(You know how I feel with starting a letter with cliches like dear who so I'm not going to do it no matter how much you will complain about this in the next letter, I will take it)

Hi? Alright I tried playing nice now FREAKING BYUN BAEK HYUN YOU DON'T JUST DO THIS AND YES THIS IS ME SHOUTING AT YOU THROUGH A LETTER I'M GLAD YOU CAN TELL DAMNIT. I'm going to warn you right off the bat this letter will be anything but mild. 

(thank chan yeol for betting that I can't write this letter without any 'f' word so this letter will at least be free of all the cursing but I hope you know I am still muttering them)

BYUN

BAEK 

HYUN 

Sit your down for this letter, I'm warning you, you will need it.

Two months. That's how long I haven't heard from you but yes, I chose to leave in the tiest way but ask your thick skull if you would ever WAKE UP from this beside me leaving without a trace. Chan Yeol scolded me when he knew what I did but I told him to wait. And he waited. He told me he checked on you a month back, he told me you were so different, so numb because of me leaving but at least you have stopped. Finally. 

"Jong Dae, he's changed." There was hope in Chan Yeol's voice, YOU GAVE HIM HOPE DID YOU KNOW THAT but he doesn't understand, does he?

you stopped because I left, what if I came back, what then byun baek

my things clothes tapes the damn cat lamp mean nothing to me anymore I dont need 

no ones to bla

your apologies are no 

I dont even know why we cross out words, when we can stil see them but I cant continue, I dont know how

You know what hurt? Knowing that I begged you, hinted at you, outright told you for months and you never stopped, never realize how bad it could get, how I could just be human enough to give up no matter how much I love and I do love you so fu freaking much. I could take on so much for you, I could die over and over again for you but I did not leave because I couldn't take it anymore. 

I left because I couldn't see another way. ANOTHER WAY TO SAVE YOU. I'm sorry my hand is shaking so much, can you read my words, Baek, I just. Please.

I've calmed down, Baek. Let me try to be composed because I don't want to do this. I don't want to say what's already been said or repeat myself because it gets harder each time and the impact, I don't think it's there anymore.

WHEN DID I EVEN GET THIS ANGRY? The nightmares, they never seem to stop do they? Not even for you I bet? It hurts me enough, for both of us.

I told you I love letters but no screw that, this is so damn hard. I have so many things to say and I don't know if you get it. The tone or what I'm trying to portray. You used to stare into my eyes, my mouth, my shoulders when they shake, you used to SEE how I feel. 

But no.

This is it, Baek Hyun, this is it.

You asked me, did I think of you when I was leaving your arms that night two months ago? 

You should know, I have never ing stopped.

JFYN : Chan Yeol asked for you to call him, he knows you need it since you can't ever bare to hear my voice anymore. And please, don't ask him where I am, he would break and it will be all my fault. Just please, Baek. 

A/N : I don't even know how to do these anymore so please comment anything you'll like to ask/express about this chapter or me and I'll reply to all comments after this.Thank you for reading and it's painful how much I mean it.