MY SELFISHNESS

Days passes like minutes. It’s been two months now. Two months without him. I decided to stop my agony and face the reality. I’m not alone. I’m with someone now. Someone who can complete me.

I was looking at my own reflection inside my bathroom. I smile as I look at that small thing again.

Positive.

It’s positive.

I’m now pregnant. Pregnant with his child.

I touched my almost flat torso.

“Just hang in there my little pea. We’ll have your Appa back.”

It’s a blessing.

It’s our blessing.

It’s a surprise for me that I got pregnant. I never thought that a one night of unprotected can lead to something like this. I suspected that something is wrong with me when I missed my period for the second month. I was contemplating whether or not to take a pregnancy test.

At first I was scared but this is my child, his child.

This baby is nothing but a strong baby. He endures my pain and depression. He still holds onto me even after all those lacks of sleep and starvation I’ve had.

He needs to know about this. He needs to be with me now. He needs to choose me now. That night, I planned my next meeting with him.

I asked him to meet me at the place where we usually had our date before. Jung Yonghwa is a responsible man. I know for sure that he will choose me and his unborn child or else, I’ll terminate my pregnancy. I am so blinded by my agony and selfishness. I am so blinded by my love for him that I can forget all the rational things. I can forget my principles and virtues just to have him back in my arms arms again. This time, I’ll make sure he will never leave me and I’m going to use this child.

~~

I was waiting for ten minutes now. I keep on looking at the door of the private room of the restaurant where we usually stay before. I can’t help but to reminisced our old times where he is so inlove with me. I was smiling like a fool when I felt someone tap my shoulder.

It’s him.

He’s changed now.

He’s manlier.

My man.

I smiled at him and let him sit in front of me.

“You wanted to talk?” He asked nonchantly.

“Ah yes. But let’s eat first. I’m starving.” I decided to order a simple course. My pregnancy is taking a troll on me.

“What about wine Joohyunssi?”

Joohyunssi?

Since when did I became Joohyunssi? I am Hyun. Your Hyun, pabo!

“Joohyunssi?” He asked again. I was now irritated.

“NO THANKS. Go order your wine I’ll just have my orange juice.” I answer him with less enthusiasm.

After we had our meal, I decided to tell him the reason of our sudden date. Well, I still consider this as a date not just a mere meeting of ex-lovers.

“I’m pregnant.”

That’s it! I spill the bomb now.

I was looking at him. Slowly, his face drained its color. His lips trembled and I doubt if he can talk properly now.

“It’s yours. But I won’t keep it.”

“What?” Finally, he speaks. I really thought