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The biggest mistake Zhang Yixing ever made was to fall in love with Kim Minseok.

Minseok snorts at this when Yixing tells him, their bodies pressed alongside one another on the patient’s bed in Yixing’s medical tent. The metal frame supporting the flimsy mattress creaks and shudders as Minseok changes position and turns on his side, propping himself up on his elbow so as to face Yixing more comfortably, eyes gazing into the other’s with a fierce yet quiet passion. His voice carries a hint of amusement as he speaks in that hushed tone of his. “It’s a bit too late for that now, isn’t it?”

Yixing hums noncommittally, eyelashes fluttering shut as a sigh of content escapes his mouth when Minseok brushes his bangs back, running a gentle hand through the army physician’s hair. “Mmm that feels nice.”

Minseok raises a suggestive eyebrow. “You know what else would feel nice?”

The Chinese swats at his arm, a light pink dusting his cheeks. “You’ve been spending too much time with Luhan.”

“Jealous?” Minseok leans down, mischievous mirth dancing in his eyes as his hot breath fans across Yixing’s sensitive neck and makes the younger squirm

“I don’t understand how your soldiers could possibly believe you’re a strict and cold hearted lieutenant when you clearly possess the maturity of a ten year old,” Yixing huffs, shoving at the elder. “Return to your training session at once. This bed is for the injured and brave, not some cheeky military official neglecting his duties.”

A small ‘oomph’ slips past Minseok’s lips as he finally tumbles over the edge of the bed from Yixing’s pushing, landing on the ground with a soft thump. “I’m bound to be injured now. Would Dr. Zhang be ever so kind to tend to my wounds?”

“Dr. Zhang will do no such thing,” Yixing comments lightly as he gets off the bed as well and helps Minseok back up, enjoying the feeling of the lieutenant’s calloused fingers running along his own. “Go and be the terrifying Lieutenant Kim everyone here knows you to be. I have my own work to do.”

Minseok purses his lips but doesn’t protest. His face slips back into the usual blank expression, the one that Yixing often sees when studying the other from afar in public. A mask of cold indifference to match the frosty bite of his commands. The Korean gently cups the nape of Yixing’s neck, pressing one last kiss into the crown of his head before lifting the flap of the medical tent to leave.

“Minseok,” Yixing calls. The latter stops in his tracks and looks back, his face giving away nothing but a flare of curiosity shining in his eyes. The Chinese smiles.

“You were my biggest mistake, but by no means will you ever be any regret.”

How cruel a joke fate would soon play on them.

The sun is unforgiving as Dr. Zhang Yixing steps out of the Jeep, shielding his eyes from the bright glare beating down on him. When Yifan told him that the main military base would be located somewhere with a mildly humid climate, Yixing was not expecting a top secret location requiring a blindfold for over half the car ride with temperatures hotter than Satan’s crack. It has only been moments since he stepped out of the car’s blessed air conditioning and sweat is already gathering on his forehead, clumping his hair together in damp strands.

He thanks the soldier handing over the trunk containing his belongings and medical supplies, taking a brief moment to squint at the ranking stitched on the arm of the man’s uniform. Two stripes. A corporal, if what little Yixing could recall on military rankings is correct.

The bleak cement walls inside the base do nothing to soothe Yixing’s skittering heart as he follows the same corporal down a rather dreary corridor, trunk and other possessions relocated to his quarters, which he has yet to see. General Yifan wanted to see him upon arrival, the corporal informs him.

General Yifan.

It’s been years since Yixing has seen his childhood friend and suddenly the boy with angry eyebrows has become the commander of China’s entire army. They loosely kept in touch, writing to one another when time permitted, but Yixing has been pursuing his medical career, and Yifan his military career, and contact became scarce.

To say Yixing was surprised upon receiving a letter from General Commander Wu Yifan of their country’s army offering him a job as an army physician is an understatement.

Two glossy oak doors swing open, blowing a soft breeze onto Yixing as he steps into an unnecessarily extravagant room. A tall man stands at the other end, arms crossed and expression troubled as he gazes out the nearby window. At the sound of someone entering he turns around, eyes as sharp as the rest of his facial features. The corporal escorting Yixing immediately salutes, posture rigid and full of nothing but respect.

“At ease,” the tall man says, turning to facing them and allowing Yixing to catch a glimpse at his sleeves. Five stars. General of the Army. “You may take your leave, corporal.”

“Thank you, sir!” The corporal salutes once more, before bowing and taking his leave, shutting the two doors behind him.

Yixing’s focus returns to the towering man in front of him, only to have the breath knocked out of him in one go as he is embraced tightly. A small sound of surprise escapes his mouth, only to be muffled by the fabric of the general’s crisp and clean uniform. “Wha- Yifan! Let go of me this instant I am covered in a layer of sweat!”

After a few more seconds of useless struggling, Yifan finally lets go of him, stepping back with a smile spread across his face. The smile is the same as Yixing remembers, gummy as ever and completely shattering the image of the strict general he saw moments ago.

“Welcome to the Chinese army, old friend.”

The first time Yixing meets Lieutenant Kim Minseok is during the military’s monthly physical examination. He has been working as the army’s head physician for the past few months, and has adapted quite fittingly to the military lifestyle. His orders from Yifan are to simply check the well-being of his soldiers and confirm that they are still fit and healthy enough to continue their service. After several hours of examinations, Yixing is exhausted and relieved when one of his assistants informs him there is only one more soldier left.

There’s a soft knock on the door as Yixing files the last patient’s information away. “Come in.”

The man walks in, steps light but purposeful as he shuts the door behind him and sits on the patient’s bed, awaiting Yixing’s inquiry. His stature is short and slim, donned in a light blue hospital gown, but the way he carries himself alludes to Yixing that this man is of a higher ranking than all the previous patients. His facial expressions are carefully blank and indifferent, giving little to nothing away about his person. “What’s your name?”

“Minseok,” the man’s voice is hushed and soft-spoken. “Kim Minseok.”

Yixing offers a smile at him and holds out a hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Kim.”

The other seems mildly surprised, but returns his greeting with a nod of the head and grasping Yixing’s slim hand in his own, shaking briefly before letting go. Yixing ignores the tingling in his palms as he looks through the cabinet for Minseok’s file, asking the man behind him, “Are there any medical conditions that you’d like to let me know of beforehand?”

“No,” comes the quiet reply just as Yixing finds the man’s folder, tugging it out and turning back around to face the man. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

The physical examination doesn’t take long, and Yixing smiles once again as he removes the stethoscope hanging on his neck, putting it back into the drawer with the rest of his supplies. “You are in good health, Mr. Kim. Have a nice day.”

The man nods in thanks, standing back up and exiting Yixing’s office to wherever he may have changed out of his clothes. Just as the physician reaches for Minseok’s file, the sound of a clatter and grunt out in the hallway reaches his ears. He stands up from his seat, the file forgotten, as he rushes out the door to see what has happened.

A pale, young man is on the floor, body curled in a ball and arms shielding his face as two other soldiers kick at his sides, laughing and spitting insults towards the other. “What a useless excuse for a soldier. He probably lets the captain that tight little body to get some special treatment. How about letting us have a round with you and show you what a real man is like in bed, huh pretty boy?”

“Stop!” Yixing cries, running to the boy’s side and pushing the two offenders to the side. “What do you two think you’re doing?!”

“Huh? That’s none of your business, Dr. Zhang.” The man on the left- a corporal if Yixing’s memory serves him correctly- sneers at the young man trembling in the doctor’s arms. “This boy has just been receiving a bit of unfair treatment during training, always being pampered by Captain Lu. We were just teaching him a lesson.”

“Does that give you the right to beat this boy? Do you think your jealousy and cruel actions will do anything to change that?” Yixing snaps, voice lowering when he feels the figure in his protective hold flinch at his tone of voice. “Men please, we are at war right now. The enemy is out there, beyond our borders and not on this base.”

The man on the right, a sergeant according to the stitching on his sleeve, doesn’t take to his words kindly, stomping forward and yanking the Chinese up by the collar and snarling in his face. “You think you have the right to tell us what to do? You’re just a pathetic doctor. Unless you want us to teach you both a lesson and you two like the s you are, you better-”

“That’s enough.” A harsh, commanding voice booms from behind them. The sergeant loses his grip in shock and drops Yixing back down on the floor. The boy has gone completely frozen in his arms as the sound of familiar footsteps grow louder and louder. The two officers turn to face the man behind them, blocking Yixing’s view of the man as they salute and the man that grabbed him by the collar stammers, “L-Lieutenant Kim…”

“Silence,” the lieutenant barks, cutting the other off. “Now, explain yourselves.”

“W-We meant no harm,” the sergeant’s voice is traced, undertone laced with fear. “This soldier was in need of disciplining and the doctor interfe-”

“When an officer is misbehaving,” there is something feral in the lieutenant’s tone, and Yixing sees him take a threatening step closer to the other two as he helps the boy off the floor. “You report to your superiors. You do not so ruthlessly take advantage of those under your ranking and find it appropriate to punish them how you and your overinflated egos so please. That is a breach of conduct and stains the honorable reputation of those that fight and represent this country in battle.”

He pauses for a moment, before adding, “And you most certainly, don’t insult the integrity of one of the few men in this facility that is capable of saving all of our lives. Dr. Zhang has shown more bravery in this one act of kindness than you all have your entire service. The General will be informed about this, and he will be the one to decide whether to demote you or discharge you from your duties. Dismissed.”

“Yes sir!” the two officers salute once more, stumbling over their feet several times before scurrying past the lieutenant, finally allowing Yixing to see who the man is. He’s somewhat surprised to see the man he just examined, the soft-spoken and aloof Kim Minseok. “Mr.- er, Lieutenant Kim.”

“Dr. Zhang,” Minseok nods, his voice returning to its previous quiet volume. “My apologies. You became caught up in a conflict that had nothing to do with you and was forced to witness a very disgraceful act committed by two soldiers.”

“That’s quite alright. I’m sure your very powerful words will help them reflect and become better people than they were today. I am glad to have been a part of that change.” Minseok looks stunned by Yixing’s words, his expression a mixture of admiration and pleasant surprise, but the physician is already looking away, his gaze focused on the young man that hasn’t moved once without Yixing’s coaxing since Minseok interfered. “Come on now, let’s go to my office so I can tend to your injuries.”

The boy nods, but keeps his eyes trained to the polished white tiled floor. Yixing wraps a comforting arm around the other’s shoulder, taking note of the private ranking stitched to his sleeve and gently leading him towards his room, Lieutenant Kim Minseok silently following behind.

As he treats the soldier’s cuts and bruises with ointment, Yixing soon discovers that the pricking tense atmosphere is not an aftermath of the most recent events, but rather, a disturbingly frigid tension between Lieutenant Kim and the young private, a tension so thick one could cut it with a knife. The heavy mood lingers even after Yixing’s attempts of lighthearted conversation, the only replies being Minseok’s nods and a shake of the head every once in a while from the other soldier.

“There,” Yixing leans back, a small smile gracing his face as he caps the ointment jar. “All better. If you are still feeling any pain tomorrow after bathing in warm water tonight, please do come see me again.”

The boy nods and his mouth opens, most likely to thank Yixing. Before he can say anything, he is interrupted by a stern command. “Return to your quarters and prepare to report for dinner in the cafeteria immediately.”

The private salutes, head looking up on command to look at the lieutenant. “Yes sir!”

The young boy bows to Yixing, before quickly withdrawing from the room and leaving Yixing and Minseok all alone. Yixing sighs, turning to face the other with his hands on his hips. “I didn’t even get his name, the poor child.”

“That is irrelevant,” Lieutenant Kim swiftly asserts, scrutinizing Yixing from his spot across the room. “Why did you help him?”

“Why did I-” Yixing sputters, “That’s ridiculous, why on earth wouldn’t I help him? They were unjustly beating him!”

“What if the things they were saying were true? What if that soldier was truly seducing other officials to receive special treatment during training?” the lieutenant presses. Yixing narrows his eyes at the other. “What if they are? What if they aren’t? Does that truly matter? In this world there are far too many reasons to hurt others, but there doesn’t need to be a reason to help someone, and that’s the truth.”

The lieutenant’s head snaps back, almost as though having been smacked. He stares at the physician once again- Yixing having already looked away to return the ointment jar back to its previous location- before muttering. “Yifan made the right decision.”

“Hmm?” Yixing spins back around, “Did you say something?”

Lieutenant Kim shakes his head, and Yixing raises an eyebrow, but chooses not to question it, instead asking, “So…”

The other looks back at him. “Yes?”

“…” Yixing bites his lower lip. “Why were they bullying him? Do you know?”

“Se- He is an exemplary soldier, with extensive periphery of his surroundings and the top in his unit. Those two simply allowed their childish envy get the best of them and lead their shameful actions. That boy wouldn’t return a punch delivered by an ally. He’s too loyal, and that will become his downfall.”

Yixing’s eyes widen. “How do you know all of this?”

“Because,” Minseok tilts his head so he is staring levelly into Yixing’s eyes, “He is my father’s son.”

The same private approaches him several days later, in the confines of Yixing’s office as the physician is reorganizing the supplies. Yixing has a tendency to forget where he places most his items, so he has resorted to labeling drawers and cabinets, lest he forget the arrangement of everything in urgent times.

There is a soft knock on the door, and Yixing’s head shoots up. “Come in.”

A head peeks in, and Yixing calms the wave of disappointment he feels when he sees not the lieutenant, but the shy young boy from before. “Oh, you! How are you feeling? I never did get your name. Come in, come in.”

The soldier shuffles in, still dressed in his uniform though Yixing knows most units are on break today. “Were you one of the unlucky groups that still had training today?”

The boy shakes his head and Yixing looks at him, confused. The other seems to notice, and says, “Personal training.”

Oh. What Lieutenant Kim said is true then. The soldier in front of Yixing is definitely young, with pale smooth skin and a delicate youthful face that doesn’t match the rest of the soldiers here. Then again, Lu Han, captain of the army, possesses the face of a fair maiden, one that makes Yifan trip over his feet upon seeing. But while Lu Han’s eyes reflect a burning passion for war and defending his country, the eyes of the one sitting on the patient’s bed in Yixing’s office remain resigned, almost as though weary from the war, weary from the fighting.

It’s an expression Yixing recognizes, one he sees every day in the mirror.

He knows the war is far from ending, and he’s extremely thankful for the well-paying job Yifan has given him, but there are days when Yixing is consumed with worry, drowning in anxiety about how he will perform when the army actually sets out for battle.

As a doctor, Yixing’s main weakness is how he has never been able to truly come to terms with death and the people it takes from him.

“-hun.”                                                       

Yixing looks up, startled from his thoughts. “Pardon?”            

“Sehun,” the boy’s voice is louder this time as he stares at the Chinese. “My name is Oh Sehun.”

The corners of Yixing’s lips lift, a single dimple showcasing itself on his cheek as he holds his hand out to shake. “My name is Zhang Yixing. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Oh Sehun.”

“Sehun, do you remember where I put my stethoscope? I can’t seem to find it anywhere,” Yixing asks as he hears the door open, the young boy entering at his usual time. It’s become a daily routine; Sehun coming to the medical center and spending his breaks, sometimes meals with Yixing, talking to the physician and helping him sort items or run small errands when the Chinese is too busy.

Sehun’s sigh is, as per usual, exasperated. “Hyung, you’re wearing it around your neck. Please be more observant.”

“Oh.” Yixing looks down and finds the cause of his 30 minute search. “Oh.”

The other pinches the bridge of his nose. “Hyung…”

“Now, now,” Yixing waves his hand around casually, “It’s not uncommon for people to lose their belongings, don’t give me that look.”

“I am pretty sure my grandmother has a better memory than you,” Sehun emphasizes, “And she has Alzheimer’s.”

“Stop being a brat and go to the kitchen to ask for some aloe. I’ll brew you a tea for the constipation you’ve being having.”

“Shhh!” Sehun covers Yixing’s mouth with his hand. “Not so loud!”

“You’re just worried that one chef will find out, the one with the big eyes,” Yixing points out.

The private’s face turns a bright red, before he spins on his heel and heads out the door, probably still headed to the kitchen like Yixing told him to. The physician chuckles, recalling how bashful the other had looked when he told Yixing about the infatuation he had developed for a short and owl-eyed chef with a heart-shaped smile that served him food every day, a young man (though older than Sehun) by the name of Do Kyungsoo. It amuses Yixing to no end when he goes for his own meals, and Kyungsoo talks to him about the tall and handsome pale soldier that he sees in the line every day, one that he can’t help but smile at when chatting with.

Yixing lets out a small sound of surprise when he hears the door open once again behind him. “Back already? You should have spent some more time with Kyungsoo.”

There’s no reply, and Yixing assumes that Sehun is purposely ignoring his comment. The doctor is on his tiptoes, trying to press the final label on the highest cabinet door though he’s just centimeters too short.

Just as he prepares to bring his tired arm down, Yixing almost chokes on his spit when two firm hands grab him by the thighs, and he’s suddenly balancing on someone’s strong shoulders. He looks down in shock. “L-Lieutenant Kim?!”

“Please hurry and stick the label on,” the man says, looking anywhere but at the physician sitting on his shoulders. Yixing quickly presses the label onto the wood, and taps the lieutenant on his head. “You may put me down now.”

“No,” comes the short reply, and Yixing’s face blotches in embarrassment. “Stop joking and please put me down. I weigh 60 kilograms. Your shoulders much be getting tired.”

“You underestimate me, Dr. Zhang,” Lieutenant Kim finally looks up, almond eyes locking with Yixing’s, “Military training requires me to be able to carry almost twice that weight in dangerous situations. Who were you expecting me to be when I entered the room?”

“I-” Yixing stops himself, recalling the incredible tension that had once occupied the very room when Sehun and the lieutenant were together. “No one in particular.”

“You’re not very good at lying, are you Dr. Zhang?”

“No, I’m not.”                                            

To Yixing’s mild surprise, the lieutenant’s shoulder’s begin to shake, almost sending the physician careening into his newly labelled cabinets. Upon second glance, Yixing realizes that Lieutenant Kim is trying to hold back laughter, a small fist pressed tight over his lips, though it doesn’t stop a quiet chuckle escaping every now and then. “You’re just as blunt as Yifan has told me.”

“You’ve asked Yifan about me?” Yixing inquires.

Lieutenant Kim goes silent, head quickly looking away from the other. There’s a moment of awkward silence, before Yixing breaks it.

“Let me down.”                                                                     

“No.”

“This is an order from your head physician.”

“I am ranked higher than you.”

“.”

This causes Lieutenant Kim to break out into peals of laughter once more, only this time he doesn’t try to cover it. His laughter floats around the room, a light airy laugh that Yixing can’t help but smile at. The elder looks almost like an adorable child, eyes creased in crescents and mouth revealing a bright smile that makes Yixing’s heart thud just a little faster than usual.

“How about now?”

“Absolutely not.”

“I can scream very loudly when necessary.”

“And I can think of several ways to shut you up,” the lieutenant’s eyes twinkle as he says this and Yixing can feel his face grow incredibly hot at the first thought that comes into his mind.

Just as he opens his mouth for a witty retort, he feels his body falling backwards and closes his eyes as terror grips his heart. By the time his soul returns to his body, he finds himself lying on his patient’s bed, Lieutenant Kim’s face hovering over his own, and Yixing feels his face heat up at the close proximity.

“I wasn’t actually planning to scream, you know,” Yixing calmly informs the other, trying to ignore the feeling of his heartbeat growing faster and faster by the second.

The lieutenant smiles, an action that definitely does not help Yixing in his current situation. “I’m taking precautions.”

He leans in closer, and Yixing can feel the other’s soft breathing cascading across his face. He closes his eyes tightly, entire body tense with anticipation.

“Minniiiiieeee!” the door slams open, startling the two so much that Yixing jolts, resulting in him knocking heads with the lieutenant, the other quietly cursing up a storm under his breath as he takes several steps away from the bed.

In flies Captain Lu Han in all his glory, strutting across the tiled floor like a peacock in a very unmilitary-like fashion. “Minnie, did you-oh.”

“Lu Han,” Yixing greets as pleasantly as he can manage, rubbing at his stinging forehead and getting up from the bed to look for an icepack. “What brings you here?”

“I was just,” Lu Han’s gaze switches between the lieutenant, whose eyes are glaring daggers at him, and the physician with his back to the other two as he reaches for two icepacks in his mini-fridge. “I was just visiting. It’s been ages since we’ve last talked.”

“You cornered me in the hallway just yesterday,” Yixing drily comments, as he closes the mini-fridge door and looks at his labelled cabinets for the location of the spare hand towels.

Behind him, Lu Han throws his hands up in the air in sworn innocence as Minseok makes a few very obvious “you’re dead” hand gestures. “Xing, I’m wounded. You know I only have eyes for Fan Fan.”

“You only have eyes for annoying him,” Yixing corrects, “though I suppose there’s no difference with you. You act like a kindergartener teasing his first love.”

Minseok does his best to cover up his laugh with a cough, but Lu Han notices, and in turn points at Yixing and makes a few inappropriate ual hand gestures. The lieutenant is just about to throw a punch when Yixing turns around, a towel wrapped icepack in each hand. He pauses, taking in the strange scene in front of him.

Lu Han is making an ugly face (though that’s not uncommon at all) at the lieutenant while in the midst of repeatedly sticking his right index finger through a circle made by the thumb and index finger of his other hand. Minseok, on the other hand, has taken several steps forward, fist still raised in the air and face displaying various levels of rage.

Yixing holds an icepack out to the latter. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Minseok lowers his fist and accept the icepack, placing it against his forehead after throwing one last glare in Lu Han’s direction.

The captain sticks his tongue out at the other in an incredibly mature manner, before sauntering over to Yixing’s side and swinging an arm over the other’s shoulder, practically glowing with satisfaction at the lieutenant’s controlled but clearly irked reaction. Yixing, on the other hand, is utterly lost. “Lu Han, what are you doing?”

“Nothing, nothing,” the other sings, before something dawns on him, “Oh, would you happen to have KY Jelly? It’s a popular lubricant often used in surgeries nowadays, isn’t it?”

Yixing turns around and opens a drawer or two before finding and taking out a jar of the previously mentioned lubricant. “Yes I have some, but what could you possibly need it f-”

“Thanks!” Lu Han swipes the jar from the physician’s hold, bounding out the door at the speed of light. “I’ll make sure to save you some!”

“Save me some?” Yixing asks. Minseok’s head is already buried in his hands. “Why would he-”

All the color drains from Yixing’s face as he covers his face in horror. “Oh my god, Yifan!”

“I never got around to asking you, why did you stop by?”

“…To see you.”

Sehun’s visits aren’t as frequent as before.

Not because they have grown distant, but rather the young boy has finally become closer to Kyungsoo, and Yixing wants to give their relationship the proper time and space to blossom. There are days when even if Sehun shows up in his office, face beaming and eyes filled with a newfound life that warms Yixing’s heart, the physician will still shoo the other out, telling him to go spend his break with the owl-eyed chef.

As the number of Sehun’s appearances dwindle, the number of a certain lieutenant’s increase. Along the way, between teasing comments, fleeting touches, and heated glances, Lieutenant Kim changes into Minseok, and Yixing soon finds himself breaking through the exterior of Minseok’s cold demeanor, unraveling a shy, yet also playful strong man from the depths of his insecurities and past demons. Day by day, every hour they spend together allows Yixing to slowly tear down the lieutenant’s walls, exposing the Korean to a whirlwind of new emotions, ones he never felt he would be able to experience again. Ones that he has purposely kept hidden.

“Tell me about Sehun,” Yixing says one day as the two are taking a stroll around the military base. Minseok is showing him around, pointing out the various training centers and explaining the certain roles of each soldier in their units.

The lieutenant freezes on the spot, looking over to Yixing with widened eyes. “How do you know about him?”

Yixing jabs a finger at the other’s shoulder. “Don’t play innocent. You know how I know about him. He visits me too often for you not to have noticed.”

Minseok goes quiet for a moment, before finally confessing softly. “I do.”

“Why don’t you talk to him? Didn’t you say he was your half-brother?”

“My father’s son,” Minseok corrects, “I… I am still unable to forgive the pain my father left my mother and I with. To this day I cannot bring it upon myself to acknowledge S… acknowledge the rest of my father’s new family.”

“He idolizes you,” Yixing points out and Minseok can only nod his head miserably.

“I am the reason he joined this sector, joined the army and chose to serve this country. Even after my father deserted my mother and I in this foreign country, penniless and unable to understand the language, that boy came from Korea to find us, to atone for my father’s mistakes and ask for forgiveness for something he had no control over.”

Yixing gnaws at his lower lip. “What did you do?”

Minseok clasps his hands together in front of him, looking down at the ground. “I was furious. I said things that I am not proud of today. I had been blinded by years of hurt, of built up feelings that he did not deserve to be on the receiving end of. I was jealous of his childhood, one that I could’ve had, and of the burdens I had received that he did not.”

Yixing looks around to make sure no one is near the vicinity, before reaching over and loosening Minseok’s clasped hands, taking the closest one into his own palm. “What do you mean by burdens?”

The elder tenses, hesitation written all over his face, an expression Yixing knows Minseok only trusts him enough to see. “Do you remember the first time I walked into your office for my examination?”

Yixing thinks about it. “Not really.”

Minseok pauses, as if not quite sure how to word his next sentence. “You asked me, back then. If I had any medical conditions that I should let you know of. And I said no.”

“Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?”

There’s another pause. “I lied.”

Minseok’s blood is tainted. Not of bad bloodlines, not hatred nor greed, but rather, tainted with disease, tainted with tragedy. A rare disorder by the name of hemophilia is etched deep into the lieutenant’s genes, meaning just a single cut can have him bleeding out profusely and without immediate medical attention, the jaws of death will close in. It’s an incredible risk to be fighting on the battlefield, standing in the front lines when just the graze of a bullet can put him in eternal sleep.

Perhaps that’s why he always lives every day to the fullest, never letting his condition hinder him or hold him back. Pushing forward without a single regret, head held high on his slim, narrow shoulders. Forever admirable. Forever Lieutenant Kim Minseok.

There are often times where Yixing can trace out the delicate, spidery veins spanning underneath Minseok’s alabaster skin, a complex web of blood vessels that, in Yixing’s opinion, serve to be easier to decipher than the elder’s heart itself.

Minseok’s heart is an enigma, a puzzle of hand holding and late night meetings. An endless maze of deep understanding but also of hidden secrets. An unsolvable riddle of fluttering chests and quickened heartbeats. The never ending unspoken questions of “What are we?” and “Can I call you mine?”

Because somewhere along the way, Zhang Yixing falls in love.

They’re lying side by side on the patient’s bed once again.

It’s the only way they spend what little time they have now whenever Minseok can truly slip away from last minute preparation. Their private meetings have become more and more scarce and they try to cherish what little time they have left with each other, especially with the battle drawing near. They have already left the safety of the military base and relocated to a fort near the impending battle field. The inevitable promise of war looms in the air, and Minseok has become more anxious than ever.

He isn’t the only one. Yixing has made several dozen batches of stress-reducing tea for not only Yifan, nor Minseok, but for many of the other officers that come to him and even himself. Sleeping has become a nightmare within itself, full of blood and gore and death that he knows he cannot prevent.

The fort is close enough to the battlefield that Yixing can hear the sounds of tanks and gunshots firing in the distant, the cries of men engaging in battle, none with the intent to give up. Those sounds echo in Yixing’s dreams, until he is gasping and forcing himself awake, drenched in nervous sweat and only longing for Minseok’s safe embrace and hold. The elder is often still up finalizing last-minute preparations and conducting overnight training, unable to sleep until the weary hours of the morning.

They lie in silence for a few more minutes, before Minseok speaks. “Our sector steps onto the battlefield tomorrow morning.”

“I know,” Yixing croaks, clearing his throat and continuing, “Yifan has requested I go along as well to help out in the medical emergency and first aid tent behind the lines.”

Minseok’s entire body sits up from the bed, looking down at Yixing in shock. “No. Absolutely not. I forbid you from leaving these premises. Staying at this camp has already taken a toll on you, don’t think I didn’t notice. The battlefield is something you cannot see.”

“Minseok,” Yixing’s voice is soft, cautious so as not to irritate the lieutenant any further, “I have already agreed. As a member of the military it would not be fair for me to reject his request and hide like a coward back here while the rest of you are out risking your lives.”

“Hide like a co-” Minseok takes both of Yixing’s hands into his own, the look in his eyes desperate. “Yixing, all of the soldiers here knew what they were risking the moment they signed up for this. We know we may not return to our families, and yet we still choose to remain. To fight for this country. You-”

“I am the same as each and every of you,” Yixing’s voice is hushed, but the fierceness in his eyes speaks volumes louder. “I accepted Yifan’s job offer knowing full well the danger that would be involved and although I do not have the proper training to wield a gun nor engage in combat my heart is the same and I will fight for my country however I can.”

“You cannot!!” Minseok explodes, twisting his body sideways and cupping Yixing’s face in his forever gentle and calloused hands. Yixing can feel the tears rolling down his cheeks and Minseok brushes several of them aside. “You- , Yixing I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to yell at you I just- You know what I mean. If something were to-” he chokes for a moment, his own eyes growing misty, “If something were to ever happen to you, I would never, never be able to forgive myself. I- I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

“I love you,” Yixing’s words come out strangled and pronounced in odd syllables, his voice still trembling from crying, but Minseok hears each and every word, leaning down and claiming Yixing’s lips for his own, fiercely, passionately, lovingly. He drinks in Yixing’s sobs, every worry and every sorrow as the physician clutches the front of Minseok’s shirt and kisses back with just as much desperation.

Minseok pulls back, taking in the sight of his still teary-eyed but beautiful as ever Dr. Zhang Yixing, lips red and swollen from kissing and cheeks permanently flushed from the heat of the weather. The lieutenant’s hands drop, one back down to his side as the other gently caresses Yixing’s jaw, before traveling down to tip the physician’s chin up and steal another long awaited kiss. And another. And another. And no matter how much he longs to take Yixing and make love to his beautiful doctor under the stars, the situation is too risky, the time not right. So he lets go, other hand lowering as well to just hold Yixing in his arms.

They go unbothered the rest of the night, and it’s the first time Yixing has had an uninterrupted night of sleep for the first time in weeks, finally sleeping where he belongs.

With Minseok.

Minseok is already gone by the time Yixing wakes up in the morning, but his spot is still warm, the sheets still rumpled.

Yixing quickly grabs his knapsack of personal belongings and leaves the tent. A nearby officer notifies him that his trunk of medical supplies has already been transported to his designated medical tent on the battlefield.

He drags his feet along the ground as he walk, tossing his bag into the back of the Jeep and hopping into the front passenger seat. The sky is a weary blue and Yixing spots gray clouds in the horizon. He continues to blankly stare up towards the heavens and asks himself if he should pray.

He doesn’t.

A face hovers over him, blocking the doctor’s view of the sun, but it’s alright because the person looking down at him brightens his day more than any star could.

“You haven’t left yet?” Yixing asks.

Minseok shakes his head and opens the Jeep’s door, tugging the physician out and pulling him into a tight embrace, saying nothing but a soft “I love you.”

Yixing presses a chaste kiss to the lieutenant’s lips. “I want you to talk to Sehun.”

Minseok’s hold loosens and before he can pull away, Yixing covers the other’s hands with his own, holding them in place.

“It’s not too late to reconcile,” the physician pleads, “he’s been waiting all this time. You know what war is like. This could be your last goodbye. Don’t leave behind any regrets Minseok. I know you.”

Minseok doesn’t respond at first, brushing his thumb back and forth over Yixing’s knuckles. He finally slips one hand out of Yixing’s grip and tenderly cups the younger’s cheek. “My only regret now is to not have confessed my love to you sooner.”

Yixing turns his head to press multiple, fluttering kisses into the center of Minseok’s palm. “It’s alright. Your actions told me everything. But do not lie to yourself and hide from your past.”

Before the Minseok can open his mouth to reply, another voice calls out to them. “Lieutenant Kim!”

The two immediately let go of one another, taking a step back and trying to pose as though two acquaintances having a friendly conversation. Minseok clears his throat before speaking in his strict military voice. “Yes soldier?”

“Captain Lu reports that all units are ready for battle. We depart now.”

A brisk nod of the head. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Minseok sends Yixing one last longing glance, before turning on his heel and following the officer. The physician takes a step forward, hand outstretched. “Lieutenant Kim.”

The Korean stops in his tracks, turning back to stare at Yixing with imploring eyes. “What is it Dr. Zhang?”

“Take-” He can’t mention the hemophilia. He won’t. Yixing lowers his arm. “Take care of yourself.”

The only thing Minseok can do is give Yixing one last nod. “I will, thank you Dr. Zhang. Please watch over yourself as well.”

And then he is gone, joining the hundreds of thousands of other soldiers in fighting against the Japanese army and protecting their country with nothing but his strong resolve and fragile life.

All is fair in love and war, but is it truly fair when war takes the ones you love?

“Sehun stop!” Yixing’s screams do nothing to overpower the raw cries of anguish coming from the private running back onto the battlefield, left arm jutting out of a makeshift cast and right hand still angrily clutching his M1917 Enfield. “Sehun get back here you aren’t capable of handling that rifle!”

“Those motherers!” Sehun shouts as he charges forward, fury painted across his face, “That was Zitao’s voice. I know it! I’m going to kill each and every one of those Japanese bastards!*”

The adrenaline pumps through Yixing’s veins as he jumps over fallen soldiers and mutilated corpses. His ears ring as the sound of gunshots resonates all around him, but the only thing on his mind is bringing the young Korean boy back to safety. “Sehun you can’t- SEHUN!”

The private is knocked down, letting out a cry as a bullet tears into his thigh, crumpling down to the ground in pain. Yixing rushes to his side as fast as possible, grabbing Sehun’s hand and pressing into the bullet wound. The boy groans but Yixing presses harder, his voice stern as he smacks Sehun’s cheeks to keep him conscious. “Do not lift your hand, do you hear me? If you don’t keep adding pressure on the bullet’s entry point you will bleed to death. Hand me your rifle.”

Yixing slings Sehun’s arms around his shoulder and carries the private’s rifle in his other arm as he supports the younger, walking back past the dead bodies and blood-stained earth. The smell of gunpowder and spilled blood invades Yixing’s senses, and he fights the urge to dry heave in exchange for a few more steps towards the protection of the medical tent.

Just as they reach the edge of all the battling, a bullet whizzes past Yixing’s ear and he immediately hits the ground, pushing Sehun under him, causing the private to groan once again in pain. Yixing fumbles with the rifle hanging off his arm, but stops when a loud voice shouts at him in Japanese. He doesn’t understand what the man is trying to say, and quickly spins around, rifle held tightly between two trembling hands.

It’s all a ruse, of course. In all his military experience, Yixing has never touched, let alone handled an armed weapon of any kind.

The Japanese man in front of him is standing more than ten feet away, a pistol aimed at Yixing’s heart as he barks orders at Yixing and points at the rifle in his hands. He probably wants Yixing to drop the weapon and take him as a military prisoner, Yixing realizes. He’s still dressed in his white lab coat, a stark contrast from the rest of armed men on the field, and the Japanese must need more medical attention than their army, being so far away from their home country.

The metal rifle in his hands grows cold in Yixing’s palms and he is frozen with fear, staring in horror as the Japanese soldier angrily changes targets, pointing the gun at Sehun, who is curled up on the ground in front of him, hand still digging into the bullet wound on his leg, just as Yixing told him to.

It’s almost surreal, the way all of Yixing’s surrounding slow to a stop, how all the cries and blasts around him dull into a faint buzz as he surges forward, determined to protect this brave, loyal, young boy. Yixing is determined to allow Private Sehun to see another day, to smile once more at Do Kyungsoo. He is determined to save Minseok’s family.

It’s even more surreal when Yixing doesn’t feel the bullet.

Reality crashes back into Yixing’s conscience in waves as he is aware of another body on top of him, gasping and shuddering in pain.

It doesn’t take Yixing’s medical degree to know who it is.

“Oh my god,” he wheezes, mind going numb as he tries to cup Minseok’s pale face with his blood slick hands. Where is all the blood coming from? Yixing looks down, vision blurring and stomach rolling in repulsion at the blood oozing from Minseok’s side.

Too much blood.

There’s the sound of another gunshot nearby and the Japanese soldier falls to the ground with a cry. Yifan rides over on a coal black stallion, eyes widening in horror at the scene. “Minseok!”

“Please!” Yixing can hear someone screaming, and it dully registers in his mind that it’s his own voice screaming. “Help him! He’s not going to- oh my god-”

Yixing vomits onto the ground, coughing and gasping as Yifan immediately hops down from his horse and lifts Minseok into his arms. “Quick, get Sehun! We don’t have time to waste!”

His body is on autopilot, helping Sehun back up and whispering apologies and variations of “We’re almost there” to the weeping boy.

The moment they make it back to the medical tent, Yixing swiftly hands Sehun over to one of his most trusted assistants, stating the two injuries before sprinting over to the tent Yifan’s horse is standing by.

He bursts into the canvased shelter, bounding over to the mat where Minseok is lying, eyes closed but chest still heaving.

He’s alive.

Yifan is hovering above the lieutenant on the other side of the mat, expression filled with panic. “Yixing, he-”

“It’s not a fatal shot, Yifan,” Yixing blabbers, rinsing his hands in a nearby bucket of water and slipping on rubber gloves, “As long as we-”

The cold, startling truth hits him like a two ton truck as he looks back up at Yifan in horror. “His hemophilia.”

“T-That’s what I was trying to tell you,” Yifan stammers, “but you can still help him right? Right?!”

The physician racks his brain for a solution, jumping up when he thinks of something. “This is Dr. Zhang! I need two helping hands in Tent 4 immediately! This is of utmost importance!”

He turns back to Yifan, a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes. “Yifan, what’s your blood type? What’s Minseok’s blood type?”

“O. Mine’s O. Minseok’s is B,” Yifan tells him, “Why do you need to know?”

“Damn it,” Yixing hisses under his breath. “If I can give him a blood transfusion, we might be able to save him with blood that clots during exposure. Blood type O may work for normal transfusions but in his current condition and with his hemophilia, using your blood won’t be enough.”

Yifan turns pales, and before Yixing can call out for assistance a second time, he hears a nurse yelling, “Sir! Sir, you’re in need of treatment you cannot just-”

Sehun bursts into the shelter, pushing aside the flaps of the tent so hard the entire structure shudders. “Hyung! Hyung I have blood type B! It’s the same as Minseok hyung I’m your best choice!”

Yixing and Yifan stare in shock. The private is barely standing, clutching at the nearest pole for support and batting away the nurse’s coaxing. His face is smeared with blood but his eyes hold so much love. So much love and determination. “Sehun…”

“You know, hyung, you know,” the youth’s words turn desperate, “a relative’s blood with the same blood type promises the highest percent of success. Let me save him please.”

Yixing turns to look at his assistant. “Fei, what do you think?”

Fei shakes her head. “It’s extremely dangerous, Dr. Zhang. Mr. Oh has already suffered large amounts of blood loss himself and shouldn’t even be moving around at this point. Doing a blood transfusion would put both of their lives at risk-”

“ the danger!” Sehun screams, “ the risk! I am the only one right now in this room that can save Minseok hyung and you all are thinking about safety?! Save my ing-”

“Sehun,” comes the sharp, icy command, making everyone in the room freeze.

Yixing spins around to see Minseok, eyes unfocused but still somehow managing to paralyze Sehun on the spot. The boy stumbles forward, clutching at his leg in pain and ignoring Fei’s attempt to support him. “Hyung! Minseok hyung they-”

“Enough,” Minseok’s voice is firm and Sehun stops in his tracks, finally having to lean on Fei lest he fall to the ground. “Sehun, you will not so ruthlessly and idiotically put your life on the line just to try and save the stupid man that has neglected your existence and your attempts of reconciliation all this time.”

Sehun’s face is wet with tears as he reaches out for the elder. “H-Hyu-”

“I will not-” a flash of pain passes over Minseok’s face, but it’s gone in a second and Yixing’s heart can’t help but ache at the scene. “Allow my brother to do something so foolish and risk his own future. Yifan, Fei, assist him out and tend to his wounds. Dr. Zhang can watch over me just fine.”

“Hyung! Hyung no!” Sehun is bawling, cries almost inhumane as Yifan lifts him up and begins to head out the tent. “You can’t- HYUNG!”

Yifan pauses before he passes through the tent entrances, looking back at Minseok. One of his best friends, his trusty and capable lieutenant. “Minseok-”

“There’s nothing else you can do, Yifan,” Minseok croaks, though his expression speaks otherwise, “Take good care of Lu Han.”

The general’s gaze hardens, and his final nod is full of sorrow. “I promise you I will protect him with everything I have.”

And with that, they’re gone, nothing left but the heartbreaking sobs echoing in the distance. Yixing looks on sadly at the fluttering tent entrance, where two brothers have finally reconciled under the most devastating circumstances.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when a familiar calloused hand slips into his own. “I’m on the verge of death and I still can’t manage to steal your attention? What on earth am I doing wrong?”

Yixing’s smile is bitter. “I might spare you a glance if you pull through this injury.”

Minseok looks down at his blood soaked uniform, the dark crimson leaving an uncomfortable metallic scent lingering in the physician’s nose. “It seems like I’m out of luck. Looks like I’ll have to earn your heart instead.”

Yixing’s grip tightens. “You can’t earn something you already have.”

The fallen lieutenant’s chuckle is strained and he coughs up several drops of blood before speaking. “My, I do believe I am being wooed by you, Dr. Zhang.”

“Save your final words for something that counts,” Yixing spits, the back of his eyes beginning to sting with tears. “You ing idiot.”

Minseok lets out a gasp of pain, his grip on Yixing’s hand tightening. “I love you so much, Zhang Yixing.” Don’t let go.

“I-” Yixing chokes on his words. I couldn’t even if I tried. “Minseok I love you more than you will ever know, because- , you mean the world to me. Don’t-don’t leave me Minseok, don’t leave me alone-Minseok? Minseok!”

Yixing promised himself he wouldn’t cry, but it seems that all promises were meant to be broken. He can feel his entire frame trembling from the sobs, his cries and pleas falling on deaf ears as Lieutenant Kim Minseok ascends into the heavens.

I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.

“Did you ever consider that I might feel the exact same way?”

The sun is unforgiving as Zhang Yixing steps out of the Jeep, shielding his face from the bright glare of rays with a hand.

It has been several months since the war ended, since Yixing lost the love of his life. He’s stepped down from his position as head physician of the Chinese army, choosing to quietly pack his things and return to his hometown in Changsha.

There wasn’t a goodbye, as the only thing Yixing was capable of leaving behind besides his heart was a letter of resignation addressed to Yifan, slipped under the door of the general’s office. His friend would understand.

Integrating back into civilization proves to be more difficult than Yixing expects, but he isn’t too sociable of a person anyways. He spends most of his days assisting the nearby hospital and helping out with his family’s business.

He still has nightmares, flashbacks of the war, of the fighting, of the blood.

Flashbacks of Minseok.

There have been too many nights where the physician is shaken awake by the servants, their faces painted with concern as they tell him he was screaming in his sleep, thrashing violently under the covers and crying for a “Min Shuo**”.

Yixing apologizes every time, forcing a hollow smile onto his face and assuring them that he is fine, that the pain and the memories will fade with time.

The aching in his chest and his tear-stained pillowcase says otherwise.

Yixing wasn’t sure what to expect when he received a letter from Kyungsoo. The last time he had seen the chef was… well, before Yixing left for the battlefield. It wasn’t a surprise to hear that Kyungsoo had been the one watching over Sehun the whole time the young solider was in recovery. In his letter, Kyungsoo stated that they would be stopping by in Changsha briefly, and hoped to reunite with the physician at a local tea house Yixing had yet to try out.

And so, Yixing finds himself standing in main foyer of Rao Shu*** Teahouse, eyes scanning the incredible crowd of customers packed in the decently sized building, searching for a familiar owl-eyed man with a heart-shaped smile.

“Yixing!”

The physician’s head snaps up at the sound of a familiar voice calling out to him, looking around to see where the shout came from.

“Yixing! Over here!” A young man is standing up by his table near the back of the teahouse, waving an arm at the stunned doctor. Sehun is absent, Yixing notes as his feet carry him over to the table, where there are two empty seats. His old friend beams, a pair of plush lips curving into an adorable heart as he embraces Yixing tightly. “Yixing, my dear friend it’s been so long! Don’t you worry about Sehun he just went to the restroom. He’ll be back in just a moment.”

Yixing takes a seat, Kyungsoo excitedly plopping into the seat next to him, eyes wide with curiosity. “Tell me, how have you been?”

Yixing takes a sip of tea, mulling over the question before answering, “As well as I can.”

A look of realization settles onto Kyungsoo’s features, but before he can open his mouth to speak once again, another voice interrupts them. “Yi…Yixing hyung?”

Yixing’s head turns back so fast he almost gives himself whiplash.

The shy young private he had once protected is now all grown up, his face matured and hair grown out, leaving him with a boyish look paired with a blank and expression-less face that painfully reminds the doctor of someone else. Sehun’s grown taller as well; his shoulder’s broader and legs longer. He’s become a fine young man.

A fine young man that bursts into fresh sobs upon making eye contact with the Chinese.

Kyungsoo stands up, alarmed, but Yixing takes matters into his own hands, quickly pulling the crying boy onto his lap and into his arms, ignoring the confused glances from nearby customers. “Hey, hey. Shhhh, what are you crying about hmm? I haven’t seen you for so long and the first thing you do is show me your new ugly crying face?”

“I- Hyung-” Sehun buries his face into the crook of the elder’s neck. His new and longer body is slightly awkward in Yixing’s hold, but the physician chooses to ignore any discomfort, rocking the younger back and forth and rubbing his back. He waits for the weeping to die down as he tries to will away the stinging in the back of his own eyes. “How have you been Sehun-ah? I’m sure Kyungsoo is taking care of you very well just look at you, you’re all grown up now.”

Sehun begins to hiccup, his nose runny as he pulls back to look at Yixing with puffy, red eyes. “I-I’m so-hic- sorry I couldn’t-hic-”

“Shhh,” Yixing hugs the boy once more, but this time it’s him that spills tears. The salty wet drops dampen Sehun’s shirt, but the Korean doesn’t seem to care, starting to cry once again after seeing Yixing break down in front of him.

It seems that the only person we will never be able to forgive is ourselves.

Holy. ing. . This is a monster. I'm a monster. I'm never procrastinating on a fic with a deadline ever again.

Thanks to everyone that actually made it down to here. You guise all deserve a big huggle. Who's hyped for the repackage album?

Soooooo much thanks to mylittleemo for being my last minute editor and not taking any of my and just forcing me to crank this whole fic out over an entire weekend. Seriously. I love you so much girl. You put the bae in beta. <3

Footnotes:

*I definitely do not have anything against Japan or Japanese people. I have Japanese friends and I watch anime and read manga and all that . I only refer to the Japanese soldiers with such crude terms in the story to accurately represent history, when the tensions between China, Japan, and Korea were very negative and at an all time high. Please do not take offense.

**Min Shuo is the Chinese pinyin, or pronounciation for Minseok's name when it is translated into Chinese.

***Rao Shu means forgiveness, because I'm a cheese.

If you enjoyed reading, please do subscribe, upvote and comment! Feedback for this fic espcially would be greatly appreciated. It's my first time dabbling with (more like ing submerging into) angst and I would love to hear your thoughts on it. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Also, I was considering writing a Sesoo/Krishan sequel in the same AU. Is anyone interested?

I'll be posting a longer A/N with explanations to help clear things up as soon as I can. May have to wait a few days because finals are tomorrow .

Hope you all enjoyed!

Less than three,

PalmerPie