Chapter 6: 'Okay'

I stare back at him in shock. My mind whizzing everywhere, from one thing to another but all I do is stare. Hoseok's eyes stare back at me with some kind of determination not to look away.

"D-do you remember?" I stutter in disbelief.

His eyes widen then wander away. He lets go of my wrist and apologetically shakes his head. "I asked you before..." he explains, "and I asked the members too," he begins to mumble as his eyes waver, "and about what our relatioship was like and what you were like." He glances at me to check my reaction.

I don't know how to feel. I search the ground to see if I can find a single fragment of our precious past.

"I'm sorry," he reaches out to me, his hand lingering before it drops and he just smiles weakly instead.

I gaze at him, probably far too longingly and he starts to look uncomfortable. He rubs the back of his neck. "The doctor," he states as he clears his throat, "said I should try get into my old routine to see if I can remember things like that."

Hoseok purses his lips. "There's no guarantee," he explains, "but I'll try it." He swallows, "so since we were dating.." he looks around nervously and hesitates to continue, "is it okay if I message you from time to time?"

I take a deep breath and hold it in to hopefully stop the thumping in my chest. I smile softly and suddenly feel a reassuring breeze blow. This is like a window in the dark tunnel, not necessarily the end of it but light nonetheless. I nod.

He nods back, I can tell he's pressing back a smile because of his dimpled cheek and upturned eyes. He pulls out his phone then looks at it for awhile before coyly handing in to me. I take it unsurely.

"My number should be in here already," I explain to him.

Hoseok bites his lip and points at the screen. "There's a lockode..."

My eyes glance up at him, 'Right, of course he forgot that too.' I switch on the phone, shocked to see the lock screen is left untouched. It's a photo we took together, his arm is around my shoulder and my arms are around his waist while he's kissing my brow. I purse my lips.

"I haven't had the chance to change it," Hoseok explains.

I nod and force myself to swallow the fluttering memories crawling up my throat. "The lockcode," I exclaim abruptly, slightly flicking my head to wave away the tears, "is 1305." I type it in for him then look up. We lock eyes and I fumble to explain the meaning, "It's my date of birth," I murmur as I pass the phone to him. The wallpaper is me asleep on his shoulder, a photo I didn't even know he had. I grumble under my breath as my eyes begin to water. I look at the ground and shuffle my feet, taking deep breaths.

Hoseok looks embarrassed as he notices the wallpaper. "I'm sorry," he apologizes. I figure I don't like him apologizing so often. "1305..." he mumbles to himself, a habit he has in order to remember things.

"You could change it," I tell him, "you don't have to keep it."

Hoseok glances at me then back his phone. "Okay," he pauses, "but I can keep it, right?"

I look up at him, slightly surprised. I press my lips together and nod.

There's a pause. He chuckles nervously, "I actually have no idea how to use this," he says referring to the phone.

"Oh," I exclaim, just realising he did only buy the phone a few months ago. "It's okay, you'll get the hang of it," I assure him.

"I'll message you then," he says after a long pause. We hear a burst of laughter from the living room and both turn around. "Should we head back?" he asks unsurely. I nod. We then make our way back to reunite with the other members, slightly more flustered than we were before.

When we return, they seem to be in the middle of a conversation. Though it's hard to tell what the topic is, they are all smiling. My eyes unconsciouly find Namjoon's and his expression drops. He turns away.

I consider confronting him again but Jin suddendly blurts something out to me. "Ahri!" he exclaims, he's standing defensively between the members and the television. "It's Jimin who never puts his things in the laundry basket right?!" he looks at me expectantly.

I my head in thought then nod. "I found his bandana next to the toilet last time," I inform him as I recall finding it wet and hanging on the edge of the tissue roll holder.

Jimin gasps, looking betrayed. Taehyung bursts into laughter, agrees and violently slaps Jimin's back. "It's because he showers with it on!" he jeers.

While most of us tease and ask why, Jungkook turns to Taehyung in disgust and asks how he knows that to which the attention moves to Taehyung. Like this, I gradually feel at home like all could be right once again. We're jusr a group of friends joking and laughing but then I notice a voice missing— Namjoon's.

He sits slumped in his chair, distantly staring in front of him. When Yoongi pats his shoulder, he sits back up and tugs a smile onto his face, forcing out laughter.

I frown, 'What could it be?' I feel a tap on my shoulder.

Hoseok gestures to a vacant seat. "Do you want to sit down?" he asks. Jungkook, who's now sitting on the ground, pats the chair.

I smile and wave a hand. "I should get going," I say.

"You just got here!" Taehyung complains.

"Stay for dinner," Seokjin insists, he whacks Namjoon's shoulder, "Tell her to stay!"

Namjoon lifts his eyes, they stay on mine longer than they have all day. He opens his mouth.

"Stay for dinner!" Hoseok interrupts.I'm taken aback and almost jolt as I turn to face him. "Stay for dinner," he repeats, this time more calmly. The other members become still for a moment. His gaze locks me in so firmly that I can't reject the invitation.

Despite being happy to be making progress with Hoseok, I feel extremely burdened as if I may be sacrificing something, or someone, also very close to me. I turn to Namjoon with an empathetic smile. He lifts his brows, sighs and smiles back weakly.

It's almost midnight when I arrive back home. I turn on the lights to see everything is, unsurprisingly, exactly as I left it.

"Are you going to be alright?" Seokjin asks, standing just outside the door.

"Of course," I reassure him.

He frowns, "Is everything okay with you and Namjoon?"

I sigh and shrug, "We'll figure it out."

He hums then clicks his tongue, "Well, goodnight then."

I thank him for the lift and he leaves. I shut the door and return to the silence of the dorm. I exhale loudly, partially so I can hear something but the echo just makes it more lonely.

"I wonder when the members will come back?" I grumble as I go to change. A few months break has never felt so long.

Dressed in my pyjamas, I roll into bed. The sheets are warm and worn, probably due for a wash. My mind feels extremely full, my belly also. I'll probably need to get back on a diet. I sigh and shuffle on my stomach. I hug my pillow and tuck it under my chest. No matter what I try and do I feel burdened.

"What if he doesn't get back his memories?" I grumble. I frown at the bitter taste of the words, "No! we'll find a way... there's hope..."

I drift off into deep thoughts— I reminisce our past from start to now, every celebration, date, time spent and the little things in between. How he would be the first and last person I messaged in the morning and night; how we'd see eachother at least once a week or call if we couldn't, we'd talk in between scheduals or in hushed voices as the others slept; how we'd memorise eachothers schedual and celebrate when our promotion periods overlapped; then how we'd visit eachother behind stage and be teased by our members; the times we practiced together and the times I accompanied him late at night as he composed songs in the studio; the free days we had and spent in the apartment and the first day we spent in it; how we fell asleep in each others' arms and woke up to each others' faces; the way he smiled and laughed, complimenting even my flaws and insecurities; the coexistence of nerves and ease in his prescence; and hearing him say things meant only for me. I gradually find my pillow wet. I press my face against it to muffle my cries but I later realise my tears are different. They carry with them drops of hope and sweetness to their bitterness. I have the memories so at least I know we existed. If we can't retrieve his, I can share mine or we can always make more. I sniffle and wipe my face, chuckling weakly. It'll be okay.

Author's Note: if you don't remember, Hobi asked Ahri about their relationship in chapter 3. Also I'd like to thank you for all the support, I'm recieving much more than I expected ♥ (pretty much because I write this on the top of my head and don't really edit it ahaha) ... also I'm planning to go back and polish up the past chapters (just typos and such) and get a better cover :)

ALSO my tumblr is http://hopeful-afternoon.tumblr.com/ ♥ I'll follow you back ♥ ♥ ♥