Kyu p.o.v.

I smiled as I drove into the driveway, this was it, today father was picking a design concept for our new line and if he didn’t pick mine then something was seriously wrong. My hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel; this was it, my way to earn a place in this family, my way to make the man who had pledged himself to be my father proud. I sat in the car for a little while, savouring the moment before. “Kyuhyun! Aren’t you coming in?” I looked out to see father’s secretary, “I’m on my way,” I stepped out and prepared myself to face it; the moment of success.

The door opened into a boardroom inhabited by the major shareholders and a representative for all the others. Mother and father sat at the head of the table, with an accumulative stake of 51%, they were the ones to convince. I steeled myself for the pitch, remembering my first line as I walked to the front of the projector. “Welcome to the future of Choi Designs.” My voice broke the blanket of silence in the dark room, I motioned to the first design on my slide, “Looking carefully I’m sure that some of you remember this design, the dress that put our company on the map, here is that same design upgraded to meet our new market. As you all know, the world is going through a natural trend as people try to lead healthier lives and reconnect to nature in our highly technological world. This sentiment extends to the way people dress. Here at Choi, we don’t make clothes, we create lifestyles. This upgrade of our pinnacle design incorporates the organic, natural, biological ideology that people are starting to adapt into other parts of their lives. If you look at this first dress…” once I got into the rhythm of things it was hard to get down from the high. The last slide featured something completely new, my own design, a symbol which was not lost on many of the people in the room, whilst my father’s design had started the company; my vision was the future. If I had seen the look that mother gave me as I presented that last look, I would have held on the celebrations, I would have checked myself, the battle was far from won. I finished to an overwhelming wave of applause, the board liked the concept. Father stood and shook my hand as I walked past him to take my seat. 

When there was silence mother stood, “I’m sure we can all agree that this concept has the potential to yield great results for us in all our target markets. I looked up in shock and a smile burst out of me, she never wasted a compliment on me, this was more than I had hoped from the day. “However, I have a minor suggestion.” I sat up and paid attention, what? “I loved all the design suggestions in the collection save for the last one, as great as it is I’m sure we can all agree that, that isn’t quite what people look for when they come to Choi Designs.” She paused to let them all take in what she had said; from the whispers in the room she had planted a fertile seed. I have another design, done by our other son, keeping the family theme in the concept.” With this she walked to the projector and took things over. She took out Siwon’s design and showcased it. It was good, I’m not so closed minded as to not admit that it was good, but it was old. It represented past fashions, it was something people would rush to buy today and forget tomorrow. Now my design, I know that my dress would get them talking about Choi Designs for years to come. I looked over to father and I could tell that he knew it too, he understood the difference between good and great, the difference between intelligent and ingenious, but he wouldn’t stand up to her, and the other board members... well, all they needed was to be told what they wanted and right now they wanted what she told them to want. 

The showcase went on after that, three more design managers showed off their concepts but none of them received the reception that mine had. The board voted at the end of the showcase and my concept was a shoe in, with the amendment that Siwon’s design would be the central design in the concept that would repackage Choi Designs. As I stood to leave several people stopped me to offer their congratulations, “Your father must be so proud,” “You did so well,” “You have a great career ahead of you,” “We see your brother is following in your footsteps,” they said all that, and more. They didn’t understand that I had failed, if anything I had regressed, Siwon was now the star of my concept and I had gained no power in the company. 

I don’t know how I made it home, how I walked past Siwon in the lounge and skulked into my room. Looking around, I took it all in, the wall was hidden by designs spanning the last ten years, from when I was a twelve year old boy tentatively sketching out my first design to me now, twenty-two and having just lost the battle that was going to win me the war. She had done it again, she had done what she had been doing to me my whole life, pushed me out of the family. I stared out of the window to see their car drawing into the drive way, I wasn’t going to let myself cry, this wasn’t over. I looked back to my door as father discreetly knocked and drew in. “I...’ he paused, “I didn’t get a chance to congratulate you at the office, you did well son. The whole thing... the whole concept was perfect from beginning to end.” He coughed nervously before heading out. I couldn’t help but smile, try as she might she would never be able push me out of his admiring gaze, this was the only way he could tell me that he had liked my design more than his own son’s, that meant something, something big, maybe the battle hadn’t been lost after all. I wouldn’t mind Siwon being the future of the company, not if I was the one that retained Father’s admiration; after all, wasn’t that what mother was trying to wrestle away from me.

*********

Siwon p.o.v.

I watched father leave his room and a feeling of grief washed over me. Grief? I laughed aloud. I would never be to father what Kyuhyun was to him. How many times had I caught father looking at Kyuhyun with an almost spiritual adulation, at times it was almost as though Kyuhyun was a sort of design idol or teacher to father. He checked his designs through him, they discussed future trends and lines and symmetries that they struggled with, despite the age or the relationship, whenever they both held a pencil in their hands, they were equals. This was a place in my father’s life I would never have. I went to design school hoping to get a look like that even once. I studied and drew and redrew until I was the top of my classes, they called me a designer to look out for. Still Kyu got the uncurbed praise; he did what I did after hours of studying effortlessly, with one hand tied behind his back. I had already heard about my design being the one Kyu had chosen to headline the new concept, but what did it matter if it couldn’t garner me father’s pride. I stood to leave the lounge and headed to my room, I needed to draw some more, somewhere in me was something that would amaze father and I was going to find it.

**********

Kyu  p.o.v.

I sat down to supper and she had the nerve to congratulate me, “No mother, I should be thanking you for your brilliant addition,” she smiled back, /“You’re welcome.” With that everyone reverted back to the usual conversations, Jessica wanted to invite yet another new boyfriend to supper to meet the parents. “I really feel that he’s the one, I love him and shouldn’t you know who your daughter loves?” she backed them into a corner, I looked across the table at her and winked, she must’ve tried to kick me because just then Siwon yelped in pain beside me. “Really,” mother said from the bottom of the table where she was still serving out the food, “It’s hard to believe that you children are no longer teenagers, the way you act.” At this she let out a snort and father smiled at her from across at the head of the table. “We wouldn’t want them to grow too quickly either would we In Hee?” she laughed and continued to serve. / “It’s just as well; I went to the matchmaker and fortune teller today. Kyuhyun,” she addressed me, “I still haven’t found quite what I’m looking for, for you.” I let out a sigh; I knew what she was waiting for. She wanted me to divert Sooyoung from her precious child, I suppressed a smirk, for once we were working towards the same cause.

“Well Siwon, remember the boy I told you about a couple of months ago; your soul mate. I saw three fortune tellers and they all said the same things, he is the one.” I waited for him to put her down as only he seemed to be able to do in this house, but before he could she dropped a bomb. “I’ve been talking to his parents and they are just as thrilled as we are, and do you know what else?” she stopped to let us take in the extent to which she had taken things before dropping the final nuke, “He’s an artist, he was going to move to the city to study here but seeing as how this is a house full of artists and more room than we can handle I insisted to his parents that he stay with us and go to school from here while the two children get to know each other.” She then smiled sweetly as only she seemed to be able to after moments like this. No way had they said yes, no way, how does a parent let their kid stay with some crazy family they don’t know? “Well given our history, of course they said yes, he’s coming tomorrow.” You could have heard a pin drop, talk about giving prior notice. I took a good look at mother, as she sat there, clearly proud of herself and what she had done. There she was, short framed in contrast to father’s tall stature; she had short black hair and a sweet smile. She had started going softer around the edges in the last few years and save for the black hair she would have been a shoe in for the role of everyone’s grandmother. Who knew a woman packaged like that had the ability to do and manipulate things the way she could. At last I couldn’t stand it and I burst out laughing. “Please pass the salt.” They all turned to look at me, “What?”

After supper I contemplated how I should be feeling. On the one hand Siwon’s wedding would raise his status; he would become the married son, the more mature one, with a family and all the responsibility that comes with that. That wouldn’t win me any points in the company. On the other hand with Siwon safely married maybe, just maybe things would be right with Sooyoung again. I couldn’t help but smile at that thought, if the company was the main battle then Sooyoung was something to be won or lost on the side, something that could make the war meaningless to me.

*********

Kyu p.o.v.

They say, in between the time that the sun sets and rises again in the morning all the sins and griefs of yesterday are erased. It’s up to us whether or not we want to bring them into the new day. I woke up really early; it was probably a consequence of all the excitement of yesterday. I had the glorious joy of watching the newly cleansed sun rise into this new day, and I just knew that today was my day; I was going to take ownership here and now. The war still had to be fought and won.

Work flew by in the way it always does when I am lost in a new design, it’s almost as though I am possessed by this new idea. It comes at first as a mist, a hint of a thought, a line and symmetry. Slowly it begins to gain definition, it’s not just any line, it’s an asymmetrical line, and the dress is in perfect symmetry with the body wearing it. Gradually the flashes become clearer, a fitted bodice and low décolletage. At this point I am caught; I cannot work on anything but this idea. I am incapable of resting until it is represented on paper exactly as I see it in my head. Today was like so many other days before; I was putting the final to an idea that had haunted me for months.

I have to admit though, that even as the design occupied me almost completely, in the back of my mind I was quite a bit excited or was it anticipation rather that niggled at me? Anyway, today was the day that Siwon’s intended was arriving. Even as I worked a smile escaped every now and again, who was he? He couldn’t have been that great, after all his parents were practically throwing him on us; having never met us they were placing him solely in our care. I couldn’t help laughing aloud, and exclaiming in the silence of my office; “Well good luck to him.”

With the design finished and a new obsession laid to rest I allowed myself to dwell on our forthcoming guest. Having filed the design in my vault I rushed out of the office to the house, I wanted to be there when he arrived¸ I wanted to watch drama that didn’t involve me unfold for the first time in a long time. At home Jessica was sitting out on the patio clearly waiting for the same entertainment that I was. “I see you’re tuned in for the drama, bright and early.”

 “You know me little brother, whenever there’s the carcass of someone else’s crap life; I’ll be circling in to view the decay.” She sneered at me and I threw her a wink. “Speaking of which, I’m so sad I missed your presentation, how did it go little brother?” She knew very well how it went.

“Fine, actually very well.” At this she threw her head back and laughed or rather cackled. “If you say so, I guess you’ll have to content yourself with Siwon’s scraps yet again ha, he gets the stage and you can do his lighting. It’s just as well, Siwon should be the better designer, it is in his blood.” The way she threw in that last word couldn’t be misconstrued at all, “I guess it is.” I left it at that, of course she had always known about my parentage, she was hardly a baby when I was brought home. Still I take my designs very seriously and the fact that she dismissed them as inferior to Siwon’s without having ever seen one of them irked me. “Well dear sister, how does it feel to know that Siwon will probably be safely married off before you can trick one of your boyfriends into marrying you. Mmmmm... actually if things work out with the new design platform maybe Choi Designs will make another bucket load of money and we can pay someone to take you, lord knows that as you are now you’re only good for eye candy and between you and me bitter isn’t a favoured candy flavour for any man.” Her eyes opened wide as she gasped, “What?” then she smiled a little smile “Well I guess you would know about people paying to get rid of others.” With that I adjusted my chair so that I was facing the other way and she pointedly looked away, it seemed that the only time we were capable of playing happy family was when father was around. 

We heard the car before we saw it, then and only then did we look at each other and exchange a mutual look of interest. It rolled in slowly; an old man was at the wheel with who we assumed was this mystery boy in the back seat. Something about him struck me as familiar, but then again I had only really just seen a silhouette through the darkened window but still, I was stuck with a niggling feeling that something was up. They drove right through to the back of the house using a side road that was typically reserved for deliveries. Both Jessica and I let out a sigh of disappointment, oh well. We stood and walked briskly, one after the other into the house and through to the passageway that he would have to walk through to get to the part of the house that typically housed guests and such. Five minutes later it was clear that he wasn’t coming this way and we were beginning to look stupid just waiting there. “Later Jess, I have better things to do and I’m sure your hands are starting to itch, gosh,” I made a whole show of looking at my watch, “it’s been a whole hour since you siphoned money out of the company, aren’t we all just busy, busy, busy...” with that I turned and walked away.

Safely in my room, only there, only there did my heart experience that familiar thump that let me know that I was still human. I ran her words over and over again in my mind till I was sure that they had no power. One day, one day I will be impenetrable and brave and she will say things like that, things about people being paid to take me in, about my own mother not having it in her to love me, she will say things like that and one day it won’t mean anything to me that is the ultimate victory. I needed to draw, anything. Another reason I think I’ve always liked drawing is because you are complete master over the pencil and paper, you may not necessarily control the particular design that comes to you at a certain time but it’s up to you how you portray it. Only in this black and white world of paper and graphite are you truly the master of your fate and captain of your soul.

*********

L.S.  p.o.v.

I looked around the room and felt even more apprehensive. You could tell that whoever had organised and arranged everything in it had clearly done so with care. The theme colour was champagne, elegant and mature yet still feminine, that was the room. The attitude was all in the details; there was a lovely desk under the window carrying pretty porcelain boxes, the kind accomplished ladies put their jewellery and keepsakes in. Lace peeked in its face here and there, on the cover of the bed, by the curtain, on the chair that kept the table company, feminine. There were elegant landscapes hung on the wall, the type cultured ladies favoured. The carpet was chocolate brown in colour; a stark contrast to the champagne theme and yet it had a strangely mature effect. What was I doing here? What would they do once they found out that I wasn’t quite what they had been looking for?

All my life I never quite measured up to what was expected of me; most little boys and girls grow up reading and dreaming about princes and princesses, they want to be them and to meet them and... let’s just say being a prince isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Most little children grow up and grow out of their dreams of becoming royalty; instead they work towards being something more real and worthwhile, doctors, scientists, lawyers and everything, anything else. The handicap with being an actual prince is that you never outgrow your title or your responsibility to that title even when the kingdom you’re meant to be ruling was disbanded years before you were born. I have the perfect parents, supportive, caring, and loving and somehow that makes it worse, if they were bad people I could deal with not being enough of what I’m meant to be but as it is disappointing them hurts me. 

A lot of my friends used to wonder what burden or special power could possibly come from being the prince of a place that no longer exists. When I addressed the same question to my mother, the woman whose grandmother was the last recognised heir of this kingdom her reply was; “In as much as you can’t point out our land on the map or lay claim to anything and say that belongs to my kingdom there are still people out there who watch out for us; people who remember the old days or were told about them and think on them fondly. People who still rely on us for guidance, even if the only way we can give that guidance is in the way we live. We cannot let those people down; it is our birth right to serve these people even if that birth right is not declared aloud.” The first time I heard those words I didn’t really understand, were there people stalking us and if we ate beef for supper then they would do the same? As I grew older I understood that there’s a little more to it than that. Still, I’ve always had trouble imagining an old wizened man eagerly watching the news for anything about us and finding inner strength in the fact that our conduct was good. Because of that I felt that it was best that I live my life with the knowledge that mom and dad needed me to be a certain way, if I was bad then it would reflect badly on them and I didn’t want that, so I worked, not for a nation, but for them. 

I am my parent’s only child making it worse, I am their only legacy. I have many cousins to compare myself with, elegant and confident, accomplished men and women that I would be proud to call royal and happy to look up to. I am shy, I am inarticulate and not at all witty or intelligent, I lack beauty or anything at all that you would want to look up to. In short I am nothing to strive towards; I have nothing that would strengthen the people who are supposed to look up to me. The only thing I have is my drawings and what good are they? They don’t provide thousands of jobs like dad’s company, they don’t feed many people like mom’s charities, they do nothing, only serving to bring me joy. This was why I had agreed to the marriage, a marriage with Choi Designs would help father’s company; this was my way of serving.

Looking around the room again I felt an overwhelming sensation of shame. These people thought they were getting a wonderful young man who would add to their family, how will they feel once they know that instead what they’re really getting is an unaccomplished boy who isn’t sure why he’s even there? A nervous boy who only came because of a crush that he had been fostering for the last ten years; they would laugh, anyone in their right mind would laugh.

*********

Kyu p.o.v.

Finally, an hour later I slammed down the pencil, this wasn’t working. I need perfect silence to draw and some idiot was banging up a storm in the room next door. Everyone knows that that room is out of bounds, as is the room on my left. I threw the door open and stormed to the room, whoever it was, was going to get an ear full, probably Siwon seeing as this was the room directly opposite his, maybe he had decided to expand his horizons, well that wasn’t going to cut it, not today. 

I hit the door twice, loudly with my fists before I heard the unlucky idiot walking to the door and slowly turning the handle, “What...” I stopped and looked, that wasn’t Siwon, looking him up and down I reconfirmed this fact aloud, “You’re not Siwon,” the niggling feeling I had had before struck me again as I waited for a response, “No...Umm... I’m afraid I’m not, uh... hello” he held out his hand and I just stared at it in front of me before he hastily withdrew it, “I think we’ve actually met before, I’m your...” he turned a little pink, “I’m your fiancé” before I could correct him he continued, “I’m Sungmin,”

 “What?” I narrowed my eyes and peered at him from under lowered lashes, 

“Like I said, we’ve uh... met before, I’m Lee Sungmin.”

To Be Continued...

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A/N:

And so, the story begins.... *cue dramatic music*

Hey all,

My sincerest apologies for the criminally late update. I apologise sincerely and hope to be more regular. Read my wall for a hint of why the update was so late. But I am back!

Please don't punish me by not commenting on the story. As I start to write it again I need your ideas, excitement and enthusiasm so comment, comment, comment. (the more you comment the guiltier I feel and the guiltier I feel the faster I update )

XOXO

Author