---

                        Love

                                    was trying to see
                                             trying to save the stars

            But the

                        darkness

                                    covered the whole entity
                                             hiding itself with its curse

---

I woke up on my bed, which was positioned next to Su Ho's bed. A small table lamp separated our beds inches away from each other. I turned to my side to watch him sleep soundly. He slept like an angel. I know, it's a cliché description, but he really does!

I stood from my bed and sat on the floor, or the small distance between his bed and mine, wanting to watch him closer as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful...

Like he didn't hate me...

"Ya! What are you doing in front of my face?!" Su Ho woke up from his sleep, his eyes hardly open. His groggy, agitated voice made it seem like I was the one awakened from my own dream. And this reality, the fact that he hates me, is like a nightmare.

"I-I'm sorry, I wasn't going to disturb you-"

He held the alarm clock and his eyes that hardly open, grew wide. "Don't you know what time it is?! Why didn't you wake me?! Aish!" He threw the alarm clock on the other side of his bed. I almost thought he'd throw it towards my direction, but gladly he didn't.

He walked towards the restroom located across his bed and closed the door strongly that it made a loud banging sound.

"Oh, Min Gaeul! What were you thinking?!" I thought and slapped my own forehead.

While waiting for Su Ho to finish taking a bath, I walked to my closet to choose the clothes I'll be wearing. Today is their thesis defense proposal and I'm one of their panelists, so I should be wearing formal business attire.

It took thirty minutes for Su Ho to take a bath until...

I shrieked and quickly covered my eyes. I walked backwards and stumbled, realizing I landed on his bed.

He came out of the room only with a bathroom towel on. I accidentally saw his unexpectedly built body.

"What the heck are you doing?!" He asked, his cheeks unbelievably turning pink. I couldn't read his eyes... They look angry yet embarrassed as well.

"I was only waiting for my turn in the bathroom and I didn't know you were going out like that!" I panicked, not sure if I said the words clearly because I said it too fast while still covering my eyes with my own hands.

"Get out!" Su Ho shouted and I jumped in shock.

"Y-Yes! Sorry!" I quickly ran towards the door but then my silly mind controlled my mouth. "I-I have a question! Don't you have a bathrobe?"

"I said get out!!!" He growled in exasperation and I hurriedly ran outside his room.

I waited for another fifteen minutes for him to finish changing his clothes. He walked out of the room with his clothes on, not even glancing at me like I am a wind. Yet he looks so handsome and fresh; his strong perfume even passing through my whole body, catching my whole attention.

"C-Can I use your bathroom now?" I stammered as I asked, feeling embarrassed of the incident a while ago.

He walked back towards me. "Yeah. You stink as hell,"

"What?!" I tried to smell my newly washed pajamas that I only used last night, and I could still smell the soap used to wash it.

I watched as he walked towards the staircase, while his shoulders jiggle. Was he chuckling? Did I make him laugh this morning?

I feel my heart flutter. This is the first time I've ever felt so good seeing someone chuckle because of me. Will it become like this everyday?

I walked inside his room again, into his bathroom. As I got my toothbrush, I noticed a shining object on the drainer of the sink.

Our engagement ring.

My heart fell into pieces, my happiness as if drained on the same drainer. Why was it here? Did he throw it on purpose?

Or maybe he just forgot wearing it because it fell on the drainer...

My toes itched to follow him, so I ran as fast as I could.

"Su- I mean, Junmyeon-ah!!!" I stammered as I call him with his real name. I was reluctant to use 'Su Ho', knowing that he's a bit distant from me.

He was pouring milk on to a bowl of cereals, together with a familiar guy I've seen from school. He had a sculpted-like facial features, having a prominent cheekbones and jawline. He stared at me in awe and I tried to smile back at him, but I felt like it was one of the most awkward smiles I've ever formed.

"Oh, it's you! Good morning Gaeul-sshi! Wait, your name's Gaeul, right? I didn't know you're staying here already!" It was Jongdae, who preferred to be called by his nickname, Chen. I met him from our English class last semester.

I clearly remember his introduction during our English class: "I am Kim Jongdae, but you can call me Chen. And if you guys know the top student of this school, Kim Junmyeon or Su Ho - he's my cousin. Ironically, I'm not as smart as that guy so don't expect me to be like him. I'm different..."

"I'm taking my breakfast here because the cook's better here than my mother next door," Chen added.

"Oh... It's nice to see you here," I said and smiled again, this time a sincere one. "Anyways, Junmyeon-ah-"

"You have cute pajamas," Jongdae complimented.

"Oh, uhm... Thanks Jongdae," I said. "C-Can I speak to Junmyeon now?" 

"Oh yeah, sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt," Jongdae said apologetically.

"What do you want? Go take a bath now, we'll be late for school," Su Ho suddenly butted in.

"Y-You left our... Uhm... This," I showed him our engagement ring.

He looked at me sternly before getting it and putting it on his finger. "Take a bath. We'll be late,"

"Su Ho sunbae, your necktie..." Su Ho's personal maid came with a blue necktie on her hand. Su Ho diligently stood in front of the maid and pushed his collar up, just like a little child asking for his mother's help to tie it. The maid then put the necktie around his neck.

"Can I do it?" I asked the maid. I've been dreaming to do this with my soon-to-be husband.

"Sure, but do you know how?" The maid asked, using formal words at me.

"Yeah, I used to tie my dad's," I said and she handed me the tie.

"We're going to be late," Suho said impatiently in gritted teeth.

"This won't take hours long," I beamed as I started working on his necktie. "See? I'm done,"

"You annoy me," He scowled.

I tried to smile at him and walked back to his bathroom. I don't really get if he just forgot the ring but whatever. He's wearing it again!

I didn't know Su Ho would wait for me before he goes to school. I took so long in the bathroom, thinking that we would use different cars.

I thought he'd leave me.

"I'm late for thesis defense." Su Ho said, eyes focused on the window beside him, not even glancing at me.

"We're the panelists... I think you can make it before it starts," I replied reassuringly.

"Before it starts?!" He snickered, now looking at me with his mocking glare. "You think it's that easy to prepare?!"

"S-Sorry..." was all I could say.

It was a long drive, and it was our only conversation. Su Ho haven't talked to me on our way to school. And I felt like a mute; my voice dried with his coldness. What have I done again?!

As we reached school, we headed to our college's conference room for Su Ho's defense. I'm one of the panelists for their study, together with my thesis groupmates.

"Gaeul-ah!!!" JB welcomed me with a hug. We usually hug when we see each other, but today, I shuddered, feeling conscious if Su Ho's seeing this. I don't think he'd feel bad... But I think being engaged to someone has limits too, even if it's just arranged by our parents.

I glanced at Su Ho and saw him staring at us, so I quickly pushed JB.

"Ya! I needed your good luck hug!" JB pouted.

"Eew, stop doing aegyo JB. It never suited your face," I teased.

"Then what does? A y smirk?" JB asked and smiled cheekily.

"Shut up and focus on your defense,"

"I couldn't because you're one of the panelists," JB looked at me in the eyes.

I shrugged it off with a laugh. JB is a flirtatious type of guy, but I was already used to it because he'd became my best friend ever since I came in this school. Jokes like these were like a normal thing to me. In addition to that, it was a good thing that someone suddenly called his name, lessening the odd atmosphere between us.

Or no. Because Su Ho was the one who called him and he's now glaring at me.

"Keep focused on the defense, Jaebeom," I heard Su Ho murmur.

"Yes, sorry," JB apologized and sat on his seat with a heavy sigh. He looked at me with an apologetic smile while I gave him an I-told-you-so look.

Su Ho's thesis adviser, our professor for the research course and another professor assigned to be a panelist came.

"Hey, I just heard last night about your engagement!" Surprisingly, our terror research professor brightly greeted. "Congratulations!"

I chuckled. "Thank you, sonsaengnim,"

"Thank you sonsaengnim," He also said. I glanced at Su Ho and he gave a small smile to our professor.

Was he really thankful? I don't know why it means to me a lot, but I can't stop smiling about it - the thought of people congratulating us for being engaged, and the thought that we'll be married soon.

"Should we start the defense?" Su Ho asked, his expression shows confidence and eagerness.

"Yeah, go on," Our professor said.

"Good morning everyone, we're here to defend our thesis proposal. I am Kim Junmyeon and these are my groupmates, Im Jaebeom and Jung Leo,"

I always admired Su Ho when he talks formally. He looked so respectable and smart. But his best side, which I always wanted to see, is when he's with his friends, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Sehun and Kai. I don't know what's with the five boys, but I always see him laugh with them. I like it when his eyes crinkle when he laugh so hard.

AHHH FOCUS MIN GAEUL. You can't be biased! Gosh, why am I assigned to this group?! My best friend JB is here, and my fiancée is also here!

As they have finished the defense, it was our time to give our comments or suggestions and ask questions about their study.

And good thing I read their thesis beforehand. I couldn't concentrate today because Suho looked so handsome with his suit and tie. I couldn't even imagine myself on our wedding day. I think I'll just melt while walking at the altar seeing him look at me as I go closer and closer...

"Gaeul-sshi?" My professor suddenly called my attention, and I remembered that I am a panelist, not a fan. 

"I would like to clarify something about the title page. It says here Bachelor of Arts in Psychology but aren't you all Bachelor of Science in Psychology?" I asked, and Su Ho, JB and Leo immediately looked at the first page of their thesis.

"Oh, yeah! You got a good eyesight, Gaeul," JB complimented with a thumb up.

Our terror professor cleared and she looked at JB sternly. "If it wasn't for Gaeul what's going to happen to you. Sometimes people tend to see what they want to see... So always check your papers," our research professor suggested.

"Yes, thanks saem," Su Ho replied, while erasing something on their paper,"

"I have another question. Why did you choose this study?" I asked. I was also eager to be of help to their thesis, so I really did my best to study their thesis proposal well.

"We just thought it's an interesting topic since we're all in a family business," Su Ho replied, eyes staring straightly at me. His serious expression makes me intimidated, the kind that challenges me but at the same time mocking me about what kind of question I just asked.

"Then you should've put it in your introduction, Junmyeon," our research professor said.

"Any other questions Ms. Min?" Our research professor asked.

"Yes. I just want to clarify how are they going to build rapport with their participants here. It was indicated here that they will do that before the study but it wasn't specific,"

"We are going to build rapport through casual conversation since we are planning to do an interview on the CEO's," Su Ho once again replied.

"And how are you going to contact the CEO's?"

"We have connections,"

"I think it would be better if you could just write the specific companies you'll be conducting the study on the Participants section,"

Su Ho sighed and beside him, I could see JB diligently writing something. I think it was about what we've been discussing since he was writing it on his copy of their thesis proposal.

"Last question: Aren't you going to consider business ancestry studies on your related review of literature? I think it's also important to connect it with your study," I suggested but not with confidence anymore. I was already reluctant to say it but I had to. I mean, I don't care about the stupid glares he's giving me. I need to share what I can help.

"That's what I was about to suggest too," The research professor said and smiled at me.

I looked at Su Ho and he nodded. His expression wasn't really bright anymore and I think I already know why.

The thesis defense ended and the professor decided that their group passed with minor revisions. As the advisers walked out of the room, I took the opportunity to personally congratulate Su Ho and apologize if my comments offended him.

"Junmyeon-ah, congratulations! We should celebrate for this! I know a nearby restaurant from the school, we should eat dinner there after class!" I said excitedly.

"Hmm, let me see, you just embarrassed us in front of the panelists. How else do you think are we going to celebrate?"

I scratched my head and quickly gave a 90-degree bow. "That was also what I was about to say... I wanted to apologize if that offended you, I just wanted to help in your study,"

"Ya, she was doing her part as one of our panelists. It wasn't offending," I felt JB pat my back as he tried to defend me from Su Ho.

"Yeah, thanks a lot," Su Ho said sarcastically and walked out of the room.

I stood straight and looked at JB, as if asking for his help. "I was only trying to-"

"Shh... It's fine Gaeul," JB hugged me and patted my back. "He's just stressed,"

"I hope so... I think I really made him feel bad,"

"You know what, let's just celebrate. I think I also know that nearby restaurant,"

I sighed. "Thanks JB,"

"Ya, have you lost your appetite because it's me, not Su Ho?"

I chuckled and pinched JB's cheek. "You're such a jealous best friend, Im Jaebeom. Arasseo. Let's celebrate together,"

"Alright! I'll see you after class, okay?"

"Ne,"

JB and I went to the restaurant I was referring to. We ordered pepperoni and cheese pizza. Oh, it's our stress food. We can finish three to four slices of pizza when we're really stressed.

"Gaeul-ah! Do you remember our pizza promise when we first met in college?" JB asked.

"Pizza promise? Oh yeah!" I exclaimed as I remember it. We called it "Pizza Promise" because we promised that we would celebrate after the success of our thesis defense with pizzas while telling each other's deepest darkest secret.

"So what's your secret?" JB asked, giving me a suspicious look.

"My secret?" That was challenging. I think I was too open to JB and I shared almost all of my secrets to him. "Can you do it first? I couldn't think of any secrets I hid from you," I said.

JB chuckled. "Okay, I'll share mine first,"

"I'm excited!!!" I giggled and clapped my hands.

"Okay, here's my secret," JB took a deep breath and looked at me in the eyes. His eyes weren't smiling; it looked stern, that it made me nervous.

And then I realized, all this time, JB's hiding something from me... What's his secret?

"Actually, Min Gaeul... I really... Uhmm..." He chuckled and scratched his head. He looked nervous and restless, more than how he was a while ago during their defense. "You... I mean... Ever since I've met you, I liked-"

A ring cut off JB’s secret. My phone. I looked at him apologetically and he nodded with a reassuring smile, gesturing for me to answer it.

"Sorry, JB, I have to-"

"No, it's fine, go answer it," He said and laughed it off.

I answered the phone without even checking who the caller was. "Hello?"

"Ya, where the heck are you?" I need not to ask nor look at my phone to see who the caller was. I know this voice so much.

The stern, agitated voice of Kim Junmyeon.

"Y-You were looking for me? I thought you’d go home by your-"

"I've been waiting for you for like an hour! Where are you? I thought you wanted to celebrate?" Su Ho asked furiously.

"C-Celebrate? I thought you were mad at me?" I asked. So he waited for me thinking we'll be celebrating?

Suddenly, he got quiet. I didn't know if he heard it or he hung up. I checked my phone, but it says that he was still on the other line.

"Su Ho-ya? Are you still there?" I asked. "We could still celebrate... I'm at the nearby Italian restaurant from the school called... Sbarro,"

He hung up. Have I said something wrong?

"Gaeul-ah?" I was awakened by JB's voice. "What's the matter?"

"Su Ho called... And he hung up on me. What do you think is his problem with me?" I asked anxiously.

"Maybe he's tired?" JB guessed.

"I thought he was really mad at me. But he said he was waiting for me for an hour already. I don't get him, JB!"

JB smiled. "You're really dense,"

"What? Did you say I'm dense?" I asked.

JB chuckled and suddenly pinched my nose. "You should eat now,"

"Or you should probably go home now," It was Su Ho's voice. I think he just came in the restaurant and he stood beside our table.

"S-Su Ho-" I was about to apologize but he cut me off.

"Do I have to fetch you like this? I'm not your driver Gaeul," Su Ho said. He glanced at JB with a scowl.

"Will you shut up Su Ho? People could hear you! Plus, she didn't ask you to come here and bring her home. I could bring her home,"

"Fine. Do what you both want," Su Ho said and walked out.

I sighed. "I'm so sorry JB, I have to leave now,"

"What? No way, you can't tolerate that man! I told you, I can bring you home,"

"I'm really sorry, JB..." I said and followed Su Ho.

That night, I made cupcakes while Su Ho was inside his study room finishing the revisions for their thesis proposal. I was actually planning to make sorry cupcakes for him. I hope he'd like it.

I finished at 12AM, but I found his study room's light was still on. I quickly went back to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee, to help him stay alert and awake.

I knocked on the door before entering his room. He didn't glance at me. He was only staring directly on his laptop screen. I figured out that I should just leave the coffee on his study table.

"I don't drink coffee," Su Ho suddenly said, his eyes still focused on the screen of his laptop.

"R-Really? Then... how about a cup of hot chocolate?" I asked.

"I don't need it, Gaeul," He said.

"A massage?" I raised my arms forward and smiled invitingly.

Su Ho sighed. "No,"

"Oh..." I looked on the ground and carefully walked towards the door.

"I didn't tell you to leave me alone," Su Ho stopped me from walking outside.

"W-What?" I asked, a little bit flustered.

He finally looked at me and walked towards me. He held my hand and pulled me towards the chair beside his study table.

"Do you need my help?" I asked as I've become dazed by his sudden actions.

He sat on his chair and crossed his arms while staring directly at my eyes. I know, my cheeks could be burning red right now, but I don't care. It's his fault, he's staring at me and it's melting me!

"Do you like JB?" Su Ho asked.

"No! Of course not, he's just a friend," I said.

"The question made you very alarmed, Gaeul. Aren't you too defensive?" Su Ho asked, eyes suspiciously staring at mine.

"No. I'm just clarifying it to you because you're my fian-" I stopped, feeling awkward talking about this. I mean, he's so cold at me and I'm not even sure if he wants me to call him or address him as my fiancée.

"Alright, you may now leave," He said and turned to his laptop again.

It took me a few seconds before I got up on my chair. My heart felt heavy, and I could feel its weight dragging my whole body down. His sudden mood swings make me overwhelmed. I'm not sure if I could tolerate it any longer.

I went to their house's swimming pool, wondering if I should still stay here. I don't get any of this. He's always angry with me, like my whole presence irritates him. I don't know if I should really marry him. The more I get to know him the more I get afraid of him.

My phone rang, distracting me from my deep thoughts. I got my phone and checked who it was - JB. I answered it and carefully greeted him, trying to hide the sadness I'm feeling.

"JB, I'm really sorry about earlier," I said.

"It's fine to me! But... are you alright?" JB asked.

"Yes, I am," I lied.

"Did you guys fight? Tell me if you did, okay? I'll quickly kick his face," JB joked, making me chuckle.

"No, he's just stressed. Right now he's busy revising. Shouldn't you be helping him as well, instead of calling me?"

"I needed to hear your voice for me to work better. I mean, I was so worried about you!" JB said hysterically, like a mother.

I chuckled. "You should help him, seriously,"

"We're done revising, Gaeul," JB said.

"What? Really?" I looked at the window in his study room and the light was already dim. "Oh... right, I should sleep now,"

"Goodnight, Gaeul," JB greeted.

"Goodnight. Bye," I said.

I walked back to the room and watched Su Ho sleeping soundly, sitting on the floor dividing the space between us. It was so quiet and calm, and I was so close to him, that I could even listen to him breathe. Again, I admired his facial features that made him look so much like an angel sent from heaven. Only that it seems different when he's awake.

Wait, do I hate him now?

Question run again through my mind. Why can't he be this peaceful when he's awake? Have I done something wrong and haven't I noticed it? It was too complicated. I'm not sure if we should still push through the wedding.

I stood up, and I felt hot tears form in my eyes. It was weird. I'm not in love with him but I know I've developed a small crush on him. Okay, maybe I'm totally crushing on him, but I don't get why I am so upset thinking about cancelling this marriage. I'm not after the benefits of our marriage. I don't even get why our company has to merge.

My heart was nearly falling into pieces. I stood, preventing myself to cry when suddenly...

"Gaeul-ah... Don't let go of me," I hear him murmur as he wandered in his own dreamland.