181 DAYS BEFORE 

          “Hey Minhae, how are you doing?” Her dad greeted, giving her a huge smile. For some reason, it seemed as if the smile was meant for six year old Minhae, as opposed to the sixteen year old Minhae standing in front of him that day. She just gave him a slight smile; she didn’t want to seem too enthusiastic.

          It was the weekend, meaning that she didn’t have to go to school and face the wrath of her classmates and peers. She was glad that she didn’t have to stay at school for 10 hours without anybody to talk to. Though, her dad called Minhae for a ‘talk’, which made her slightly nervous.

          “Oh Minhae, please, just respond.” He pleaded, as she sat down on a chair in the kitchen. By ‘response’, it automatically signalled her to write in her notebook, which she did.

          “Hello dad.” It was short and abrupt; just like how she meant it to be.

          “Oh dear, you’re wasting the notebook,” he responded. She only let out a sigh.

          “These are one dollar at the dollar store dad, I think we’ll live.” Truthfully, she was quite tired of her dad’s behaviour. He was paranoid about everything, whether it be her or Youngjae’s safety, or the financial stability of the family. It was only her dad working full time, and Youngjae working part time, which kept the family afloat. Even if she wanted to get a job, it was hard. She didn’t particularly want to interact or talk with strangers.

          “I heard you’re having some trouble at school,” her dad started to say. Her ears perked up, her eyes widened. She didn’t want him to know about it. Knowing her father, he’ll probably overreact, and threaten the students’ parents. But in a sense, the students did nothing wrong. They were just trying to keep their place on the high school food chain.

          “I’m perfectly fine dad, no need to worry.” She wrote, giving him a blank expression. Right then, a timer went off. She furrowed her eyebrows as her dad got up from the kitchen chair, heading over to the oven. She watched as he took out a tray of chocolate chip cookies, its aroma wafting around the room. It strangely reminded her of her mother; she always loved to bake and made Minhae help her with it.

          “Oh, these are finally finished!” She heard him exclaim. Less than a minute later, he came back with them neatly scattered on a plate. “Take one, sweetie. I’m sure they’re excellent.” Minhae just shook her head, remembering her mother.

          “I don’t like chocolate chip cookies,” she showed him.

          “What?” He looked confused. “I thought you loved them!” She heaved a sigh. She knew that was exactly what he was going to say, and she wasn’t planning to surprise him with an answer. He should have saw if coming as well.

          “That was four years ago, dad. When I was twelve,” she wrote down. She remembered it. When she was twelve years old, it was a rough time for her and her family. It was the year her mother’s illness worsened, causing something horrid to happen to her. She gritted her teeth, getting teary just thinking about it. She shook her head, dismissing her tears, trying to focus on her dad. Minhae’s dad looked at her with curiosity, still motioning towards the cookies.

          “Minhae, please, just eat them. I assure you, they’re delicious,” he persuaded, watching her every move. She felt a bit violated; the way her father was watching her every movement was a bit strange. It’s as if he’s asking for my approval of some sort. “I used mom’s recipe.” He smiled. Instead of feeling amazed, something her father probably expected, she just felt a bit disgusted. It was as if he was using her favourite cookie recipe from her dead mother to amaze her. She didn’t move an inch.

          “Minhae, I know you’re sad about your mom,” he started to say. Now that was a bit of an understatement. “But you don’t have to be like this. And I know you’re still upset about your old school. Your mom wouldn’t want you to be like this.” Suddenly, anger rushed through her body. Her father’s words, no matter how comforting they sounded, were the stupidest things she had heard all day. She tried to control it; she didn’t really want to explode at her father. She took a deep breath, trying to calm down before picking the pen up.

          “Please don’t talk as if you knew mother.” She wrote down a short and simple sentence, no strings attached. It was easy enough to understand. Her father, on the other hand, looked baffled. He let out a laughter, though it sounded forced.

          “What do you mean, Minhae? I’m the one who married her.” He countered. The look on her father face somewhat freaked her out. It was as if he was a psychopath. The type of face you make before you were about to break down; the type of face you make when someone talks about your secret. She just heaved a sigh, shaking her head. Her intention wasn’t to upset her father, it was far from that. She just didn’t want him to pretend.

          “Never mind.” She quickly scribbled down. “Look, I need to do my homework now.” She stood up, rushing up the stairs before her dad could say a word. She was on her way up when she bumped into her brother, who was holding a bowl in hand.

          “Woah, Minhae, slow down,” he said, as he watched her huff. She turned to him. “What’s wrong with you?”

          “Dad’s being lame,” she wrote down. Youngjae looked at her, his eyes softening. She tensed up.

          “Look, dad’s having a hard time, okay?” Youngjae started to explain. “Mother died, and now he’s the only one supporting us. And now, his daughter is starting to hate him too! All he wants to do is get you to talk again. Minhae suddenly felt a bit guilty after hearing her brother’s words. She paused for a bit, thinking. She might have overreacted. She didn’t necessarily hate her father, he was just a bit… hard to deal with. Though, she felt the need to defend herself back there.

          “Well,” she hesitantly wrote. “I don’t hate him. He’s just too... stiff.” She heard her brother sigh.

          “He’s just scared of losing us. You know that. Just try to understand, okay?” He told her, before running down the stairs. A split second later, she heard her brother squeal. “Cookies!” She heard him shout. Holding back a chuckle, Minhae returned to her room.

179 DAYS BEFORE 

          As Minhae entered the classroom, she realized that the people that were supposed to be sitting near her were slowly spread out away from her, as if she were a virus. She was surprised that the teacher hadn’t noticed the new format of the classroom. Minhae and Junhong both sat in the back corners, which were then surrounded by empty desks.

          Sighing, she took a seat, taking out a book to read to pass time. However, before she could start enjoying her book, she noticed as Junhong slid up next to her, standing in front of her desk. The two just stared at each other before he passed her a note. She looked up at him in confusion, and he just stared back, no emotion shown on his face whatsoever.

          “Hello,” the paper read. She looked back at him, trying to hold in her laughter. He just gave her a small smile. Minhae took out her pencil, writing a note back.

          “Is something the matter? Trying out the vow of silence too?” She joked. Quickly, she handed the piece of paper back to him. She watched as he let out a chuckle. It was a nice sound. Before he could write a response back, the teacher walked through the door, placing a box back down on the table.

          Junhong quickly went back to his desk, as the class rep stood up, along with the other students, to lead a formal ‘good morning’ to the homeroom teacher that morning. The teacher, Ms. Yang, started to speak.

          “As you have noticed, we have started getting rid of the excess desks, they were taking up too much space,” she explained. Some students in the classroom groaned, and she thought she could even hear someone whisper something unpleasant about sitting next to Minhae. “Because of it, we’ll be choosing new seating arrangements.” The groans came again, even louder. When she sat alone, at least she didn’t feel ignored. But when she sat next to someone who was purposely ignore her, she felt even worse. At least she didn’t feel ignored because no one was there. But when someone was, she definitely felt horrible.

          One by one, the students got up to pick up a number from the box. Each desk was given a number, and the number you had would be the seat you got, simple. She knew that every student was praying that they didn’t get a seat next to Minhae or Junhong; it was obvious. And she was praying that she would get a seat next to Junhong, or a seat alone, as there were an uneven number of students in the class. Heck, she wouldn’t mind if she was sitting next to Seohyun, even if they didn’t talk. When her name was called, she slowly walked up to the front. As she stuck her hand in the box, she prayed once more. Please, please, please, put me next to Junhong. Or by myself, even. I don’t want to be next to anyone who will ignore me, please.

          She quickly pulled a number out of the box, hesitantly unfolding it. ‘18’, it read. After looking at the seating numbers on the paper pinned on the board, she turned around, facing the classroom and looking for her seat. Minhae quickly located her seat near the windows on the left side of the class. The seat next to her’s was right up against the wall, right next to the windows. She then realized, however, that someone was already sitting in that spot.

          Awkwardly, she walked towards her seat. To her surprise, she actually turned around to look at Minhae for a split second, before back and staring out the window. The person next to her was no one other than Son Wendy, the girl that seemed to hate her so much. The people sitting behind her were no better.

          Looking around the classroom, she noticed that Junhong was sitting on the other side of the classroom. He was sitting next to someone who looked completely disgusted by his presence. Her eyes softened at the sight of him; even though he had probably experienced it for a while, she still felt bad for him. Her prayers were not answered.

          Minhae was trying her best not to even glance in the direction of Wendy. She didn’t want to seem like she cared about her. It would probably be a new ‘it’ thing, something fresh to make fun of Minhae for. She could already hear the non-existent gossip forming in her head.

“This is hilarious! She’s actually trying to talk to us.”

“Why is she so desperate to talk with us even though she knows no one will talk back?”

“It looks as if she cares about our opinion, but she should know all our opinions of her.”

          She was snapped back to reality when she heard the teacher start to speak. Minhae listened carefully as the teacher started to explain the history project. Apparently, it was going to be a creative assignment, which meant a lot of visuals. It was also worth 5% of their history mark, and it was going to be in partners.

          “More specifically, your partner is your new seatmate,” the teacher ended off. “So say hello to the person you’re sitting beside because you’ll be working with them for a while.” Minhae froze. She had to work with Wendy for a project, when the girl couldn’t even look at her with looking disgusted. She suddenly felt sympathy for Junhong as well; he was in the exact same situation as her. “The rest of the period will be a work period.”

          As expected, Wendy didn’t make a move towards Minhae. Instead, she wrote a few things down before turning to the students behind the two. Minhae silently listened, though, it was just pointless talk; it was as if Wendy was trying to do something to pass time so she didn’t have to talk to Minhae. I guess I’ll have to work on this project on my own, Minhae thought to herself, letting out a small sigh. She tried to concentrate on the notebook in front of her to think of ideas, but she couldn’t.

          Letting curiosity get the better of her, she turned around once again, her eyes scanning the room for Junhong. He, as well, was working on the project alone, so it seemed. His seatmate had disappeared to the back of the classroom, talking with his friends in the back. Before she could turn around, something pushed her head back, a strong force hitting her back, which pushed her chair in. Looking towards the front of the room, she saw the retreating back on Wendy. It was a bit rude, but she knew Wendy didn’t want to communicate with her, and she felt the same.

          She watched as her seatmate walked up to the teacher and started explain some nonsense that would get her out of working with Minhae. Yet, it seemed as the teacher still believed her. She heard snippets of the conversation, and she felt small fury rise inside of her. Wendy was feeding lies to the teacher about Minhae to get out of working with her. She could ignore Minhae all she wanted, but she did not appreciate something as extreme as lying to the teacher about a student’s work habits and personalities.

          “I just don’t think I can work with her, Ms. Yang,” she heard Wendy trying to reason. Minhae noticed that she looked very nervous, as if she felt bad for lying. The teacher, Ms. Yang, looked at her with concern, hanging onto her every word. “I mean, I can’t even communicate with her. I don’t like the whiteboard thing. She never does any work. She’s a bit gross too.” The teacher looked taken aback by Wendy’s comments.

          Wendy’s words pierced through Minhae like a sword. Even though they were all lies, she was hurt with how she was trying to get out of working with her. Sooner or later, the teachers who liked Minhae would start to dislike her as well. She had to fight to hold back her tears. It was sad; even lies were able to break her so easily.

          “Is that so?” She heard the teacher respond. Ms. Yang seemed to be in a dilemna, as if she were contemplating whether or not to believe Wendy. “So, what are you planning to do, Miss Son?” She watched as Wendy paused. It was obvious she didn’t plan that far ahead, but she quickly gave an answer.

          “Work by myself, if that’s possible. Or join a group of three.”

          “I’m not quite sure, Wendy,” Ms. Yang hesitated. She paused. “Minhae is a really nice girl with good work habits. Plus, who will she work with? I’m sure you can work something out--”

          “No Ms. Yang, you don’t understand,” she interrupted, getting nervous. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t work with her.” Quickly, Minhae’s hand darted up to her face, wiping right underneath her eye before a tear fell. Before Ms. Yang could reply, however, Minhae noticed Junhong’s seatmate walk up, interrupting the conversation.

          “Ms. Yang, is it possible to switch partners?” The boy asked. She recognized him as Nam Taehyun. Wendy’s face suddenly brightened up, pointing to the boy.

          “He could be my partner!” She exclaimed. “And she can be Taehyun’s seatmate’s partner.” She noticed that Wendy tried to avoid saying their names. Minhae watched as her teacher sighed.

          “I guess if it’s really that bad...” Ms. Yang trailed off. Wendy had a look of triumph on her face. Minhae listened as Ms. Yang informed that they would still have to stick with their seating plan. Unfortunately.

          Wendy, ecstatic, quickly returned to her seat next to Minhae, grabbing her materials and rushing off to work with Taehyun. Minhae heaved a sigh. She was alone once again. But loneliness was better than being ignored.

177 DAYS BEFORE 

          It was only two weeks when she realized that her fingers were getting less busy. Her most recent conversations were ones that only happened once a day. Most of them were just five text conversations that were simple, straight to the point, and boring.

          Minhae tried her best to understand. She would continuously make up excuses for the three of them, yet, somehow they got less and less convincing every time. Writing them down would help,but it got less effective each time she did it.

Seohyun’s busy with cram school. She has way too much homework and expectations to live up too, so I shouldn’t be pressuring her!

Eunji is busy with her music lessons; with her gorgeous voice, I shouldn’t be pressuring her to text me so much. As long as I can hear her voice, it’s fine.

Chorong is probably busy arguing with Song Mino or something. I should give them some space.

Seohyun’s doing her homework.

Eunji’s talking to other people.

Chorong is helping the teacher.

          The excuses got more and more absurd to the point where even Junhong found them ridiculous.

          “Seriously?” Junhong asked, as he held her journal in hand. They were sitting at the cafeteria table, alone, as usual. Minhae sulkily nodded to his question. “Minhae, honestly, I understand you’re angry but--” She violently shook her head, leading Junhong again. “Just admit it. It’s okay to be mad... I guess.”

          “No it’s not,” she wrote down in her journal, showing him. “As a friend, I should be understanding and caring.”

          “But it’s not like they’re doing that,” Junhong pointed out. Despite her friendship with Eunji, Chorong and Eunji, he had a point. “Listen, don’t keep trying to be perfect, okay? Everyone gets mad and angry sometimes.” She just gave him a shrug, drawing circles in her journal, thinking about them.

          “Were you mad at your friends?” He looked at her in surprise at her question. “Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have asked that.”

          “No, no, it’s fine, I was just... surprised, that’s all,” he explained. “I guess I kind of was. I mean, who isn’t...? You are too, even if you won’t admit it.” There was a heavy silence.

          In her line of sight was a perfect view of her friends. She watched as Chorong, Eunji and Seohyun sat in complete harmony, as if there wasn’t a person missing. Minhae felt a growing envy as the three laughed at their jokes and talked about typical things. It made her feel so left out. She was supposed to be there with them, yet she was here instead, talking with a class ghost. She was supposed to be having a good time, yet she had tears drenching her heart.

          She suddenly froze, her eyes slightly widening. She came to a realization; was that the anger that Junhong was trying to talk about? Suddenly, it all felt more real. She didn’t want to be angry; she always thought that it was a bad thing. But she couldn’t help but feel it growing in her heart. Her heart would sooner or later be tinted black.

          “Are you okay?” She heard Junhong question, suddenly breaking her train of thought. She gave him a small nod, yet, she still looked confused, as if she was concentrating on something else. Junhong looked suspicious, but he let it go, not wanting to question her further. Slowly, Minhae grabbed her journal and started to write.

          “Anger is a strange emotion...” As soon as Junhong’s eyes laid on it, she realized they widened, though they softened less than a second later.

          “Yeah. I think so too.”

Author’s note: happy one month anniversary to a white tulip! yay! let's hope i can finish this before the contest ends... i actually expected this to be about five chapters but i guess it wont... probably around 10-20 chapters, at most. if you guys enjoyed this chapter, i hope you upvote, comment and subscribe, it means a lot ^^ i'm getting way more project in school, so do expect more late updates, i'm so so sosorry i'll try to update on time. 

btw, i made a new fic, one for the ( solstice ) writing contest, so please click here to check it out. i think you guys might enjoy it,  esp if you're an exo fan (:

thank you so much, , i hope you guys have a great week~!