After promotions for Eternity ended, the CEO of Jellyfish had finally let the boys go on vacation. They had already gained their first win with Voodoo Doll and had maintained their first place position with Eternity, so this was his reward to them for their hard work. As a bonus, he allowed me to come too. No cameras. No managers. Just the six of them and me, kicking back and relaxing on a week-long cruise a little ways away from Jeju Island.

The first half of the week was great. The ship had a pool, in which we spent hours swimming around, splashing each other, and playing water games. Leo and I had spent long afternoons relaxing in the sun while the boys played. Hyuk, Ravi and I had gone late into several nights playing in the game room. One afternoon, N, Hongbin, and I spent a few hours taking pictures, N and I being the models while Hongbin captured the beauty of the ocean around us.

Of course, being on vacation with Ken meant finally being able to enjoy uninterrupted quality time with Ken. The cruise was a pretty expensive one, so we didn’t have much of a problem running into any of their young fans, leaving Ken and I freedom to do really whatever we wanted with each other without fear of paparazzi or fangirls following us. On our second day on the ship, the guys had so graciously left us alone to have an entire day-long date, something we had barely been able to do in our six months of being together.

It was on the fourth day that things started feeling a little off.

“Nari, want to play?” I shook my head, staring out the small circular window overlooking the unusually gray water. We were all gathered in Ravi and Hongbin’s room, playing games. I was starting to get tired of being on the ship, so I had taken a break from the game to watch the waters outside. The members had started chanting the Fry Pan game song, but I wasn’t listening, my eyes glued to the window. There were a lot of waves today, much more violent than usual. Or had they always been like that?

I felt a rumble underneath my feet. It wasn’t enough to really startle anyone, but we all felt it.

“What was that?” Hongbin said to no one in particular. N and Hyuk both shrugged and I gripped the edge of the bed, my stomach tightening. 

While I was excited about going on a trip with them, I was apprehensive about a cruise in particular. Never having learned how to swim, I did have a fear of water and boats. However, just as Ken had prepared me, the ship was huge, and being inside felt like being inside a hotel or a mall. Unless we were on the deck or I looked out a window, I sometimes forgot that we were not actually on land.

Until today. After casually gazing outside the window at breakfast and noticing the cloudy sky, all I could think about were the violent waves.  

After a few minutes when the boys had moved on to some other game that involved flicking each other on the forehead, I noticed Hyuk come sit next to me on the bed.

“Done playing?” I murmured.

“It’s getting boring,” he replied nonchalantly. I turned to him and noticed that his eyes were as focused as mine on the window as he watched the world rock back and forth.

After some time had passed – I wasn’t keeping track of the minutes – we had felt two more rumbles and a man’s voice echoed on the intercom system installed in the upper corner of the room.

“Passengers, no need for alarm. We are experiencing some technical difficulties with the ship but it is being repaired as we speak. For now, we ask that everyone return to your sleeping quarters.”

I looked around at the other members, but none of them appeared to be alarmed. Leo and N had eyed each other, but continued with the game. I made eye contact with Hyuk. He appeared tense, but not nearly as nervous as I felt.

All of the sudden, a huge wave crashed right against our window. I jumped back in surprise, knocking into Hyuk. There were sounds of surprise around the room.

“Are you guys okay?” Ken asked. I looked at him, stuck between trying to put on a brave face and wanting him to know how agitated I was. When he cocked his head in concern, I shook it off.

“It was just a wave.” He nodded and looked back down at N who had brought out some playing cards. Meanwhile, I was beginning to feel slightly light-headed.

Hongbin got up from his seat on the floor and sat at the desk in front of the bed, joining Hyuk and I at the window.  

“You okay?” He asked, his voice a mix of amusement and concern.

I shrugged and offered him a weak smile. “Fear of water, remember?”

He gave me a sympathetic grin. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

I gave a dry laugh and watched N pass out the cards to the remaining three members on the floor, at a loss at how they could be so calm while I was so apprehensive. While they began an intense game of Egyptian Ratscrew, I started to feel an unnerving sense of foreboding in the pit of my stomach. I tried ignoring it. That was just how I was. I worried, even when there was no reason to. I was probably just overreacting.

A little while later we got another announcement.

“We are experiencing some water backup in the ship. Please stay calm and remain in your rooms until further notice.”

The intercom then went silent. I looked down at the members on the floor, my heart now racing. They never said to stay calm unless there was a reason to panic. N was also starting to look uneasy, glancing at the window every so often, but Ravi, Leo, and Ken appeared totally calm. I wanted to call Jaehwan’s name, but I didn’t want to appear to be the only one in distress.

“Hey, look.” I turned to Hongbin. He was pointing at a water bottle on the desk and the sight made my heart drop down to my stomach.

The waterline was slanted, just by the slightest, but it was steadily slanted.

“Guys…” he said, in a daze, “come look at this. I think the ship is…”

“It’s tilting…” I breathed out in horror. I looked out the window as the hyungs gathered around us to look at the water. The waves were hitting the window so violently, it was hard to make out the surface of the ocean, but suddenly, everything looked wrong. The world started spinning.

I blinked and looked away from the window. I was getting dizzy. Ken was finally in close enough proximity, looking out the window just as I was, so I took his hand. He glanced down in surprise, but one look at my terrified expression and his face softened. He rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand.

“What should we do?” Hyuk said in a tiny voice.

Ravi shook his head. “Nothing. They would have said something if we were in danger. Let’s just stay here and continue our game.”

N shook his head rapidly. “No. This should not be happening. Something’s wrong.”

“Are you sure, Hyung?” Hongbin said, breaking his eyes away from the water bottle. “Maybe it’s just nothing.”

N pointed to the water bottle. “Does that look like nothing to you? The ground isn’t facing up anymore. That means the ship is tilting, and that is not supposed to happen.”

“Hyung, he said they’re fixing it,” Ken said. I squeezed his hand, hanging on to his every word. “Let’s just continue with what we were doing.”

“How can we just sit here and not know what’s going on?” N complained, raising his voice.

“Come on, let’s just listen to the captain.” Ravi said, putting his hand on N’s arm. “He said to stay here so let’s just stay here.”

“He just wants to make sure no one gets scared,” Leo said. We all looked up at him. He had his hands on his hips and his face held a serious expression.

“If something is wrong with the ship, don’t you think they’d tell us?” Ken asked.

Leo shook his head. “No. They don’t want to create a panic, so they’ll say as little as possible.”

“Well then how do we know if something happened?” Hyuk said.

Leo stood up. “I’m going up to the deck and see what I can find out.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I said quietly.

“No, Taekwoon’s right,” N said. “We should find out for ourselves what’s going on.” He and Leo exchanged glances and Leo nodded.

“I’m going to see if I can find anything out from the captain.”

Ravi lazily let his hand fall from N as he watched the two go, looking dejected. Once the two eldest left the room, closing the door behind them, the rest of us were into a tense silence. With one look around the room, Ken clapped his hands, making me jump in surprise.

“Alright, kids! That means I’m in charge! And if I hear even the slightest mutter of mutiny, you’ll walk the plank!”

I closed my eyes with a sigh. Good ol’ Ken. I gave him a small grin, thankful for his attempt to lighten the mood. He beamed back at me and then looked at the other members.

“Alright, Ravi, swab the deck! Hongbin, get me some food! Hyukkie, make Nari laugh!”

“Yah, yah!” Hongbin said, jumping up. In Ken’s excitement, his foot knocked over Leo’s water bottle that was left on the floor, spilling the contents all over the carpet. “Captain-nim, stop messing up our room!” I quickly ran to the bathroom to get a towel and helped Hongbin clean up the mess as Ken scolded him three times over for “disobeying orders.” The two began bickering while I helped Hongbin clean up around the room. While any other day I would have found the commotion annoying, I was thankful for the distraction. Ravi joined us in cleaning up while Hyuk simply lay back on the bed and began tapping away at his phone. For a few minutes, everything seemed back to normal.

When N and Leo returned however, the expressions they greeted us with slapped the five of us right back to reality.

“There’s a giant leak in one of the supply rooms. The ship is going down.”

We were silent, taking in N’s words. I had to replay what he said in my head several times before I realized what they actually meant. When no one said anything, Leo spoke with determination.

 “We should go out to the top.”

“But he said to stay h—“

“We’re going to be trapped if we do that,” Leo said aggressively and Ravi shrunk away under his sharp gaze. Leo looked up at all of us. “If the ship is going down, we need to get as high as we can.”

I let out an involuntary whimper and Ken held me close, rubbing my back. The two of us and Hyuk were sitting on the bed while Ravi and Hongbin stood in front of Leo and N, staring at them in shock.

“Taekwoon, hold on. Let’s think about this.”

“You heard what the worker said, Hakyeon. They already made the emergency call.”

I shuddered and Ken put his hand on my cheek, turning my face so that I was looking right at him.

“Don’t panic,” he said quietly, looking straight into my eyes. I held onto his hand and nodded, though I was terrified. He whispered again, “Listen to Taekwoon-hyung. He knows what he’s doing.”

“It doesn’t even look that bad,” Ravi was saying and Ken and I redirected our attention to him. “Look at the water bottle. It’s barely slanted.”

“I don’t know, that’s a lot more than it was before,” Hongbin muttered. He was right.

“They would have said something—“

“WONSHIK,” Leo said loudly, taking hold of both of Ravi’s shoulders. The younger looked at the older in shock. Leo took a deep breath. “Listen. I’m telling you, this ship is sinking. We saw it with our own eyes. We have to get out.”

Ravi blinked. For a moment, I thought he would start crying, but he didn’t. Leo watched his face intently, and after a few seconds, Ravi simply gave a small nod and Leo backed off.

“Come on,” he said, quietly to everyone, “let’s go.”

With one collective deep breath, we all got up from our spots and made our way to the door. We had to go up two flights of stairs to make it to the main deck. As we walked out, I was surprised to see many people walking around the hallways. Most people were simply walking around aimlessly, asking others what was going on. The stairway was pretty crowded with people, so we all held hands so as not to get separated. I took Ravi’s hand, Ken behind me, as we made our way to the top. I noticed that as we got higher, people started looking more and more panicked, which only made me grow more and more anxious. I was also beginning to feel the boats center of gravity shift, although it was hard to tell how much of that was really happening and how much was just in my head.

Once we got to the top, I braced myself for the worst.

It wasn’t raining, but the sky was completely covered in clouds, and the wind was raging. Now that we were fully on the deck with nothing to see but the ocean, I realized just how much the boat was tilting. The front of the ship was significantly pointing towards the water, however it was still stable enough to be able to walk. We still had to be careful. The waves were raging, splashing against the ship.

Around us, people were everywhere. Part of me wondered if anyone had actually returned to their rooms. Many people were crowded around the edges of the ship, watching the water and pointing to the front of the ship. A few others were running, others arguing with the workers of the cruise.

“What do we do?” Hyuk yelled over the sound of the waves and people. Leo looked around, trying to assess the best plan of action. Meanwhile, Hongbin began pulling Ravi to the edge of the ship, watching the water, and Ken started wandering towards a nearby group of people, I following him, refusing to let go of his hand.

“Maybe they know something…” he mumbled, trying to listen in on their conversation. They were an older couple, a middle-aged man, and a younger man. They were talking rapidly, trying to figure out what was happening to the ship.

“Wait a minute!” N yelled. I looked back and his eyes were wide with determination. He walked over to Hongbin and Ravi and pulled them back towards Leo and Hyuk while yelling out, “Ken and Nari, come back here!” Ken hadn’t heard him, so I tugged on his arm and led him back to our group.

“Alright, listen to me,” N said, putting his arm around Hyuk and Ravi who were standing on either side of him. “No matter what, we have to stick together.” We nodded. “Now, worst case scenario, the ship goes completely down. Are we all prepared for what happens then?”

Before any of us could respond, there was a huge commotion from the front of the ship. We looked up and saw a huge wave shower over the deck. I looked to the side of the ship and was horrified to see that the surface of the water was not far from the top of our deck.

“Guys, the water is coming up really fast,” I said in panic.

“It’s almost at the surface down there!” Hongbin cried, pointing towards the front of the ship. Indeed, I could feel myself starting to be pulled toward the front of the ship. The ship was really going down. A man in a bright orange vest ran past us, yelling into a walkie-talkie.

“The rescue boats are on their way! We need to start pulling people from their rooms!”

“Alright see?!” N said excitedly, pointing after the man. “Rescue boats are coming! Let’s just wait up here until they come.”

“We should go to a higher deck,” Leo said.

“Hyung, what if…what if the boats don’t get here in time?”

We all turned to the maknae. His eyes were wide and he looked genuinely afraid.

“Then we’ll have to swim,” Leo stated gravely.

“Hyung!” N and Leo turned to Ken. N and Ken exchanged some sort of unspoken communication and when N glanced at me and then back at Ken, realization dawned on his face.  

“Jaehwan and Nari can’t swim…” His voice ended up in a whisper. As the rest of the group came to the same terrifying understanding, I could feel my chest tighten. I could hear waves crashing into the ship, and people shouting and suddenly I could barely feel my own two feet. The ship was sinking. We were going to end up in the water. In the ocean. I felt my eyes well with tears as my mind was filled with sheer terror.

“No, Nari, it’s okay! It’s going to be okay!” I bit my lip. My vision was blurry, but I could hear N calling my name. “Nari, look at me!” I closed my eyes, allowing the tears to fall, and then looked up at N. He was staring at me urgently.

“Nari, you are both going to be okay. We’re not going to leave you behind.”

“Hyung, what—what are we…?“ Ken’s voice trailed off. I looked up, trying to gage how he was feeling. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was biting his lip, and I could tell that he was trying to hide any fear that he was feeling.

“You’re going to be okay,” Leo said and we turned to him. He made eye contact with N who nodded, and then looked back at Ken. “Jaehwan, stay with me. If we end up in the water, just hold on to me. Hongbin, can you take Nari?”

Hongbin nodded. Ken took a step towards Leo but paused and looked back to me. We locked eyes and I felt my knees grow weak and my eyes fill with tears again. Instantly, he let go of my hand, pulled my face to his and placed his lips on mine. I could sense the other members watching, but Ken’s urgency made me quickly forget and become absorbed by him. He would never say out loud the meaning behind his kiss, but I understood. He quickly broke away and looked down at me with a smile, though it wasn’t his usual happy smile. It was almost pleading. It was only after I offered a tiny smile back that he let go and stepped toward Leo.

I flinched as I felt the first spray of water sprinkle over me. The waves were starting to reach us. I went to Hongbin’s side and looked at the rest of the group. N was looking at the side of the ship.

“We should move higher,” he said. I eyed the upper deck. We would have to go back down into the ship and take another set of stairs to get there. I wasn’t feeling very comfortable with going back into the ship knowing how high the water was by now.

Before we could make a decision, we heard screaming. I looked to the front of the ship and people were gathered around the tip, right where the ship was closest to the water.

“What the hell are they doing?” Hongbin said, also watching them. Some people were waving their hands and everyone was yelling. Suddenly Ravi jumped up.

“I bet they see rescue boats!” Without further discussion, Hongbin took my hand and started running to the crowd.

“Hongbin! Ravi! Stop!”

After only a couple of steps the three of us were on the ground. The boat was tilting so severely that we were essentially running downhill, and with the water splashing in, it was easy to lose our balance. N came to help us up.

“What are you guys thinking? We have to go the other way!”

“Hyung, if there are boats over there, that’s our way off!”

“How do you even know there are boats down there? It’s way too dangerous!”

“Oppa, he’s right,” I said to N breathlessly. I looked back down and the crowd was getting even more excited. It had to be the boats.

N sighed. “Okay, fine,” he said, “but be careful! Take it slow!”

Hongbin took my hand again and the two of us made our way down, much more weary of our surroundings this time. By the time we reached the crowd, the tip of the ship appeared to be only a couple of floor levels away from touching the water. There were already waves splashing everywhere. We looked past the crowd and made out the faint color of orange in the distance.

The rescue boats.

“They’re so far away,” I said in dismay. I turned to Hongbin and he was looking down at the water.

“They’re not going to make it in time,” he stated in disbelief. I gasped, realizing the truth of his words. I turned back to find the other members. They were still making their way towards us. The entire floor of the deck was completely wet and slippery and the ground was nowhere near horizontal anymore.

“Hongbin, what do we do?!”

He looked around. People were surrounding us, wanting to catch a glimpse of the boats. The ship was starting to tilt so much that others were falling and running into each other. Hongbin’s eyes locked on a small wall near us.

“Come here,” he pulled me with him as he made his way to the wall. He pushed me in front of him and we both crouched down with our backs to the wall to keep ourselves from slipping.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded. He looked over the wall at the boats in the distance. “Let’s wait here until the boats are close enough to get on board. We’re a good ways away from the water in case it starts to come onto the deck and we won’t have to worry about the crowd.”

As we sat waiting, I kept my eyes on Ken and Leo. There were so many people around us, running and falling all over the place that it was very hard for them to reach us. I gasped when someone else collided with Ken who fell over and even slid about a meter down the deck. Eventually, they found a wall across from us and sat behind there with N. I had lost track of Hyuk and Ravi.

I could hear more screaming and poked my head up past the wall. The tip of the ship was so close to the water. People were panicking and screaming and backing away from the edge. I sat back down and held my heart, breathing rapidly.

“Hongbin,” I cried, feeling my chest tighten in panic. “Hongbin, it’s too late! The boat is really sinking. The water—“ I started gasping for air. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“Whoa, Nari,” Hongbin turned to me urgently. “Nari, calm down. It’s okay.”

“Hongbin, I can’t swim! Neither can Jaehwan!”

“Nari!” Hongbin put a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him. “Nari, I’m not going to let you drown, okay? If the water gets to us, I’ll be able to keep us both afloat. It’s going to be okay.” I nodded, not even bothering to stop my quivering lip. He gave me a reassuring look and then put his arm securely around my waist. I looked to the other wall and watched Leo do the same with Ken. Ken glanced up at me and we made eye contact and I felt a lump in my throat.

“Nari, it’ll be okay!” he called to me. “Just stay with Binnie and you’ll be fine!”

And so we sat, Hongbin and I, simply waiting for the water to hit us. However, before it did so, we heard faint yelling nearby.

“Wait a minute…” Hongbin slowly got up and crawled past me to the closest edge of the deck.

“Nari! Come here!” he said excitedly. I gripped the wall and stood up, following him. I peered over the edge and my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. There was a rescue boat, right there. There were others coming to the side of the ship. A man was sitting inside, holding up his arms.

“Jump down one at a time and we can get you to land!”

I immediately turned around and tried to get Leo’s and Ken’s attention.

“Ken! Ken! There’s a boat here! Hurry!”

He heard me and said something to Leo who looked up and started pulling Ken to where we were. To my dismay, everyone around us had heard me as well and were now crowding around the side of the ship, blocking the other members.

Without warning Hongbin started pushing me towards the edge.  

“Nari! Go! Jump!

“Wait!” I stopped and turned to him. “What about Ken? What about the others?”

“They’re coming, but you have to go now before other people start getting on.”

“No, but—“ I looked past him, eyeing Ken and Leo who were still trying to find a way to us. Ken saw me hesitate and started waving at me to go on.

“Nari, go ahead!” he shouted. “I’m right behind you!”

I hesitated. I couldn’t just jump down without knowing that he was really coming too.

“Nari! What are you doing?” Hongbin yelled. I turned back to the boat and saw a woman next to me already jumping down. Hongbin pushed me in front of the other people. “Go!”

I closed my eyes and climbed over the bar. I glanced back at Hongbin and then down at the rescuer. He held his arms out.

“Miss, just jump down. I’ll catch you!” I closed my eyes. The boat was pretty close to the ship, but there was also plenty of room for me to accidentally jump wrong and land in the water.

“Hurry up already!”

“We want to get off!”

“Nari, it’s okay.”

I closed my eyes and jumped.

I had landed right in his arms. Shaking, I got down and sat in the boat. It was a tiny boat, only big enough to fit about four people, and there were already the other women and the rescue person. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged my legs, waiting for the next person to come down. I could hear yelling, but couldn’t make out who was saying what over the roar of the waves. Suddenly, someone jumped. Water splashed into the boat. I gasped as I realized that only half of his body actually made it inside. He held on to the sides of the boat while his legs dangled in the water. When he lifted his head, I saw his panicked expression.

It was Sanghyuk.

He was struggling to hold on, and I immediately crawled forward and grabbed hold of his shoulder. He grunted as he pulled himself out of the water, and after some tugs from me and the rescue person, his whole body finally fell on board.

“Are you okay?” I asked, helping him sit up. My voice was shaking and when I saw his face, I could tell that he was just as scared as I was. He was breathing heavily and I could see him trying to control his expression, but his eyebrow twitch gave it away.

“Yeah… you?”

I was about to say that I was, but we made eye contact and both realized that any answer I gave would have been as much of a lie as was his. My eyes filled with tears and without another word we immediately pulled each other into a tight embrace.

“Are the rest of them coming?” I asked when we broke apart. Just as I did so, the rescue boat suddenly started moving. I looked around in shock. We were leaving the ship.

“Wait!” I screamed, turning to the rescue person. “We don’t have Jaehwan!”

“Another boat is on its way. This is the most I can take.”

“But we can’t leave them behind!”

“Miss, please, we’re going to do our best to get everyone off of that ship.”

“No!” I screamed, and moved to the back of the boat, trying to make out the image of the guys still on the ship, but there were too many people huddling around the edge and the waves were rocking the boat so violently that I could not make out anything.

“Ken!” I screamed, and I felt someone take hold of my arm.

“Nari, they’re going to be fine.” I turned and met Hyuk’s gaze. His eyes were wide in fear.

“Another boat is coming. They…they’ll be rescued.” His voice was shaking. I looked back and faced the horror of what was happening. The entire ship was tilted on one side, towards the water, and the most of the rescue boats were now filled. The ship was sinking. And Ken was still onboard.

We were leaving them behind.

Hyuk pulled me away from the edge as I could feel myself hyperventilating. He said my name and took both of my hands. I met his eyes.

“Someone had to go first,” he said desperately. “They’ll make it out too.”

I blinked back my tears so that I could make out his face. He looked terrified, as if he was struggling to believe his own words.

I shook my head, gritting my teeth in anger. I knew what they were doing. Hyuk and I were the youngest. They purposely made us go first. They wanted to save us.

Before I could properly let out my anger, Hyuk pulled me into his arms again and we spent the remainder of the boat ride simply holding each other, trying to keep it together.