Soojung wiped her tears frantically as she realised that Seulgi was walking up to her. She couldn’t stay and talk with her, she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened last week. She couldn’t risk Taemin finding out she was back. 

“Soojung?” Seulgi was shocked at the sight of the crying girl. It had been about 11 months since she last saw her and the Soojung that was in front of her now was much different from the Soojung she’d known in the past. Seulgi had never seen bags under her eyes nor the colour drain from her face this drastically before, Soojung had lost a bit of weight as well, her cheeks shrunk and her ponytail lost its perk. It was evident that she had been crying and Seulgi wondered what that was about, she wanted to open up her arms to her for a hug but held back as she recalled her own best friend’s tears when Soojung had left him 11 months ago.

Seulgi took a seat a few seats away from her, warily keeping her distance from Taemin’s former partner. Both of them were hesitant to start the conversation, but Seulgi’s personality forced her to make the first move again, so she spoke first.

“Are you back here for a break?” 

Soojung mentally breathed a sigh of relief, at least she doesn’t suspect that I’m back because my career freakin’ failed. She decided to roll with Seulgi’s question, figuring that it was best to lay low until she decided what to do after quitting this career. “Hmm, yea, it’s just Jung family culture to spend Christmas and New Years together. I’m here for a week then back to training.” She pursed her lips together, internally cringing at the lie and the mention of family. She was supposed to know better than to mention family in front of Seulgi.

Meanwhile, Seulgi nodded, pretending to understand the importance of spending time together during the holidays. While Jongin’s case of parenting was absence because time is money and money is everything, her case was absence because time is money and money was everything they needed. Money would fund her skating and her brother’s ice hockey, it was what her family needed to pay for school and feed the family. Their family would work holidays, just so they could earn double the pay, in case either sibling needed new skates or extra ice time. Seulgi just couldn’t relate to her ability to be back for just a week, she couldn’t imagine how much those plane tickets cost. 

“Were you planning to tell Taemin that you’re back? I think he’d be really happy to see-” 

“Don’t tell Taemin that I’m back. Please.”

Seulgi’s eyebrows knitted into a frown, “Why?” Soojung smiled weakly, “I just don’t want to distract him. His first season is coming up and I don’t want to ruin it for him.” 

Seulgi shook her head at the other girl’s excuse, does she even hear herself? If there was one soul in the world that would calm Taemin down, it was Soojung. If there was one person on this planet that could convince Taemin to it up and get his together, it was Soojung. Distracting him was bull, Seulgi knew that Soojung knew that too. She is definitely avoiding something. 

“Okay, I really think he would like to see you though,” Seulgi shrugged it off, “How has pairs been without Taemin though, been going well?” 

Soojung let out a sigh, leading Seulgi to think it truly wasn’t going well for her. “It’s fine, I guess, I’m not doing pairs but singles training is fine. I’m not competing this year though, I’m not you.” Fingers crossed that Seulgi would believe this half truth too. Seulgi could sense admiration from the girl as she compared them, yet a heaviness as she spoke about her training in America. Something is definitely up.

“Well, speaking of training, you should go get the ice time you came here for. I’ll leave in a while.” Soojung quickly brushed it off, even though she could feel Seulgi’s suspicion of her growing even more. Seulgi complied, rising to her feet, took one last look at Soojung. She really looked like she went through a lot in the past year, tiredness was evident in her sad eyes. Seulgi enveloped her in a tight hug, “It’s been good to see you again, Soojung. I wish we could talk more sometime.” Soojung didn’t realise she needed that hug until it happened; her lower lip trembled as she tried to keep her tears in. She was glassy-eyed as she pulled away and turned her back to Seulgi, pretending to pack her bag to hide the tear that ran down her cheek. 

Soojung stayed at the rink for a while more to observe Seulgi as she glided across the ice, carving patterns into the cold surface. She’d always make skating look so effortless and enjoyable. Soojung wished she could be more like her, but her chance was over. Right?

Soojung laid low after New Years; she kept away from Mokdong rink and settled for the Lotte rink when she wanted to let off steam on the ice. She knew Taemin and Seulgi would never come to Lotte, they used to loathe that place because it was adjacent to an amusement park, for goodness sake. 

She finally told her siblings — Jihoon, and his wife Taehee and Sooyeon, and her fiancé Jay — everything when they sat her down one day. She cried her eyes out and they grieved along with her, but convinced her not to give up skating entirely. The ice was still a place of familiarity and some sort of comfort, carrying both spectrums of happiness to disappointment. She went back to online high school, as she did in America, spending most of her time at Jihoon’s house, and evenings at the Lotte rink to take her mind off things. 

When Nationals was right round the corner, Soojung had dm-ed Seulgi a Good Luck for Nationals, just for good measure. She’d never thought that she would be in Korea to witness this year’s Figure Skating National Championships. She told herself to settle with watching the livestream on TV, but Soojung knew the figure skater in her would never let herself miss the live action and the amazing atmosphere at figure skating competitions, especially the biggest competition in Korea. Soojung put together an outfit Sooyeon had given her from her hand-me down clothes that she didn’t wear anymore; if she wanted to lay low and not get caught, she had to be as inconspicuous and unrecognisable. She threw on a grey turtleneck, both styles and colours she hated with a passion, and a long padded jacket. She hoped that she wouldn’t run into anyone she knew; in order to lower the possibility, she checked the schedules in advance and arrived in time to catch Seulgi and Taemin on the ice. The first day, she didn’t run into anyone at all. Ninja mode was successful and it emboldened her in the next few sessions. On the last day, she arrived at the rink rather early and walked past this big group of athletes talking. Well, she presumed they were athletes because of their attire. Her presumptions were confirmed when she heard Taemin’s voice in the mix. He sounded tired and annoyed, almost; because she knew him so well, she could tell that he couldn’t wait for the day to end already. Soojung quickly walked into the spectator seating area, avoiding Taemin as much as she could, hoping that he didn’t see her. As much as she wanted to go up to him and hug him, wish him well for his free skate, tell him that she believed in him, she couldn’t. She was the reason why he didn’t want to compete, how could she appear again and disrupt everything again? 

Soojung couldn’t help but linger on as Taemin and his partner walked to the kiss and cry. He looked so defeated, a look she’d never seen on Taemin ever. It was probably because he knew he was not going to place; and that he was going to drop his partner. As she departed from the rink, heading out to get home, her mind was clouded with thoughts of Taemin and the successful career they had together. She was so deep in thought that she didn’t see someone come around the corner and bumped into them. 

She looked up to see that she’d bumped into Seulgi. , so much for laying low, now she knows I’m back for real. Seulgi’s eyes widened when she realised she bumped into Soojung, “Oh my god, Soojung. Didn’t you go back to the States two weeks ago?” Soojung panicked, this was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to lay low, and disappear from the rink like she wasn’t there. This wasn’t happening. Soojung did the only thing she could in that moment, she ran. 

Fortunately, Seulgi didn’t chase her; she was too shocked that her legs took root in the ground, unable to move. She heard the sound of footsteps running toward her, Jongin had finally caught up to her. “Who was that just now?” Jongin asked her curiously. He noticed that Seulgi’s jaw was hanging open, her breathing was laboured and her fist was clenched tightly; he instinctively placed a hand on her lower back, rubbing small circles to calm her down.

“Soojung is back,” she let out in a weak whisper; but, it was loud enough to catch Jongin’s attention. “Soojung, as in Jung Soojung? As in Taemin’s partner?” She nodded and the next moment, she was standing there all alone, as she watched Jongin run to chase the other dark-haired girl out of the building. Her heart clenched in her chest but she pushed the feeling away, I can’t be feeling these things now, especially not since he left me first. She turned back to the direction which she came from back to Taemin and Coach Yuna, needing someone to comfort her.

“Jung Soojung, stop right there,” Jongin shouted after her as he picked up his pace to keep up with her. Soojung ran out of steam and gave up fleeing after a while, and he caught up easily. A frown grew on Jongin’s face as he faced her, panting to catch his breath. “Soojung, what the heck are you doing here?” 

She shrugged defeatedly, “Same reason as you, I guess?”

“You’re back? Oh my god, I have to tell Taemin, he’s going to be so happ-” Soojung clamped her hand over his mouth and dragged him further away from the building, fearing that someone might hear them.

“Don’t tell Taemin I’m back, please.” There really was no other reason to tell him except the fact that she was embarrassed to see him again, after her failure in America, and that she had quit figure skating all together. “So, Caroline dropped you too?” Jongin asked curiously, and she nodded weakly, “Singles didn’t work out for me, so I quit all together.”

“Wait, you freakin quit skating? But, you could always skate pairs with-” 

“No, I can’t. I already destroyed his career once, I can’t just waltz in now and destroy what he has now,” Soojung bit her lip nervously, in fear that Jongin would see through her bull crap. And, of course he did, “Girl, you saw his free skate score just now. His career is more destroyed without you than it’ll ever be with you.” Soojung shook her head in denial, her self-esteem had hit rock bottom at Caroline’s, she couldn’t drag him down along with her. “No, I quit skating, I’m not doing this anymore.”

“You know I could talk to my coach and she could help you with singles again. At least you won’t have to give up the career that you’ve built for more than half of your life,” Jongin suggested. He really didn’t want to see her give up just like that, Caroline was not worth the end of her career. 

Soojung continued to shake her head, turning down his suggestion. “I really can’t compete anymore, I just can’t. I won’t.” 

Jongin sighed at her stubbornness, “Fine. But stay in touch okay, I need to know you’re doing good; the last time you went off the grid, you ended up back here in Korea.” Soojung let out a small scoff, but punched in her Korean number into the keypad on his phone. “I’m warning you, don’t you dare tell Taemin or any of our skating friends. If you do, I won’t hesitate to cut your leg open again.” The glare in Soojung’s eyes told Jongin that he really could not mess enough with her, and her secret was to be kept safe with him. He held his hand up in surrender, and waved as she walked off, away from the rink. 

Jongin went back to the rink to join his teammates. Taemin was hugging a distressed Seulgi and comforting her as if she was the one who came in seventh place, not him. Jongin inhaled sharply at this sight, knowing that he was jealous of their close friendship. That used to be him, he used to be the one that Seulgi turned to, for comfort, for a hug to make her feel better. Now, he was the one causing her pain. Earlier before he had run after Soojung, he was actually talking with Seulgi amicably until he accidentally brought up a memory from the past about when they were skating together as they watched Taemin’s free skate. Seulgi told him to shut up and go away; she herself had left the rink to get some air and he wanted to apologise and that’s when they were interrupted. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Soojung was back in Korea, he didn’t understand how she thought he’d be able to keep this secret. Jongin’s eyes flickered over to Seulgi, and was surprised that their eyes met, reflecting the same hesitation in the other’s eyes. Seulgi walked over to him and took a seat next to him. And needless to say, Jongin was really surprised, though he knew what she had come over to discuss. 

“What did she say?” 

Jongin glanced over at Taemin who was talking with some old skating friends, not paying attention to either of them. “She said don’t tell Taemin, and she’s back for good.” Seulgi’s brows furrowed, mirroring the confusion that she felt, “What happened in America?” Jongin shrugged, “It’s really not my place to tell you. But, one thing you need to know, she quit figure skating for good.” The girl’s jaw would’ve dropped to the floor if it could, “Wait, as in she’s giving up on her career?” 

The boy shrugged again, “That’s what she said… Please don’t tell her I told you, she’ll end me if she found out I told you.” Seulgi was exasperated, “You expect me to sit still after you told me all of that? We can’t just let our friend give up on her dreams like that!” Jongin shushed her when her voice got louder as she got more frustrated. “Soojung is not the type to just give up, you know that as much as I do; something bad must have happened in America for her to come to this decision. Maybe we, as friends, should respect that.” Jongin had a hunch that the reason for her quitting was much deeper than she let on, they just didn’t know it yet. Seulgi shook her head, she was disappointed in Jongin for his ‘lack of care’ for Soojung’s career and Soojung’s lack of perseverance to push through difficult times. 

She felt helpless, knowing that in this situation, she had little control over Soojung’s and Jongin’s decisions. She could not influence either of them without hurting the other. In the back of her mind, she knew the person who was hurting the most of Taemin, and she couldn’t tell him about this — it would break him to know Soojung was never skating with him again. 

Soojung was in her room, leaning against her bed as she looked through her photo album for the umpteenth time, since she’d gotten back to Korea. She always spent the most time looking at her pictures with Taemin taken at awards ceremonies. Just as she was looking at their most recent photo, she saw a message ping on her phone. 

Hey Soojung, it’s Seulgi, I got your number from Jongin. I forced him to tell me what happened and he told me that you’re quitting )-: I was really sad to hear that because you have so much potential to excel… Taemin is looking for a new partner and I know he’ll be more than willing to take you back. Just promise me that you’ll think about it, please?

To hell with Kim Jongin. She should have known that he wouldn’t be able to keep a secret. But, she was more surprised that of all the people he could have told, he told Seulgi. Soojung didn’t know that they’d reconnected after he returned to Korea, she didn’t think that Seulgi wanted anything with him. Either way, Seulgi had found it in her to take Jongin back as a friend at least, her heart hoped that Taemin would do the same for her one day. 

Soojung could feel the irony of her situation, she didn’t have the confidence to skate alone, she didn’t have the confidence to skate pairs with anyone other than Taemin. Yet, she didn’t have the confidence to skate with him again, either. Seulgi’s message had caused her heart to waver from her initial decision. But, the thought of Taemin rejecting her hurt more than giving up skating all together. She was better off quitting. 

She felt so suffocated by her own thoughts and decided it was best to go skate it off, like she normally did. Soojung really loathed herself, the very thing she was so concerned about was also the very thing that brought her the most comfort. She headed back to Mokdong, the place that she had escaped earlier that day — fingers crossed that no one else would be there. It didn’t really matter anymore if she ran into anyone that she knew, considering her secret was not so secret anymore.

The entire ride on the subway, Soojung fiddled with the drawstring on her jacket, her head emptied of all thought. Music blasted in her ears, preoccupying her thoughts with beats. She absentmindedly walked toward the entrance to the rink and gave the security guard a weak smile. Opening the door to the rink, she sighed as the cold air hit her in the face. Her gaze was lowered as she made her way to the bleachers to put on her skates. Finally, as she headed to the rink and slid off her blade guards, she did some laps on the ice before launching into rage mode, skating to one of her old programmes with Taemin, except she was alone. She was lost in her skate and didn’t realise when another person had joined her on the rink.

Looking up, she saw that that person was Yuna Kim, Queen of the Ice. 

Yuna had stayed behind at Mokdong rink when the crowds dissipated at the end of the National championships, sitting in the bleachers as she laced her skates on. The reporters, commentators and audience were long gone and the rink was quiet. It had been a while since she had retired from competitive skating, the memories of competing in Korea were distant. Yuna wanted to take this time to work out some choreography for her upcoming annual ice show, All That Skate. She had gone for a water break and saw that Soojung was on the ice when she had returned. Her heart ached for Soojung as she saw her skate, she could see that there was desperation in her skating. Her heart ached also for Taemin, who had been longing for the return of his partner.

Yuna skated up to Soojung who remained frozen in her spot, mouth gaping at her. She chuckled internally at her reaction, it was not an uncommon reaction to those who’d seen her for the first time. “Annyeonghaseyo,” Soojung bowed politely, trying to keep her composure. “Annyeong, you’re Soojung, right?” Soojung’s jaw dropped further, eyes widened, realising that Yuna knew who she was. 

“I’ve seen you skate before, with your partner Taemin?” Yuna answered her unasked question, as she tried to find out why Soojung was back in Korea.

“Ah, yea, we used to be partners. But, not anymore…” 

“Oh, that’s a shame. You two did really well together, you had lots of potential as a pair.” Soojung blushed at her comment. Yuna decided that she would go with the flow, and pretend that she didn’t know Taemin or Soojung’s backstory, “If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you continue with the partnership?”

Soojung sighed at the question, she couldn’t believe she had to admit to the Queen how much of a failure she was, “I moved to the States to train there. It didn’t really work out there, so I’m back here.” 

Yuna’s heart leaped when she got the confirmation that Soojung was officially back in Korea, without a coach. All she had to do now was to get her to join her team. “Have you been training back in Korea?” 

“No, I haven’t. I actually decided recently that I’m not going to compete anymore.” Yuna’s heart sank to the pits of the stomach. Her experience in the States must have been really bad, that she no longer wanted to skate competitive. Change of plans, Yuna. You’d be surprised at how quickly Yuna thought on her feet, because suddenly, an idea came to mind. She knew how she could make Soojung skate with Taemin again, and maybe even go back into competition. 

“Have you considered skating professionally in shows?” Soojung’s eyes lit up, that wasn’t even an option that she had considered. She’d always thought that competitive skating was her be-all and end-all, maybe this was an alternative. “Actually, I didn’t even think about that. It sounds like a good option to consider.” 

Yuna smiled victoriously, “Would you like to join the line-up for my ice show this spring?”

Soojung was appalled at the offer, who knew the literal worst day of her life could turn into the best day yet. 

“Yes, of course, I would love to.”

hello everyone! a real late update from me but yall, it was so hard to link everything together. it's really coming together now so next chapter will be the best chapter yet. stay tuned, comment, subscribe and upvote if you enjoyed this one

i also found this really cute picture edit of Seulstal and my feels were b to the top, I wished they had more interactions but we can only hope (':