"Later" as described by the dictionary was some eventual time in the future. Later was not a word Hayi quite liked because it wasn't as specific, it wasn't as reassuring, it wasn't a nice word she liked to hear coming from anyone's mouth, most especially from Kim Hanbin's. 

The noise from outside was like thunder pouring down instead of water and Hayi can't feel herself think, all she can feel was the warmth of the cup of coffee pressed between her palms and nothing more than that. She can barely even feel herself worrying. 

Her eyelids flutter to a close because sleep seems like a luxury for her these days, not when she's worrying over the goodness and health of her only living friend. A hundred calls, a thousand text, a million thoughts running in her mind every single day for the past week - and nothing.

Her screen never lit up to show a familiar name she longs to hear from. The thought only makes her feel worse, and she drinks the rest of the contents of the mug both in worry and guilt because she knows she should've followed him whether he, or she, liked it or not because one of them had already slipped away from her, and she can't let the other do the same. 

For all Hayi knows, Hanbin could be somewhere out there on the rooftop of a building maybe his father's hospital if he's really that dumb enough, teetering on the sole of his shoes between life and death - questioning the purpose of his existance as he pauses for time to think before he jumps. 

Hayi shuts her eyes and she's not drowsy now. She can't be thinking about that. Sometimes she thinks about weird stuff but she can't be thinking about that. Hayi must not think about that, especially about the part where Hanbin is lost between purpose and anger and the part where he's doing it on his own father's hospital, where her one and only breathed his last breath- Hayi is still sane, and she will not think about that.

She's putting on her coat and zipping up her boats and she's taking a polka-dotted umbrella with her as she opens the door, but then a flash of lightning far ahead makes her stop and the roar of the thunder makes her skin crawl and tears spring out from her ears as she lets out a cry. 

She closes the door shut and drops on all fours before pressing her back against the door and hugging her knees close to her chest as the tears spill out like that day she found out she couldn't see Jiwon anymore for the rest of her life. 

Her eyes stay close and tears continue to shower and stain her cheeks and the thunder doesn't stop. It doesn't stop. It keeps roaring, keeps scaring her and there's nobody at home to make her feel at ease. 

It's later when she realizes she isn't by the front door but back at the living room and it's getting harder fro her to breathe and she drags herself up and throws herself on the couch and that's when the thunder splits her ears and she's crying again and again and again because she's scared and alone and if it weren't for the rain, her cry would be louder than sirens wailing at night.

Hayi reaches out for anyone to help her - she tries to move but she's too caught up in fright and trauma that all she can do is lift her hands up above her head and pray for the storm to pass. In her mind she calls out for her dad, her mom, for Hanbin, for her grandmother - she even calls out for Kim Jiwon, and the image of his face in her head makes the silver circle around her ring finger feel colder than it should.

That's the moment she realizes she might never get to move on. 

x

Hanbin takes himself back to ten days ago when he was fighting with his father and it only ended because he was foolish enough to punch the drywall, earning him a few scratches and splinters that his dad ultimately had to tend to, but before that happened he had never raised his voice to his parents ever before and he had never felt such anger rush through his veins as if it were part of him.

It happened in the living room and his mother wasn't at home. Hanbin was cursing and it only made his dad more angry at him than he should've had. Hanbin knew better than to test his father's patience. 

"You handle it like a man, Kim Hanbin. You don't go slouching and blaming people for the loss of your friend -"

"You don't ing get it, dad! You never ing get it because you don't know about Jiwon and I! Including Hayi, for that matter!" he had brought her into the fight without meaning too. Then again, he told himself he won't mention Jiwon's name too. But if love can blind people, surely anger can too. "You think this is just some guy and some girl who I know and hang out with and spend time with but it's just - they're not - "

"Stop cursing and go back to your room and reflect on your actions and words, young man." his father barked at him, and he winced because Hanbin has never been scolded. Hanbin was the good boy all parents would love to have. He wasn't a cursing mess with half a heart. "You will never raise your voice at me again, do you hear?!"

"You were supposed to save him!" at the top of his lungs, the words came out from him like a cry. He could feel himself panting, feel his fists curl at his sides. "You were going to save him! You promised me! Why the hell didn't you? The happened in that room?! You were going to SAVE my best friend, dad! Why did you let him die!"

"Hanbin! I didn't let him die, we did all we could but sometimes -"

"What?!" his voice cut his father off like a chainsaw. His eyes were wide and blood rushed to his head, blinding him further. Reality was as murky as the water in a swamp, and Hanbin wasn't eager to dive into it. "Sometimes what?! Sometimes WHAT?!"

"Hanbin, you calm down or else -"

A loud scream, a louder curse, a blinding pain, and then numbness. Hanbin had punched the wall then but it didn't bring Jiwon back. 

Days later, he slowly accepts that nothing will bring Jiwon back. 

Not even if he killed himself and begged whoever is keeping Jiwon up there.