Rain drizzled down steadily, wetting the ground and trickling downward into the mouth of Udo’s cave. Sitting cross-legged on an animal pelt, Kyungsoo watched the rivulets of water slowly carve their way through the ground toward him. It reminded him of something.

He closed his eyes, and searched his memories.

Ah, yes, he thought to himself. It had rained like this just once in the Pale. He remembered that night clearly - how it seemed like the gods wept when his father died, groaning with every crackle of thunder that shook the ground and painted the sky.

It had driven Mother crazy, the sound of the rain. She’d scratched bloody wounds into her own arms, gnashing her teeth and pulling her hair as the bells rang, and rang, and rang.

He could still hear her now, muttering over and over to him -

yo u wo n’t le ave me li ke he d id, wi ll y ou?

yo u’ll do as i sa y and st ay m y

pre cious o n e. m y fo olish, stu pid chi ld.

n o one love s y ou lik e i d o, n o one, no o ne, n-

Kyungsoo opened his eyes.

No. That wasn’t true.

Kai loved him. Purely. Completely. More than Mother ever could.

Therein lay his guilt. He desired a man that desired him back, and yet rather than joy, he felt dread. How could he tell Kai that he loved him when he wasn’t sure his feelings weren’t tainted by material wants and desperate obligations that he’d chained himself to?

Kai would have accepted him either way, Kyungsoo was sure. Even if he knew that Kyungsoo did not love him in the same way he did Kyungsoo. But it hurt Kyungsoo, to imagine Kai in that kind of pain. He did not deserve that. None of it.

But was that truly all Kyungsoo had to give? There had to be more. Something, surely, that he could do something to prove his love to himself and to the others. But what could it possibly be?

Kyungsoo had never regretted more the fact that he’d never been interest in the lessons they’d been taught as children. While his sister dutifully studied the art and strategy of war, he’d been locked up in his tower, imagining make believe adventures and putting on fantastical plays to an audience that wasn’t there.

But what he’d learned in that time was how to dream. To find that which he envisioned in his mind, and to build it with his own two hands. His horizons may have been much broader now, but it wasn’t much different in the end, was it?

The power to change the world - and his own life! - had been his all along.

Kyungsoo blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts when a large hand lowered to offer him a fistful of wild berries. He looked up, seeing Udo towering over him with that sweet, child-like smile of his. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but now that he’d whet his appetite for all the world had to offer, he wasn’t one to decline. He accepted the fruit between his cupped hands with a smile, slowly picking away at them one by one with his fingers.

Udo nodded before making his way past Kyungsoo with the same plodding, heavy footsteps that shook the ground beneath them. Used to it, Kyungsoo did nothing but yawn, staring blearily into space while eating his berries until the giant came back. Udo had with him several large logs of wood that looked like twigs in his hand. The giant tossed one into the dying fire, and the two of them watched as the embers crackled and sputtered, struggling to eat away at the outer layer of wet wood. It reminded Kyungsoo of something.

“‘Tis a shame you cannot come to the harvest festival,” Kyungsoo said, finally looking up from the fire to his friend. “We have worked so hard for so long on it, and it pains me to think that my dear friend cannot be there to witness it.”

The giant grinned crookedly at Kyungsoo, sitting down beside the young lord and nearly making him topple over when the ground shook beneath his weight again.

“Friend…” Udo repeated, with a soft, kind smile. “Udo not mind. As long as have friends, Udo happy.”

Though Udo’s words were simple, Kyungsoo understood the message.

Kyungsoo said nothing, staring out at the mouth of the cave where Kai was standing. The dinnish man whistled, attracting Lady’s attention as he shook a stick over his head. He threw it, waiting for the dog to bring the stick back with a happily waving tail before tossing it out again. Bita was there as well, watching the proceedings with a laugh, too busy to participate. She was laying out their wet clothes to dry, layer by layer, helped not in the least by Sehun who lay fast asleep by her feet.

Kyungsoo cherished the sight with a quiet laugh, eating the last of his berries before patting his hands dry. He shifted to the side in order to lean more comfortably against his friend. Udo grunted wordlessly, falling quietly into the task of stripping the wet pieces of bark off the logs.

Kyungsoo looked up at his friend, silently watching him as he mulled over his own thoughts in his head.

“If it would please you, I will talk to the king to seek his pardon for the crimes of your people. I pray that he will listen to my pleads and allow you out of exile,” Kyungsoo said quietly. “God knows you have been here long enough.”

Of course, there were many things he needed to speak to the King about. Of alliances, of treaties, of the people back home, whose needs could not be ignored. Of Kai. Of that brilliant, beautiful soul, too bright of a spark in his dark, dark world.

As if he knew Kyungsoo was thinking about him, Kai turned around, flashing Kyungsoo a winsome smile that made Kyungsoo’s chest hurt. Kyungsoo averted his eyes, looking back down to the ground with reddened cheeks.

“... I hope you can at least see our great invention,” Kyungsoo muttered to an audience that wasn’t really even listening. “Faerie fyre, we Paliseans call it. Fireworks, the Trivanese people say. Powders that burst in the sky like stars of every color. So bright that even you will see it from your cave, if you look hard enough.”

Kyungsoo pursed his lips and cocked his head.

“... or perhaps it will be the smoke you’ll smell first?”

The air stank of something almost metallic, as if there was a storm waiting on the horizon.

-

“Now which ribbon do you think will look the best on my dress?” The queen mother spoke, comparing two sheets of silk that looked entirely the same to her son’s untrained eye.

“Mother, I do not care. Just choose one.” Yifan groaned, rubbing at his temples when she shoved the fabric up to his face. Again. As she had been, for the past hour. Why was he even here?? Surely he, the King, had more important things to do.

But then his mother gave him that signature wilting look of hers, making him feel like nothing more than a child again.

“Your Majesty, if I may be so bold to suggest this -” Baekhyun the tailor began with a forced smile, only to be interrupted by the queen mother throwing a fit.

“Your brother, a prince, will wed a noble, and what will you have me dressed in for the occasion? A dress I already own??” She asked him with an incredulous gasp, dropping the sheets of fabric in order to put her hands on her hips.

“I sincerely believe that not a single soul would notice or care if you did, Mother,” Yifan deadpanned, only to be met with an even higher pitched squawk in his ear as his mother turned a deep shade of red.

“Yifan! Ohhh, you are just like your father! You may as well have your brother married in a pigsty, for how little you care!”

On the contrary. He cared very much about what his brother wanted. The only thing that mattered was Sehun’s happiness. They might not have grown close again until the events of the past year, but that had been no fault of Sehun’s. Yifan had always found it hard to tell others how he truly felt, and he’d slowly pushed Sehun away as they grew older.

That was why it was so important for Yifan to show his support now. He knew - first hand - how important the wedding would be.

His own wedding had been something he’d wanted to be as perfect as he had the power to make it, to make up for the cruel indifference he’d shown to his husband when the two of them were barely more than strangers.

Of course, Sehun was very different. The younger had never been the fussy type. He was prone to mischief, and made it his mission to make everyone’s life absolutely miserable, but he had never cared for formalities. Never expressed much interest in what he wore. As for his brother’s bride, well, she was the type to slick back her hair and wear men’s britches. Somehow, Yifan didn’t believe she’d care either what she wore.

Which was why Yifan chose not to care either.

“Your Majesty, what about this fabric -” Baekhyun attempted again.

“... and your brother! Not a single care in the world! Not a single outfit picked to wear at all, and he knows just what that does to his mother’s poor nerves, that cruel boy -”

Smacking his lips dryly, Yifan stared blankly forward, looking at the open window and contemplating throwing himself out of it to end his misery.

“Your Majesty, if you will just -”

“- and just imagine what the lords and ladies of the court will say if they see him wearing clothes covered in mud and dirt and -”

Promising himself that he’d sooner quit than tailor another royal wedding ever again, Baekhyun turned wearily away from the raving woman to give the King a pleading, exhausted look.

“Your Royal Highness, please. If I am to make this dress for the Queen Mother, I need a decision. Anything will do.”

Yifan huffed a sigh, glancing down and waving his hand loftily at the ribbon closest to him.

“This one, I suppose.”

That only made his mother screech louder.

“That one?!” She croaked, looking at him as if he’d lost his mind. “That is the same color ribbon that the Duchess Matilda wore for at your wedding, and I refuse to be seen in anything that horrible woman wears -”

“Oh for God’s sake, just make sure she’s clothed!” Yifan finally snapped, barking at Baekhyun before stalking away from the room in defeat. Both of the room’s remaining occupants balked, one huffing and puffing in vexation at having been so rudely ignored, the other silently protesting being left alone with the sheer terror that was Yifan’s mother.

Yifan spared neither of them any more of his attention, shutting the wooden door to the tower firmly behind him and breathing a sigh of relief when he could no longer hear his mother’s voice. Finally, some peace.

He ran his hand through his hair, grumbling when the beads of sweat on his forehead made the strands stick to his skin. Damn woman, always dragging him into stuffy rooms to have suffocating conversations about absolutely nothing of importance.

He stuck his head out the window, seeking the cold moorish air to cool him down. He was there no more than a minute, basking in the breeze, when he picked up on the faint sound of a conversation coming toward him. Yifan looked down, immediately recognizing the auburn haired head of his husband. His stern features softened, unable to prevent the pining look that slipped onto his face.

“Little flame!” He called out, leaning out the window. He brightened visibly when Tao looked up and spotted him immediately. Tao was grinning from ear to ear as he sprinted toward the tower and Yifan met him halfway with open arms.

“My sweeting, my darling, my heart,” Yifan mumbled between every lovesick kiss he pressed against every patch of tanned skin he could reach. “It wounds me, this cruel eternity spent apart from you, and I forbid you from ever leaving from my side again. No, I cannot have it!”

“Yee-fan,” Tao laughed, falling back into his old habits as he cupped Yifan’s face between his hands and drew him into a kiss. What started off as innocent soon became anything but as the king deepened the kiss, folding his husband tighter in his arms and nearly bending him backwards in his passionate fervor. Their display of affection was soon interrupted, however, by the clearing of someone else’s throat.

“What is it you want, Luhan?” Yifan grumbled between each kiss, recognizing his friend’s voice without looking or breaking away. He lifted his husband’s hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss of devotion against those callused knuckles before mirroring Tao’s delighted smile.

“So this is how it is, Your Royal Highness?” The court musician Luhan said, sniffing in faked offense. “One kiss from your lover and you forget completely about the old friend you haven’t seen in many, many moons. How little our friendship must mean to you!”

“So speaketh the man who is inseparable from his own lover,” Yifan teased back, although he pulled begrudgingly away from his husband. “Where is Min-Seok anyway?”

Holding his cheek in his hand, Luhan sighed, quickly lost in his own thoughts of the little dinnish drummer who had stolen his heart.

“Oh, here and there. Everywhere and nowhere. Busy preparing for the festivities as we all are, I suspect.”

Luhan blinked, suddenly clapping his fist over his palm.

“Oh, that’s right! I nearly forgot what I’d come all the way here for. Have you been to see the tailor today? Tao suggested I ask him to make Min-Seok a cloak.”

“A cloak? We’ve barely left the summer!”

“Yes but he is so small, you see. Even the slightest breeze makes him shiver. I worry that he will fall ill so much that I cannot sleep at night.”

Yifan barked out a laugh.

“Well, in that case, you are welcome to try asking Baekhyun for his aid,” he said, “however, I should warn you that he is currently attending to my mother. It may take some time before he can give you an ounce of his attention - she is in another one of her moods, you see.”

Luhan groaned, knowing full well from their shared childhood just how demanding the Queen Mother could be.

Luhan looked up toward the tower, contemplating his life’s choices, before turning back with a huff to face his friends. Only to find that once again, they were locked in a deep kiss. The fact that Min-Seok wasn’t around made the vein in Luhan’s forehead pop out even more.

“Oh, go on then,” Luhan said, shooing them impatiently away. “Go find somewhere else to do your deed and let me wallow in my loneliness.”

Yifan spluttered, the mortified look on his face sending his husband into a fit of high-pitched laughter. Yifan sniffed, the tips of his ears still red as he briskly walked away with Tao in tow. Luhan watched them leave, cracking a smile when Tao turned to wave goodbye to him with his usual energy.

When he was finally alone, he stared up at the tower, scratching the back of his head. He hoped it wasn’t the case, but knowing the queen mother, he might very well have to wait there until the sun had set. Luhan sighed, sitting down on the ground and settling with his back against the wall for the long haul. There was nothing he could do now but wait for things to happen.

And they did.

-

She was standing in the corner again, watching him.

Kyungsoo forbade himself from turning to look, and yet he recognized her presence.

He knew it. Knew her. Even in death, she followed him everywhere.

Perhaps she was real; a ghost, haunting him until the day he too joined her. Or perhaps she was just a figment of his imagination. A manifestation of his deepest doubts and insecurities.

Whichever she was, it made no difference. This time, she could no longer hurt him.

“I’ve finally found him, mother. The person who I wish to cherish.”

He worked as he talked, sliding another gear inside the little toy he held, carefully screwing it tightly in place with trembling fingers.

“And I love him,” he confessed the truth, in little more than a whisper, “more than my own life.”

She said nothing, still staring silently at the back of his head as he continued his work.

“I think I finally understand; the type of selfish love that drives one mad. My heart yearns, but my mind remains afraid of what may happen if I let it win.”

He wound the crank, setting the little toy down on the table and watching it come to life. The little iron man was stuck in a never-ending loop, slowly uncovering his eyes before its metal hands snapped over them again.

“And yet I still want him, Mother ... so tell me, what can I do?”

The air rustled, and the hushed breath lingering near his ears was nothing more than a breeze.

“ have mercy and be kind, little one, ” he imagined that she whispered, in a voice far too loving to really be hers. “ to yourself, most of all. “

The voice may have been his own, but he closed his eyes and allowed himself to pretend it was hers for the last time, feeling the phantom touch of her fingers ghost against the skin of his cheek. And as he breathed out slowly, he let go of her memory and allowed the emptiness it left behind to be filled with an aching kind of love.

He’d made up his mind, right then and there. Of the path he would choose to follow, come what may.

Kyungsoo’s eyes fluttered back open. She had vanished.

In her place, Kai stood at the doorway. Feeling his heart clench, Kyungsoo turned toward him with a smile, and moved forward to embrace his lover.

-

The determination in his heart only grew as time passed.

Laying sated in a pool of his own sweat and fluids, surrounded by spilt machine oil and the chaotic scatter of his maker’s tools, Kyungsoo stared up at the ceiling, blinking away his tears through the warm sunlight that trickled in through the window.

Kai lay and magnificent between his spread legs, and Kyungsoo reached up to wrap his arms around Kai’s shoulders, pulling the dinnish man down on top of him. He took comfort in the quiet snuffle of Kai’s nose against his neck, basking in the wondrous feeling of being filled.

After what felt like an eternity, he loosened his grip and Kai’s back, turning to press a kiss against the man’s cheek.

“May I confess to you a secret, Kai?” Kyungsoo whispered.

Instead of answering, Kai rubbed his cheek against his like an overly affectionate cat, pressing his body down even further on top of Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, turning his head to breathe in Kai’s sweat-soaked hair, running his fingers through thick strands of hair.

“At the beginning, I envied your strength, your assuredness, your conviction. I wanted to steal it. To give to my people that which you gave only to me,” Kyungsoo whispered into Kai’s ear. “It may be true that I desired the idea of you more than I desired you. You were the brother to the king consort, after all. Beloved by your people. Free to love whom you wanted without fear.”

Kai stirred, stiffening in his arms, but Kyungsoo held on tightly, and continued to speak.

“But what I have come to realize is that my envy and my greed were nothing more than lies that I told myself to make myself weak. I see it now - that I’ve always had the power to choose. And I want you to know, that I have always chosen you. Even before I knew it myself.”

Kai pushed himself up, staring down at Kyungsoo with unreadable eyes. Kyungsoo looked back at him, brushing his knuckles against his lover’s cheek.

“You wrap me in your arms and tell me stories of places I’ve never been. You coddle me, you gentle me, you tell me at every opportunity that I am beautiful. You call me zovya. You love me, do you not, Kai?”

Kai wordlessly grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand, pressing a kiss into his palm. His eyes were round and wet, filling with an emotion that Kyungsoo himself felt.

“I have run for twenty-one summers and twenty-one cold winters, trying to escape who I was,” Kyungsoo whispered, “but you make me want to be a better man. Someone who can stand on his own feet and fight to be worthy of the love you give unconditionally to me. I want to be the man who can ask you, with all the sincerity in his heart, to marry me.”

Wet drops began to hit Kyungsoo’s cheek, but he chose not to do anything about it. Not when they would only join his own tears already trailing down his cheeks.

“So will you wait for me?” He asked beautifully, in the language he had studied dutifully for many months, just for this very moment. “Until I am certain that there is nothing left in my heart except you.”

“Always,” Kai told him without any hesitation, bending down to capture Kyungsoo’s lips again.

And Kyungsoo knew he would.

-

Through sheer hard work and long hours spent hunched over a workbench with a quill and parchment paper, the village grounds were finally set up for the festival. Through careful consideration and negotiations with the king’s advisors, Kyungsoo secured the permission necessary for the southerners to take and equal part in the festivities. Their craftsmen and women would have their own stalls besides the native northerners and their dinnish allies. Southern dishes would be served at the banquet, and their music - far different from their neighbors - would be played by the court musicians who took the time to learn them. By the end of it, though he was exhausted, he found himself proud of what he’d achieved. Though they had first arrived as prisoners, here now they stood, equal to their brothers, united under the same banner of peace.

After all they had prepared for, finally, the day of the Harvest Festival arrived.

And as the new season was ushered in by the harvest moon herself, so too came the new beginnings.

Surrounded by stained glass, seated on pews draped with beautiful white fabric, Kyungsoo held Kai’s hand, as they both witnessed the wedding ceremony of his dearest friends in rapt silence.

Sehun looked dashing in his ceremonial moorish tunic, and so too did his lovely bride. Lady - no, Princess - Bita looked beautiful and angelic in her white gown. It suited her, and with the way Sehun was staring at her, he must have thought so too.

Kyungsoo found himself holding his breath as the priest read out their vows, his voice echoing through the cathedral. He wished both of them the very best. The two of them, who deserved happiness just as much as he did.

And yet, he could not help but to imagine what it would be like, to be standing in their place.

He would hold Kai’s hands tenderly in his own. Share a smile with him. Squeeze his fingers tightly when the priest tied their hands together silk and bell.

He would have no mother waiting to shed tears over him quite like Sehun’s. Nor a father to puff out his chest in pride quite like Bita’s. But he took comfort in knowing that the family that he’d made for himself would always be there to receive him with open arms.

He may not have been the one standing at the altar, but he no longer felt as if he were standing outside a wall, helplessly pressing his hands against the glass.

Instead he stood with the rest of the crowd, clapping and laughing as Sehun and Bita shared their first kiss as a wedded couple together. In the middle of it all, he leaned over, pressing his own kiss against Kai’s cheek.

-

The ceremony had ended and the festivities were about to begin, but there was one last thing Kyungsoo needed to do before he could join his friends at the feast.

After congratulating the prince and his princess with a hug, he shooed them all off, waving away his friends with the promise that he’d join them soon. His lover was harder to convince, following him like a lost puppy until Kyungsoo gave him a kiss and pushed him on his way.

“I will be fine,” he told Kai. “Do you trust me?”

Kai nodded fiercely, so hard that the beads in his hair nearly slapped Kyungsoo on his cheek. Still, his dark eyes conveyed his worry. Though he hesitated just a moment longer, he did what he was asked, slowly trailing after their friends although he turned to look back several times.

Kyungsoo waited until he was gone before he turned back, trudging up the hill towards gates. It was lonely and quiet within those stone walls, although that was to be expected. Nearly everyone had already left for the village, with the exception of one.

And that was exactly who he wished to see.

The door were all shuttered closed and the curtains were drawn tightly over the windows, making it feel musty and dim when Kyungsoo finally entered his sister’s rooms. Although he’d lived there with Kyungri for quite some time in the beginning, he no longer viewed the cold, hard bed he’d slept on as his own. None of it felt welcoming. Not when he hadn’t come to visit for so long. Not since that day.

Waiting for his eyes to adjust to the low lamplight, he nearly missed seeing his sister in her black mourning dress, perched like a statue on the foot of her bed. Virgil, as always, stood waiting for his mistress’ command, standing in the darkness just behind her like a shadow. Kyungsoo ignored him in favor of keeping his eyes on his sister’s head. After a moment, she looked over at him, watching him through a curtain of black hair with the same cutting glare that all members of their family shared.

He wasn’t quite sure what would happen when he quietly closed the door behind him, but he pushed back the uncertainty and doubt that tried to greet him like an old friend. Instead he met his sister’s gaze head on.

“Sister,” he said, “there is something I wish to discuss with you.”

“Oh, is that right…?”

She stood, walking slowly toward him until they were just feet apart. She towered over him in her shoes, looking down the bridge of her nose at him in a way that would have normally sent him into a stumbled flurry of words. He told himself to be brave, planting his feet firmly on the ground and refusing to break his gaze.

She blinked after a moment, looking at him as if he’d done something she hadn’t expected. But then she shook her head soon after, the sneer falling back onto her face as she looked down at the clothing he chose to wear for Sehun and Bita’s bonding ceremony.

“You shame your people and your queen by wearing the clothes of a barbarian, brother,” she said with a tsk, plucking at the tunic he wore with a look of disgust.

Kyungsoo was well aware of the cold air on his bare nape, for it was a feeling he wasn’t used to quite yet. The back of his exposed head was covered only by the thick animal pelt that Kai had given to him that he’d wrapped around his shoulders. Even the tunic he wore - dark, but embroidered with brighter colors - was a choice, carefully made.

He reached up, pulling the pelt tighter around him, and drawing from it all of his courage.

“Well then I suppose that makes me a barbarian, does it not?”

Irritation flashed on Kyungri’s face for a brief moment, and Kyungsoo braced himself for whatever was to come - but rather than hurting him, she reached out and grabbed his hand instead, noticing for the first time his equally bare wrist. The bangle he’d worn there for so long belonged on another’s arm now, one who wore it proudly, as a symbol of the shackles Kyungsoo had broken himself free from.

What should have been a happy thing turned sour when Kyungri reacted with joy, a crooked smile spreading from ear to ear as she threw her head back in a cackle.

“He has finally asked you for your hand, hasn’t he?!” She asked, not waiting for an answer before she pulled him in close for a falsely sweet embrace that immediately sent his skin crawling. “Well done, Kyungsoo. I may have had my doubts, but you’ve proven me wrong, as I knew you could!”

He would have done anything to hear her rare words of praise before. Now, however, he wanted nothing more than to scrub his skin raw from her very touch.

“At last, at last! Come dearest brother, let us have a drink!” She said, using the hold she had on his wrist to drag him toward the dresser where a jug of wine sat. “A toast to our success!”
Refusing to be pulled along any further, Kyungsoo dug his heels stubbornly into the ground, ripping his wrist out of her grip.

“...I refuse,” he said quietly.

His words had an immediate effect. Her good humor was quickly lost, a cold anger quickly taking its place instead as Kyungri whirled around to face him.

“What did you say?” She barely whispered.

“I… I will not be your puppet any longer, Kyungri,” he said, with growing confidence, as each word filled him with more and more courage.

His sister’s face turned white with fury.

“You dare defy your Queen?”

“You were never my Queen. You were my sister first, and now …” Kyungsoo said, swallowing hard. “... now I am not sure.”

“Are you mocking me, you little rat?!” She shouted, looking wildly around the room for something to throw.

“Think of me as you wish and say your very worst, Kyungri - but know this - I refuse to be a pawn in your game any longer!”

She looked ready to tear him to pieces, but before she could do so, Kyungsoo beat her to it.

“Please, sister, just listen to me,” he begged, the raw hurt in his voice making her freeze in place. She stared at him, bemused, as if he were some strange monster.

“Why should I?”

“Perhaps you’ve forgotten it, the promises we made to each as children,” Kyungsoo told her quietly. She swallowed the biting remark that was on the tip of her tongue, left instead staring blankly at her brother as she briefly recalled their shared childhood.

“You were the only one that truly cared for me back then. I still remember clutching your hands tightly, holding on to you through each terrifying night,” Kyungsoo said, feeling the anger drain from him with every word. “You could have left me to die, countless times. You’ve told me many a time that you should have done exactly that. But you never did. Why didn’t you?”

“Well, it was because I … I just …” Kyungri trailed off.

“Whatever the reason,” Kyungsoo said, interrupting her. “I must pay you gratitude for protecting me. For watching over me. For suffering in my stead. It was never easy, was it?”

He could very easily have resorted to her very own methods. After all, he knew them well. And yet he did not - even for someone as deserving as she. Because beneath all the scars, there had always been in Kyungsoo a benevolence that his sister had always underestimated. A kindness, that was in itself as powerful of a weapon as her own poisonous anger.

“Don’t act as if you have any idea what it was like. I had to endure Mother’s hatred for me every day that I lived under her thumb, even though I’d done nothing wrong except for being born a woman,” Kyungri spat. “She always loved you the most. Always you.”

She stopped for a moment, eyes glazing over as she began to recall all of the pain she’d suffered by that woman’s hands. Her hands began to shake at her side.

“She hated everything I had, so she took it. My innocence. My purity. My - my womanhood,” she said, after a moment. “And while she cooed over you, letting you play with your toys, I - I had to spread my legs for every man Mother threw upon me. I had to listen to the disgusting words of men our father’s age as they put their disgusting hands on me, and I - I - I …”

She trailed off again, lost in that time and place.

“I know. Kyungri, I know.”

She sneered by reflex, mouth open to retort - but then she saw the look on his face, filled with vulnerable sincerity. His sister blinked, something flickering on her porcelain face - a shade of emotion, if only just for a second. Bolstered by the knowledge that she was listening to him now, defenses cracked and left open by Kyungsoo’s unexpected words, Kyungsoo pressed on.

“I know the choices you’ve been forced to make through the years. The bitter mistreatments you suffered. I know. I could hear the grunts and squeals of those men and… and your tears. You gave up your entire childhood to protect me.”

He looked up at her, wondering what it would have been like had they never parted. Perhaps then, the distance between the two of them that had grown in her absence would have never been there. And perhaps she’d hold him, just as she did when they were children. Although the woman in front of him now was someone he hated, he could just as well say that he loved her. Because she was his sister, bound by flesh, and blood, and pain.

“Even now, I know it. I feel it. I grieve for who you were back then, and wish nothing more than to have taken your place. I would have done anything to make you happy back then, for you were everything to me.”

He paused and took a deep breath, well aware that Kyungri was staring at him.

“Yet those days are long past, Kyungri, and I cannot be trapped by our shared memories any longer.”

Kyungsoo swallowed heavily, taking his fate into his own hands as he stepped forward into her space. Although he half expected her to strike him like a viper, to slap him and scream as she’d done many times in the past - she did not.

She remained paralyzed by a fear of the unknown, by a feeling that she’d tried to keep buried that Kyungsoo uncovered inch by painful inch.

Kyungri looked suddenly troubled, a frown growing on her face as she nervously wrung her hands. It was a habit she’d had as a child. One that made her look young and innocent. Words that hadn’t been used to describe her in a very, very long time.

He took her hands carefully in his own, gazing down at their joined fingers with wonderment.

“I thought I would have hated you, for all you’ve done to me. But I do not. I cannot,” he confessed to her. “I’ve no room left in my heart to hate you anymore.”

Her fingers twitched in his grip.

“The only thing I ask is to stand on my own, now. To step out from your shadow. And perhaps you think I will fail. And perhaps I will. But how would I know, if I do not try?”

He looked back up at her, wishing he could read her thoughts through her glass-like eyes.

“Your brother asks you humbly to try,” he said, squeezing her fingers ever so slightly, “to find that piece, buried deep in your heart, that I know still loves me.”

He searched her eyes for something - some sliver of humanity. Some semblance of understanding.

“It is time to let me go, Kyungri. So let me go. Please.”

She stared back at him, as if doing so would give her the answer she needed. Whatever it was she found in his eyes made her look away, as if too ashamed to meet his eyes.

“I… I cannot.”

Trying not to let the bitter disappointment overwhelm him, he nodded just once, dropping his hands before taking a step away from her. He turned, taking one last look at what had been his prison for so long, and sighing when he realized that it was nothing more than a room. It had never been anything more, despite what his fevered dreams had tried to tell him.

None of the earthly possessions he’d left behind were worth keeping - not when they would only serve as reminders of the darkest period of his life. So, with nothing more to say, and nothing left to take, Kyungsoo turned and walked toward the door.

“... where are you going?” She asked in a small voice, sounding so much more like the sister who had held him on those many cold nights than the woman she’d become.

But they could never go back to what they once were.

He looked back at her, and shook his head with a smile.

“Goodbye, Kyungri.”

He opened the door.

“Wait - wait - !” She called out for him, although that did not stop him from crossing over the threshold. It was only when she called his name that he stopped.

He heard the scrape of a drawer being opened and shut, and against his better judgment, he looked back. Kyungri was holding something in her hands, cupping it delicately between her fingers. She opened as if to speak, and then closed it again, shifting her eyes to the side as if for once carefully considering her words.

After another heavy moment of hesitation, she stepped gingerly toward him, looking up at him with a troubled expression.

“I…” she began, before looking away. Despite all the desperation that had been in her voice for him to stay, she seemed not to have any words now. For what felt like an eternity, neither sibling said a word. It was only when Virgil sensed his mistress’ discomfort and shifted toward them - clothes rustling against the bedsheets - that Kyungri was spurred into action.

She quickly gestured for his hands, and when he warily extended them toward her, she placed something small and cold in his hands.

It was a little dinnish man with feathers in his hair, animal pelts around his waist. Holding a hatchet above its head. He recognized it instantly.

It was the toy she’d snatched up, that day in the workshops. He thought she’d crushed in her hands.

And yet here it was, immaculate, without a single scratch. As if someone had put it carefully back together.

There was a wetness building in his eyes when he finally looked back up to her. She was very carefully avoiding his gaze, head turned coldly away from Kyungsoo with her arms crossed across her chest. There was even that signature sneer on her face, although it was nothing more than a shadow of the real thing.

Kyungri had put her walls back up around her. The moment, whatever they’d shared together, had been lost. But he thought he knew what it was she had been trying to convey, and before any trembling words could come spilling out of his unwilling mouth, he left quickly and quietly. The door, when it closed behind him, shut with a finality that echoed in the hollow room.

-

Now alone except for her silent servant, Kyungri turned her head back to stare at the closed door. When it was clear that her brother would not be walking back through it, she dropped her arms and made her way slowly toward the dresser. With shaking hands, she picked up the jug of wine on top it, as if to pour herself a glass. Instead, she threw it to the ground, watching the ceramic shatter to pieces as the blood red liquid seeped into the carpet.

-

Kyungsoo found Kai waiting patiently for him at the gate. After assuring his immediately concerned lover that the redness in his eyes was nothing to worry about, he tugged Kai along with an unhurried pace. He found his stall crowded with children, winding up his toys and watching with wonder as they came along in their hands. Kyungsoo fended off their grabbing hands and excited questions with a laugh and a smile, leaving Kai to entertain them while he stood on his tiptoes and placed the last little toy of his glimmering collection on the top shelf.

When he was finally sure that it was perfectly in place, he stepped back and reached for Kai’s hand without looking. Warm fingers tangled in between his.

Staying to watch the children happily play for just a moment longer, they left with grins on their faces, saying goodbye to the red-cheeked children who waved at them as they left.

The rest of the winding journey to the center of the village was one full of memories Kyungsoo would keep for the rest of his life.

A newly wed couple sitting quietly still in the middle of a lively banquet, staring into each other’s eyes and looking as if there was nothing else around them that mattered, even as food and drink flew chaotically around them.

The strange traveler, calling warmly out to Kyungsoo and Kai from across the way, waving enthusiastically at them from behind a stall with the strangest merchandise.

A very drunk tailor, being held up by a knight with a silver arm.

A moorish lutist and a dinnish drummer, leading the band with smiles and laughter.

And one couldn’t forget the King who glanced over at the two of them, interrupting the quiet talk he’d been having with his advisors to give Kyungsoo a curt, almost imperceptible nod.

He’d meet more people that day than he’d ever known in the first twenty years of his life. In a flurry of introductions, the names of the many people closest to Kai nearly overwhelmed Kyungsoo in their quantity.

There was his old playmates, friends and acquaintances both young and old. There were cousins of all shapes and sizes, and as many aunts and uncles as Kyungsoo could possibly count.

Kai’s hand never left the small of Kyungsoo’s back, keeping him grounded as he was embraced and clucked over by every member of Kai’s extended family.

Kai’s brother Suho, the third and eldest dinnish prince, was both everything and nothing like Kyungsoo had been expecting. Though they only shared a vague resemblance, Kyungsoo recognized in him all the dearest and best qualities of both his brothers. Next came Father San and Father Wa, looking very much the spitting image of their sons - and Suho’s subordinate Jongdae who greeted Kyungsoo and Kai just as warmly, hugging them both as if they were his own family. And then, of course, there was the Chieftainess.

Kai’s mother looked as glad to see him as she would one of her sons, drawing Kyungsoo in for a warm hug and kissing him on the cheek. He knew without asking that she loved him, not simply as the man that loved her son, but for himself as well. So he held onto her a little tighter and a little longer, closing his eyes and feeling through the warmth of her embrace a mother that he’d never had.

New sights, new tastes, and new sounds continued to greet him. To his great wonder and delight, he tasted foods he’d never tasted, purchased goods he’d never seen before, and traded stories with people from places he’d never even heard of. It made his yearning heart thirst for adventure, so much so that when it inevitably came time to move on to the next thing, it always felt much too soon.

But that was alright. He knew Kai would make good on his promise to take Kyungsoo on an adventure. Perhaps before their bonding ceremony? Or after. There was no rush to decide, for as far as Kyungsoo was concerned, they had all the time in the world to explore the land together. Kyungsoo’s imagination ran wild with the possibilities.

-

The faerie fyre demonstration was nearly ready to begin, and he had just minutes to steal away from Kai and his family to help his people prepare for it. Pouches, full to bursting, were pulled from the large sacks they’d assembled in the middle of the village. Each pouch, containing a different colored powder, was carefully laid onto a white canvas where they were emptied and carefully combined. With every small handful that was poured directly into metal tubes that were hammered into the ground, they were packed in tightly by a long bristled rod that fit perfectly inside of each tube. The spouts were carefully aimed toward the sky, and Kyungsoo personally checked every last one to make sure the rods were stuck firmly in place and every wick was accessible and dry. When he was absolutely certain they were ready, he stood up, patting the dirt from his knees and clapping the shoulders of the men and women that had helped him set up.

Kyungsoo could barely contain his excitement as he made his cheerful way back up the path toward Kai. He wanted so badly to show Kai the beauty of what he was capable of, and he couldn’t wait to see Kai’s expressions would change when the first colorful burst of faerie fyre lit up the sky.

Smiling to himself and humming a wordless tune, he was caught entirely off guard by the loud clamor of the church bells signalling the hour. Of course, he knew it would happen, though it still startled him. They had planned it well ahead of time - by the last echoes of the last bell, the wicks were to be lit so that the fireworks would immediately follow. Still, he couldn’t shake the trickle of dread that ran down his spine at the sound. Feeling compelled by some strange force, he looked up.

Just ahead of him was Kai’s brother Tao. The king consort was standing in front of none other than Kyungsoo’s own otherwise empty stall, looking down at the small collection of toys with a smile. No doubt admiring the ones Kyungsoo had crafted in Kai’s image.

Kyungsoo hesitated for a moment, knowing that he would be late if he stopped. But he decided, with a smile that continued to grow, that it would be worth it to make a detour. After all, the brother of his lover would one day be his as well.

Kyungsoo walked closer, cupping his hands over his mouth in preparation to call out the man’s name. But before he could say a word - just as Tao leaned forward to pick up one of Kyungsoo’s toys - the last bell rang.

And the world exploded into white.

-

At first, Kyungsoo foolishly believed that what he’d heard was the faerie fyre, which indeed were now beginning to burst in the air. But he’d been thrown violently to the ground, and his cheeks stung. Something sharp had cut him, shooting past him and leaving him coughing in the dirt. He pressed his fingers against his skin, frowning when they came back wet. And red.

It wasn’t all his.

“What …?”

It took him quite a bit of time to pull himself out of a stupor and back onto his feet, but when he finally did, Kyungsoo finally smelled the burning smoke and felt the heat of a fire against his face. His little tent had caught on fire, he realized belatedly. And then he followed the trail of destruction to the body of the man lying lifelessly still on the ground, staining the green grass red with a river of blood.

With that, Kyungsoo’s world shattered.

“No … NO!!!” Kyungsoo shouted, stumbling forward as quick as he can and falling to his knees beside Tao.

Kyungsoo’s ears were still ringing, and the smell of burnt grass enveloped him. There were only bits of fragmented pieces of his toys left, ragged strips of metal and warped gears littering the grass and cutting into his skin. But he had no time to feel any sense of loss for his work - not when there was a gaping, bloody wound in Tao’s chest that Kyungsoo desperately pressed his hands against, trying and failing to somehow stem the flow of blood that spilled out from between his fingers. “No, no, no, no, oh GOD no!”

“Ih- hunh-,” Kai’s brother tried to speak over the loud crackle of the faerie fyre, eyes reflecting the colors above him as he choked through mouthfuls of thick blood. The man seemed to be in shock, trying to lift himself up as if unaware to the extent of his grievous injury - only to lose his strength halfway and collapse onto his back with a rattling groan.

“Yy- uh- ee, … fuh- n…?”

“No, no, no, please, no…”

Despite Kyungsoo’s best efforts, after another bang of blinding light and another choking, wet breath, Tao began to steadily pale, his tan skin turning almost waxy. The eyes that had at first stared up at Kyungsoo’s terrified ones with painful clarity now began to grow hazy and lose focus.

Kyungsoo felt the hysteria swell up in his throat like a stone he could not swallow.

“HELP!!!” Kyungsoo finally broke out of his shocked stupor to shout at the top of his lungs, frantically hoping that someone could hear him over the sound of the faerie fyre. “SOMEONE, PLEASE! HELP!!!”

It wasn’t until there was a lull that someone finally noticed his hoarse screams.

“God preserve us, what was that noise?!” “Did you hear that?” “What happened?!”

The sound of pounding footsteps. Voices raised in alarm upon discovery.

Before long, multiple pairs of hands joined Kyungsoo’s, all pressing down against the same wound that refused to stop bleeding. Frantic words were shouted over his head in many languages - buckets of water were passed and tossed and splattered against the burning fire - shreds of cloth were ripped and tied up as makeshift bandages - and barely a minute later, he found himself pushed aside by the crowd.

As if the entire world had been of sound, Kyungsoo could hear nothing at all except for the pounding of his blood in his ears. The only thing he could see - other than the blood that covered his hands - was the little toy man lying broken on the ground beside Tao’s body. Its metal innards were half-melted with heat, ripped away from its stomach as if it had exploded from the inside.

And though the air still singed with an unnatural heat, a chill swept over his entire body, one that sank deeply into his bones.

-

By the time the faerie fyre had ended, what had happened had already begun to spread its way slowly through the crowd, draining away the carefree smiles and the happy laughter of the crowd. As if drawn like a moth to the flame, they followed the trail of unnatural smoke to its origin, forming a tight ring of horrified spectators around the chaos.

A wordless, horrified scream broke through the air. The king, looking absolutely unhinged, pushed savagely through the crowd, knocking aside anyone who tried to stop him from getting close. Blindly beating off the hands that tried to hold him back, he collapsed to his knees before his husband, pulling Tao’s limp form into his arms. The tears streaming down his grief-stricken face soon followed, and his voice broke as he screamed his lover’s name over and over with growing hysteria.

One by one, the others found their way to the edge of the crowd. Sehun, Bita, Yixing, Jongdae. Friends and family alike, scrambling frantically to Tao’s side. The Chieftainess was one of the last to arrive, taking one look at her son’s gravely injured body before collapsing weakly into the arms of her sons.

Suho shouted, passing his mother onto his brother as he desperately moved forward to help, but Kai did nothing but sink to his knees, holding his mother and staring blankly down at his brother’s body with a look of shock and horror.

Numb but for the screaming buzz in his head, Kyungsoo watched it all unfold. The pain. The agony. The look in Kai’s eyes - one that would haunt him forever.

Kyungsoo took a step back, and then another.

And then he turned heel and ran.

Heart jumping into his throat, feet pounding against the ground, throwing fleeting looks over his shoulder as if the devil himself were chasing him, he wasn’t able to get far before he collided with someone running at full speed in the opposite direction. He would have fallen, if it were not for the metal arm that gripped him and helped him back to his feet.

It was Chanyeol. The royal guard’s eyes were filled with panic and uncertainty as he whipped his head from the scene in front of him to the man standing before him.

“You…” Chanyeol began before trailing off in shock. Kyungsoo knew what he looked like. He was absolutely covered in blood.

When Chanyeol finally looked back up, Kyungsoo was staring back at him, eyes as wide as marbles.

“Please…” was all Kyungsoo could say, in a trembling voice. Begging him. Pleading.

Chanyeol stared at him with an unreadable expression for what felt like an eternity, the tips of his metal fingers digging into Kyungsoo’s flesh.

Then he let go, turning his body away from Kyungsoo and forgetting him completely as he rushed forward into the chaos.

Without another word, Kyungsoo threw himself in the opposite direction, holding his bruised arm and running as fast as he could back toward the castle.

-

They finally discovered him about an hour later, standing alone in the quarters he’d once shared with his sister.

Looking as if he’d aged a decade, he stood there like a statue in the center of that dark room, holding a knife that dripped with the same blood that stained his clothes a deep red. The cold, dead body of his sister’s servant lay before his feet, and his sister was nowhere to be seen.

It took another hour before they could pry a single word from his frozen lips, but when he finally spoke, he only repeated the same two words, over and over again.

“ forgive me. forgive me. forgive me. ”

-

AN: If things feel vague don't worry - the answers will be in the next chapter!