Twelve years of friendship.
Eight years of one sided affection on her part.
Three years of cohabitation.

An apartment sparsely decorated and a room hanging empty without his presence.

It all comes down to this. He left me just like everybody else. 

That was the thought that kept lingering on Minhee’s mind as she walked around their, no her apartment.

No tear jerking farewell, just an awkward and one sided hug from him and a small smile from her.

Then he was gone.

The room feels even emptier without Luhan’s play station set that used to beep noisily at ungodly hours in the morning.

No more sweaty jerseys haphazardly thrown at the back of the sofa.
No more late night toilet paper runs.
No more insanely messy, crazy best friend of hers.

He used to drive her insane, with their opposing personalities always clashing, but now she’d rather have him badgering her than spend the night all alone.

All by herself. At her apartment.

It no longer became theirs, Luhan and hers, the moment Luhan decided he needed some space, packed his life in three cardboard boxes and a couple of duffle bags before driving away to his brand new apartment to start his brand new life with all the necessary space he needed.

“Space,” she could only scoff at the word.
“ing space. He should just go to outer space so he could have all the space he wanted.”

She used to believe that she was okay with their setup. It seemed to be a good idea, rooming with Luhan to spare expenses. They seemed like any normal cohabiting platonic couple.

People used to give them judgemental glances, whispering whenever they would pass by. 

A guy and a girl could never be friends or stay as friends. 

It used to annoy her to no end.  

"Why can't they mind their own business?" she would sulk whenever she could spy stares thrown their way.

Luhan would only smile and nudge her shoulders before dragging her inside.

"Don't mind them. They don't know anything about us."   

Minhee could only laugh bitterly at the thought, Too bad, there was never an us.

But as days turned to months and as months turned to years she knew that it was a bad idea. She thought that the feelings that she had for Luhan ever since she was a fickle fifteen year old would just vanish. Or at least she could be content with just being his friend.

She should be turned off right now since she already knew all about his bad habits, his messy drawer and the pigsty he would call his bed.

But tough luck, rooming with Luhan also showed her his sane, caring, sweet and affectionate self. The way he’d buy her a box of KitKat on her period or caramel milk tea on her bad days. Or the way he would wordlessly debone fish for her knowing she'd end up choking on one.

It’s so unfair why after all these years after he left her to have some “space”, she still loves him. And the fact that he left her for some "space" felt like a punch in the gut during her period. Was it really suffocating for him to see her? 

It was already a couple of hours since Luhan left. She was quite sure that he was just kidding when he told her he was moving out weeks ago. So it was quite a shock for her to arrive back at their apartment to see Luhan packing his things in a rush.

Shocked and quite betrayed, she just slumped down at their couch and watched Luhan pack his things and hug her goodbye without meeting her eye.

"I'll call you," he promised her before giving an awkward goodbye.

She could only nod, trying to understand before watching him leave.

“Stupid girl. Stupid delusional girl,” Minhee mumbled under her breath.

What was she expecting?

For him to fall in love with her after rooming together for a couple of years? 
For everything to fall in place so she could have her happily ever after?
She was worse than a Cinderella loving nine year old. 

She could only repeatedly bang her head at the pillow she was clutching. Trying to forget the stupid mistake she made last week.

After two bottles of soju, she should’ve said no.

But Chanyeol, Jongdae, Baekhyun, and their stupid snide comments egged her on to continue. Four bottles later and a boatload of liquid courage enabled her to confess everything.

From the time she accidentally scratched her dad’s brand new car, to the prank they pulled on their History professor, to her 8 year one-sided love for Luhan. It all came spewing out, no filter whatsoever.

The last thing she remembered before passing out was seeing Luhan’s unreadable face looking back at her. She always knew verbal diarrhea would be her death one day

. She could only curse repeatedly upon remembering his reaction to her word vomit. It was the best mixture of pity, embarrassment and awkwardness capped off with a drunken mess on her part. . .

Minhee could only drily laugh as she sat all by herself in her empty room. She wished she could take it back. She really did.