Jung Hoseok's P.O.V:

Background music: Hiroyuki Sawano - Eye Water, Owl City - Vanilla Twilight

  The warm sunlight breaks into my cramped bedroom through the windows, and lit up the dark room by a little bit. The temperature of the room had dropped considerably, and it sent a shiver down my spine. I kicked away the wrinkled bed sheets that were tangled around my legs, and pushed myself up to a sitting position. I ruffled my hair roughly and looked out of the window: the whole city of Seoul was already covered with thick, pale snow. Ah, it seems like it snowed the previous night. I thought to myself and stood up from my king-size bed. I proceeded to the bathroom and took a quick shower; I have no one to meet afterwards, yet I still took a longer shower than usual. The clear liquid hit on my back, washing away all the dirt that has accumulated. As gross as it may sound, but it had been a while since I have took a bath properly. I turned off the shower and walked out of the shower area. I headed to the basin and quickly brushed my teeth, then looked up at the mirror that was placed above the basin. I looked at my reflection on the mirror, and it looked right back at me too. The way it mimicked every action of mine with that bored expression made my heart felt empty; as if my energy had been drained away as each second passed by. I lifted my hands and touched my dull lips, then shifted to my cheeks that were deprived of its previous glow. I looked much more miserable today. “It’s no good to continue on like this. I should smile more. I am J-hope after all~” I gave myself a pep talk and lifted the corner of my lips with my fingers. I still looked tired, but that’s better than nothing. It really has been a while since I last smiled. I stepped out of my bathroom and searched my closet for something decent to wear. I feel that I cannot continue to be in this terrible state, and decided to go out. Even though it’s a stupid idea to go out in the current weather, I really need to put down this weight in my heart.

   I put on a black sweater and a pair of tight black jeans, then grabbed my winter coat and exited the house. The cold wind hits my face like needles; it’s really cold out here. I decided to have a walk around this familiar town, so that I can get some fresh air. It’s suffocating to be breathing the air of a house that I have retreated myself in for days, or weeks, I couldn’t remember. For who knows how long, I continued to walk until I reached a café that I always go to. I pushed open the glass door and walked into the café. I stood in front of the counter and ordered a cup of beverage. Well, that’s what I have planned for initially. “May I have a Honey Vanilla Macchiato?” I hesitated for a moment before I spoke again, “… And Iced Vanilla Latte. Sorry. ” I waited for a few moments, then took the two cups of beverages and left the café.

  I sipped on the Macchiato that I just bought, and felt a little relax. I didn’t expect that a walk in the neighborhood would have made me feel better. I unconsciously walked down the streets and arrived at a lighthouse. The sea breeze caressed my cheeks gently, and the salty smell calmed down my nerves. I sat down on the steps that led to the lighthouse, and placed the cup of Iced Vanilla Latte by my side. I gulped down the last mouthful of the Macchiato, and looked at the sky. It was a shade of light blue with a few streaks of orange in the clouds.  I took a deep breath and look up at my airy white sighs and the clear sky; it has really been a while since I came out. I looked down at the cup of the already watered down Iced Vanilla Latte. I smiled a little as I remembered the moments in which I would always reprimand Taehyung for drinking cold beverages in bone-chilling weather. He would always respond to me with his signature box-smile, and tell me that he likes the taste of the sweet Latte. Not that I could stop him from drinking whatever he craved for, but I was just worried about him. Who would want their other half to get sick anyways? Not me, for sure. I wasn’t very used to the silence, but it sure feels good to be in peace for a while. No noise, no nothing. It doesn’t feels that bad, frankly speaking. But when I looked down at my hand, I can always feel a blanket of blues covering me from head to toe; because the spaces between my fingers are right where Taehyung’s fit perfectly. I felt wretched, since Taehyung isn’t here with me. I missed his smiles, his touch, his kiss, and his hugs. I missed his everything.

  I felt so alone without him near me. But whenever I closed my eyes, he would always appear before me. His awkward box-smile, his adorable perks and quirks, his cheesy jokes would just come to my mind. Those stupid jokes made me cringed every time I heard them from his lips, but I still couldn’t help but smile along with him too. Every time I think about him, I wouldn’t feel so alone. I looked at the edge of the dock, where I had always stood by him. We were holding hands, smiling and chatting with each other so happily, that we forget that we weren’t the only ones in the world at that very moment. I can still see it; I can still see the reflections of us in the water below us when we looked at it. I snapped back to reality and blinked away the tears that were beginning to form at the corner of my eyes. I stood up and looked at the dock for the one last time, and left the place without the watered-down Iced Vanilla Latte.

  The streets were basked in the golden rays of the evening sun, and the Christmas decorations were all beginning to light up. I continued to walk back to my residence as I ignored those decorative lights. If he were still here, we would be laughing at the ridiculous lights and signboards that different shops were advertising their Christmas offers. I sighed deeply, but didn’t stop walking. I finally arrived at the porch steps of my house. Just when I was about to open the door, I saw an envelope at the entrance that was addressed to me, even though the sender’s name was stated. I picked it up. The envelope is full of flowery petals, with gold accents and pink details all over it. I opened the envelope gently, and saw a piece of paper on the inside. I opened the paper carefully, and saw a beautiful sunflower that was placed on the letter. I began to read the contents:

//To: Jung Hoseok

  Sup, my dear, dear Hoseok. Though this is written at least a month before the scheduled time, but this letter will arrive at your wonderful door step on Christmas~ Man, I am determined to write a letter to you for this special occasion you know. I really have no idea what to write. I am still going to write something for you though. Hahaha, sorry for all the nonsense I have written here, hyung. You know, I am really surprised that we had been together for so, so long. We have been together for 9 years~ Just a year before our relationship reaches a decade. Jesus, I really wondered how long we are going to be with one another, to be honest with you.

  Do you remember the first Christmas we spent together as lovers? Well we weren’t really lovers that time, but hey. It was soooooooo stupid~ I still remember my heartbeat was going crazy when I tried to ask you out that fateful day. I remember the moment when I tripped over air and landed on top of you, which resulted in an accidental kiss. Ah… Memories. My heart was about to be ripped out at that moment; I was so happy and nervous that I could die! I didn’t expect you to accept my love, but you did, and I was really, really glad.

  I know that we are still in love with one another, but deep down in my heart, I am still really afraid that you will leave me for another person; someone way better than me. Someone who is sensible, mature, not a wrecked human being; like me. The thought of you not being with me scares me deeply. However, knowing that we have already known each other for more than a decade, I believe you wouldn’t leave me for someone else, at least not now. Even if you did leave me in the end, just remember that I will never blame you, and that I will always love you.

  You are probably killing me in your head now, and telling me that you will never leave me, not in a million years. I hope so! But let me tell you one thing: I will never leave you (unless you want me to), because I love you very much, and I mean what I say. I don’t mind staying with you for eternity, that’s just how much I love you. We don’t have to be a very affectionate and lovey-dovey couple, but I just want the two of us to embrace each other, understand one another. I am fine with arguments, but I don’t want those to end up as “cold war” between the two of us. I am looking forward to our wedding on Christmas already! I can’t wait, for sure!

  I am really glad to have met you, Hobi hyung. Your smiles are like the sun, so bright and warm, it washes away all of my worries and blues. Thank you for existing, Jung Hoseok. I love you, and you will always be my hope.

Love, your adorable Taehyungieee♥♥♥

11^th July 20xx\\

    I finished reading the contents, and saw a candid photo of Taehyung and I fooling around on our 6^th anniversary. My face looked terrible; I looked like a horse going crazy. But I was smiling so happily. Something I could not afford to do now. My hands reached up to my face to sweep away my fringe, and felt clear liquid trailing down my cheeks. Why am I crying? I thought to myself and quickly wiped away my tears. Man, I must have missed him so much to actually cry… Hahaha… My manly pride…

  Suddenly, a strong wind came by, and the letter flew away with the wind. The sunflower that had already dried broke into pieces and were scattered all over the place. I looked up at the letters and tried to grab it back, but it was already too far-gone. As I lifted my head, I saw the beautiful sunset. It was way different from the ones I had seen. It was beyond beautiful. Since Taehyung’s departure from the world, I had been too caught up in my own sorrow to notice the wonderful things all around me. The sunset I had seen was probably just like the normal swirls of yellows and warm orange that colored the sky. I have taken my life for granted. I will never know when I will lose my precious things again, or worst, I might be dead before I know it. The evening sun seemed brighter than it usually was, in contrast to my mood in the past few months. I looked at the sky and saw Taehyung; it was probably just a delusion that my mind created from missing him too much. However, he was smiling at me with that box-smile of his. At that moment, I swore I heard his voice. He spoke to me very gently; a whisper that was so soft I almost could not hear it. “Time to let go, Hoseok. Find your own happiness and forget me.”

  My tears fell from the corner of my eyes again. This time, I did not bother to wipe away the tears; I just closed my eyes and smiled. I whispered to myself softly, “Taehyung is right. Time to let go, Hoseok-ah.”

•“My eyes watered as you fade away into the horizon.”•