“Noona,” came Kim Taehyung’s desperate pleading voice that made Winter grip her phone tighter. “He needs you. Please, noona, he’s ruining himself.”

Winter clenched her eyes shut. She knew she shouldn’t have answered any of their calls for it will only weaken her resolve and make her walls crumble. But she can’t help it, when Taehyung called for the fiftieth time, her heart just can’t stand it anymore.

“We’re over, Tae,” she whispered, trying to keep her voice from breaking. “I don’t have anything to do with him anymore.”

“But he badly needs you,” the younger one insisted, his tone a mix of desperation and frustration. “He never listens to anyone but you. Please, just…just…we all need you; we don’t know what to do with him anymore. Please, talk to him.”

Warm tears started pricking the back of her eyes but she held it in and spoke in a firm voice, “The last time we saw each other…he pushed me away, Tae.” The memories from last time, from when she broke up with him, came coming back to her like a freight train, crushing her again.

“Because you broke up with him, noona,” Taehyung tried reasoning out. “He’s hurt and we can’t blame him. But no matter what he says or does, hell knows that he needs you now more than ever.”

How Ironic, needing the one who hurt you.

“He’s not the only one…” she said, more to herself than to the boy. Ever since that day, she’s trying to hold everything in. She’s trying to be strong but she’s fighting a losing battle. “He’s not the only one who’s…hurt.”

“Then why break up with him, noona?” Taehyung’s voice rose a bit at the question.

“I…” she swallowed the lump forming in . “…have reasons.”

She heard him sigh from the other end. “I respect your reasons, whatever it is, but can you just check up on him? Just this once?”

There was a moment of silence until Taehyung spoke again.

“Noona, I’m…I’m begging you…Jungkook…he’s,” the boy paused and Winter could swear that she heard a muffled sob. “He’s slowly destroying himself and it’s frustrating that we can’t do anything about it.” He was quiet again for a while, soft muffled cries were heard and it went straight to the girl’s heart. She realized that she’s hurting them all. “You’re his first and probably his last love, noona…He loves you more than anything…more than himself…”

“Tae…” was all her trembling lips would allow her to say. She’s biting back her own sob that wanted so badly to spill from her eyes.

“Save him, noona…please…”

****

Winter arrived at the place that had become a huge part of her life; the rooftop of the abandoned five-storey building near the boys’ dorm.

This is the place where they hang-out almost everyday of their lives. Making music, sharing stories, creating dreams and building stronger friendship. This place held a lot of precious memory that Winter will forever treasure in her heart. Whatever happens.

“Jeon Jungkook!” she flinched from behind the wall when Taehyung’s deep booming voice filled the air. “The hyungs are so worried about you! Can’t you see? We’re all ing worried about you!”

She saw the maknae get up from the floor and glare at Taehyung. She got alarmed for a second, thinking that a fight might start between the two but Jungkook just continued giving the older boy a hard stare.

“I don’t give a damn, hyung,” Jungkook spit out in a cold voice and it shocked Winter to the bones. The Jungkook she knew was always sweet, shy, caring and adorable. He’d never talk back like that and would always be respectful to his hyungs.

Jungkook...what happened to you? Did I really hurt you this much for you to be like this?'

“Jungkook!” Taehyung shouted but Jungkook remained unmoving.

“You can never understand me,” the younger one said through gritted teeth. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Leave you alone?!” Winter can see that Taehyung is about to reach his limit. Even if their only source of light is the moon, she can still see how Taehyung’s ears and neck is turning red from anger and frustration. “Are you ing crazy? How can we leave you alone in that state?! Huh?! You’re our friend, our brother; we can’t just leave you like that!”

What Taehyung said must’ve knocked some sense into the maknae’s mind because he stayed silent for a moment and looked away. Winter started to think that she wasn’t needed anymore, that Taehyung probably already fixed the problem at hand but, boy, was she wrong.

They were both startled when Jungkook started for the stairs.

“Yah!” Taehyung tried to stop him. “Where in the hell do you think you’re going?!”

“Somewhere where I can forget all this I’m feeling,” was Jungkook’s flat reply but his last statement, although a whisper, wasn’t missed by Taehyung’s ears. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

She saw him coming nearer so she tucked herself closer to the wall, hiding in the shadows. Taehyung was about to run after the younger boy but she stopped him by revealing herself.

“Taehyung,” she softly called out to him as she slowly felt the exhaustion taking its toll on her.

“N-noona!” Taehyung was surprised but nonetheless thankful for her presence. He started losing hope a while ago when she just hung up without saying anything but now that she’s here, Taehyung can’t help but run to her and engulf her in a warm hug.

“Taehyung…” she started to gently pat his back in the way she knows he loves so much. “Please…don’t cry.”

It breaks her heart to hear Taehyung cry like this. He was like a brother to her, just like the other boys. When she lost her mom because of an incurable illness, right after her dad got into an accident and died, all seven of them stood up as her family. They were the brothers she never had. And seeing them hurt like this felt like a hand was gripping at her heart.

“Noona, we know that you broke up with Kookie but…” he trailed off, his voice and cries muffled by her shoulder. “…why does it feels like you also drifted away from us.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, the words carrying more and deeper meaning than she let on. 

“We missed you,” Taehyung choked out, hands clutching tighter on the back of her sweater like a kid not wanting to let go of her mom on the first day of school.

Before she knew it, the words “I missed you, too,” were out of her pale lips and it made Taehyung let go to look at her.

“Noona, is there any other problems aside from your break up with Kookie?” the boy asked her with tear-stained cheeks and it almost made her want to reach out to wipe them away but she caught herself. She can’t let her resolve to go down the drain, this is for the best. Staying away from them is for the best.

She slowly shook her head, “No, Tae, I’m fine.” I wish I'm fine.

Taehyung stared at her face for a while before he remembered that Jungkook ran away from them. “Noona, Jungkook ran away, what should we do? He might go drinking again just like yesterday. Last week, he almost got killed by a group of gangster because of his drunkass. ” She started seeing traces of panic on his handsome face so she patted the top of his head.

“I’ll take care of him, just go home and tell them that I’ll bring Kookie home,” she said with a faint smile.

Taehyung smiled brightly and she tried her best to imprint this happy child-like expression of his on her mind.

It might be the last time she’s seeing this.

“Thank you, noona!” Taehyung’s smile broke into a full-blown rectangular grin and it tugged at Winter’s heart, her eyes getting warm.

“But this is the last I’m doing this, okay?” she said and it made his smile disappear in an instant.

Taehyung pouted, “Why?”

“Just because,” she can’t help but smile at how fast this boy’s mood changes. One second he’s all manly and ferocious then like a giddy child the next. Then he’s all sad and pouty now? Kim Taehyung, really.

“Okay, but can I just have one more hug before you go?” the boy grinned at her again before pulling her into an embrace. An embrace that she will surely miss.

I'll miss you. I'm sorry, guys.

***

Winter secretly followed Jungkook down the streets despite the coldness that is seeping through her clothes. She can’t find the courage to approach him yet so she settled on just following him. She wrapped her arms tighter around her torso as she thought of things to say to him, things that would bring him home---sound and safe together with his hyungs.

She watched Jungkook’s figure clad in grey jacket over a black shirt. It’s as if his broad back is calling for her, tempting her to hug him and tell him everything. But no, she knows it won’t do him good.

They continued walking down the dark empty street and she started to feel dizzy. She’s tired but she kept on following him until Jungkook bumped into two scary looking guys.

Winter almost jumped into the scene but when she saw that the boy just ignored the two men, she retreated and continued following his steps. It was until they stopped in an intersection that made Winter reveal her self.

She was confused when Jungkook stopped right before the pedestrian lane. There were no cars passing by so why did he stop? When a speeding car finally appeared, her questions were answered.

“No!” she shrieked, fear flooding her system and choking her. She was thankful to the heavens that she was still fast enough to pull him to the safe side right before the car run him over. They both went out of balance and tumbled down to the ground because of the force of her pull. She ended on top of him.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” she yelled at him as she shook his shoulders, as if trying to knock some sense into him. “Are you out of your mind? Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” Jungkook just stared at her in a daze as her voice got softer to almost a whisper. “What are you thinking?” she asked as she leaned her forehead into his warm chest and started to sob quietly. The rush of adrenaline from earlier left her almost immediately and it made her insides go weak. Weaker than she already is.

“Ja-jagi?” Jungkook stuttered. He can’t quite believe that his (ex)girlfriend saved him from his suicide attempt and is now with him. “Is..is that really you?”

Winter lifted her pale angelic face from his chest and stared at him with glassy eyes. “Pabo! What if you…died there?” she bit her lip to prevent it from trembling. Just thinking that Jungkook would…die…

“But I didn’t,” he tried to console her with a smile but it made her cry even more. “You saved me, right?”

“But what if I’m not here to save you?” she argued, trying to prove her point…whatever it is. “What would happen to you? Did you even think about your hyungs? What would they feel if you—,”

He cut her off with a chaste kiss and she realized how much she’d been missing. She buried her face on the crook of his neck and shoulders and sobbed again. She missed this, she missed him, and she missed everything about him.

“I-i’m sorry,” Jungkook started panicking when she didn’t stop crying. “I didn’t mean to—,”

This time he was cut off when Winter hugged his neck tight. “How much would you make me worry until you’re satisfied?”

***

“Noona,” Winter looked up from her cup of hot choco when Jungkook called her. They decided to grab some drinks from the nearby convenient store and sit on the bench outside to talk everything over. “What…happened to us?”

Winter took a deep breath then answered as emotionless as possible. “We’re over, that’s what happened.”

“Why?” asked Jungkook, his voice confused, sad, hopeless and begging for a reason. “Did…did I do something wrong? Something you didn’t like? Tell me, and I’ll make it right. I’ll change for you.”

Winter had to look away from his earnest face to be able to compose herself. She had never seen him this vulnerable, it’s like he’s baring himself to her, all of his feelings and insecurities. Seeing Jungkook like this, so helpless and confused makes her heart reach out to him.

“No,” she can’t even look at him without tearing up. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t like. Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re the perfect boyfriend a girl could ask for. Please, don’t blame yourself for what happened to us.”

“Then why did you break up with me?” he asked, his voice shaking a bit. “Noona, look at me and tell me why.”

She gripped the cup of her hot choco a little tighter, as if she’s borrowing courage from the warmth it emits. “Jungkook, just…I…” Can she really say it?

She felt a warm hand on the side of her face, gently forcing her face to meet his. “Why, noona? Why?”

 Winter met his eyes, his innocent eyes, for just a few moments before closing her own and uttering the words that crushed Jungkook’s heart.

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Jungkook stayed still for a moment, just looking at her but his eyes seemed empty and void of any emotions. It’s like a switched is flicked and it shut off the lights in the boy’s eyes. Winter started to get worried and was about to speak again when Jungkook stood up, hands brushing through his jet black hair over and over again.

“You’re lying,” he said and was immediately followed by a humorless chuckle. “Why are you lying, noona?” Jungkook kneeled in front of her and held her cold small hand with his big warm ones. “Tell me you’re lying and I’ll forget that all of this happened. Tell me you still love me and we’ll start over again,” he looked at her with his doe eyes and Winter tried so hard not to hug him and comfort him. 

Tears started forming in the corner of Jungkook’s eyes when Winter pulled her hand away from his. It felt like she pulled his heart away with her hand.

“I’m telling the truth,” she insisted, her voice hard and cold. “Just accept it, Kookie.”

“How can I when you’re calling me that way?” he exclaimed, hurt and sorrow written all over his innocent face. “How can I when I’m still madly inlove with you?”

“Stop it, Jeon Jungkook!” Winter blurted as she stood up and took a few steps away from him. She can’t be near him or else she’ll end up wiping his tears away. “Stop loving me, you’ll only hurt yourself!”

Jungkook stood up as well, taking a few steps towards her. “Do you think I would give a damn if I get hurt or not? All I care about is you and all I know is that I love you!”

Winter shook her head as she tried to blink her tears away. “We’re better off not being together. You go find a girl who can love you more than I do and I’ll go find a man who can love me like you do,” she started spouting lies that she knew won’t ever happen. “What part of “I don’t love you anymore” you can’t understand?” she whispered because everytime she’s saying this, her heart is twisting in the most painful way. The emotional stress she’s feeling right now is making her dizzy and she knew she had to get home as soon as possible or else…

“Everything!” Jungkook shouted which made Winter recoil. “You can lie all you want but your tears can’t,” he walked closer to her.

She was surprised at what he said. She lifted a hand to touch her face and there it was, her tears really did betray her without her noticing. “Don’t…” she held a hand in front of her. “Please, don’t come any closer.”

Jungkook stepped closer to her and held her hand, ignoring her protests, before pulling her into a hug. “I wanna stop but I can’t do it,” he said, burying his face in her hair. “I’d die trying to do it.”

Winter pushed her tiny fists into his chest but he's so strong he won’t budge. “Let me go…”

“I know you still love me,” he said softly. “Please, don’t give me any excuses.” He hugged her tighter. “All of the things you said are like a mask. It hides the truth and rips me apart. Why are you lying?”

“I’m not lying,” Winter said in a strangled voice, she was trying her best to keep her tears at bay. He’s making it so difficult for the both of them but she can’t let her resolve slip away. She had to do this. She had to let him go before it’s too late. “Just forget about me, Jungkook.”

“You’re making me crazy,” he said, breathing in her calming scent. “You should’ve known by now that you are my everything and telling me to forget you is like telling me to forget how to breathe—mission impossible.”

“I’m begging you, Jungkook,” Winter can’t help but burst into tears as she tell him this. “You’re better off without me. Let me go…”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “But I love you.” Winter felt something warm dripping on her shoulder. “Forgive me but I can’t do it.”

“Please…” Winter clutched at the front of his shirt. She don’t know what to do or what to say anymore. She don’t even know what she’s pleading for anymore. Jungkook is messing her and his words and tears are slowly chipping off her walls.

“I need you,” Jungkook said and it broke her heart a little more. “Why? Why am I in love alone?” he desperately asked her as his tears kept dripping down her shoulders and Winter felt like a hole was punched right through her chest. “Why am I hurting alone?”

You're not hurting alone. I love you so much it hurts.

“Why do I keep needing you when I know I’ll get hurt?”

Winter struggled against his tight embrace but it’s to no avail. She wanted to get away from him when she can still control herself from telling him the truth. Seeing him getting hurt because of her is the last thing she wanted but if hurting him now means saving him from more possible pain in the future then so be it.

 “I tried to forget you but I kept coming back,” he confessed, his breath warming her neck, his embrace unrelenting. “Whatever I do, I can’t help it. It’s definitely my heart, my feelings, but why don’t they listen to me?”

“Why?” Winter was overwhelmed by the intensity of his love for her. “How come you love me this much? Why are you willing to hurt yourself just to be with me? Why, Jungkook? Why?”

“Why is it you? Why did it have to be you? Why can’t I leave you?” he paused and she can tell that he’s trying to keep his voice from quivering. “I’m asking myself those same questions and all I got is… it’s because I love you.”

With those last words of him, her last remaining walls crumbled down to ashes. She’s giving up the fight. She’s telling him the truth. She just can’t stand it anymore.

Winter gently pushed Jungkook away from her so she could cup his both tear-stained cheeks. “I would tell you the truth if you promise me one thing.”

She noticed how his jaw tightened and his eyes glistened with another batch of unshed tears as he nodded.

“Promise me that you’ll forget me and move on,” she said, her own tears rolling freely down her face. She saw protests in his eyes but she didn’t let him speak. “The reason I broke up with you is not because I don’t love you anymore. Heaven knows how…” she paused to take a deep breath. “…how much I love you. I love you it hurts so much, Kookie.”

Jungkook’s heart skipped a beat. She still loves him and he felt more alive than ever.

“But…why did you break up with me?” he asked, his eyes searching her pretty face.

“I’m dying.”

It felt like the world stopped revolving and his heart stopped beating when he heard her answer. 

“I’m sick just like my mom,” Winter’s lips tremble, her eyes getting blurry from all the tears. “It’s incurable and I’ll die sooner or later.”

“No…” Jungkook’s tears fell hot and thick against his cheeks. He softly caressed her face as if his life depended on it, as if she'd break into pieces with just one touch, as if she’d disappear anytime now. “No…”

“I’m giving you your last gift from me,” she closed her eyes and leaned into his warm gentle hands. “So you can’t ever go back to me.”

“I don’t want it,” Jungkook shook his head frantically as he stared at her calm face glowing beautifully under the moonlight. He knew what gift she’s talking about and he felt his world slowly crumbling down. “Just stay with me and I’ll be fine…I’ll be fine…noona, please…” he begged. “Don’t say it…”

“I’m setting you free, Kookie,” she whispered as she opened her eyes filled with so many emotions that it spills through her tears. “I’m letting you go.”

“No!” Jungkook wrapped his arms around Winter as if he's trying to desperately keep her together, to keep her from slipping away from his grasp. “I can’t…I just can’t…I love you…I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

“Please, don’t go…I need you…”

FIN.

A/N: Oh my gosh. what did I even write? so angsty and cheesy... there are some I Need U lyrics there, did you catch that? let me know what you think about this story, okay? Thanks!