Min Young Pov

I never thought that Seunghoon oppa might be my penpal but I've been suspecting it for awhile now since the person I spoke to seem to know my personality so well even though we only ever communicated over YouTube comments and emails. I sighed as I took a long walk from Central Park back to the studio. As usual, I danced my frustrations out because what Seungri oppa said was true. I loved Jinhwan oppa but I was not in love with him. At least not the way I was in love with Hanbin oppa or Minho oppa.

I ignored Jinhwan oppa's calls because I felt guilt as I know that I'm stringing him along only for my own benefit. Seungri oppa also kept texting me and asking me if I will ever make up my mind on what I feel about Jinhwan oppa. What do you call it when you love the person but you know you can't love them in the way that they love you? So much thoughts and confusions come into my mind and I reached for my phone thinking to email my penpal to seek for advice but I remembered just before I hit send that the penpal is actually Seunghoon oppa.

I threw my phone to the studio floor and just sat there crying due to all of the confusion that has occured. I really want to make it work with Jinhwan oppa however Seungri oppa was right, it has been two months since we started dating but we have not even progressed beyond holding hands. Even when he comes over to New York, he would sleep on the couch or on the floor in Min Cheong oppa's room because he wanted to respect that I was not ready for anything beyond holding hands but come to think of it, maybe it wasn't that I was not ready, it was more of I was not ready to do it with him.

My phone beeped a notification and I saw it was a message from Minho oppa. I never did change my number but I did not keep in touch with him or Hanbin oppa after I left because I left so abruptly that I didn't feel like I have a right to even speak to either to them. There were so many times that I wanted to talk to either one of them and apologize for leaving the way I did but then I remember the incidents that happened after I fainted and I stop short of actually calling them. I opened up the message and saw that Minho oppa was asking if it is ok for us to have dinner next week at the place we celebrated our first anniversary in New York. He wanted a closure on whatever that happened between us so that he and I both can start moving on. I took a deep breath and answered ok to him. I hope I'm not making a big mistake but I booked a flight to Seoul to leave in two weeks. Whatever that is going on with me and Jinhwan oppa will need to be solved face to face and I owe him one to do it in a familiar place and not a foreign land.

I'm back!!! The break did me good and Big Bang in Jakarta was amazing!!! I know it's a short update, 

I'm aiming to finish this story in the next few chapters :) Do comment and upvote!