Yunho gets better. Slowly, but surely, things fears that haunt him become background noise. Changmin helps him through every step of the way. It’s the hardest thing he ever has to do, but he pushes through with a determination made of steel. On the bad days, he still curls in on himself and panics, but when he does Changmin’s always right next to him, reminding him that everything’s going to be okay, and that if Yunho truly does need help, it’s not too far away. These days, Yunho passes his bottle to Changmin first. Once he’s seen that Changmin’s taken a sip, he can drink it himself.

Yunho still doesn’t know how to handle the people around him. The symptoms are mainly gone, but the fear still strikes real in his heart, and every person he meets looks like a threat. Changmin takes to standing just an inch in front of Yunho, his the back of his shoulder just brushing Yunho’s.

Yunho feels… warm these days.

They move from their apartment and now live with just the five of them and their manager. They still sleep in the same room, but in comparison to sleeping with over fifteen people, its luxury. They have a full view of the city below them, and on the nights they can’t sleep, the sounds of cars and buses trawling through reach all the way up to them.

This is what Changmin hears tonight.

It’s three in the morning and Changmin has to be up in three hours, but he can’t get his mind to stop buzzing. He’s spent the whole day sweating his off and singing until his face went blue, and he knows he should’ve dropped off like a leaf in fall because of this, but he just can’t. He growls in frustration and claws at his pillow, fingers twitching. His mind won’t slow down, and inconsequential thoughts that he really does not have to be thinking at three in the ing morning won’t stop buzzing in his head.

His chest sort of aches in a funny way, too. Even though he’s sleeping in a room with five people, he still feels strangely lonely and in need of comfort. He thinks of Yunho sleeping on his mattress a few meters away, and envisions his dorky, open face as he sleeps. He remembers the way they huddled in the Winter, and although he had ed about it, he’d secretly enjoyed the company and warmth the older man would bring.

Without thinking about it any further, Changmin rolls out of his bed and toes to Yunho’s mattress, crouching himself on the floor before poking his hyung.

“Yunho,” he whispers, careful not to wake Jaejoong and invoke his deadly morning wrath. “Yunho, wake up?”

Yunho makes a variety of very strange noises in the back of his throat, and he snaps open one eye, staring at Changmin with confusion and frustration. “Wha u wan?”

“Can I sleep here, hyung?”

Yunho squishes his face into his pillow and groans and sighs and mumbles until he lifts his head. “Why?”

Changmin inches closer on his toes. “Can’t sleep. Hyung, please?”

Yunho makes a vague gesture that Changmin takes as a yes, and he lifts Yunho’s arm and settles with his back against Yunho’s chest, tucking his chin into his own chest. His head’s only touching the edge of the pillow, but he feels worlds for comfortable than he did in his own bed. He smiles and snuggles in, and he’s asleep before he can even count to ten.

Changmin thinks he hears the mumbles of his band members voice through his haze of sleep saying something like ‘too cute’ and ‘we gotta get a picture’ and ‘no Jaejoong, you cannot use this as blackmail’.

Something white flashes in his eyes and Changmin groans, scrunching up his face.

“Oh my god Jaejoong you absolute--I told you to turn off the flash”

“I tried! It’s not my fault that this camera’s a piece of and won’t listen to me.”

“Stop shouting!”

Changmin hears a smacking sound.

“Oh great, look what you’ve done, now they’re waking up.”

Changmin cracks open an eye and sees Heechul, Jaejoong, and Yoochun hovering over him. He groans and frowns at the disturbance.

“What the hell are you guys… Heechul? What are you even doing here?”, he mumbles, his dry lips and trying to sit up.

Trying, because there’s a heavy arm slung over his waist pinning him to the bed. He frowns and racks his brain for a minute, trying to work out what the hell is going on and why he’s in someone’s bed and why his hyung’s are taking photos of him sleeping, then it clicks. He remembers crawling into Yunho’s bed and whining until Yunho lifted his arm and he snuggled in.

“Hey!” Changmin shouts, throwing off Yunho’s arm and making him snort in surprise, followed by a series of ‘what’s’ and ‘who’s’ and ‘why’s’.

The three startle and jump, all with guilty looks except for Heechul who just looks perfectly smug about it all. He would. Changmin takes a long, long breath, and remembers these are his hyung’s, and he’s supposed to love them.

His self-control only lasts about eight seconds before he’s leaping out of bed and clawing at the camera and hurling thinly veiled insults in their direction, toeing the line of a respectful .

Changmin never knew he could be quite this catty. Jaejoong and Yoochun end up pinning him to the floor after a scuffle and Heechul bounds away with the camera raised above his head, cackling manically. Changmin grumbles and taps out, determined to erase those pictures at his earliest convenience, because if Heechul had the pictures, he’s almost certain that by this time tomorrow everyone in the S.M. building would have laid eyes on it at least three times.

Changmin’s right. By the time he enters S.M, everyone’s giving him sly looks from the corners of their eyes, and Changmin knows they’ve all seen it. Changmin huffs up and goes into Attack Mode, ready to pounce on Heechul at any moment. When he does find Heechul, he threatens him that he’ll cut off his precious hair at night.

Heechul deletes the photo in an instant.

What Changmin doesn’t know is that Yunho has kept a copy.

Yunho’s been thinking on it. And thinking on it. Thinking on it so much that his head hurts and he wants to crawl into a ditch and just forget that he was ever thinking about it in the first place. It hit him one day when he was practicing with the dancers, and suddenly he wasn’t sure if he was all quite that straight. Yunho knows there’s only one person he should ask about this. This was months ago, and Yunho finally has the balls to say something today.

They’re sharing a beer on the rooftop when Yunho decides to take the plunge. It’s been plaguing his mind for months, but he hasn’t had the courage to bring it up and try talk it out. It’s still a jumbled mix inside his brain, but he thinks if there’s anyone that will understand, it’s Changmin. Even if it doesn’t turn out to be what he expected, he should at least think about it.

He’s half way through his third beer when he finally plucks up the courage.

“Hey, Changmin?”

Changmin’s tipping the neck of his third bottle almost vertical, trying to out every last drop. He looks disappointed and pouts when he’s gotten all he can from it. He’s too lazy to bother walking back down and dragging up another pack, so he just sets in on the ground. “Yeah?”

Yunho his lips, and his mouth feels so dry he’s not sure he’ll even be able to get the words out. He takes another sip of the beer to loosen himself up. “Remember ages ago you were telling me about that… friend you had that got kicked out of home for being gay?”

Changmin’s holding the railing and leaning back, but when he hears what Yunho has to say he pulls himself straight and frowns. “What about him?” he asks, a bit snappy. Yunho knows he doesn’t like speaking about this.

They’d never talked about it, it had always just been something that went unspoken between them. Yunho knows speaking about it is dragging out old wounds, but he needs to know. It’s why he keeps the conversation as far away from Changmin personally as he can, using Changmin’s story of his ‘friend’.

“How did your friend know that he liked boys?”

Changmin’s staring at him with this calculating look, like he’s piecing together what Yunho’s trying to subtly tell him. “He just knew. He found out when he was ten and all the boys kept wanting to tease the girls and rank the prettiest ones in the class. He realised he didn’t care about the girls, and that he thought the boys were prettier.” He shrugs. “It was just a natural realisation for him.”

“I’ve always liked girls though,” Yunho says, now foregoing any pretence in favour of getting to the point. “I do like girls. I’ve liked my crushes and girlfriend, but lately when I’ve looked at guys I just can’t help but be, you know, interested.”

“So, you’re what, biual then?”

Yunho grimaces. “I guess. But then, there are times when I don’t find guys attractive at all, or I don’t find girls pretty, you know? It’s never consistent. I keep changing my mind, thinking I’m straight, no, I’m gay, no wait, I’m both. It’s just—it’s messing with my head.”

“It wasn’t like my friend—it wasn’t like I figured it out within a day or anything. It took me a long time, and I spent so much time after I realised it trying to figure out the specifics, and I kept thinking that maybe I wasn’t gay, because sometimes I thought girls were pretty even though I didn’t want to date them. It was confusing, and it took me so long to get the point where I could confidently say that this is who I am. It didn’t just happen overnight.”

That makes Yunho feel a bit better.

“And you said you liked your crushes, right? Were you ually attracted to them?”

“Yeah, I was.”

“And are you ually attracted to any guys?”

Yunho scratches his neck. “The thing is—I think I am. But I’ve never actually done anything with a guy. I’ve never even kissed one, so how am I supposed to know if this is just my imagination going wild, or if I really would like it.”

“You’ve wanted to date a boy before?” Changmin pries.

Yunho goes bright red. “I guess, yeah.”

“Oh. Who?”

“He was one of our back up dancers in Japan.” He coughs into his hand, feeling awkward. “Jin.”

Changmin considers this information for a second and lets out a laugh, dissolving some of the tension hanging in the air. “Well he was pretty hot, even I will admit.”

Yunho laughs until it dies out and he’s feeling miserable and lost again. “I just want to know for sure. I’m happy without labels and not knowing for certain where exactly I fit, but I just want to know if I really do like boys that way. I mean I know I crushed on Jin but—it’s still confusing to me because we never went anywhere.”

Changmin his lips and looks at Yunho. “You want to know for sure? Just to test it out, right?”

“Yeah.”

Changmin looks around the rooftop and over the balcony edge, scanning their surroundings. The night’s quiet, and it’s almost silent besides the occasional rush of a car from below. Changmin takes Yunho by the hand and starts leading him away from the edge, and then into a little alcove between the stairwell and storage room where they’re mostly blocked. They’re the highest building in the vicinity, so Changmin’s not particularly worried. The three beers he’s had don’t exactly help his judgement.

“Hyung, I’m just—I’m going to kiss you, okay?”

Yunho blinks several times and balks, “what?!”

Changmin goes a bit red, but pushes his blush and embarrassment down. “Look, I know how hard it was for me, and if you just want it to stay between us, this is the best course of action, okay? I don’t want you to get so frustrated that you end up making a move on the wrong person and they cause a mess for you, all right?”

Changmin pushes Yunho gently back against the wall.

“Changmin, this is… weird.” Yunho has gone bright red, and he’s leaning so far back into the wall that Changmin thinks he’s just about to melt into it.

He rolls his eyes and takes a step closer. “You’re the one making it weird, hyung. I’m giving you a hand. Just think of this objectively.”

Yunho gulps and closes his eyes. He’s tense, and he feels Changmin’s hand take a hold of his neck to pull him down, and then Changmin’s lips are against his, warm and soft. Yunho’s not an inexperienced kisser, but his heart pounds with the nervousness that comes with one’s first kiss with someone new. He feels clumsy and unsure, and he has no idea where to go from here. Should he deepen the kiss? Should he keep it chaste? Does Changmin mind if he touches him?

Changmin makes the decision for him and opens his mouth a little and slotting their lips together.

It’s only probably been about fifteen seconds, but Yunho feels like it’s been going forever. His brain is fuzzy and spinning form the thousands of thoughts that shoot by in that second.

Changmin swipes his tongue over the bottom of Yunho’s lip, and Yunho parts his mouth for more, allowing Changmin to slip his tongue in. The kiss becomes heated and wet and Yunho thinks he’s really enjoying this more than he should. He places a hand on Changmin’s waist and pulls him closer, trying to kiss him as deeply as possible.

Changmin places a hand softly on the front of Yunho’s pants, and Yunho gasps and lets out a small moan into Changmin’s mouth. He breaks the kiss and tucks his chin into his chest, burning red.

Changmin stands back and looks abashed. “Sorry.”

Yunho waves his hand. “No, it’s fine. I… well I guess I can definitely say I like guys now.”

“You’re a good kisser,” Changmin compliments.

Yunho bursts out laughing at the absurdness of the situation. Changmin follows shortly after, and soon they’re both in hysterics.

“That was weird,” Yunho says, wiping at a stray tear.

Changmin grins and says, “yeah, it totally was. So? Am I a good kisser too?”

Yunho kind of looks down at the bulge in his pants and says. “Well. My body would like to attest to that.”

Changmin looks awfully smug about it all.

They’re sitting on the couch and watching some ty show. Changmin’s cuddling into Yunho’s shoulder, and Yunho’s got his arm around Changmin’s waist. They start talking, and Changmin says something funny that’s got Yunho doubling over and giving him the urge to slap his knee. Yunho leans back up and is just slipping into giggles while he looks at Changmin, and there’s this moment of tension where they just stare at each other and smile, then Changmin leans in a presses a small kiss to Yunho’s mouth.

It’s just a peck, but Yunho’s leaning forward to connect their lips again. It’s not even close to lewd or wanting, it’s just sweet and comforting, and Yunho wants to stay in that moment forever. They break apart in far too short of a time for Yunho to be satisfied, and he supposed that maybe they should discuss this whole situation. Ever since they kissed on the rooftop, there has been this weird tension hanging between them—and it’s not awkward, it’s more, they both kind of want to kiss each other again. It’s not because they like each other, but because it’s kind of lonely when they’re the only two that each other can rely on.

It’s more convenience then anything, Yunho thinks, because they can’t just go out and pick up some guy to date. They both have the same preferences, they’re best friends, and it just kind of makes sense for them to kiss.

“Should we talk about this?” Yunho says.

Changmin shakes his head. “I don’t think we have to. It’s just—we’re just doing this because we’re best friends.”

“Best friends don’t kiss,” Yunho points out.

“We’ve always been a bit special.”

“Yeah,” Yunho agrees hesitantly.