They had never truly been friends. They were simply acquaintances screen couple and it bothered him a little that they had skipped an important part of any relationship and had jumped into playing something that had become so popular he sometimes had trouble believing was true. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought he would one day be as accomplished as he was today and it wasn't possible without her.

It bothered him though, that their relationship would never be like that of hers with the other members because the others don't have a set role to play. There was a line they had crossed without even running the race and while he does know how it happened, he doesn't know what to do after he had broken the finishers line. He was left staring at the fluttering remnants of the ribbon and had no idea how to put everything back together again.

He wasn't like her you see, compartmentalizing doesn't come easy to him and acting wasn't something he had actual talent in. She could switch straight back to being friends after a whole day of being romantically linked when the slate claps. It was like a snap back into reality for her while he stays in a little haze where he doesn't know what they are, who he is and what they had done.

It bothered him that she wasn't comfortable with the whole couple-y thing for when the news broke on her interview, his heart sank. It wasn't that she publicly announced that she didn't like him in That way. He didn't care about that. He had simply felt awful that in their attempts to promote him, she had been sacrificed. No one had thought the popularity would be so much that she would one day bear the brunt of what had simply words written on a plan, a script she had to play.

The years had, if nothing, brought at least an inkling of clarity. The torn ribbon mattered no more, for it never did. They had finished the race together and that was what mattered the most. They were friends first and foremost who were forced into this uncomfortable situation for what essentially counts as their living and they had done a jolly good job about it.

Sometimes, he wonders about the what ifs. If they would become as close as she was with the others had they not been stuck together in this sham. If they had been friends instead of acquaintances before everything blew up. If. If. If. He would shake himself out of it, because what ifs were for people who had the luxury of time and backtracking while their relationship had already been splattered all over the television and dissected on the Internet.

He watches her though, just like the other boys do because as much as they try to deny it, she wasn't treated like one of the boys. They don't coddle her as much as other female guests, but that's because she wouldn't allow them to. If they could, she would always be their first choice, simply because she was worth ten of any of the other guests in his opinion.

It doesn't bother him that he would never be the first though, no, that job goes to their maknae. Sure, he would still be the first the cameras pan to when she says something silly for their segment, but the truth was that he would never be the first. Never the first one she turns to, never the first to help, never the first she wants to ally with. And if it wasn't for the editing( where he would always be the first on after she does anything) he would never be first for anything. And for that, he was grateful towards the falsities the show had forced them on.

 Not being the first doesn't mean he didn't care. It just wasn't enough to be second or third because no one cares. And so he tries hard with his cheesy one liners that makes him cringe internally, and he does stupid things to keep his place on the show because that's what it's really about.
 

When the cameras stop and the slate claps, life resumes. Despite everything, and even though no one can see past the facade they put on for the show, he loves her too.