-Did you guys watch SPEED’s MV Sad Promises and It’s Over drama ver.? This chapter is basically base on the scene over that period of time. It’s a demonstration called Gwangju uprising where students and citizens protested against the government’s General dictatorship. I’m not so familiar with this so my story isn't 100% based on facts of the event. It’s just a mere love story I imagined occurring during the occasion.

Happy reading!

Caution: long chapter ahead.

ONE.

6th April 1980

Jiyeon’s POV

“Mom… can I not go to school today?”

“Why Jiyeon? You’re not feeling well?”

“No- it’s not that.”

“You have to attend school dear. Education is not something we can take easily. It decides your future life, your happiness. Now go, and please be careful.”

She stressed the last word, and I just nodded once. I stood up and forced my weak feet to proceed. My hands trembled as I grabbed my school bag. I gulped a few times thinking how scary it could be out there. I turned around and looked at my mom for the last time before taking a light step outside our small wooden house. Her motherly smile gave me strength, but it’s not strong enough to erase all the anxiety within me. I bowed down my head, didn’t dare to look up just in case I saw something I wouldn’t want to. It’s spring, but it doesn’t seem like it to me. As much as I wanted to stare up at the cherry blossom is as much as I’m scared that uniformed men might appear from behind the trees.

I frowned every time I hear harsh voices coming from the alley, on the road, and in the buildings. Seeing how the cruel uniformed men roared dragging some helpless people wasn’t something new, but what if someday, they dragged my mom like that? I keep frowning to hear someone cried by the roadside, kneeling and begging to the big man in front of her. My heart couldn’t take it. My steps halted.

“Why are you doing this to us?! What did we ever do wrong? Please tell me where’s my son! Where did you take him?!” The old lady asked, crying.

“I don’t know!” The uniformed man jolted the old lady, “Just go and live your life!”

“I beg you! Where’s my son?!” The old lady cried again, yelling while hugging the man’s knee.

“Go away you wrench!” He kicked to helpless old lady without mercy.

“Please…” The word unknowingly slipped out my tongue. I couldn’t bear it watching how they cruelly torture anyone as they like.

I saw the man looked at me, scowling, “You over there. What are you saying?”

“Please- don’t hurt her…” I muttered.

“Do you wanna go to school with bruised all over your face huh?! Leave!”

He swung the brown stick on his hand in front of my face. I’m scared. I’m not a brave girl. I’m just an introvert who wouldn’t dare to talk to anyone. I can’t even look straight in someone’s eyes. I laid my eyes onto the old woman, giving her a second of apologetic gaze before rushing away to school. I entered the school gate alongside some other students. None of us here talked. I can only feel a fearful aura around. Why does life is this hard? With my head hung low, I paced into the small classroom. Half of the room is filled with students, but not even a voice is heard.

I sat down at my desk at the most front next to the window. I took out a black old book from inside the desk and slowly flipped through the pages until I reached a blank page. I have so much worries within me, but I wasn’t able to talk it out to anyone as I got no friends, and I don’t even dare to find one. So I wrote everything in here, where I poured all of my concerns, my worries, and at the upmost is my fears. When I was about to write, I heard whispers behind me.

“Minho was dragged away by the soldiers yesterday.” Someone said.

“I heard he got beaten until her completely worn out.” Another one whispered.

My body shivered to hear that. Day by day, we lost one by one of our classmates. I’m scared, I’m scared that I would be the next one missing. My heart felt so stuffy to think of the possibilities. If I knew beforehand this is how cruel the world could be, I would choose not be born. There’s too much pains. I saw my father was taken away, and I wouldn’t want to experience it again.

-6th April 1980-

            Last night, I heard gunshots in my neighborhood. I couldn’t sleep, thinking that a big tough uniformed man might barge in and take us away. I couldn’t sleep until morning strike. I’m so tired, weak, and sleepy. But the fears took over. I’m scared. I didn’t want to come to school. But I couldn’t bear declining my mom. The painful screams, the rough shrieks, everything was filling the air that early in the morning. I don’t want to hear that. I’m sick of those!

On my way, I saw an old woman begged a heartless soldier to return his son back. I was wondering, that son of hers, could it be it’s someone I know? She cried, she kneeled down, but the soldier simply kicked her away. My heart is aching to see we’re simply prisoned in our own nation, under our own government. This is our homeland, but we’re stepped all over by the armed soldiers that are supposed to protect us. Where is humanity? I hate seeing it, but what can I do? I can’t even take care of myself.

            The soldier threatened me with his long thick stick. I’m scared. I could see his stern gaze, and I didn’t think he’s joking. I didn’t want to get beaten. Just by seeing others were hurt, it’s already pained me, if I received it myself, it must be extremely painful right? I heard one of my classmate was taken away yesterday. They beat him up. I’m scared thinking what they might have done to him. What if tomorrow when I come to school, another one is taken away too? It makes me think that they ain’t stop until we are all taken.

I might have safely arrived at school this morning, but will I be able to go back home safely too? What if mom waits for me to come back so we can eat dinner together, but she ends up waiting until forever because I’m no longer exist? What if when I come back home today, mom is nowhere to be seen? I’m scared of all the possibilities. I’m scared of living.

It’s lunch time, but I don’t have anything to eat. It’s not that I’m hungry anyway. The students flocked to the canteen. I just came back from the restroom and decided to revise some subjects during this free time. As I entered my classroom, my eyes wanders around to notice all the seat are empty, except for one. My own seat, is occupied by a boy resting his head onto the desk. Why does he’s at my desk? Is he sleeping? I slowly approached, afraid that my steps would wake him up. I stopped next to him, I wanted to talk, but nothing came out my lips. I grabbed my skirts, anxious. Why of all seats, he chose mine?

“Ex- excuse me.” I whispered.

I saw him slowly moving before he lifted up his head from the desk, “This is your place? I’m sorry. You may sit now.” He said standing up from my chair.

Not saying anything, I sat on the chair, but he’s still standing next to me. I looked up and saw him grinning. I quickly looked away, flustered when I caught his eyes. Ignoring him, I took out my textbooks to revise, and that’s when he finally left. I don’t think he’s my classmate. I never seen him before. But what is he doing in my class, at my place. Weird. But the glints in his eyes… it’s so warm.

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            As I left the gate, I secretly glanced around to see other students are all waiting in a group, or at least in pair. But here I am, all alone. There’s a group of soldiers strolling along the road near school, and their nasty smirks are giving me chills. Some of them even stood next to the school bus, watching as each students ride on. I know I’m not the only one scared of them, I know the other students did too, but at least they’re not alone, unlike me. I dropped my face down when I saw one of the armed uniformed man approached me from a far. I wanted to run, but my feet won’t budge as if they were glued onto the ground.

“Girl student over there!”

I heard him shouted. I shut my eyelids tight, my heart is pounding hard as if it’d explode. I know he’s getting closer. I heard his thick boots hit the ground step by step. I clenched my fists, I’m really scared right now. What will happen to me? I didn’t dare to open my eyes. I’m too scared to move even an inch. Out of the blue, I could feel a grip on my wrist before my body is dragged away. My legs are getting weak as I ran following the where he’s taking me. When we finally stopped, I slowly opened my eyes as I could feel tears are forming.

“You’re crying?” The voice asked.

My vision is somehow blurred with the tears, but I noticed that the guy who’s dragging me isn’t wearing that soldier’s uniform, instead it’s our school uniform. His grip on my wrist hasn’t loosen up. I didn’t know how to response, but I’m really grateful it wasn’t one of the soldiers taking me away.

“Are you crying because I touched you?” He asked before swiftly releasing his grip from my wrist.

“N-no.” I shook my head and struggled to wipe away the tears that kept coming down.

“Here, use this.” He handed me blue striped handkerchief, but I couldn’t take it.

I’m not used with stranger helping me. Though everyone is like a stranger to me. I’m grateful enough he helped me escaping the soldier. I wanted to leave, but I haven’t thanked him properly yet. But then, I flinched when his palm landed on my wet cheek while the other is wiping my tears with the hankie. Now I can clearly see, but I’m too shy to look up.

“You’re even more beautiful up-close like this.” He muttered.

“Pa—pardon?” I shuddered.

“Why don’t you look up and show me your beautiful eyes?” He said again, and I could feel the warmness as his voice entered my ears.

“Jiyeon-ah, nice to know you. I’m Sehun, from the other class.” He spoke again, and I startled when he said my name.

He knows my name? I braced myself before slowly lifting up my head to see him, and I gasped to see he’s the guy that slept at my desk before. My cheeks felt exceptionally hot when I saw his sweet smile, and I’m pretty sure I’m blushing when my eyes met his. I’ve never been this close with anyone else except for mom. I quickly evaded his gaze, but I felt another grip on my wrist.

“Let’s go, I’ll walk you home.”

I walked passing by every alleys with him walking next to me. It’s very awkward, and I’m shy too. He didn’t talk, but every time I glanced at him, I noticed his lips always curled a smile. How could he be this laid-back when we’re practically in a living hell? Didn’t he worry about the future of his family, or even his own future? However, looking at that smile, my heart is simply fluttering. There are so many curiosity, but I don’t know where I should begin. I never started any conversation with anyone, anyone at all.

“Something is bothering you?” He asked but his eyes are fixed to the front, and he’s still smiling like before.

“-Why do you keep smiling?” I muttered.

“I’m happy because I’m with you.” He answered, and I could feel my cheeks turning hot.

“How do you know me?” I muttered again.

“I’ve been watching you. You’re so cute, but you don’t know right? Since you always walked with your head hung low.” His step stopped, and I instinctively did the same. He grinned before he mumbled something, “However, I’d love to hear your voice clearer. You should stop whispering and start talking.”

“I- I did talk. I’m not whispering.” I mumbled.

“See, you just did. You know why I was sleeping at your desk? I wanted to try experiencing things from your point of view. I’m curious what kind of person are you?”

“Nothing special about me.”

“I thought so too. But I always feel like protecting you every time I saw you. Oh, I read your concern too.” He grinned again.

“Y—you did?” I stuttered.

“Hm yes. In today’s entry, you wrote ‘I’m scared’ five times.” He displayed his palm in front of my face, indicating number five.

“You shouldn’t read someone else’s privacy, you know.” I mumbled.

“I’m sorry, but Jiyeon, from now on I promise you I’ll protect you from everything you feared. I’ll walk you to school every morning, and walk you home every evening. I’ll make sure that none