The institute is the only lonelier place I know aside from the Bastions. It is so because unlike the Bastions where there barely is anyone to make me feel not alone, in the institute, there are far too many people to make me feel how alone I really am. It was roughly three years ago but I can still remember the horrors lurking in the corners of it. It was the first time the people got to see me for hours and it were the times I can hear all the flying rumors about me then and again. I hated how most of them are exaggerated lies. There were times when they got to spread things about me that were true, but it is sad how I can easily count them within a hand. It was a month of pure torture that I do not want to recall.

Although I was far more immature and afraid then as I am now, no one can take away from me the haunting memories that month gave me. It would have been easier if I could only use my abilities, but it was and still is protocol not to. That is why I have guardians to protect me; I am not allowed to protect my own self. The council fears that I would grow stronger if I keep hastening it –that I would be able to turn the tables around and leave this place – so they do their best to keep me in a shell, to keep me caged in their control. It is such a cowardly move, a desperate one, but it actually works. Now that I barely use my abilities, I sometimes think I already lost them, and it is a very bad thought.

While the Bastions works like a royal palace wherein people are dressed in robes and gowns, the institute is different. People in there dress like warriors with a corresponding robe to tell of their Houses. With this, it is easier for all of us to identify who you should be friends with and who amongst the sea of robes should you stay away from. And while it should not be the case, I stand out. It is so because I am the only one of my kind, as the council says, thus having a single dark blue robe treading around the institute. I do not believe I am the only one, though I have yet to find another like me. Although sometimes I think it is better there are not others like me during times I feel extra lonely and afraid. I cannot fathom anyone else feeling as dead as I am.

“Miss?” I hear someone call out for me. Though only the servants call me that. I flutter my eyes open as the sunrays break inside my room. Sometimes I do not like having the curved corner of my room made of glass for walls, but I get how they made it be and it is such a clever move, I have to say. They made it to make me feel free, as if seeing the trees and flowers and animals make up for them caging me in. They also put it up to make me remember every day that no matter how clear the world amongst the castle is to me, I am still a puppet of their control. There is no way out.

“Can you please close the blinds? I cannot see.”

I hear some shuffling as the sunrays slowly close down and then gone. “Miss? You need to be ready for the institute,” the servant says. I have three lady servants ordered to groom me whenever needed. While they are sweet and caring – like how the majority of the servants are – unlike the rest of the people in the Bastions, I came to the decision not to get to know them so there will be no attachments. I am a fragile soul and I would not be able to take it easily if anything will be done to them, to any of them in general actually.

They dress me up quickly with a black corset over a white, long-sleeved undershirt, tight pants and high boots. After fixing my hair down in a braid, they put on my dark blue robe. I eat meals together with my guardians this time as we leave the Bastions together after. My heart is hammering in my chest for the endless possibilities of what might happen once I step in the institute. While I know my guardians will keep me safe or else they face consequences, I know no one can keep me away from shooting glares and judgmental gazes.

I fear for those the most. Even with my dull eyes and unwavering figure, I am panicking so badly whenever I see people look over me that way. It is even worse when they would try to physically harm me. When I do not freeze up and wait for any of my guardians to come to the rescue, I cause destruction so bad the council has to cover it all up. They understand that I am merely afraid though, so I do not get scolded because of it. My guardians are the ones getting all the blame then.

We ride through horses to travel towards the institute. The heavy metal gates are wringed up by the stationed guards, opening it upwards for us to pass through. It is also the first time I have been out of the castle for three years that a little part of me is excited to see what has changed on the outside world too. Since the Bastions is situated high up in the hills, the gravelly road down to the plains makes it hard for me to control my horse well that I use my ability to maneuver it. All of us are wearing our hoods up that I believe they would not notice me using it as I know they are using their senses to watch out for danger instead. It is the little moments like this, the little freedom I get, that makes me think twice of wanting to die. But I suppose, it is also because of these little false hopes that makes me want to do it sooner. You see, if you have been living your whole life neglected and hated, even used, you would only be filled with negating thoughts of wanting to die or wanting to escape. My only better bet is dying.

While I can think of multiple ways of escaping as a pastime, if I do succeed, where will I possibly run to? Even if I try and hide on the farthest lands of Korya, it will only be hours until they find me, if of course the wild animals do not find me first. I have lived in the castle for years that while it is my own hell, it has also become my sanctuary. If you take that away from me especially that I can barely use up my abilities because of the lack of practice for it I think I would end up exhausting myself to death, which technically is not a bad thing though. Even so, maybe I can tolerate being used for a little while more.

 

It is like a grand entrance when we come in; six black robes encircling a dark blue one come striding in the grounds on horses, white ones. You would be lying if you insist it is not a sight to see.

I had seen a good number of people ogling over us, sticking to each other to try and get a glimpse that we barely have enough space to move out. While we are waiting for the prefects to squeeze in the sea of people trying to make way for us, I can sense the atmosphere getting heated. I realize it sooner that it literally is really getting hotter when I see Sungjong, the soul reader, trying to calm down the oldest of the guardians, Kim Jaejoong, who is so close to firing up the place of his ability. He is known to be the impatient one after all.

I hear a muffled “Hyung, don’t do it,” and a loud, “I’ll count to three, if you prefer not to be burned then you better step the hell back!” after. Some start to scurry off but some probably have no idea how very honest Jaejoong is.

“One!” 

“Two!”  

“Three!”

And then a fireball shoots out of nowhere clearing a space for us to walk pass through. It is a little too late for some that I can hear writhes of pain here and there. We walk straight, steadfast, as the people in the vicinity gets to experience instant, cold rain as the second oldest guardian, Kyuhyun, uses his ability to end the fires caused by Jaejoong. It is all too dramatic for me that I fear people might hate on me more because of what just happened. Although, I did not think they would just disperse away this easily either.

“I hope you realize your guardians did this so the people would back off on the coming days. It is better to place fear than be the one fearing after all.”

I jolt up after hearing someone speak in my mind. I am never used to this, but hearing those words somehow calmed me down. The voice was rough though, that I could not make out who it was. I search for any colored eyes among my guardians but I can clearly see how they are into their own thoughts, eyes looking forward. I am confused.

“I’m walking beside you,” he laughs, “You can’t see me though. It isn’t the best thing to do right now and you know that.”

With those words, I finally realize who it is. I was always glad he is around but today, today I am the happiest.

 

Usually, a person is in the institute to train and hasten his ability, but that is not the case to me. I am not allowed to practice my abilities so I honestly do not understand why I need to be back here. The last time they made me stay here for a month, I got nothing but basic training over my ability on how to control them for self-advantage but never was I taught on controlling them for self-protection, much more readying me for war. I kept on breaking my sturdy, glass walls because of panic attacks that they resorted on putting me here three years back. I do not do it anymore today, but the nightmares I have when I sleep still remains.

While my ability alone is strong, I am weak and fragile as glass. No one has ever really seen how my ability works except for some of the ones who tried questioning it that got to experience my panic-caused destruction. As for those who did, I believe their memories of it were erased. Some times after it would come back to them, but it is said to be pretty hazy it is considered useless. The one with the ability to erase memories is the head of the council. She cannot alter it though.

As soon as I step in the clearing, the only guardian that remains together with me is Sungjong. The rest probably found their spots high above on trees or rooftops wherein I am still at a ranging distance. They like being alone like that. I do not understand why, but they always are like that.

“Do you know why we are here?” I ask Sungjong meekly, putting my hood down.

“I was told not to tell,” he answers.

“Of course you were. Right.” I keep nodding my head, inwardly hitting myself for even asking such question when an arrow barely misses hitting me on the head, shooting straight on a tree trunk, wobbling hard after the penetration on the trunk’s skin. Thanks to Sungjong, I am still alive.

“Good morning, milady!” A man, probably in his late 40’s, comes winding down from one of the trees. The man wearing an equestrian suit with a fancy, feathered hat bows towards me as I stand confused and catching my breath from the sudden violent infiltration. He stands back up wearing full smiles after also addressing my guardian’s existence. “I am Shin Moonho from the House of Winds.” I crunch my brows from the familiar House. I believe one of my guardians also come from there. “Yes, I am your guardian’s uncle but—let us not talk about me!” He twirls around me. He is too happy for my liking. “You may be wondering why you’re here, yes?”

“I… well—”

“Well of course you are! You will be learning self-defense to make use during the times a being attacks you and your guardians are out of reach or simply not near enough yet. If you’re quick to absorb things then it will just be another month’s stay. Remember that it will only drag on if you keep failing my exercises.”

“What exercises?” I ask. I am already failing to understand this actually.

He winks and laughs, “You’ll have to wait and see.” He keeps on moving around until he stops beside me whispering, “Always be ready, milady.” And I turn around but he is gone before I can even sort out the many questions in my head. I snap my head towards where Sungjong was seconds ago but also find nothing but his footprints on the floor telling me he was once standing there.

“You do realize you have to walk around now, don’t you?” he speaks in my mind again.

“What’s so threatening that you have to be invisible?” I ask back as I hear him sigh.

“Well for one, no one should know you have an extra pair of eyes. Now go!”

 I sense him leaving and his presence I can no longer feel. He must have gone to somewhere high to have a look of the surrounding. What he said was true though. I cannot be any more thankful for him being around. He had quickly escalated from being a stranger, to being my only friend, and to protecting me as if he is my guardian too. I remember how we first met around a decade ago. At first the council refutes it, but after brushing him off as harmless, they let me be friends with him so long as he does not step inside the castle grounds. The farthest he can be is at the gardens.

The vast clearing makes me uncomfortable that I decide to walk back to where the buildings are situated. Still not fully understanding the reason why I am here, I keep my guard down and walk towards the domed arena where one-on-one trainings and occasional sparring are held. I still keep my hood down because it is less attracting this way. When I found the fifth level from the ground empty of people, I quickly run to the place and situate myself on the best seat around to watch the fights, the front rows.

 

I think I have fallen asleep while waiting for the people to clear out the arena because I do not remember walking down from the fifth floor and up onto my horse. I can hear the constant footing of the horse and I slowly flutter my eyes open only to find I am not on my horse but on someone else’s. I hastily move around causing the horse to be a little out of control.

“Whoa! Easy!” After hearing the voice do I realize it is Jaejoong’s, and I am behind him with my arms wrapped around his waist. I quickly unclasp it and find comfort with my arms just on my sides.

“If you don’t like to be startled like that, you should remember not to just sleep off anywhere you want,” says Sungjong as his horse strides past Jaejoong’s.

“I apologize for causing trouble.” I say but then I remember my horse and stretch my neck around to look for it. When I see it obediently following after us I would have asked to be moved to my horse instead but I am too timid to speak out. I especially fear it when Jaejoong snaps so I silently sit back and wait until we reach the Bastions. It is uncomfortable for me to be this close to a guardian but I have no choice.

Instead, I busy myself admiring the sky when I realize it is almost time for the sunset. “Stop!” I unknowingly scream that halts everyone in a second. We all stop in the middle of a bridge separating the hills to where the Bastions is situated from the plains where the rest of the people of Korya lives.

I jump off the horse and walk towards the edge of the bridge wherein I place my arms on its bricked handrails. I calm myself and patiently wait for the sun to set as if it is always my first time every time. My guardians know I never miss out a sunset that they silently wait for it to fully hide even when I know some of them might be getting irritated of waiting.

But I like this, all eight of us watching the sunset together. It is far too silly to be asking for it but I wish it would always be like this.

 

 

MY GOAL WAS TO FINISH THE CHAPTER BEFORE I WOULD STUDY FOR TOMORROW'S EXAM SO YAY!
IT'S DEFINITELY MORE CONFUSING NOW BUT I WILL EVENTUALLY INTRODUCE EVERYONE SOON.
STILL, UPDATES ON THIS WILL BE UNSPECIFIC THOUGH.
HOW ARE YOU LIKING IT SO FAR? >o<