"Love is a feeling not a word"

Socrates

 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

-YUNHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!

 

Jaejoong ran in direction to the playground, toward the swings and waving his arms to both sides like a little kid. The park was usually full of students but was desert that Saturday.

 

The old house that served as pre and primary school for years rose majestically amidst the lush trees that had grown on both sides of the road. The position of both structures was so perfect it offered a calm landscape and shadow to those seeking a place of relaxation.

 

-Jaejoong, could you stop running? Yesterday rained, you'll fall... - said Yunho watching the other ran down the wet floor in front of him

-Look, look, look Yunho!! – Jaejoong was still screaming; deaf to the advice of the other - My swings!! The swings where I played as a child!! They set them again!! And the sand box is... woah!

 

Jaejoong felt how his body lost balance and gradually saw the floor closer. At that moment he would have fallen if not for Yunho who had run, take his arm and support his weight on him; preventing Jae from breaking his head by hitting the sidewalk.

 

Jaejoong held tightly to Yunho’s jacket and stood up immediately, almost certain that the other would complain about his childish behavior.

 

-I was telling you not to run, Jae!! You almost break your neck- Yunho shouted, more distressed than annoying

-hahaha I was excited, I'm sorry - Jaejoong said apologetically, giving a little kiss on the cheek to Yunho and pulling apart; this time listening to the indication and walking.

-I’m just worried about you, don’t be mad

-I’m not sweetheart – said Jaejoong caressing Yunho’s cheek

 

The two men were heavily warm. Jaejoong had finished a photo shoot, where Yunho went to pick him up to visit mama Kim. They were supposed to spend the afternoon with Jaejoong’s family.

Jae was wearing a european style brown jacket over a blue sweater, which contrasted beautifully with his recently blonde hair. He wore simple jeans and completed his outfit with short camel-colored boots.

 

Yunho, on the other hand, was dressed more casual. Bit jacket with a red bear in the neck, which had been taken few months ago from Jaejoong’s department, blue jeans and sneakers. The last one was a present from his fans.

 

Both had removed the gloves and had left them in Yunho’s Mercedes Benz before leaving the car for a walk around the school that Jaejoong had brought them.

 

Yunho still didn’t understand what they were doing there because their plans were always different since the beginning.

Jaejoong had insisted for two weeks they should go to lunch with his family because he wanted a memory all together at the table, before entering to the military service.

 

Having achieved the permission after tons of protests from SM; Yunho had disappeared for all fans. For weeks everyone was wondering where he was, especially after confirming that he was not in Japan as everyone thought. One day he had appeared at Incheon Airport and two days later nobody knew anything about him.

 

However, once they agreed that Yunho should pick up Jaejoong from his photo shoot, the latter had changed his mind at the last minute.

 

(Flashback)

 

-Change of plans! - Jae announced once sat next to Yunho.

-Ah?

-I already called my mom. I said we would come at night.

-What are you talking about, Jae?! You know very well that I can’t go too far. If SM finds out that I'm going around Korea they’re to cut my balls, I have enough problems...

-Yunho-yaaaaah please, not today... I don’t want to fight today

-I'm not fighting Jae but you have to stop...

 

Jaejoong said nothing looking out of the window alarmed. Suddenly, following the direction of his partner’s eyes, Yunho saw a group of girls wondering around his car. The people seemed to recognize his car’s model and more schoolgirls were approaching dangerously, now convinced that they had seen his idol move inside. Having one of the few Mercedes-Benz G model sold in Korea, made it quite remarkable. Jaejoong immediately let himself fall to the floor of the car, trying to hide as much as could his presence.

 

“-I just wanna be with you, why is it so hard?

-It's not difficult, just more special

-I want to stop hiding, why my love is not enough?"

 

Yunho felt his chest clench. His heart beat painfully recalling the words that once Jaejoong had told him during a fight, and how; after all these years, nothing had changed. Jaejoong was still there on the ground, trying not to be seen because he knew the problems would bring to Yunho.

 

Yunho made a decision then. He stepped on the accelerator starting to drive. With breakout force, Jaejoong fell backwards hitting his head on the edge of the passenger seat.

 

-Yunnieeee... My head!

 

 Yunho took Jaejoong's hand and pulled him up to sit down next to him.

 

-I‘m sorry, Jae

-Where are we going?

-You said you wanted to go somewhere else, right?

-Yes!

-Where do you want to go?

Yunho took Jaejoong’s hand between his and lacing his fingers, brought it to his lips. Then, without letting his hand go, he dropped his hands clasped between them. Jaejoong smiled, pleased with himself, his fingers playing with Yunho knuckles, trying to feel his heat through the skin.

 

-What made you change your mind?

-I haven’t said yes yet. Is it far and…. why do you want to go?

-We're one hour and a half with your car... and well, it's important to me. Isn’t that enough?

-Important?

-It's just something I want to do, Yunnie. I need to go to this place before entering military service. I go every year, but now I'll be away for so long that I need to see it to recharge my energies...

-Whoever listens to you would think you're going far far away...

-Anyone who was my true fan would be suffering at this time. Not see this beautiful face for two years will certainly make quality decay in the media...

-...

-I'm serious; do you know how many rookies have me as their idol?

 

Jaejoong sought the route to the place he wanted to visit on his phone with his free hand. Once the streets were showing the way they should go, he placed the cell as a GPS in front of Yunho, starting the journey.

 

Yunho turned a corner and continued the conversation.

 

-Jaejoong two years will fly by; you'll see that soon we’ll be together again. Plus I'm going right behind you in a few months.

-June?

-SM had been very cranky, they won’t let me go that easily. They wanted me to go to the last SM Town this year but I won’t make it. Instead they’re trying to put me on a drama

-Drama?! What drama? Who’s the lead actress?

-I don’t know Jae – laughed Yunho sensing jealousy - I think it’s based on a manga, not sure. It’s about cooking

-You don’t cook…- answered Jae with a pout

-Exactly what I said! But you know them… the chance was there, they took it.

-And you’re going to accept?

-Do I have a choice?

-You always said you have a choice in that ty company and that’s why…

-Jae… -warned Yunho

-Sorry

 

They had got to terms where none of them should mention each other’s company.  Not the slavery SM nor the illegal CJES.

 

-Hurry up and accept then. I want to meet the ing woman before going to the army

-Okay

-This is unexpected… I won’t be able to watch your drama. I’ll tell my sister to tape it for me

-Please don’t!!! I don’t want anyone of you family watching it!

-Yunho-yah~

-I hate doing dramas! SM knows I hate it and they still make me do it!

-You have improved a lot, Yunho – Jaejoong hold his hand tightly, knowing the negativity to let people watch his drama was due to Yunho’s insecurities

-You think?

-Do you know which one would be your squad? – asked Jaejoong changing topic and ignoring Yunho’s question, afraid he would need to lie.

 

Yunho had always hated to act. He thought it was fun when others do it but not him. His first failure had something to do it with it, making him lose his confidence but at the end he had to admit the truth. Acting was not his thing. He knew he had improved. He wasn’t that scared of cameras anymore and he was well disciplined. But he didn’t feel comfortable which make his acting too stoic. And he knew the prize he had received was forced to him courtesy of SM but accepted anyway. Yunho was a ‘good’ actor but never a ‘true’ one. He envied Yoochun sometimes for that.

 

-I asked for the same as yours, but they have to confirm. You know is hard to bribe the army… if it weren’t for your friend I wouldn’t even dare. I haven’t passed the physical examination but I will go this year for sure

 

Jaejoong look at Yunho's belly that slightly protruding against the tight seat belt.

 

-You know that's very rude, Kim Jaejoong

-What?

-Looking at me like that. I told you, you’re the one to blame for this belly. You and your habit of drinking beer every night are causing this fat belly despite having the usual routine in the gym

-In fact, your small belly doesn’t bother me - Jaejoong replied smirking - I think that after declaring publicly that I like my' girlfriend 'have some abdominal fat’, I was pretty obvious

-You only say it to make me feel better- Yunho answered with a pout

-I don’t know what you mean - Jaejoong replied in an innocent voice

-You think I didn’t see you when you rewind Changmin’s performance over and over again, specifically at the part where he took out his shirt and show his abs?!

-AND WHAT JUICY ABS THEY WERE!! - Jaejoong shouted excited

-....

-I think fans are right, like mother like son…

-You're not his mother, Jaejoong

-For our fans I am

-If Changmin heard you he’ll vomit

-That child has the guts to take offense at things like this, and when it comes to my house is ‘Omma, I’m hungry'... 'Omma, Japchae please'... 'Omma, omma, omma'

-You spoil him too much - laughed Yunho

-I can’t help it, my mother placed this maternal gene in me

-Then he’ll be your substitute when you're gone?

-What do you mean?

-Since you go and all rookies won’t have who admire for his beauty, would Changmin be your perfect replacement?

 

Jaejoong observed Yunho cautiously while the other made a U-turn directly to the main road. The GPS indicated that from this point they should continue straight.

 

-There are many things that Changmin is, Yunho. y, smart, tall, burly, calculating, methodical, jerk... but beautiful is not one of his qualities.

-And you're beautiful?

-Just say that I'm still winning in popularity contests for my appeal and I was the Ulzzang guy with more nominations in the industry.

-We better not continue with this, do you already have someone in mind? - Yunho was increasingly amused with the conversation

-Yes, in fact I have someone

-Who?

-So you’ll see I'm benevolent and I always forgive my enemies, I have chosen as my successor someone from your company

-Donghae?

-Why would I choose that slimy friend of yours?

-A suggestion...

-Well no... someone better and younger

-From SM? Please Jae, almost 80% of SM is younger than you

-You're looking for me, Jung

-I'm sorry - Yunho answered quickly, knowing that Jaejoong just stand a little bullying - who is it?

-My second child. Kim Myungsoo

-Ah?

-From Infinite

-Is that small company SM absorbed buying it last year?

-The same

-Why him? I hope it's good because Changmin won’t like it...

-It's perfect! I don’t know if you've seen him close but millions have suggested that if I had children, he definitely would be one.

-I don’t remember him; I think they introduced us... But years ago

-He's not only cute; he's my number one fan. Even before he was a singer. Although I must admit he needs to work on his voice. I spoke with him and was more than honored to take my place.

-You talk to him?

-Of course, Yunho.

-And when?

-You’re not seriously jealous of him right?

-I’m curious; you’ve been so busy we barely talked at night and…

-At the beginning of this year, Yunho. Sunggyu brought him to my manager’s party… remember? The party you didn’t want to attend...

-Oh yeah…

-I’m really organized lately and I wanted to give this privilege to him on time.

-You have change. I remember you were incredible disorganized

-I get it from you. You help me to be like this now. For example, this place we’re going is part of my organized new self. My best kept secret. So I want you to be part of it.

 

Yunho smiled again as increased the speed slightly to reach the destination before time, curious to know now where they were going.

 

-Well, now tell me why you changed your mind? - Suddenly asked Jaejoong

-Because I want to spoil you Jae, that’s why I'm here.

-Don't you always do that?

-You deserve it, because after so many years ... I haven’t been able to give you what you want the most - Yunho sighed wistfully

-...

 

"Why is my love something bad? Why can I not love you freely? I want to scream that I love you to all those damned es around you so they know who owns you! But I can’t. Shut up, Jaejoong. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP! Since I came to this place I haven’t done more to hide what I feel. When Yunho? When can I say what I feel?"

 

-These days off are all yours...

-Awww Yunnie... - Jaejoong said, touched by the gesture

-We’ll go wherever you want... I'm here to serve you your majesty...

 

Jaejoong blushed and clutched the hand that united both.

 

***

 

-Yunnie, push me... - called Jaejoong waiting on the swing

-Are you sure? We've done this before Jae... you know how excited I get with these things ... - Yunho replied remembering that TV show where he almost boot Jae from the swing.

 

In the program both pretended was a joke, but Jaejoong was angry with him for weeks.

 

-Mmmm you're right, forget it - Jaejoong replied recalling the memory also – you could be able to kill me this time...

-Where are we?- Yunho asked suddenly came to the second, to be exact to the front and down the gaze - Why did you want to come to school this early?

 

Jaejoong rocked gently on the swing taking his phone out to take a panorama view with Vine and send it to Yoochun and Junsu. Fortunately the swing had been reinforced recently, and can support the weight of the singer.

 

-This was my first school, Yunho.

-Ohhhh, still exists? - joked the other laughing - I thought the antiques in rural areas were being destroyed

-Ha ha, that's funny...

-Why do you want to come here?

-I have my reasons

-Which are...

-You wouldn’t understand

-If you explain to me...

-Should I?

-You should

-It's a very personal thing

-You know I'm seriously offended, Jae?

-Offended?

-We know each other for almost 12 years. We went out for 6 years. We became just 'friends' for 3 and then we got back in touch one year ago. We had been dating again recently... and in all that time...  You never mentioned this place? Why have you kept this place secretly?

-Mmm

-What does that mean?  That mmm…

 -Yunho, have you ever had something that is only yours?

-What do you mean?

-You know; something that is just for you. It has nothing to do with selfishness in a relationship; I think everyone has the right to have a small space for themselves.

-To be honest, no. You know everything about me. I thought I knew everything about you but I see that’s not the case – answered Yunho visibly upset

-Oh come on Yunho, don’t be a child…

 

Yunho raised an eyebrow, his possessive nature on alert. The stress vein in his left temple became increasingly notorious.  It was one feature that only Jaejoong could provoke. Even the most stressful tour couldn’t arouse the vein in him. Nor the level of stress.

 

-All right. If this is your space, let’s leave it like that. Why did you bring me here then? What did you show me this place? Why don’t you keep it a secret?

-Jung Yunho!

-Yes, Kim Jaejoong! - Yunho replied walking in the opposite direction, heading to the parking lot

-Jung Yunho you better turn around and come back here in this moment!

-NO!

-Someone is about to spend the rest of this week all alone!

- you! You also will spend it alone. I’m sure you’ll suffer as much as I do! - Yunho countered the threat

 

However, he slowed his steps.

 

-Ahhh, and I thought we could try that new toy you gave me in my birthday and we haven’t had a chance to useeee ~ ~! It was gonna be really fun…

 

Yunho turned around and hurried back until he was in front of Jaejoong. He sat on the swing next to him and said nothing, his eyes looking forward.

 

"Never fails ..."

"Me and my damn ual weakness"

 

-Yunnie, you do understand what I mean, don’t you ... - started Jaejoong taking  Yunho’s hand that was cold now – about having a personal space

-Yes

-Why do you do a tantrum then?

-I don’t like not knowing things about you

-I know, baby

-It happened to us once, Jae - continued Yunho - my inability to see how you were suffering, to understand the fears that you had and mine, our insecurities... made us end our relationship. I admit I'm afraid to go back to those years

-Yunnie, those insecurities as you call them... haven’t we talked about them already? I think we talked about them a lot. You're here, I'm here. We are together, and no more questions. Let's be happy with that.

-I was happy until five minutes ago when you said that there are places like these that you never told me about

-There aren’t more places. This is the only one. And… there's a reason why I wanted to come here today, Yunnie.

-What reason?

-I don’t think you’ll like it. I know you don’t like to see this side of me.

-Huh? I like all sides of you…

-It has to do with my memories...

-This is a playground, what does it has to do with your memories...?

 

Yunho paused; his mind flew to the worst case scenario. In a few seconds he prayed heaven he would be making a mistake with his assumptions. He wanted to believe his mind was corrupted by an increasingly cruel world.

 

-Wait a minute! Is it something bad? Did an older student made something to you?  Or a teacher?!

-What the ?

-I don’t see any other reason...

-Yunho, can you stop thinking weird things? All students of this school were children. Most of them were five. And the teachers were all women.

-A TEACHER?! - Yunho moved alarmed in the swing

 

He came this time and knelt in front of Jaejoong, with visibly worried face. He took the other's hands and stared at him with fear he would dare to lie looking away.

 

-You’re really ridiculous sometimes - Jaejoong sighed understanding Yunho’s fears - Nothing bad as ‘that’ happened, Yunho. At least not here, you already know.

 

Yunho knew the story of Jaejoong’s adolescence quite well. He knows how both, male and female, had tried to take advantage of him many times. At first, the young inexperienced and antisocial teenager had done many things to please them. Even let them touched him inappropriately, but it all ended after his first girlfriend explained to him that what he had done until then, was wrong. Ironically, she broke up with him when the girl realized she was dealing with someone 'broken'.

 

The school had never been a safe place for Jaejoong, and so, perhaps Yunho was afraid that something even crueler could have happened to him as a child. That space where memories hardly heal.

 

The story of the English teacher who invited him to receive private lessons at home, still echoing in his ears and made him whimpers his teeth whenever he remembered.

 

Jaejoong had told him all that, and a few more stories in one of his many drinking nights. And Yunho heard each confession with a destroyed heart. His promise to protect him until the end of his days intensified with every second they spent together. That was one of the main reasons he was always overprotective. Some people couldn’t understand his behavior then and call it 'possessiveness'.

-It's not what you’re imagining, Yunho ... - Jaejoong softened his voice at the look of anguish on the man kneeling in front of him

-What happened love?

 

Jaejoong took a deep breath and patted the swing beside him, telling Yunho to take a seat. The man; however, was left kneeling shaking his head gently.

 

-Yunho, do you remember I told you how it was my adoption?

-Vaguely...

-Well, when it happened I was very young

-4 Years?

-3 probably. Maybe a little more. Nearly four; actually. You're right.

-So little...

-I was so small that I vaguely remembered my real mother. So small that my memory was only the ghost of a dream that haunted me every night... I was chased and chased as soon as I closed my eyes... and I fled, without knowing why. I woke up sweating and calling my mum.

 

Yunho took Jaejoong’s hand kissing it and urging him to continue.

 

-My mother was never mean to me before, but I must admit that little or nothing I remembered of her. Except that she was real. 'she exists', I told myself over and over... but the memory hurt. And in order to don’t feel the pain, I decided to forget her.

 

Yunho said nothing and just watched Jaejoong who has a vague gaze, fixed on the ground under him.

 

-Even at that age I was sure that the place where I woke up in the morning wasn’t the right one. For me, the bed was unknown. The people were strange and noisy. But with time I got used to them. Gradually.

-It’s normal. They always loved you.

-Yes ... but imagine living in a place that feels strange. As I say, at first I wondered when would she come? When would my quiet and good mom come to pick me up? Or rather, when I was going back to that woman who appeared in my dreams and who I called mom?

-....

-As I got older that feeling of being pushed aside by other has always frightened me. The only thought of people love leaving me, scares me.

-Jae, I...

 

Jaejoong raised his hand to stop Yunho from talking.

 

-Just let me finish this before you make promises of love for eternity, promises that are easily broken with time. It happened once Yunho, and finally brought us nothing more than a sad separation... but a happy reunion.

-...

-When I was studying at this school, my foster mother had already won my heart. I loved her so much by then, Yunho. She will always be the woman of my life. I think that's why I forbade myself to love another woman. Nobody could match her. But you know what? My mom left me in this place every morning. And not only that! My mother conspired with my sisters to leave me here!

-Jae is a school...

-But I didn’t know Yunho! I was afraid. I felt that my sisters conspired to do so and that they would eventually get bored of me and leave me. After all, people seemed to get bored with me.... I was always afraid. I always felt my mother would get rid of me and one day I would wake up and they wouldn’t be next to me. I didn’t want them to leave me, Yunho. Not her too

 

Tears began to form in Jaejoong’s eyes and Yunho reached out to clean them before they fell.

 

-You know you've always thought that I am insecure but I think all adopted children develop this trauma. My mother was my world, and I was hers. My dad and my sisters, too. They just wanted to be nice to me, and in return I only gave them tantrums and crying scenes all the time. Every morning they left me here alone, and I wanted they take me whenever they were going. I was scared. I was petrified that one day they would forget to pick me up... then I began to do the opposite. I thought if I was bad with them and oblige myself to feel nothing I could handle it when they leave me...

-That's ridiculous Jae, your heart can’t...

-Try to understand Yunho. I was a kid... my mind could only get one thing at a time. I had already decided in that little head that they were going to leave me. Why cling to them more than necessary then?

 

Yunho stood up and reached his hand so Jaejoong could take it. He knew that being in an only position for too long make Jaejoong nervous because he reaches a state of calm that made him burst into emotions. And that wasn’t good.

 

He took his hand and lacing their fingers, they slowly walked toward the sandbox. They sat on the edge and Jaejoong put his hands in the sand, watching how it ran through his fingers gently.

 

-Then, this school can’t bring good memories, huh? - asked Yunho, sat by his side

-Au contraire

-Huh?

-The story changed one day.

-How come?

-mmm should I tell him? – teased Jae

-You’re testing my patience Kim!

-hahahahahaha

-Keep on and I would forget that freaking toy we’ll use tonight

-No no no…. Ok , I tell you

-Go on

 

Jaejoong smiled sweetly looking at Yunho. The memory of a little boy floating in his mind, bringing back moments he once thought were lost.

 

-One day, I met a friend here in this school

-Wasn’t this place full of kids?

-But none of them were my friend. I was a very lonely child

-So why this kid?

-He was very charming you could say. I didn’t know why but he talked to me differently. He wasn’t pushy or condescending… he treated me as a normal child. Not one you should feel sorry for.

-And?

-He disappeared in one day

-Disappeared?

-He had come to school for one day with his father… but he never came back.

 

Until that point Yunho didn’t understand how a child could change you that much. He was sure he was missing an important part of the story.

 

-So he came, became your friend and then, never came back. And because of that you were not afraid of people leaving you again? I would have been terrible scared if he left and never came back!

-Well, I wasn’t. In just a few minutes he made me understand the difference between 'goodbye' and 'see you'. Nobody had ever explained the difference to me, and he said it very simple.

-Ohhhhhh… I get it. Is that why you don’t say 'goodbye'?

-I never I said 'goodbye' because I think people cross our paths for a reason. What fate put in your way is no mistake, so you would see that person again. Maybe in a millions of years but you’ll see him.

-Is that why you want to come here? To remind that friend?

-Well, in fact that’s true. I wanted to come here to say 'see you' to someone special.

-Who?

-Let's wait until it gets here

-Is that your friend? Is that childhood friend? Have you been seeing that friend here? - asked Yunho now alarmed and taking a handful of sand and, squeezing it strongly, without letting it escape.

-And then they say I'm jealous...

 

Yunho's phone rang just then, preventing him to respond as he would have liked. Sometimes Yunho’s insecurities were the subject of several fights with Jaejoong. But he couldn’t help it. Jaejoong had several lovers during the time they were not together, it was logical to think that there were people interested in him.

 

Yunho saw the caller ID and his lips contorted in a huge smile.

 

-Hello my queen?

 

Jaejoong looked up and vocalizing quietly to Yunho he said: 'Omma?'. Yunho nodded and continued the conversation on the phone.

 

-Yes, he's here with me... I don’t know why... let me ask him... - Yunho covered the phone and directing to Jaejoong ’side asked - where's your phone?

-I left him in your car when we got down

-Your mom is calling you, Jae!

-Talk to her, baby

-Yes omma – said Yunho back to his phone -he left his phone in my car... we're visiting a school form his childhood... yeah, I think is the same... don’t know why until now... I think we’re waiting for someone... yes omma... mmm, I estimate we’ll be in your house around 8pm... ohhh my babies are there?! How are they?... Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I want to see them!... please tell noonie I want to see them... Yeah, I try to get there before... we came a long way with Jae’s GPS, I think I know a faster way back... yes, of course... I'll call you when we’re close omma... ok... yes, he’s wearing warm clothes... yes, omma, me too... no problem... yes... Do you want me to bring anything?... okay... ok... ok... bye omma, I love you...

 

Yunho hung up and looked sternly at Jaejoong.

 

-You know your mother worries too much about you, Jaejoong. His blood pressure will rise if you keep disappearing, is it too hard to pick up the phone when she calls?

-What for? She can always call her favorite son - Jaejoong smirked

-Very funny

-It’s true! She adores you, Yunho... she knows you would always answer and that you're going to find me wherever I am

-Sometimes you...

-Me what? - Jaejoong challenged him

-Forget it...

-You love me, admit it

-For My bad luck, yes

-....

-Well, your mom wanted to know if we were okay and what time we'll be coming home. Su Young noona has brought Hyuna and Seohyun and they’re asking for you. I told them I want to see them but omma said Seohyun noona has school tomorrow and wants to take her home early ...

-Ohhh nooo... I want to see my babies!

-I too want to see them... so can we go?

 

Jaejoong looked over Yunho and saw two figures approaching.

 

-They’re here...

 

In the background a very old woman in a wheelchair was push by a young girl, around 20 years. The woman wore a black suit with a lopsided hat covering her perfect and wrinkle-free skin.

 

The young woman smiled recognizing Jaejoong immediately. She raised a hand and waved vigorously.

 

-OPPA!! WE’RE HERE!

-BON-HWA!! - Jaejoong shouted with a grin

Jaejoong stood up and waited for the two women to come close and Yunho remained froze, wondering who they were.

***

-How have you been? - asked Jaejoong when both women were in front of them.

-Oppa, every time I see you, you shine more- the girl smiled, making a small bow to both.

-Yunho, this is Bon-Hwa. She’s 20  years old and is a university student in the city. I know her exactly for two years

 

Yunho bowed slightly and immediately reached out to shake the girl’s hand. She blushed slightly, a gesture that would normally have caused discomfort in Jaejoong but not in that situation.

-And this beauty in purple dress, is her mother - Jaejoong said, pointing with a gesture to the woman in the wheelchair.

 

Yunho repeated the gesture of reverence, this time more forcefully. He had always been respectful of the elderly.

 

-Jung Yunho, ajhuma. It is a pleasure...

 

But the woman didn’t respond leaving Yunho confused.

Bon-Hwa repeated the gesture instead of his mother, bowing again and accommodating the wheelchair.

 

-My mother has been waiting for this day, oppa. I know you must be very happy...

 

Jaejoong knelt down to look closely to the woman in the wheelchair. He watched her with care and love but also compassion. Time plays unfair to those who live longer. Time doesn’t forgive, and reached everyone, good or bad. Time consumed the best intentions, and if they weren’t made fast enough, they’ll never see the fruits of their work. Therefore, students as Jaejoong had to be there to support and make sure those people recognized the significant impact they had in the world, although they were never rewarded.

 

Jaejoong was sure; however, that this woman had had many children as her belly wouldn’t permit it. For years he had followed her career and found out she was one of the most recognized women in the area for her reputation as an educator. And he couldn’t help but feel proud to have been under her care long time ago.

 

-Mrs. Baek, how are you? I am Jaejoong. I have come to visit you before going to military service - Jaejoong started talking quietly, taking one of the elder’s hands

-Ohhh no wonder you were in a hurry for this meeting oppa! Soon you'll be going to the army - interrupted the young girl adjusting the hearing device to the ear of the woman.

-How have she been? You look better than the last time I came, Ms. Baek - Jaejoong continued trying to speak a little louder

-The Alzheimer had her very weak, but apart from that her health condition is stable. Nothing serious and she’s controlled with pills – said Bon-Hwa about her mother.

-Did you receive the money I sent a month ago?

-Yes, of course oppa. I want to thank you for that. We have reinforced and replaced the swings like you asked. We’re also building a new playground that would take the name of my mother

-Did you also use the money for her? If you need more…

-It’s more than enough oppa. The extra money we use it on her treatment and also some goes to the foundation for Alzheimer patients that my mother founded. I’ll send the monthly report to your accountant as you requested...

-Thanks Bon-Hwa. It's more of a legal issue, I hope you understand

-No problem oppa, I thank you for the help as always

 

Jaejoong stood up and looked carefully at the woman who was in a wheelchair. She had a blank stare, but her eyes shone perhaps reflecting the sun, perhaps hiding a life full of secrets.

 

-Last time she recognized me - Jaejoong said pouting and looking at the old woman with sad eyes -she doesn’t greet me now

-The last time you came oppa, my mom believed she was back on her years as the principal of the school. She was very happy to see you because recognized you almost instantly... I think that indicates that you haven’t changed at all, oppa

-Actually, I'm taller

-Of course

-More handsome, too

-Definitely

-More blond

-Nor to say...

-More y

-Hum! - Yunho stopped coughing and looked disapprovingly at Jaejoong as the young girl was blushing

 

Jaejoong laughed watching the discomfort on the young; and interpreted Yunho’s interruption as jealousy from his part. He distracted his attention to the man who had accompanied him to that place to introduce to his 'special someone".

 

-What do you think Bon-Hwa? The great Jung Yunho has come to greet your mom- Jaejoong said bowing as he was in front of royalty – I wanted to introduce you because for the short time that I won’t be here I want him to take care of her and send the help you might need. Please Bon-Hwa, if you need anything don’t hesitate to mail. He’ll be supervising my personal inbox.

-Nice to meet you again Bow-Hwa, I hope we can be friends – Yunho greeted her again

-You are very kind oppa. I shall try to be not inconvenience

-No inconvenience at all, Bon-Hwa. You can count with us – said Jaejoong

-Whatever you need - confirmed Yunho

-Also, Yunho won’t be the only one in charge of my personal inbox. My manager knows about both of you. After Yunho’s enlistment, he too would be able to help you.

-Oppa… thank you very much

 

Jaejoong grabbed Yunho’s hand and directing his speech to the woman in the wheelchair said:

 

-Now let me introduce you to Ms. Baek, Yunho

 

Jaejoong pulled Yunho’s arm and they kneel together, so both were face to face with Ms. Baek.

 

-Yunho, she is Mrs. Baek. Ms. Baek, he is Yunho.

 

Yunho placed his hand over the bony hand of the woman. Yunho took it fondly.

 

-Hi Mrs. Baek. So you’re another mom for Joongie? - Yunho greeted with one of his best smiles

-She was the principal of this school when I was very small. My mom signed me here hoping I could learn to socialize because I was a little...

-Aloof?

-Cautious I would say...

-Grumpy also applies...

-....

-hahahaha  don’t explode, Mama Baek is watching you.

 

Jaejoong cleared his throat when he saw the light laugh in Bon-Hwa.

 

-Well. Beside this special friend I told you, this woman helped me a lot in that trance. She never gave up and paid special attention to my behavior. I believe that she even brought that Dr. and his son so they could examine me. What teacher has so much interest in their students nowadays? Perhaps Ms. Baek had started late her career as an educator, but she was always the best around the area... until the age when I left the city, I remember her fondly.

 

Yunho's hand the woman and stared into her eyes, as if he wanted to see through them the image of his Joongie as a baby. The baby walking with his little chubby feet around the swings, or the sandbox.

 

-My mom always told me that there was a very special student who cried every day when her sisters left him...

-Isn’t it a normal behavior in children when they go to the school for the first time? - asked Yunho

-It is for a couple of weeks, but oppa already had a month here and he was still crying...

 

Yunho looked up the culprit and Jaejoong replied with a "V" sign and a pout.

 

-Sometimes you can make things difficult for others you know?

-Love me or hate me. I think we both know in what direction you point at...

 

Yunho stretched forward, the old woman's face and stood up. Bon-Hwa tucked the blanket falling from her mother's lap while Jaejoong leaned on a nearby wall, resting a leg on the wall watching the scene of both women.

 

-Three years ago Ms. Baek was diagnosed with Alzheimer, and her health has been deteriorating since then – Jaejoong explained

-Oh, I’m sorry - Yunho applogized with a heavy heart, more to Bon-Hwa than Jaejoong

-Her adopted daughter here today, contacted me when I was trying to contact her mother unsuccessfully

-You're very young ... - suggested Yunho surprised to Bon-Hwa

-Mom adopted me when I was 15, partly hoping to have someone by her side when she reached an old age...

-Didn’t she have children?

-Her husband left her when he found out she couldn’t give birth, so she opened her own school at the age of 40 years...

 

Yunho walked over to the wall where Jaejoong was and sat beside him.

 

-I have come here once a year to see her but three years ago I wrote to coordinate my visit and didn’t get an answer. I wrote several times until finally, Bon-Hwa contacted me and explained the situation of her mother.

 

Yunho looked at the woman who once must have been majestic and imposing. Her silky white hair shone. Her brown eyes looked sad yet lively. Her wrinkled hands resting over her lap and her white skin, still struggled to have the tenacity of years, thanks to creams that her daughter always rub on her. Jaejoong himself sent them some of his best products.

 

Yunho imagined that this woman was special to Jaejoong. No one but he understood how special it could be a woman like that, so similar to his mother. Someone who noticed him, the lonely child and that for once paid attention to him. Someone that didn’t make him feel alone.

 

-Thank you for taking care of Joongie when he was little, mama Baek. Now I will take care of both of you- Yunho shouted to the woman

- Yunho - Jaejoong was alarmed realizing they weren’t alone and that Bon-Hwa could found out their relationship

-No problem, oppa. I guess Yunho oppa is 'someone special'

-He is - Jaejoong replied blushing - but that doesn’t give him the right to...

-I'm his husband - Yunho answered openly

 

Bon-Hwa opened his eyes wide. He smiled a little excited and nervous at the same time. He felt that at some point he had misheard.

 

-Hus…hus…huband? – stammered Bon-Hwa

 

Jaejoong blushed and nodded slightly.

 

-How? When? Why?... WHEN?! – Bon-Hwa didn’t want to be impolite but was really curious

-Actually we're not married yet but we're traveling tomorrow morning to Hawaii to sign the papers

-Oh God, oppa! I... I don’t know what to say … I...

-It’s gonna be really discrete. I’m sorry we haven’t told you in advanced – explained Yunho

 

Yunho took Jaejoong's hand and laced his fingers again, picking up the courage to say what he had in his chest.

 

-I always imagined that oppa had someone special after seeing your presentations and your attitudes about having a girlfriend. But you never introduced anyone to my mom, so we could only wait.

-It’s very difficult in our situation. We have to hide our relationship most of the time, enjoying the few hours we can spend together – continued Yunho

-Also, as Yunho said the wedding is discrete. He has been hiding from the public eye lately; and so I am. My friends are posting old pictures saying I’m with them, so people won’t try to look for us. Also Yunho would use some of his doubles to be seen with Changmin. My family and Yunho’s are the only one coming. If we ever decide to do something big, which I don’t think we can due to our situation…, we’ll definitively invite you both.

 

Bon- Hwa was covering and nodded, her face shining with joy.

 

-I’m really happy for you, oppa. I’m glad oppa have someone in his heart. Congratulations!

 

Bon-Hwa went to Yunho and Jaejoong and embraced them, visibly moved. Both felt her gesture as the embrace of millions of fans accepting their relationship. Yunho smiled happily, sure that he too will find people like her in their way. People who would support them whatever his decision is.

-Bon-Hwa, I ask for you discretion about this, please. Jaejoong is about to go to the army. You know what will happen if someone finds out, right? - indicated Yunho worried for Jaejoong’s situation

-Of course if oppa! I’d never say a word. I am one of the biggest fans of Jaejoong-ssi. I would never do anything to hurt him.

-Thanks Bon-Hwa - Jaejoong said reading sincerity in the heart of the girl

-Won’t you have problems with the army, oppa? I mean, for the record...

-When I checked for duty I was still single, so no need to update my civil state. We can only be out of the country for two days. It will be a quick trip because we can’t be outside the country. We have been given a special permission...

-Why now? Maybe you can wait more and…

-It's something that was planned for a year, Bon-Hwa but Jaejoong needs me more now. I know he can do it alone, I know he's stronger than he thinks and he can succeed in there.

-But he won’t make it without me - interrupted Jaejoong

-I’m too weak when it comes to him. I want to believe… I need to be sure he’s mine

-So possessive, isn’t he?

-Also, I’m very vulnerable when it comes to Jae. If I do not see enough I lose my strength, plus I'm worried about him exceedingly. I don’t want to lose him a minute from my sight. Not again...

 

***

"It just terrifies me to have no one by my side"

 

"Jaejoong, I know you don’t want to hear it but I'm here for you"

 

"What will happen if you meet someone while I'm gone?"

 

"Do you really think that after four years of being separated from you, and still in love, I can fall for someone else?"

 

"What I fear the most in this world is to be alone and that people would forget me."

 

"Jaejoong, you know that every part of you is graven in my mind?"

 

"...."

 

"If I were an architect, I could close my eyes and rebuild your body perfectly like a house. We had made love so many times; I know every corner of your body. Even the mole you have right up in your left ankle. I have kissed your lips so many times, I can practically savor them when were apart. I have being inside your body too many nights in the past and now, that it makes it almost impossible for me to breath without your warm next to me”

 

“You’re the piece that completes me…”

 

“I hope that's possible in the future, to rebuild my own Jaejoongie model in case you decide to leave me again, no reason behind. I don’t think I would be able to leave without you again"

 

"Don’t you dare. One Joongie is enough"

 

"Jaejoong, when something is so craven in your mind, is hard to forget. It's like riding a bike; you just wait for the moment and is there. You can’t forget it. Love is the same. It's like an engine that wakes me, and doesn’t end. The entire world can stop loving you, they can hate you or belittled you... but your architect here present will be willing to rebuild you as many times as necessary, placing each piece in the right place"

 

"I love you"

 

"And I love you ... I don’t even know how or when it started. Maybe we were meant to have a story together without realizing. Perhaps our paths were crossed in a way we can’t explain. But what do you think? If this is the story destiny wrote for both, I'm willing live one thousand Dejavú's more. Just to see you for a second; I would walk millions of dimensions"

 

***

Air breeze fluttered Bon-Hwa’s hair. She had remained stood as Jaejoong and Yunho walked away holding hands. The scene seemed so lovely; yet wrenching to the poor young’s heart.

 

 -Well done Jung Yunho - his mother murmured softly from her wheelchair, both eyes fixed on the two lovers who walked away

-Mom?

-Now, Joongie won’t e afraid to be alone... never again... well done, Jung Yunho

 

 

The End

 

PD. Only if you can, give me an upvote please... and sorry for the english mistakes :(