Soft lips reached Sungjong's forehead. It felt sickly cute, a bit like Sungjong, but he liked it so maybe it wasn't sickly at all. He could have gotten used to it, but Sungjong pushed away looking at him with wide eyes. All of a sudden the distance he closed, widened and doubled within a second.

He pressed his lips in regret. Of course Sungjong wouldn't like it, he didn't like him. To Sungjong it was all Myungsoo, even when he's married, it was still him. He should have given up ages ago because he was just digging the same hole that was already a few kilometres deep. At this speed reaching the mantle would be easy and so would dying from the heat. I should start climbing.

Sungjong was surprised. His chest felt uncomfortable only it wasn't bad. It was an unfamiliar feeling, that was still familiar?

Seeing Sungyeol put his palm flat on the floor to heave himself up felt terrible. Sungjong didn't want to see him leave making his mind feel heavy. He didn't feel himself lunge forward until his arms were securely wrapped around Sungyeol's neck, his face buried in his chest and Sungyeol's arms circle tightly around his waist. It was as if Sungyeol didn't want to let him go easily, not when he was the one who hugged him first.

Shock was not the word to describe how Sungyeol felt. Glad was. The shock hadn't registered all, he just felt relief. Sungjong didn't hate him or want him to go. Maybe he could be with him for infinity. Maybe he hadn't been digging a hole for himself.  He might have been planting a seed. Nurturing it to grow by watering it, waiting for it to flourish into an immortal tree with blooming flowers that are similar to white and purple lilacs. A tree that smelt of citrus, a bit like lemons. A scent that mingled in the wind. Breathing in content Sungyeol could almost smell it.

“I like you,” Sungyeol blurted out with sudden confidence.

“So do I,” Sungjong replied not giving it much thought.

“No Sungjong… I, like you, the way Myungsoo likes you. More than Myungsoo likes you,” Sungyeol clarified. There was no going back for him now.

The room fell silent. It was as if a hurricane had passed by cleaning everything in it’s path, leaving floating dust to settle in the lonely surrounding. Though Sungjong could hear Sungyeol’s heart beat. It was beating so fast he was slightly worried. Sungjong didn't notice his own heartbeat speed up.

He liked the hug and the feeling of it all, but the confession was unexpected. He had an answe that would disappoint Sungyeol, yet his lips wouldn't part to produce the words. When they did part he couldn't move his jaw. He separated himself from Sungyeol slowly. The words were stuck in his throat so for that moment he settled for an uneasy smile and a little frown. He saw Sungyeol gulp and felt his heart drop.

Slam!

The noise startled the the two. They looked at the door to see Myungsoo, alone. He was panting as if he had just ran up the stairs, from the bottom floor to the 10th floor. Myungsoo was bent down fighting to catch his breath. By then Sungjong was looking at him while biting his lips and trying to not tear up. Sungyeol just felt disappointed as he looked at Sungjong. He could almost feel Sungjong's eyes twinkle. It made him feel disgusted.

“Sungjong, are you okay?” Myungsoo asked after he regained his breath.

Sungjong just looked at him not uttering a word. “What do you think? After all you’ve done you ing idiot,” Sungyeol interfered. He stood up instantly.

“I'm... sorry,” Myungsoo said quietly. His words came out painfully.

Sungyeol laughed. Then he said, "What are you both going to get together again and have people watch you both be happy while you hurt others? Such a shame". Though Sungyeol sounded mad it was just a front. Inside he was hoping Sungjong would tell Myungsoo to go away and to never come back. He managed to keep the feelings inside as he stood strong, covering Sungjong who was sat on the ground, from Myungsoo's vision. He had to take Sungjong this time.

The boy on the ground looked at Sungyeol's back along with Myungsoo's legs that moved towards them. It was a scary feeling, but somehow he didn't feel threatened. Hope spread within himself with visions of Myungsoo hugging him and them two living together, away from disgusted gazes. Away from everyone that would look down on them.

Myungsoo put his hand on Sungyeol's shoulder and pushed him to the side slowly. Surprise greeted him as Sungyeol moved away without a fight. He thought he would have done something and he was prepared to fight if that's what it took to reach Sungjong. When his sharp eyes overflowing with determination met Sungyeol's, there was only a flickering of disappointment, distress and dread. He felt guilty and he couldn't figure out why, but his mind kept screaming denial. Though he pushed forward and then collapsed on his knees in front of his only love.

Sungyeol was a big hypocrite when he moved easily as Myungsoo pushed him. Because he was pathetic, because he was being so stupid because he should have stop caring for him in that way. He was honestly an idiot. A fool in love. He had no right to tell Sungjong all those harsh words because he was doing the same thing himself. He easily gave Sungjong away by moving because all he wanted was to see Sungjong be happy. I hate this, he thought.

The pressure of Myungsoo's hands that brushed across Sungjong's back was enough to make him lean forward and hug him. His heart was going crazy and his emotions became a mess. Even though he just saw Myungsoo a few hours ago, he missed him and it made him cry. He may have thought Myungsoo didn't love him anymore, but that was proven wrong. Myungsoo had ran to him even in those unfavourable circumstances. It was enough to let him know Myungsoo still loved him. Even though he felt happy, he was horrified to the point of feeling disgusted with himself.

Though Sungyeol was not facing them he could see the couple hugging from the corner of his eyes. He closed his fist and his eyes stung from the view. He thought he was worse than Sungjong at that point because he just stood there, with low shoulders and pretended not to look. Despite his mind saying don't he continued to look. His heart wouldn't have hurt that much if he had just looked away. Tears fought to escape his eyes, but he was in a war zone and he wouldn't let them fall. An internal battle is hard to win then an external one. I'm a man, crying won't help. Though being a man meant nothing.

"Myungsoo, you should go. You're wife must be worried about you," Sungjong muffled.

"Sungjong," Myungsoo gasped.

Sungyeol looked at the door in front of him. He decided he needed to give them privacy, so he turned around to see the two hugging. He stormed to his room and shut the door with one hand. The slam rung through the room. At least inside his room he didn't have to see the two. He could be left alone. Still he stood by the door, wanting to hear what the two were saying.

"What are you saying?" Myungsoo questioned.

"You should go back to your wife, she must be worried about you". Sungjong didn't look up though.

"Tell me that while looking at me and I'll leave".

Sungjong shook his head. He knew he wouldn't be able to fight it if he looked up. He knew he would give in. He pushed Myungsoo by placing both his hands on his chest. He let out panicked breaths as he struggled. "Leave".

Sungjong felt two hands cup his cheeks and push his face up. "Say it now!" Myungsoo shouted. His face was serious wanting nothing, but what he commanded. Sungjong let out a shaky sigh because that's what Myungsoo did to him. He made him feel calm and collected. He stood at the edge of a 50 story building ready to dive, but Myungsoo kept him from falling. Instead he made feel the tickle of the wind against his skin.

Sungjong grabbed the hands on his cheeks and said, "Myungsoo". Then started to shed tears, his lips trembling from trying to hold them back. "Myungsoo, I, I want... you," Sungjong said. After a few seconds he shouted loudly, "Myungsoo I want you!"

Sungyeol heard what Sungjong said and decided to give up. He had had enough, causing him to kick his bed and collapse onto it. He took deep breaths trying to calm down and grabbed his bed sheet, tightening his grip. Though he failed to reach his aim because his tears were flowing freely from his eyes. They were silent tears, but spoke more than a loud cry.

His love for Sungjong was meant to be one-sided. No matter how much he tried, no matter how many lemon candies he secretly left by Sungjong's bedside when he was down and no matter how much he loved Sungjong, nothing would ever be enough. He was not a man, but a kid who had always given love, but never received it. He had been someone who always took care of him, but he'd never been cared for. He felt pathetic because even then he wished well for Sungjong. The seed he planted was not dormant, it was dead. There were no blooming flowers only visions of wilting petals. The citrus smell didn't exist, there was only cold wind that froze your lungs the moment it touched it's walls. Just wind that would slowly suffocate you from the inside.

Myungsoo looked at Sungjong lovingly. It was the same way he always looked at him. The content on his face was visible, but so was little guilt. Sungjong closed his eyes, trying to pull himself together. An influx of memories of Sungyeol taking care of him bombarded his mind. Flashes of Sungyeol hugging him, petting his hair and smiling at him came to his view. He knew Sungyeol was kind, but he didn't like him. There was no way he could compare to Myungsoo. His feelings for the two were too different. But at that moment all Sungjong could imagine was the other hurting and on his bed looking like a small kid, crying. It made him feel extremely guilty. He needed to protect Sungyeol, to save him and give him life.

He took in a deep breath and whispered, “Myungsoo, I want you… to leave. You have a wife who loves you and cares about you a lot. She knew we were together, but she still is willing to accept you. I love you I'll admit it, but she's your wife. You're special to me, but we can't be together now. Please love her and hold on to her. Don’t love me anymore. Please leave me.”

Myungsoo just looked at him with a composed expressed. Though inside he was crying.

He was water because Myungsoo clenched his fist, hard, but Sungjong just trickled away through his fingers. He just learnt to cup his hands, but there was no water left. It was too late and he couldn't do anything.

He was following his family. They wanted him to be normal by getting married and then in the future having children. The feeling of regret only grew. He was forced to marry when all he wanted to do was to be with Sungjong forever. Though he couldn't go back and Sungjong was right. He had to leave him.

"I love you too Sungjong. Don't tell me to forget you, that's the only thing of you I can hold onto. I'm sorry for not being brave enough for you. If I was stronger we could have been together. I desperately want to go to the past and change myself... I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Sungjong was already beginning to forgive him, but for Myungsoo it would take time to forgive himself. He hugged Sungjong tightly hoping to never let go. Sungjong hugged back immediately, he too was hoping the same, but he pushed Myungsoo's chest. Reluctantly Myungjong let go, sniffing a bit.

His hands cupped Sungjong's cheeks, they felt warm and soft, then leant forward. "Lee Sungjong you are perfect, don't forget that, okay? I really can't tell you how special you are to me...This is for the last time". Then he closed his eyes and kissed Sungjong's lips hard with determination and bravery.

That was their last kiss, sure, comforting, but... wrong...

Myungsoo stood up and walked to the door. It slammed as he closed it, he's crying Sungjong thought. He was still seated on the floor though his tears were gone. He felt alone and empty with only memories to fill him up. Then he heard a loud thump from Sungyeol's room and stood up in a hurry. The thumping sound came again as he ran towards the room and opened the door quickly.

Sungyeol heard the door slam and so he assumed Myungsoo and Sungjong had gone. He got up and punched the wall a few times. He was punishing himself you could say. That's when the door opened and he heard Sungjong shout, "Stop it!" Though he ignored Sungjong and punched the wall again.

So Sungjong decided to do something stupid by running towards Sungyeol and  standing against the wall he was punching. His eyes snapped shut tightly waiting for a hit. His body tensed up as he shook a bit with fear because Sungyeol could punch hard, hard enough to break bones.

"Get out... Move I don't want to punch you".

He gasped in shock because as his eyes opened he saw Sungyeol's fist, inches away from his lips, but it was covered in blood. He reached out to grab it, but Sungyeol shouted as he jerked his fist back, "Don't touch me! Why don't you crawl back to Myungsoo? The guy that you want so desperately". He hadn't heard everything Sungjong had said to Myungsoo.

The other stood, shocked. In one day he had went through a lot and when he tried to help, he got treated like garbage. The hurt and anger he felt combined and it ticked him off. He punched Sungyeol, but his hand hurt more than Sungyeol shoulder. "Listen okay? I'm trying to help you and you act like an immature kid with your stupid tantrums! I just told Myungsoo to go, to leave me. I'm so hurt right now... You're the last person I want to see hurt me. Please don't do something that will cause both of us more pain.  I, I trust you. More than I trust myself. Now please be quiet and let me bandage your fist...Why is your body so hard? My hand hurts because of you, you stupid giant."

"You told Myungsoo to go? Why? You both love each other. You can be with him. Why are you sticking around here? It's not like anyone is waiting for you..." He shut up after that because he didn't mean what he said, after all he was waiting for him, but he was angry. He had fallen for Sungjong probably before they debuted. He just couldn't let it go. He'd been there all that time waiting. Sungjong could decide to leave and go whenever he wanted, it was completely unfair.

"Myungsoo has a wife. He can't leave her. Both of their lives would be destroyed." He couldn't bring himself to tell the other that when he closed his eyes, he could see him, his pain and him looking like a kid crying.

But Sungyeol was weak and he easily let Sungjong into his heart. His rage was gone because he felt a faint connect between them both. It held them both together so that they revolved around each other, like binary stars.

"You're a hypocrite. You say men don't cry, but look at you with tears running down your face. But seriously men do cry because if we didn't we wouldn't be  human." 

Sungyeol didn't know what tears he was talking about, all he could see was Sungjong smiling for the first time. It had been ages. His heart felt lighter as his body filled with happiness. Sungjong wiped his tears and cooed, "Awww  Sungyeol don't cry. I'm here to wipe your tears and sing you a sing ok?"

After a while he realised the gap between them was decreasing. Sungyeol was leaning forward whilst bending his back a bit. Sungjong tried to speak, but his words were lodged somewhere in his throat. And Sungyeol kept moving. So Sungjong tried to slip away from the side. Sungyeol trapped him with his hands before he could escape. He pressed his back more towards the wall hoping to fall through it. This was wrong he thought.

"Sungyeol," he plead.

"Why are you doing this? You always expect me the act the way you want me to. I'm not your doll, so I'm not going to behave. Listen to me carefully, I'm no friend of yours, don't expect me to act like one. I want you, not as a friend. Don't go to Myungsoo, otherwise you won't see me ever again. I have had enough of being your friend. Don't expect me to hang around if all you think of me is that. So what do you want Sungjong? You decide... Answer me." He was getting impatient.

Sungjong looked at him with faltering determination, "Friend".

Sungyeol looked at him with stone eyes. He removed his hands and took a step back.

Silence...

The stone eyes were momentary. Next second fire was ignited in Sungyeol's eyes. He moved forward again and whispered, "Too bad". He pressed his lips against Sungjong's whose head bumped against the wall making him breath in sharply in pain. Sungjong pushed him right after and he backed up. Sungjong was looking down and couldn't see the blush creeping up on his face, neck and ears, he was glad. He continued, "Too bad, I don't see it that way. Now take care of my arm."

Sungjong was still shocked. Sungyeol was not supposed to kiss him. This was all wrong, but he now understood the way Sungyeol looked at him before, when he was with Myungsoo, when he was hurt. He noticed that it was longing. But he probably knew, he probably just wanted to shut it out and not end up hurting anyone. Now he couldn't help, but let everything go and trust Sungyeol. He still didn't like him the way he felt for Myungsoo. However he wanted to stay with Sungyeol and look after him. After all he had to repay him for all the comfort he had provided for him.

Sungjong had to mend Sungyeol, but he didn't know that Sungyeol though the same about him. Sungyeol was going to mend him, give him his all and hopefully become a person Sungjong loved in every way. Just the way he felt for him.

There was an agreement between the two that didn't need to be discussed. Sungjong grabbed the bleeding arm and made Sungyeol sit on the bed. Just as he was about to let go of his arm, Sungyeol gripped his wrist with the same hand and pulled him down. Sungjong gave him a nervous look as he still held on to his bloody hand.

He breathed in and the air smelt like lemons. Sungyeol's other hand reached the back of Sungjong's head and his soft hair affectionately a couple of times and then, pressed it against the part that had bumped against the wall almost apologetically. He felt a small bump. Sungjong leaned back into his hand unconsciously. He smiled fondly at him and Sungjong returned a friendly one.

Sungjong was not wanting to give his heart to him, deep down he might have thought differently. Still Sungyeol was going to win it in the end.