April 30th, 2015

"Where's Taeyeonie? It's nearly midnight."

"Hm... She's probably in her room unnie. She might be asleep by now though. Maybe we should just leave her," Seohyun said tentatively. 

"Her? Alseep at midnight? I hardly think so. She's probably just holed herself in her room after everything's that's happened. I'll go get her, you set this up," she pointed at the laptop placed on the coffee table. 

Getting up, she made her way through their dorm before knocking on the closed door. 

"What?" came the short response. 

Tiffany breathed a heavy sigh and leaned against the door. "What are you doing in there?"

"I'm getting ready for bed. What else would I be doing?"

Again, another short and blunt response. Huffing to herself, she turned the doorknob and marched into the bedroom, finding Taeyeon lying on her bed with tissues around her. 

"Come on. Get up," Tiffany said, hands placed firmly on her hips.

"No, thank you. I'm quite comfortable here."

"And as much as I'd love for you to waste away in your own filth," she started, staring in disgust at the used tissues around her, "I'd much prefer you come out to the living room. Seohyunie's setting up the computer so we can watch the new music videos BIGBANG oppas are releasing," she finished. 

"And why the hell would you be doing that?" Taeyeon asked back tersly. "I have no interest in seeing what those try-hards have to offer," she sneered, throwing some of the tissues into the small trash can by her desk. 

Tiffany sighed again, closing her eyes to try and compose herself. "Yuri wouldn't be too happy if she heard you talking that way about her boyfriend," Tiffany said warily. "Just come out to the living room, okay?" 

"And like I said, I'm quite comfortable here," she said again, getting annoyed at the intrusion of her bedroom.

"You know what? I am getting sick and-"

"Unnie, don't."

She turned around to find Seohyun leaning against the door frame, looking cautiously at the scene in front of her. 

"No, Seohyunie. It's about time someone said something," she said firmly, turning back around to face Taeyeon. "Look Taeyeonie. As much as I love you, and you know how much I love you, I'm getting sick and tired of this attitude of yours. And it's not just me. The other girls are getting annoyed about it as well," she pointed her finger back at the maknae, who instantly shrunk away. 

"We get it, okay? We get that you're hurting. We are as well, but we're getting sick of you being this snarky and moody that just wants to be left alone," she said harshly. 

"Unnie, come on. Let's just leave her alone," Seohyun tried to drag Tiffany out of the room, not having much success in doing so.

"No, she needs to hear this," she said quietly, shrugging off the maknae's arm. "I don't know if you're crying about Jessica or if you're crying about Baekhyun, but hiding yourself in this room and crying all day and night won't solve anything."

"And you're saying all of this just so I would watch some damn music videos?" she asked quietly.

"It's not even about the music videos. It's more about your general attitude and disdain for doing anything productive anymore. We're supposed to be getting ready for our comeback and you're making it harder for all of us because they're all walking on egg shells around you," she continued. 

"And what is it you want from me exactly?"

"I want you to get out of this rut and get back to being the old Taeyeon. The one that we all love and care about."

"Yeah, well that Kim Taeyeon died a long time ago," she said faintly, now staring down at the ground. 

Tiffany sighed again and drew a deep breath, getting more frustrated by the second. "Whatever. this. I'm just trying to help you but if you're not willing to meet me halfway then fine. Deal with this yourself," she huffed, storming out of the room. 

Seohyun looked at her with trepidation, not sure about what to do. "Sorry unnie," she whispered quietly, quickly leaving the room and shutting the door behind her. 

Taeyeon stared at the spot they were standing in, thinking about the words they said. Yeah, they were right to a certain extent. And she knew her attitude was affecting the other members. But she didn't care at the moment. She was just sick and tired of everything. She was sick of the pressure, the expectations of being perfect. All she wanted to do was run away and spend the rest of her life on a deserted island where no one knew her name. Where there would be no cameras that followed her every move. 

Was that too much to ask for? Had she not suffered enough? Yes, she was the leader of the nation's girl group. A group of girls that everyone put high up on a pedestal, projecting them as some type of goddesses when they were merely just a group of girls working towards a common dream. 

But it was a one way street for them. When they did something good, praise would be heaped on them by their dedicated fans and their haters would say nothing. But even one toe out of line and the haters were ready to pounce, ready to tear them down.

And she was just sick of it all. Why couldn't it just be like the old days when they were carefree and actually enjoyed going on stage? Now it just seemed like a chore that they had to do. 

Shaking her head to try and clear her dark thoughts, she got up from the bed and walked out to the living room, wondering why on earth they stayed up until midnight and lost sleep, just to watch a damn music video. 

"Loser? Bae Bae? What stupid names," she scoffed to herself when she saw the names on the screen, receiving a small giggle from Seohyun and the cold shoulder from Tiffany. "Let's see what all the hype is about then," she said more to herself than anyone else. 

Seohyun quietly waited until midnight when the videos were uploaded onto their official Youtube channel. They watched the vivid colours as each individual member of BIGBANG came out to do their part. 

"Ha. What else can you expect from them? Overed and immature. I don't know why you two are wasting your time. I'm going back to bed," she shook her head and left the other two in the living room, not staying to watch the second video. 

"Is she alright unnie?" Seohyun asked innocently. 

"Whatever. She's just being a moody ," Tiffany said angrily. 

"Unnie, don't say that. She's just upset," she tried to defend. 

"Yeah, but aren't we all? It's getting tiring and it's affecting the other girls. How are we supposed to have a comeback and show our fans we're better than ever if Taeyeon's acting like that? We can't afford anymore slip ups."

"She just needs time unnie. We shouldn't pressure her."

Tiffany sighed to herself and leaned back into the couch. "I know, I know. I'm sorry Seobaby. It's just frustrating. I guess we all have our own ways to deal with this pain," she mumbled quietly but it was loud enough to be heard. "Come on. Let's watch the next video so we can go to sleep then."

The room remained quiet as they watched the scenes in front of them, trying to follow the abstract and very real storyline. 

"Funny, isn't it?" Tiffany said quietly. 

"What's funny unnie?"

"This situation. The irony. The song sort of describes how we all feel, doesn't it?" she mumbled. "We should probably show Taeyeonie. I think she'd appreciate it."

Seohyun just slowly nodded her head, packing up the laptop and putting it away. "Come on unnie. Let's get some sleep. We have an early day tomorrow," she said before leaving to start her nightly routine. 

Tiffany just sighed and made her way to her bedroom, stopping by the closed door of Taeyeon's room, hearing the faint sounds of sobbing. She shook her head and left, hoping her best friend would be okay. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

May 1st, 2015

Another night means another night when sleep evaded her. Again and Again. Night after night. Even when she wanted to sleep early, she would find herself just laying in bed, staring at the ceiling until she would ultimately cry. The only time she got sleep was when she was so exhausted from sobbing into her tear-stained pillows. 

She went through her schedules mindlessly, but remained professional when she needed to. It was the same everyday. It had been the same everday for the last 8 years. The only difference was, it was no longer fun. The thrill and exhilaration was gone. 

"Unnie."

She knew the other girls were feeling the same as well. Although they hid it well, they had been together so long, she could read them all easily. Probably the person most effected besides herself was Sunny. They'd had countless talks about their idol life and how everything would be so much easier if they were to just quit and lead a somewhat normal life. 'Maybe when our contracts end', she thought to herself. 

"Unnie!" 

Startled by the loud voice right by her ear, she visibly recoiled.

"Geez. I've been trying to get your attention for ages now. Come on. We're here," Sooyoung said, before walking in the direction of the other girls. 

Taeyeon looked around, finally taking in her surroundings and seeing the familiarity of SM's basement parking garage. Shaking herself to try and regain her senses, she hopped out of the van and followed the rest of the girls towards one of the dance studios. 

Riding the elevator up by herself, she entered the quiet corridors of SM, only hearing the sounds of muffled music coming from further down the hall. Hearing a door open, she diverted her attention from the floor and saw the person she probably wanted to avoid the most at the moment. 

He looked directly at her and glared subtly before taking long strides down the hall with Suho by his side. She continued walking quietly, not wanting to cause any trouble.

Taeyeon just sighed to herself. 'I guess he's still bitter about our break up,' she thought to herself as she entered the practice room, finding the rest of the members inside fooling around with each other. She noticed the way they looked at her. A mix between worry and trepidation? She didn't know. It seemed like Tiffany was right. They were walking on egg shells around her. 

Sighing to herself, she set her things in the corner and sat down to stretch. 

"Are you okay, unnie?" Seohyun asked, tentatively taking a seat beside her. 

"Hmmm? Yeah, I'm fine. Let's practice hard today okay?" she plastered on a smile but it was somewhat forced. 

Seohyun smiled back, hoping her unnie was okay. She grabbed her hand and pulled her up, leading her to the others as they began their dance routine practice. 

***

"Alright, that should be enough for tonight girls. That was really good. I think we've got the chereography down," she exhaled, drinking the remaining contents of her water bottle. 

"Finally! My legs feel like jelly," Sunny complained, collapsing onto the ground as she massaged them. 

"Should we go eat? It's been a while since all of us had a meal together," Yoona suggested. 

"And who's fault is that? You've all gone at got yourself boyfriends and have no more time for your unnies," Hyoyeon said playfully pouting, sticking out her lower lip. 

"Aww, it's not like that unnie," Yuri said, before the sound of her phone ringing caught their attention. 

"Speaking of the boyfriend," Hyoyeon mumbled, receiving a shove. 

Baby baby, can you stay beautiful like you are right now?

So my heart can race even after times passes, woah woah

Baby baby don't wither, this is all for the selfish me

You have to stay just as you are right now

"It hasn't even been one day yet and it's already your right tone?" Hyoyeon said again. 

"Would you pick it up already? He's not gonna wait forever," Tiffany said. 

"Oh, right," she blushed. "Hello? Oppa?... No, we just finished practice... I'm just with the girls... okay, hang on," she said, before she placed her phone on the floor and pressing the loudspeaker button. "Okay, you're on loudspeaker oppa!"

"Hey girls!" came the response. 

"Hi oppa! Long time no see," the girls responded. 

"Yeah, sorry about that. Busy with the comeback and all that," he laughed. 

"Congratulations by the way! We love the songs!"

"Really? Ah, thanks so much. That's really great to hear."

"You should've seen Yuri last night when we watched it together though oppa," Sooyoung started, trying to fend off Yuri as she tried to cover with her hand. 

"Oh? How come?"

"Your part at the end. When you jumped off the building? She couldn't stop crying," Sooyoung laughed, some of the other girls giggling as well at Yuri's embarassment. 

"Seriously? Awww, babe. Don't worry. I'm still here," he cooed exaggeratedly, causing the girls to laugh even more. 

"Yah! Stop it oppa!" she blushed, her hands on her cheeks. "Why did you call anyways?" she tried to quickly change the subject.

"Aww, don't be mad Yul," he laughed. "Anyways, the guys and I were wondering if you wanted to come out tomorrow night? In celebration of our comeback. If you don't have anything planned that is."

"Yes! It's been so long since I've had a drink!" Hyoyeon cheered loudly. 

"You had a drink like two days ago Hyo...." Sunny mumbled, the other girls snickering. 

"Well, if you girls want, we're heading to a small place in Hongdae. It'll be private so you don't have to worry about being spotted."

"That sounds like fun oppa. We'll be there," Tiffany confirmed for the group. 

"Awesome! I'll text Yuri the details later. Anyways, I've got to head back to the studio, but I'll see you girls tomorrow, okay? Can't wait to see you babe. Love you," he said. 

"I-I love you too, oppa. See you tomorrow," Yuri quickly said, hanging up the phone. "Yah! Stop it!" she cried indignantly when the other members started making kissy faces at her. 

"I'm so excited now! We haven't gone clubbing in ages! Time to get my dance on!" Hyoyeon said excitedly, jumping up and dancing to her heart's content. The other members quickly followed her as they put on upbeat music, dancing around the studio and laughing. 

Taeyeon watched them from the floor, a genuine smile on her face when she saw the carefree nature of the girls, a reminder of what they were like in their rookie days. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

May 2nd, 2015

The crowd at the club mostly consisted of YG staff and some close personal friends of the boys. Somehow, it made her feel somewhat uncomfortable even though they had been to many events like this before.

Although it was never outright spoken, there was some kind of competition between the two companies and because of this, the relations between YG and SM idols had become strained over the years. However, after Yuri and Youngbae had privately declared their relationship to their respective companies, a silent truce was formed. 

It wasn't like they would declare their admiration for YG idols and they didn't expect YG idols to praise them either, but she was glad that things were better. Before the whole competition thing, both companies sent their artists to the same variety shows, had them hosting the same shows and events. Now that things were sort of back to normal, she was thankful to Yuri and Youngbae. 

Ordering another drink and waiting by the bar, she looked back at their group of friends. At times like this, she was envious of the two. The way Youngbae looked into Yuri's eyes. The way he tenderly pulled her to his side, hugging her to him. She wished she could find something like that. 

But then again, she did have that. Although Baekhyun was younger than her and less experienced in relationships, he had treated her with such care and the utmost respect. Maybe that's why she fell for him. Was it love between them? Honestly, she didn't know. Maybe that's why she so easily broke it off between the two when things got to be too overwhelming.

Although she was attracted to him, the malicious comments made towards her were getting to be too much. Well, maybe not. She had gotten used to anti-fans making those type of comments towards her and the other girls. It was the comments made about her family that disturbed her. The hacking of her families private SNS accounts. It was uncalled for and completely unnecessary. When her mother called her and told her about it, she had seen red, throwing a fit and eventually breaking down. 

That's why she broke it off with him. It wasn't known to the fans yet, but that didn't really matter at the moment. The reaction would go two ways anyways. Some fans would say they wished the two of them stay together. Most fans would cheer, happy about the news. And some would attack her even more for breaking their 'oppa's' heart. 

She shook her head and downed her shot of tequila, asking for another. Although she loved her fans, some of them were just unreasonable. 

Sensing movement to her side, she subtly glanced to find the last person she wanted to see. Well.. the second last person she wanted to see anyways. There stood G-Dragon, in all his supposed glory, waiting to get the attention of one of the bartenders. 

She honestly didn't know all the hype about this guy. So he wrote his own songs. Did that make him godly or something? The fans and netizens thought he was some kind of musical genius or something but she just couldn't understand what they saw in him. 

All she saw was a guy that tried a little too hard to get attention. Wearing those outrageous outfits that made him stick out like a sore thumb. His bad boy attitude, acting like he was the king of idols or something. The fact that he could get away with anything because he was G-Dragon. Maybe that's why she resented him. 

And worst was the stories she heard about him. She heard from countless people that he was some kind of freak. That he had slept with a ridiculous amount of idols and actresses and thought nothing of it. She just shook her head when she thought of that. That sounded just like something the all mighty G-Dragon would do. Absolutely disgusting.

"It's not polite to stare, you know?"

She was visibly startled when he spoke. Only now did she realise, she had fully turned in her seat to look at him the whole time. "I-I wasn't staring!" she yelled indignantly. 

He just smirked that famous smirk and shook his head. "Whatever."

She silently fumed at his behaviour. He was acting like he was so much more superior than her and that irked her to no end. "Fine. Think whatever you want to think," she huffed, turning back to face the bar and downing another shot. 

"You should probably go easy on the shots Taeyeon-shi. I can still smell the stench in the back of Youngbae's car," he chuckled, turning his back to the bar and leaning against it as he observed the crowd. 

Hearing his statement, she visibly reddened from embarassment, although she could pass it off as an affect of the alcohol. How the hell did he know she had vomitted in Youngbae's car?

"No need to be embarrassed. Everyone does it. You just so happened to do it in the back of Youngbae's very expensive Merc," he snickered, seeing her face blush. "And if you want someone to blame, blame Yuri. She was the one who told me," he now laughed outright. 

"Just shut up and leave me alone, okay?" she turned in her seat to face him, glaring daggers at him. 

"Woah. Alright, alright. Geez," he raised his hands in surrender. "Relax, would you? I was just kidding around," a small smile playing on his face. 

"Yeah, well go kid around somewhere else," she muttered, but he was able to catch it over the loud music. 

", alright. Geez, what a ing ," he said as he walked away. 

"Excuse me?" she asked angrily, standing up from her seat. "Who the hell do you think you are to call me that? What? Just because you're G-Dragon, you think you're better than everyone else?" she asked, poking her finger into his chest, the alcohol fueling her anger.

He caught her small hand in his after the third poke and stared at her angrily. "Do you have some sort of problem with me Taeyeon-shi?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I do have a problem with you. Everything about you. You think you're above everyone because you write music? You think you can get away with everything just because of your name? Because of your company? I ing hate everything about you," she said viciously, not backing down from his stare. 

He just laughed a mirthless laugh, letting go of her hand and walking back to the bar, ordering another drink. 

"What? So you're not even going to defend yourself now?" she asked, taking her seat again.  

"And what is it that I can say to change your mind exactly? Clearly, you've already made up your mind about me, so what's the point? And why