March 24th 2013,

I woke to the sound of the alarm blearing into my right ear, 6am only 4 hours of sleep last night. I rolled onto my side and reached over lazily banging my hand on top of the alarm ceasing the constent beeping. One hour is all I had to get organised for the day, shower, dress, groom and find time to eat before being rushed into the van by our manager. I decided to leave ripping the quit off from my middle to the last mintue and chucked it to my side as I slid of the bed.

Running a hand through my hair "I can do this" I mutterd.

Making my way to our only bathroom I bumped into a half asleep Minho staggering to the kitchen, head down earphones in. He nodded in a half apology before continuing on to his destination. Righting my self up to a straight stance I knocked on the bathroom door yelling "Get out its my turn" My efforts were ignored as key sounded to the words to Ring Ding Dong over the noise of the water hitting the floor. I banged once more and I heard the water turnning off and someone rattling inside.

"Gosh hyung i'm coming out, geesh!" he yelled. After a mintue of clinking I finally saw him come into view as he opened the door and made his way out.

"Could you be any slower Key!" I said.

"Well some of us actually get up and make it to the shower first" he stuck his tounge out and pushed past me.

Mintues is all I could spare so I quickly washed, shaved and ran out off to my room to change.

"Time to go, lets go, lets go..." the manager called pushing us out the door. Not even getting the chance to eat was my own fault and my stoumach agreed rumbling in protest. Taemin threw me an apple as the door locked behind us I glanced at him seeing that it was the only apple in his hands.

"You shouldn't forget to eat something Hyung" smiling I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"You should eat too you know" I explained handing back the apple but he refused to take it.

"Dont worry that was a sanck, I already ate" he started climbing into the van.

"Thanks" I said following after him.

Today we rehearsed, singing for the first 2 hours dancing for the two after that. We gathered in our main rehearsal room and begain singing beautiful. Memories flooded back from our last performance.

Sing...

sing... sing....

"Forgot you're line old man?" I wish I did.

Over the last few weeks I could feel it in my lungs at first, the extra energy I put into each note that spilled from my mouth, but I was the only one to notice. At least my problems stayed with me as their was no point worrying others over something that was only a cold, must be. The extra effort noticable changed the amount of air I needed to release a note, causing an air like after taste to the high notes when sung. Luckly it was so quite that I bearly noticed it unitl i was singing.... areumdawo....wo.....

""

They all looked at me quizzically seeming to wonder why I had just stuffed up a note that was a sinch just a year ago. Also to add to it I swore out loud puzzling them even more. "Crap" I thought internally, what do I say to them.

"Hyung, you really need to quit smoking.." Jong hyun said with attitude.

"I am ok, when was the last time you sore me with a cigarette?" I statted annoyed.

"Point taken but seriously hyung is something wrong?" the look of concern from Jong hyun seeped into my eyes.

"We've all noiced that somethings different about you?" Minho chiped in.

"Dont worry guys im just tired, thats all, old age must be catching up to me" I laughed and they did too. They just didnt know I wasnt laughing on the inside.

The rest of the time went relatively smoothly, I made a few stuff ups but not as big and noticable. By the end I was parched and I had a dull ache at the base of my throat. Pulling my phone out I begun to type in my symptoms, just before I clicked the search button I paused. There wasnt anything wrong with me just a cold I told myself over and over again. I locked my phone and slid it back into my pocket, out of sight out of mind. And it was until the manager decided it was a good idea to analize our last performance.

"Breath Jinki, Breath"

Later that night I walked out of the dorm and pulled my e-cigarette out of my pocket and took a few drags, with that an instant calming affect washed over me, relaxing my tight muscles. I know, I should stop and I'm trying but I cant.