(seulgi) 

life is like sitting beside the han river. You can clearly see the white clouds and the blue water. But if you look on the other side of it, you'll hear the noisy beeping of cars, different kinds of people and the reality.

If you'll asked me i dont want to look back. But i need to, because sometimes, in that chaotic world of yours, you'll meet that someone who will stop all the chaos in it.

This is my favorite place. A place where i feel safe. I come here if i want to be alone. If i'm feeling sad. And if i just feel like it. I felt like no one knows me here. No one will see the real me, because i--- i really can't find myself.

I also got used to this place. I got used to see people beside me whose laughing, cuddling, kissing, or those ones that quietly talking. I also got used to the people who are noisily passed by behind me  but i  didn't dare to look back. Their world is different, mine is too.

 "I'm so tired of trying to impress your family. I'm so tired of this relationship. I'm so tired  of understanding you. I'm so tired of making you feel better. I'm so tired of you not letting me make you feel better. I'M SO TIRED OF YOU."

I heard someone said behind me. I felt his hardship to say those words.

"I love you rene, i really do. But i'm so tired of you not letting me love you."    It's my first time hearing something like this from a guy. I have this urge to turn around and watch them, but as always, i choose not to.

"I already gave you my everything, mino ah.. i already did my best. But i guess that wasn't enough for you."    The girl answered. I shouldn't care, but i can't help myself. I continue to listen to them.

"I'm sorry.. i'm sorry for making you feel that way. I can change. I can change for you. Just.. don't leave me. You are the only one i have. Please, min-ah...please.."   she begged.

I also understand what she felt. 'I already gave you everything' i heard her say earlier. It's so painful too, knowing that you already give your everything but still, it is not enough. That they just choose to leave you and gave up on you. Then you'll asked yourself---

"Am i lacking something?"   yes. That's right. But wait, i'm not the one who spoke. it's the girl.

When someone stay beside me, I don't pay attention to them, i just let them mind their own business.. but this time, this time i looked at HER. she's 2 feet away from me and she's looking at the river too. i guess the guy already left her.

I stared at her, to the tears that flowed down from her eyes. I felt something when i was staring at her but I don't know what  it is.

It doesn't suit her. I thought.. It doesn't suit her to cry. I felt shy to say those things to her.

But i didn't hold back to say something to her. Maybe I can help a little. I never did this thing before though, to comfort someone who is a stranger to me.

"it's not like they leave you because there's something wrong in you." i averted my gaze to the water.

"maybe they realized they are the one whose wrong."

i didn't see her reaction though, but i know that she's surprised. I want to leave, because i'm embarrased that i said those words. I think i just burdened her more. But my body is like glued to the ground, to this place. i cant move! my body is like telling me not to leave.

"I'm tired too." she said, still crying though.

"i'm tired of everything, i'm tired of loving. i'm tired of crying. i'm tired of caring. i'm tired of trying. i'm... tired... of LIVING"  she inhales, "JUST" she exhales, "TIRED"

sh