Wednesday, April 1. 9:45 pm

Mark shut his laptop and stretched yawning, his first self-composed song was done. Finally he was going to prove to JYP and everyone else that he wasn't just an idol with a pretty face, but a true artist with substance. He pushed his chair back and stood up with a heavy sigh, he was tired of hearing he wasn't good enough yet and that they had to continue performing other people's songs, he walked to the window and looked out, thick clouds were begining to form, he grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair, he had better get going back to the dorm before it started pouring.  He bent over and picked up the piece of paper that had fallen out while he was pulling on his jacket, it was folded so tight and tiny that he would have missed it if it wasn't a bright pink color, it smelled like a mixture of vanilla and lavender when he opened it. His eyes popped as he began to read.

My dearest friend,

I have tried everything to get you out of my mind but i couldn't,so here goes nothing. I have secretly loved you for so long hoping someday you will see and feel the same way. I don't know when and how it started but it did. Maybe it was your smile, when you look at me and smile it's like for a split second time stops and for an instance everything is ok again. I've imagined holding you in my arms everynight and in my dreams i've kissed your lips a thousand times, even though i may never know how it feels to hold you close.  I lose my self in time just thinking of your beautiful face and at night when i'm alone i whisper your name to myself. I don't know why it's taken me so long to tell you this but i have to do it because after easter i will never see you again so i'm going to tell you for the first and last time, I love you Mark, always. 

Love,J.

Mark stared at the paper in his hand as different thoughts filled his mind, he let out the breath he'd been holding "What is this?" he muttered to himself and stuffed the paper in the front of his jacket. He stuffed his laptop in his bag and headed out considering the letter he had just received, 'J,J,J' who could that be, 'dearest friend?' three of his best friends had names starting J, he shook the thought of the letter from his mind deciding to forget about it. He paused in the lobby and peered out the window at the pouring rain, the agency was mostly empty as he made his way to the elevator. He pressed the call button for the elevator and tried so hard not to think about the letter, the doors opened and Mark instinctively stepped back at a blur of movements.

"Jackson" Mark addressed his friend after cursing. 'Well, here's one J' he thought.

"Do i look that scary?"  Jackson sniggered.

"I thought the building was empty" Mark stepped in beside Jackson "didn't you leave with the guys earlier"

"I came to check on you, i was getting worried" Jackson shrugged

It couldn't possibly be Jackson, he just didn't seem like the type to have a hard time telling his feelings to anyone, besides Jackson was just too casual around him for it to be him.

"you skipped dinner again, didn't you?" Jackson added when Mark didn't say anything.

Mark suddenly felt hungry at the mention of dinner, he had forgoten all about food.

"come on let's grab something together" Jackson put his arm around Mark's shoulder and ushered him out the elevator  when it opened "and i came prepared" Jackson opened the umbrella he had tucked under his armpit and put it over their heads.

As they walked in the rain, bodies firmly pressed together so they could fit under the umbrella, Mark suddenly felt wierd. Thinking about the possibilty that J could be Jackson made the gesture seem somewhat romantic, just yesterday he would have thought nothing of it but now he couldn't help himself, and it didn't make it any better when Jackson slipped his hand into his and locked their fingers.

"Aaah this is nice" Jackson breathed in the wet night air.

~~~7777777~~~

Thursday, April 2. 5:15 am

Mark pulled his pillow over his head trying to drown the loud snoring of his roommate, he finally gave up and stumbled into the living room to sleep on the couch. ' I won't see you again after easter'? he recollected a portion of the letter, 'why' was J going to stop looking at him as his love interest or was he going to leave, he was torn between the two possibilities, whoever J was he had to figure it out. He hated puzzles because he always became obssessed and couldn't think of anything else until he had solved them and this was beginning to feel like one. ' aha!' he was going to check everybody's handwriting tomorrow, then he would know, 'oh wait' it was typed, ofcourse it was typed. ' smart play J' he should get some sleep because they had a schedule early in the morning.

Mark's eyes flicked open and he blinked the blur out of his eyes and found a face very close to his "Jnr?" he questioned flustered at the closeness of his friend's face to his, it wasn't anything new but he found the blood rushing to his ears.

"This may sound veeerry creepy, but you were sleeping so beautifully it made me feel at peace" Jnr whispered.

"What" Mark tried to make sense of what Jnr was saying in his still jumbled sleepy brain.

"Stay still i'm trying to count your eyelashes" Jnr squinted his eyes to focus "I give up, there's just too many of them" Jnr put his forefinger to his head with a serious face as if that was a serious problem.

"Oh---kay?" Mark knew his friend Jnr was super cheesy but he stiil found himself feeling wierd since Jnr could be J.

"Move over" Jnr pulled the side of the blanket and squeezed in beside Mark "look at this" he pulled out his phone "they want us to pair up for this segment on the show today" he showed a list of questions to Mark "and i chose you"

"Why?" he asked

"because i know everything about you"

"I doubt that"

"It will surprise you how much i know you"

"Humor me"

"I know you like strawberry frosted doughnuts and not strawberry doughnuts, you're very particular about that, how many people know that, huh?" Jnr smiled self satisfied "no one but me, what's the difference between the two anyway"

Mark shifted uneasily trying to release the cramp in his legs, is Jnr J or is he just observant. 

"they are very different" Mark got up out of the couch, more to get away from the skinship than anything else.

"Where are you going?" Jnr inquired

"It's my turn to make breakfast today"

"I'll do it" Jnr got up and headed for the kitchen "you go get ready, the manager will be here any minute"

"Thanks" Mark walked away, his head cocked to the side as he continued thinking about J. Come to think of it, nothing has really changed, his friends were behaving the same, it's just he was beginning to see things differently after he read the letter. He didn't want to hurt his friends if any of them turned out to be J, because he knew all too well what it felt like to like someone and not be able to tell them, he also had someone he liked very much. He was just going to very nicely explain to whoever J was why he wouldn't accept their confession.

~~~7777777~~~

Friday, April 3 12:15 pm.

Mark watched his friends carelessly stuffing their faces with pizza, Jackson, Jnr and Bambam were away for a recording, leaving Jaebum, Youngjae and Yugeom. He stared at the almost empty box of the cheese stuffed crust assorted meat kimchi pizza and swallowed as his mouth began to water, he was this close to losing the last couple of pounds, after their upcoming photoshoot with Trugen he could eat anything but until then,no.

"Hyung,why aren't you eating" Youngjae managed a muffled sentence with a mouthful.

"I'm on a diet"

"Why?!" Youngjae's eyebrows almost receeding into his hairline.

"Upcoming photoshoot?" Mark replied.

"I think you look perfect just the way you are" JB threw in.

Mark had been trying to figure out if JB could possibly be J, it seemed highly unlikely but with the way he would look at him and his random compliments, he was beggining to consider him a possible match, or maybe he was just reading too much into nothing. He sighed heavily as his thoughts went back to the pizza, what harm could one slice of very delicious, tasty, succulent, lip-smacking pizza do? seven hundred and fifty calories worth of damage, that's what. He sighed again and sipped on his unsweetened tea.

"hyung please stop" Youngjae threw down his half eaten pizza "I'm feeling tortured just watching you torture yourself"

"Just eat a slice" JB coerced.

"Here" Yugeom offered him a slice of pizza "i took out all the meat, that should cut the calories by half" he smiled sweetly at Mark.

Mark met Yugyeom's eyes and found himself staring in them longer than he intended to, he empathized with J, being close to someone you loved so much and not being able to tell them was far more torture than depriving yourself of food. His eyes shifted to the sweet, gentle almost shy smile, god, no wonder he was so fond of the young man, he didn't know when it started but he knew that he fell in love with him a little bit everyday, how could he ever refuse an offer from him "Thanks" he took the slice from Yugyeom and took a big chunk out of it, breathing in the greasy smell and rolling his eyes in delight as the scrumptious taste hit his tastebuds and the thick oily tomato sauce dripped down his chin. He grabbed a paper towel and wiped it off.

"You missed a spot" JB pointed out and smiled as Mark kept missing the spot right on the outline of his bottom lip "come here" he leaned over, wiped it off with his thumb and it.

Mark's breath caught in his throat, why was that so y today when he'd seen JB do that over and over again, either with him or other members, that damn letter was making him too sensitive. Anytime, Jackson, Jnr or JB got too close it felt wierd because any of them could be J. He glanced over at Yugyeom and smiled at how cute he was, maybe he should be bold enough and tell him before he ends up like J.

~~~7777777~~

Saturday April 4. 7:35 pm

Mark sat on the couch with Jackson leaning on his left shoulder and Jnr leaning on his right as JB sat infront of him leaning his head on the side of his thigh, he looked over at Yugyeom and Bambam cuddling and he wished that was him. They were watching passion of the christ because Bambam had insisted it wasn't easter without a Jesus movie. If the three guys using him as their pillow was J, then they were doing a very good job hiding it. Earlier he had asked Jackson as they were tiding up their room if he liked him, he had denied saying if he liked him he would have known because he was a very agressive lover. JB had simply laughed and ridiculed him for even thinking that, Jnr had said he was definately into guys but Mark wasn't his type. He looked around the room at his friends and decided it didn't matter who liked who, they had each other and that was all that mattered. J had chosen not to reveal himself probably for the same reason he couldn't tell Yugyeom how he felt, he smiled to himself watching Yugyeom struggle to keep his eyes open and decided to forget about the letter it was probably for the best.

Mark woke up and saw they had all fallen asleep where they were sitting, he was sure no one had made it through the movie, he looked at his phone, 11:13, he was surprised it was still saturday, he felt like he had been sleeping forever. He walked carefuly, trying not to trip over any bodies, finding his way to the kitchen in hopes of finding some water to quench his patched throat. 

"Mark Hyung?"

Mark turned and saw a mobile phone light shining into his face, he couldn't see but knew who it was, it was the voice he longed to hear each waking moment "Did i wake you?"

"Naaa, i was laying down awake"

"Why? What's on your mind" he ruffled the young man's hair wondering when he got that tall,  and sat down at the dining table.

"Just" the young man reached into the top shelf and pulled out a large bag of chips.

"Gyeomie, it's me your hyung, you can tell me anything" Mark always cherished it when he had time alone with Yugyeom because it was so rare.

"Hyung" Yugyeom paused and hesitated "Do you have a girlfriend?"

Mark shook his head and reached into Yugyeom's bag of chips "but there's someone i like, maybe more than like"

They ate their chips in a brief silence "me too" Yugyeom broke the silence "there's someone i like" he kept his eyes down.

'what' Mark felt the green monster rising up inside of him "Ya! what are you doing liking someone!! shouldn't you concentrate on your books and practice?!!" Mark fumed at the thought of Yugyeom liking someone else, angry for no reason and embarassed he got up and walked out, he turned and walked back "do i know the person?" he didn't even know why he asked.

"perhaps" Yugyeom spoke into his bag of chips

"tsk...you...aish" Mark stormed away into his room and slumped onto his bed slowly calming down "why did i do that?" he muttered to himself, his anger having finally abated 'I have to apologise' Yugyeom wasn't there when he got to the kitchen, he realised he had gone into his room when he checked the living room.

~~~7777777~~~

Sunday April 5. 9:05 am

Mark sat crossed legged in the center of the living room folding the clothes the laundry maid had dropped by, the dorm was quiet because half the members were out, JB, Jnr and Youngjae had gone home and Jackson was having breakfast with his parents who were in town. 

"watch the clothes" he warned Bambam who strolled in with left over spicy rice cakes.

"Where is Yugyeom? he wanted to share the rice cakes"

"I haven't seen him" Mark was sure Yugyeom was just avoiding him all morning because of what had happened the night before.

Mark walked into the laundry room to wash his underwear, he always separated them from the things they gave to the laundry maid, and as usual the others had sneaked their own in there knowing he would wash them. He began sorting them, he smelled a familiar scent from a pink under shirt, lavender and vanilla, he didn't remember smelling it on any of his friends but he definitely knew it, 'aha!' that's right the letter, he knew he said he was going to let that go,but he couldn't help himself knowing he had the one thing that will reveal who J was.

"Who does this belong to?" he barged into the living room clutching the pink undershirt.

"Who else wears pink" Bambam replied.

'it can't be' is it possible that J is--, no way.

"Yug--" Mark barged into Yugyeom's room and found it empty, his eye quickly went to the bright pink tent folded paper sitting on the bed "I'm really sorry i didn't say good bye to you guys, being with you all will always be the best part of my life. I love you hyungs" Mark read out loud, he let the paper flutter from his hands and fall to the ground, his face ashen with shock 'but, but, but..' His mind went blank.

"What is it?" Bambam demanded frightened by the look on Mark's face "Hyung!" he shook Mark out of his trance

"I have to go after him" he gripped Bambam's shoulders "I have to---" he stormed out.

"Who?!!" Bambam shouted after him.

~~~7777777~~~

Yugyeom sat at the empty bus station looking down at his one way ticket back home, he tried hard not to cry. Last night he was finally going to confess, but there was someone Mark already liked. He just couldn't be around him anymore, he had changed his mind about leaving and mustered the courage to tell him, but hearing him say he liked someone with that smile on his face shattered all his confidence. He was going to miss him, maybe never stop loving him but it won't be as painful as being close and not being able to have him, maybe he was being rash but getting far away was all he could think about now.

It was easy to spot Yugyeom when Mark got to the bus station, it was empty except for the blond lonely looking bloke sitting by himself. He walked up to him and sat beside him.

"J... is that the best you could come up with?" Mark looked at his feet.

"I see you figured it out" Yugyeom turned the ticket in his hand nervously.

"I keep thinking what J and Yugyeom have in common"

"Don't you remember?" Yugyeom dissapointed that Mark could forget some of their fondest memories together so soon "I asked you to give me an American name when we went to LA last year because everyone was having such a hard time saying my name and you gave me Jamie" Yugyeom smiled at the memory "You kept calling me Jamie until everyone started calling me Jamie, even your family"

"I did?" Mark smiled when he saw the hurt and dissapoinment in Yugyeom's eyes, knowing the person he loved, loved him back felt so good he didn't have the words to describe it "*bleeep*" Mark chuckled "Of course i remember, i couldn't forget even if i tried, trust me" his brows furrowed and his face became serious, he'd been holding back because he thought Yugyeom was too young but now that he knew the feeling was mutual he was prepared to take the big step.

"Yugy----"

Yugyeom scoffed " you know how i feel but you like someone else, blah blah blah" Yugyeom cut him off "It's ok, you don't have to explain, i'm ok"

"I love you" Mark whispered loudly

"right,right and we're fri----What?" Yugyeom jolted of the bench as his heart popped and his body began to tingle.

"I love you Gyeomie, always have" Mark stared intently into Yugyeom's eyes "I just..." Mark got up off the bench so that their eyes were at the same level "i always thought you were too young to understand my feelings for you, i thought---"

Mark found the rest of his words stuck in his throat as Yugyeom sealed his mouth with his, the kiss was simple, no tongues or sloppiness, it was gentle, full of love and passion, hope and the expectations tomorrow holds. Their kiss was interupted by the voice on the com anouncing the boarding of Yugyeom's bus.

"I'm not going" Yugyeom held on to his new found love.

"No." Mark swept a blond lock of hair, tucked it behind Yugyeom's ear and held his face in his palms "Go spend time with your family" he kissed his lips softly "but come back to me, please" he begged.

Yugyem smiled and nodded, they stood there holding on to each other and reluctantly separated when the last boarding was called "Go" Mark hesitantly let go off Yugyeom's hand.

They waved at eachother until they were out of eachother's sight, Mark knew he was going to see Yugyeom again the next day, but he also knew it was going to be the longest twenty-four hours of his life.

~~~7777777~~~