MY FIRST IMPRISONMENT

"BRIDE and GROOM, you have expressed your love to one another through the commitment and promises you have just made. It is with these in mind that I pronounce you husband and wife.

You have kissed a thousand times, maybe more.

But today the feeling is new.

No longer simply partners and best friends, you have become husband and wife and can now seal the agreement with a kiss.

Today, your kiss is a promise.

You may kiss the bride."

Announced by the priest who lead the ceremony of our wedding. My Wedding. Not His.

I looked at my husband in front of me waiting for his next step. My heart keeps beating rapidly fast. But he’s just looking at me, blankly. So, I decided to kiss him first. I’m waiting for his response but it’s like I’m kissing a rock. I looked at him with my teary eyes. Afraid of what he will do next but he just looks at me. Anger. That’s all I can see on those eyes. Those eyes that used to be the mirror of his soul, of his love for me. But now I can see nothing but anger and resentment towards me. I can’t blame him though.

He’s not in love with me. Not anymore.

He hates me. More than anything else.

He doesn’t want to marry me. He wanted to marry her.

I’m selfish. I know but how can I let go the only man I love. The man whom I gave my everything to? I still believe that deep inside his heart, there’s still a place for me, that first love can be forever. We’ve been together for five years. Five years o bliss and romance until she came.

Until he realized he loves her more.

Until he realized he don’t love me anymore.

Until he realized, he’s tired of waiting for me.

Until he realized, that he deserves someone who can show him off to the world not hide him in a corner.

Everything crumbles down. I know he wanted us to be public. He wanted us to show the world that he’s mine and I’m his. But I’m stupid enough not to realize that we’ve been drifting apart and he started to search for that someone.

He became cold towards me. The everyday calls became once a week call. The everyweek-end dates became once a month date. No flowers, no gifts, nothing. It’s like I’m meeting another man, not him.  We still sleep together whenever I visited his apartment,  but it’s no longer love making. It’s just plain . I dreaded to ask him what’s happening but I’m afraid for his answer. What am I going to do if he want to break up with me? I can’t. I’ll die. No please. Don’t let it happen.

He asked if I’m free that day. He wanted to tell me something. I know for instance that he’ll break up with me but I’ll be damned if I let him go. Especially not for her.

“Hyun. I’m sorry.” He looks at me and holds my hand.

I smiled. The kind of smile that can fully hide my fear.

“Why? Why are you sorry Oppa?” I pretended that I don’t know the reason.

“I’m sorry.”

“Is it because you don’t have time for me anymore? It’s okay Oppa. I understand. We’re both busy right? And with your upcoming world tour you’ll be busier-”

“Let’s break up Hyun.”

That’s it. He finally said it. But I can’t let it be.

“Oh. Did I turn off the stove Oppa?”

“Hyun.”

“Let me check if I turn it off. We don’t want any accident right?”

I started walking towards my bedroom’s door to avoid this conversation but he stops me with those words again.

“Let’s stop now Hyun. Let’s end it here.”

The words I don’t want to hear. The words that will kill me.

“Hyun.”

“No!” I saw how he was startled with the sudden chang