I hid my aching heart and let you go while I was in pain by myself like a fool.

Shin awoke the next day, and turned his body so he was lying facing the ceiling. He groggily turned his head to look to the other side of the bed.

“So you didn’t come home after all..” He felt exhausted from crying all day yesterday to sleep. He didn’t want to get up either. He looked at the clock on his bedside table to see what time it was.

“Noon already? Damn.” He got up, slowly and went to the bathroom. He felt gross, for his face was stained with dried tears. Shin looked in the mirror and had forgotten that he didn’t even change out of his clothes from yesterday. He looked disgusting.

After he washed up, he went to make breakfast. As always, he made enough for two and set out a plate for Takuya. He sat down and started to eat. In the middle of taking his second bite, he looked at Takuya’s empty seat at the table.

“Is this how it’s gonna be from now on..? Are you ever coming home?” Shin muttered to himself. He’d lost his appetite. “Great. Good food gone to waste.” He pushed his plate away from him and went to sit on the couch. Just as he sat down, the front door opened. Shin snapped his head to the door. It was Takuya.

“You’re home.... Welcome.”

“Yeah.. I am.” Takuya didn’t even look at him. His suit was messily put on, and he looked excessively tired, just a big mess.

“...Is that perfume?” Shin thought to himself as he smelt a faint feminine scent on his boyfriend as he walked by. He watched Takuya walk into the bathroom and heard the shower go on. Shin the TV and looked for something to watch.

“Might as well..”

20 minutes later, Takuya came out with fresh clothes on and sat at the dining table. As Takuya started to eat, Shin couldn’t handle it anymore.

“I know.” Shin said softly. Takuya stopped eating and slowly looked up. He looked tired.

“....What..?”

“Who is she?” Shin spoke louder and looked Takuya in the eyes. “Tell me, who is she?”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Takuya looked down at his plate and played with his now cold food.

“Takuya!” He got up, “Don’t lie to me, I saw you with her yesterday at the restaurant! You kissed her!” Takuya pushed his chair and got up as well.

“Why were you there? Were you following me?!” Those cold eyes.. He felt intimidated and shrank away from him. Takuya noticed. He looked away and started to walk for the bedroom. “I’m tired, I’m taking a nap.”

“Oh no you don’t..” Shin thought and grabbed his arm. “..why..?” Shin spoke softly. He could feel Takuya tense up. Takuya turned around and looked Shin in the eyes. They were full of pain. “Why her, a girl for goodness sakes. Why now? After 3 years.. I thought we were…” Shin looked away as he felt his eyes tear up. Takuya yanked his arm out of Shin’s grasp and started walking towards the bedroom again.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I’m taking a nap.”

“Stop! Don’t do this to me, Takuya! Why won’t you tell me? ….I’m supposed to be your boyfriend, don’t you trust me?” Shin said while slowly walking towards Takuya with tears running down his cheeks, once more. “Don’t lie to me… not anymore.. I can’t take it.. I thought you loved me….”

“Enough!” Takuya yelled. “I did trust you, I did love you! I loved you for 3 whole years, but god dammit! You’re just so clingy! Everyday I come home, exhausted and wanting to just sleep and you’re over here yapping in my ear saying ‘How was work, Takuya~~?’ or ‘Takuya~~ I missed you~~~’ It’s so annoying sometimes! Give me some space, man! Okay so I did sleep with a woman, there, you happy?! If you can’t take it anymore, go to Seyoung! You’re always talking to him anyway, you might as well date him instead!” By the time Takuya had finished speaking, Shin was baffled. Heartbroken. Hurt. Is this what he thought all this time?

“How could he…” Shin thought, then speechlessly said, “What..?”

Takuya replied irritatedly, “Go to Seyoung then! Leave!” He couldn’t take it anymore, Shin was done. His chest hurt, like he could literally feel his heart breaking. He couldn’t breathe. He pushed Takuya out of the way and ran as fast as he could out the door. His tears were falling harder than ever. He couldn’t see, he just ran to wherever his feet could take him. He just couldn’t take it anymore. As he was running, smiling images… happy memories of him and Takuya flashed behind his eyes. When they first met… when Takuya first asked him out… their first kiss… their first, second, third anniversary… He couldn’t take it anymore. It hurt so much. He stopped running and clenched his eyes shut and grabbed his chest, just above his heart.

“Stop… no more.. please.. make it stop….” Shin begged to anyone who would listen.. anyone who could hear.. anyone who cared.

“SHIN WATCH OUT!” He quickly opened his eyes but only saw light.. then pitch black.

I’ll try living like this, I’m alright, with a smile, Goodbye.

7 hours later, Takuya was laying in bed in pitch darkness with no sound at all besides the car horns outside. As he was laying there, he thought about what he said to Shin earlier.

“..You’re just so clingy! Everyday I come home, exhausted and wanting to just sleep and you’re over here yapping in my ear saying ‘How was work, Takuya~~?’ or ‘Takuya~~ I missed you~~~’ It’s so annoying sometimes! Give me some space, man!..”

“Ugh..” He grunted. “Why. Why did I say that..?” He thought aloud to himself. A lot of times, when he was under a lot of stress, Takuya tended to bottle up all his feelings until he exploded, which he knew wasn’t good for him and it always ended with him saying things that he didn’t mean, at all. And poor Shin, just had to be around when it happened. He felt extremely bad.. He didn’t mean to cheat on him. All the stress just got to his head and he…. didn’t think it would go that far. He just needed a stress reliever..  He sat up, and looked out the window.

“Where did he even go..?” He didn’t mean for Shin to leave, what he said about him and Seyoung just… made him even more mad. Shin’s always talking to him and just looks so happy around him. Shin was his boyfriend, so technically, he had a right to be jealous.

“Hey.. I’m sorry about earlier.. Can we talk? Where are you?” Takuya texted Shin and put his phone down. He just hoped Shin was safe. He laid back down and rested his eyes. Then his ringtone went off. He shot up and checked his phone. It was Shin.

He quickly picked up and said, “Hello? Shin?” It went quiet for a moment. Then someone’s voice when on the line. “Takuya?” ..Seyoung? Why did Seyoung have Shin’s phone? ..Did he actually go to his house?

“Seyoung? Why do you have Shin’s phone? Where is he?” Takuya demanded in a harsh tone.

“Takuya. Please…. just listen.” Takuya felt nervous. Why was Seyoung so quiet? Didn’t he normally hate him? “Shin.. He got hit by a car… he’s in the emergency room.”

“What?! You’re joking, right?” He heard nothing but silence. “Oh god… no.. please tell me you’re joking, Seyoung.”

“I’m sorry..”

Whenever I think of you, I’ll comfort myself saying it’s okay.

Takuya had gone to the hospital as quick as he could get there. He ran into the ER and demanded to know where his boyfriend was.

“Takuya..” He turned and saw Seyoung walking from the two big doors. “This way.. He’s in critical condition. You should go see him.” Seyoung said while walking to the room. He led me in and there I saw Shin.

“Oh my god..” I ran up to the chair beside the bed and tightly held his hand like my life depended on it. “Shin… My baby… I’m so sorry…. I didn’t mean anything I said, please don’t leave me. I didn’t mean to cheat on you, I don’t love her… I love you, so much. Please… Shin, please..” Tears were streaming down Takuya’s face at seeing Shin like this. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.. I’m so sorry…” He put his forehead down onto Shin’s hand. The room was silent besides the constant beeping of the heart machine and Takuya’s sniffles.

“Mm.. Takuya.. ugh..” Takuya shot his head up at the sound of a weak Shin.

“Shin! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I didn’t mean anything of what I said back then, I love you so much..” Takuya quickly spoke and begged for forgiveness.

“Don’t.. apologize.. it’s okay….” Shin’s eyes started going shut but he kept fighting to keep them open, for he knew the consequences if he were to shut them again.

“Shin! No! Stay with me, you can’t leave me! Please..” Takuya begged with tears falling onto Shin’s hand. “please..I love you.. don’t leave me...”

“I… love you..too.” Takuya watched as Shin’s eyes fell shut… his hand release from his own… his breathing stop, and the machine to signal that Shin was no longer alive.

“I’m so sorry..”

Can’t you come back to me? Can’t you stay with me?