delusion, I know that he is just a fragment of my memory, my desire. I know that... But everything seems so vivid, as if it just happened yesterday…” Taehyung looked down at his feet, his voice trembling as his body shivered. “I still can’t move on…”

  Seokjin hesitated for a few while, but started talking again. “It’s fine. There is no need for you to forget about him. But you still need to move on. I know that it’s hard to take the first step, first times are always difficult. The rest of us are also sad that he is no longer with us. We are all in pain, so we understand how you currently feel. But we should not be caught up in our sorrow any longer, for that will make him unhappy. He may not exist in this world anymore, but he will forever live in our memory, our heart. Even if we lost one piece of Bangtan, we will still carry on his legacy and live. We will have fun, we will laugh, we will cry altogether. Most importantly, we will smile for his sake, for Hoseok’s sake.” Seokjin patted the younger’s head and tried to soothe the boy who was sobbing. “It’s hard, but let’s take the first step together, with the remaining Bangtan boys.”

  Taehyung kept his head low as the tears continued to trail down from the corner of his eyes. His right arm pressed on top of his eyes as he tried to stop the tears from flowing. His lips tightly sealed as he restrained himself from making any loud noises. The older male continued to pat the brunette’s back and stood beside him quietly. Even though he did not want to admit it, but Taehyung felt relieved with Seokjin’s presence. He was sick of being alone.

  “Okay, that’s enough crying. You should take a shower.” Seokjin said as he lifted his hand away from the younger male. “You seriously stink. Just how many days have you gone without washing up?” He complained and dragged the younger towards the bathroom. Before Taehyung could react, he was already pushed into the tiled room, “Hurry up and take a shower, I will cook a meal for you in the mean time.” The older male smiled warmly and walked back to the kitchen.

  Confused at the current situation, Taehyung just obeyed the older silently and took an enjoyable, soothing shower. After about half an hour, the brunette got out from the shower room with a white towel hanging over his head. He dried his hair lightly as he walked towards the dining room, in search of Seokjin.

  “Ah, you’re here.” Seokjin said as he placed a bowl of hot soup on the dining table, along with a few side dishes and a bowl of rice. “There’s still a lot of rice leftover, you can have seconds.” He said as he took out the apron tied to his waist. He then moved towards the sink and began to wash the utensils in the basin.

  “Aren’t you eating?” Taehyung asked.

  “It’s prepared for you. Plus I’m not hungry.”

  “But I can’t finish all of this.”

  “I will make sure that you are able to finish everything.” Seokjin stopped his task on hand and turned around to look at the younger boy, his half-lidded eyes and grin added tension to the air.

  “Y-yes, hyung-nim.” Taehyung stumbled upon his response while he picked up the chopstick that was placed neatly in front of the metal bowl of rice.

  “Good boy.” Seokjin gave the brunette a relatively sincere smile as he continued to wash the kitchen utensils.

  “Thanks for the food.” Taehyung whispered as he clapped his hands together. He began to eat the food that was present in front of him.

  Taehyung looked in front of him and perceived the empty seat that lacked its owner. The figure of his love still exists in his eyes. He can see the man’s smile and peculiar quirks displaying right before him. Taehyung knew that the man was long gone, but he couldn’t help but see the man’s figure even after his death. The brunette felt a lump in his throat, but tried his hardest to ignore it. He chewed on the rice bitterly; the seasoned side dishes were tasteless.

  “How many bites are you going to take for that one spoon of rice?” Seokjin finally broke the ice.

  “H-huh? Sorry.” Taehyung apologized and took another spoonful of rice. He kept stuffing down the food without stopping; he doesn’t felt particularly hungry, but he couldn’t stop.

  “Does it taste that bad?” Seokjin asked.

  “N-no? It taste nice. You’ve improved a lot, hyung.”

  “Then eat it with more bliss on your face.”

  “W-why?”

  “You looked really miserable while eating, it seems as if my cooking taste terrible.”

  “Did I?”

  “Well… You looked like you are trying to cover up the bad taste with your dull expression. At least eat it with a smile, make me feel satisfied, will you.” Seokjin whined.

  “You care so much about that? Hahahah… You are such a child, Seokjin hyung.” Taehyung chuckled lightly.

  “Like you have any rights to say that about me, punk.” Seokjin laughed, but settled down after a bit, “I’m glad.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s been a while since you smiled.”

  “O-oh.” Taehyung sighed. “It’s hard to even pretend to be joyful, you know.” He then smiled bitterly to himself.

  “I understand. But stop sighing, it’ll chase all the happiness away.” Seokjin comforted the younger. “By the way, a smile suits you the best.”

  “Thanks a bunch, hyung.”

  “No problem. It’s my responsibility as the oldest amongst the group after all.”

  After a few more while, Taehyung had finished his meal and also washed the dishes. He decided to laze around the living room and thus lay on the couch. Just as he was about to wander off to dreamland, Seokjin’s voice brought Taehyung back on full attention. “Yah Kim Taehyung, get up. We are going out.”

  “Aish, why~?” The brunette complained as he lay back down again, “I want to get some rest.”

  “You can rest after you are done with the trip. Get your off the couch.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Hoseok’s grave.”

  Taehyung’s heart sank when he heard his lover’s name. “I will pass.”

  “No you won’t.” Seokjin said as he sat down on the couch where the younger male is.

  “…” Taehyung kept his silence as he turned his back to Seokjin.

  “Ever since Hoseok’s funeral, you’ve been holed up in this place. So, I figure that it would be a good time to pay him a respect.” Seokjin said as he sank his head on the couch.

  “I…” Taehyung’s words trailed off as he found no words to answer to the older.

  “Well, you still have to go no matter what.” Seokjin spoke as he got up from the couch. “It wouldn’t be appropriate if his lover did not even go to his grave, while his family and the rest of the squad already did.”

  Taehyung hesitated for a few moments, but finally sat up.

  “Good boy. You should wear some pants before you go out, though.”

  “A-ah, sorry hyung.” Taehyung stuttered and went to change into appropriate attire before he exited the apartment with Seokjin.

•

  The two stepped onto the streets of Seoul in the cold December.

  “My, it’s colder than yesterday.” Seokjin shivered, hands tugged deep into the pockets of his coat. The black muffler covered the skin around his neck and the lower portion of his face completely.

  The two were wrapped up from head to toe, but the cold wind sent shivers down their spine. The mufflers and gloves weren’t enough to block off the chilling cold. There were rarely anyone on the streets, and the sun is about to set in a few more hours’ time.

  “Umm… Seokjin hyung, that’s not the correct direction.” Taehyung spoke.

  “We will get him some flowers before we make our way down to his resting place. It’s rude to visit a person empty-handed.” Seokjin smiled and quickened his pace, leaving the younger one to catch up with him.

  The two men finally reached a flower shop after a few minutes of consistent walking. The place was rather old and small sized, but the atmosphere that radiated from within the place felt cozy and pleasant. Seokjin pushed the door opened and stepped into the shop, while Taehyung follow suit.

  “There are many other places that sells flowers, why choose here?” the younger couldn’t help but ask.

  Seokjin turned around and looked at the younger with a sad smile, “This is the place where Hoseok always come to. He only buys the flowers from here.”

  “O-oh.” Taehyung replied as he felt an unwanted burden on his shoulder.

  “Well, let’s buy some flowers, shall we?” The older man asked as he gave a heartwarming smile to the younger man.

  “Sure.” Taehyung replied. Even though he really didn’t want to admit, he felt much better, now that he was out of the apartment in which he once shared with Hoseok. He choked back the tears that were about to fall, and grinned back at the older.

*

  After they bought a bouquet of flowers, they headed out into the cold again.

  “It’s so cold.” Taehyung mumbled unconsciously. He rubbed his cold hands together and blew on it.

  “It’s winter after all.” The older male commented. “What a inconvenient weather.”

  “Yeah.” The brunette answered.

  The two continued to walk down the streets as a peaceful silence took over; it’s too cold to even strike up a conversation.

  Taehyung stopped right in his tracks when he arrived in front of a store. “Hyung, let’s drink something. Can we?” He requested, looking at the café he used to frequent back when Hoseok was still alive.

  “Sure.” Seokjin said and walked into the café along with Taehyung.

  Taehyung arrived to the front of the counter and ordered, “I would like a Iced Vanilla Latte and Honey Vanilla Macchiato. Takeaway please.”

  He turned around and looked at the older boy and inquired, “Hyung, what do you want to drink?”

  “Orange Honeycomb Crunch please.”

  Taehyung then turned back to the cashier and ordered the drink that Seokjin wanted. After he paid for the drinks, the two left the café and continued their journey towards Hoseok’s resting place.

  “Taehyung ah.” Seokjin called out.

  “Yes?”

  “Why did you buy 2 cups of drinks? Are you thirsty?”

  “Urm… One is for Hoseok hyung.” The brunette replied in a soft voice and smiled bitterly.

  “I see. Well, let’s hurry. We don’t want the sun go set on us.” Seokjin gave a reassuring smile and quickened his pace once again.

  Taehyung smiled to himself faintly, “Yes hyung.” And obliged to the elder’s words.

  The two male walked up the slope without stopping and eventually made it to the cemetery. They walked to where Hoseok was at and placed the bouquet of flowers down, right beside his grave. Seokjin knelt down and clasped his hands together, praying for the lover of Taehyung. He then stood up after a few minutes and stepped aside for Taehyung.

  The younger just knelt down in front of Hoseok’s grave and closed his eyes; his arms were placed on top of his thighs. He whispered apologies and tears could be seen flowing down his cheeks. After what seems like an hour, Taehyung finally stood up, wiping his tears away. He then placed the cup of Honey Vanilla Macchiato right on the grave and mumbled something incoherent. He turned around and smiled at Seokjin, signaling that he was ready to go back to town. They picked up their belongings and left the quiet and eerie cemetery. Taehyung looked up at the orange sky and smiled, “Seokjin hyung, I felt much better now, to be honest.”

  “Glad to hear that. Now that we are heading back to our own houses, mind accompanying me to the bus stop?” Seokjin asked the younger brunette.

  “Of course.” The brunette nodded and walked the older male down to the bus stop that was about 5 minutes away.

  Taehyung dropped Seokjin off at the bus stop and was about to walk back to his apartment, only to be stopped by Seokjin once again.

  “Oh wait, I forgot something.” The older said, he then pulled out a small box from his coat, and handed it to the younger male.

  “W-what’s this?”

  “Hoseok wanted me to give this to you.” Seokjin replied to the younger boy. “Well, I am supposed to give this to you on your birthday, but hey. It’s just a week earlier than that, hope you don’t mind a early birthday gift.”

  “Thanks a lot, hyung.” Taehyung thanked the older male for entrusting the box to him.

  “Welcome, be careful on your way home. Okay?”

  “Of course.” Taehyung said and bowed politely at the older. He then turned around and left.

  For some reason, Seokjin felt a wave of uneasiness washed over him. He felt anxiety bubbling from within him, but he didn’t acknowledge it. He just watched the younger’s back get smaller and smaller, until he could no longer be seen.

•

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••

•

•

  Taehyung walked down the cold streets of Seoul in the night, with the small box that was supposedly from his dead lover held tightly in his hands. He decided that he would open it when he reached home, but his curiosity is killing him. He opened the box with caution, and saw a small note attached on the inside. Taehyung picked up the paper and read it with all due concentration.

To: My dear Taehyung

Happy Birthday, my adorable alien. It’s your 26th birthday. Well, I am still too poor to afford a real deal. But please give me time, I will get you one soon. Will you marry me?

Love, Jung Hoseok ♥

  Upon seeing the words, Taehyung’s tears flowed down his face unwillingly. He tried to wipe away the tears, but it doesn’t seem to stop at all. He searched through the tiny box to see if there were anything left, and saw a plastic toy ring. He took it up with much gentleness so that he would not damage the object. It was the last thing he would have received from his love. Suddenly, he felt a strong pushing force from behind him. “HEY! DON’T BLOCK MY PATH, !” The toy ring in his hand was sent flying to the road. It felt like an eternity when the brunette watched the object suspend in the air and then dropped onto the asphalts. Before Taehyung could react, a car drove by in fast speed, crushing the toy ring into million pieces. The brunette’s heart shattered along with the plastic ring. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok. Hoseok.

  HOSEOK.

  The name of his dead lover flooded his mind. The tears and pain that he was trying so hard to suppress were released. Taehyung ran onto the road without a single care, and knelt down beside the crushed ring. He brunette was devastated; the last thing that he received from Hoseok was gone right in front of his eyes. He tried picking up all the pieces from the road, not caring about the questioning gazes of the onlookers. He only cared about the plastic toy ring. A gift that was broken. The shards of the ring pierced the male’s heart. It jabbed into the brunette’s heart with strong forces. Taehyung tried to contain himself and keep his own self as composed as possible while he tried to pick up all of the pieces.

  Suddenly, a blinding light shone from the right side of Taehyung. He looked towards the source of the light, and saw a blurred silhouette of a truck. His vision was blurred from all the tears at the corner of his eyes. The next moment, Taehyung was sent flying. The moment of hovering in the air felt like perpetuity for him. With no exception, Taehyung abide by the definite rules of gravity and fell onto the ground with a loud thud. The sharp and strong shot of intense pain lasted for only a moment, and he could see black and white spots in his vision. The headlight of the truck was flickering in his eyes, Taehyung wasn’t sure if the light was damaged, or that his consciousness was leaving him. What comes after the blinding light was an everlasting darkness.

  The crimson liquid that flowed from Taehyung’s body seeped into the cracks of the asphalts and was never seen again.