Author’s Note

Hello, hello, everyone ! As some of you might know, I’m reworking some of my older, completed oneshots as a way to reintroduce myself to writing again after my hiatus. It’s really cool (and also slightly embarassing and 100% humbling) to look back at my original ideas for these fics and be able to add onto them. I did a lot of editing on this oneshot in particular and I’m hoping because of that it’ll feel more like a complete idea. Hope you guys enjoy!

“What are you drawing, unnie?” Yeri asks from across the coffee table. It’s an innocent enough of a question, but Seulgi flinches all the same.

The five of them are crowded together in the back room of a downtown café, sipping their drinks and chatting amongst themselves. In a quiet moment of their schedules, the five girls decided to throw a little celebratory party for their latest comeback, Ice Cream Cake. The table is riddled with coffee cups and saucers and plates of food and little gifts they’ve bought each other.

Marbled tissue paper and tiny gift bags are strewn about, taking up every inch of space. Seungwan had gotten Seulgi a very thoughtful present: a set of expensive watercolors. Seulgi was itching to get back to the dorm and give them a try. Seulgi has always been artistic. Drawing and painting and coloring gave her solace where she hadn’t been able to find before.

“Oh, what?” Seulgi jolted up from her sketchbook with a guilty look. She’d been tuning out of the conversation for the past ten minutes, sketching shapes onto a blank page. Usually, Seulgi valued listening to the other girls, but she was preoccupied with getting the right amount of shading on her sketch. The majority of their time in the cafe had been spent chatting eagerly amongst themselves. Ice Cream Cake was something different, for sure.

None of them had ever heard a song quite like it before. They all agreed that Automatic was even better. Considering how much production was going into their first few songs, the five of them had high hopes for their future. There was a lot to discuss: costume designs, choreography, makeup, rehearsals, music shows, MC’s, the list stretched on and on.

“Your sketchbook? What’re you doodling in there?” Yeri asked, eyes narrowing. A life-like resemblance to Joohyun, their leader, was staring up at Seulgi from the page. In one hand, she delicately held a coffee cup, the other raised in the air. In the drawing, Joohyun’s full lips are pulled back in a brilliant grin. Her eyes were brightly polished bits of onyx, the irises sparkling in a way that shamed even the stars. Joohyun was laughing. Joohyun was a masterpiece.

“Oh, um, it’s nothing,” Seulgi deflected much too quickly for Yeri’s suspicions to be satisfied. The younger girl lurches over the table in an attempt to snatch the book from Seulgi’s fingertips. Stealthily, Seulgi dodges the oncoming attack and slouches further in her seat. She clutches her sketchbook close to her chest, unwilling to part with it.

In the throes of their debut, Seulgi had less and less time to make art. That, and it was difficult not to fall asleep when she did find enough free time on her hands. She hadn’t earned the title of Red Velvet’s renowned sleeper for nothing. Seulgi held a rare, coveted ability to be able to fall asleep anywhere at any time.

During one of her dance classes, Seulgi once fell asleep in a twisted yoga position. Earlier this week, she’d managed to nap while getting her hair and makeup done. Though the girls sometimes poked fun at her for how easily she fell asleep, Seulgi knew deep down they wished they could do the same.

“Nice try, Yerim,” Seulgi smirks, swatting away Yeri’s prying hands. “Cut it out!” The younger girl squeals in mock frustration as Seulgi chuckled lowly. She makes another mad grab for the sketchbook only for Seulgi to hold it over her head and out of reach. Their childish antics quickly draw Joohyun’s attention to them. The sight sparks something akin to jealousy in the older woman’s chest. Not liking the way it was making her feel, she cleared and sat up in her chair.

“Yeri. Seulgi,” she says, throwing both of them pointed looks. She sets down her coffee cup a little too hard, sending a short spray of amber liquid across the table. The sound of her silky but stern voice has Seulgi’s smile slipping from her face. The pair snap to attention, dejectedly eyeing their leader. Despite her calling both of their names, Johyun’s eyes only lock onto Seulgi’s. From across the way, Yeri and Sooyoung exchange a look and get up to refill their drinks.

“Coming, Seungwan-unnie?” Sooyoung asks her seatmate flirtatiously. She runs a quick hand down the Canadian’s arm, effectively turning Seungwan’s face a deep scarlet.

“W-what? Oh, sure,” Seungwan mumbles, ducking her head. Seulgi resists the urge to scoff. Seungwan’s always had a soft spot for Sooyoung. She watches the flustered girl bumps into the table not once, but twice before following the pair to the front counter. With the girls gone, Seulgi’s left to the mercy of Joohyun’s curiosity. Sure enough, Joohyun waits a total of five seconds before propping herself up on her armrest. She her lips as Seulgi watches her.

“So, Seul, what’s in the sketchbook?” Her tone is teasing and sultry enough to make Seulgi fluster. Slender, snowy fingers graze down Seulgi’s arm, rendering the poor girl immobile. All Seulgi can process is the burning sensation of Joohyun’s fingertips against her bare skin. With Seulgi so easily distracted, Joohyun finds a grip on the sketchbook’s softcover.

In one swift motion, she frees it from Seulgi’s grasp and eagerly flips it open. Seulgi regains her senses in a panic when she discovers Joohyun leaving through the first few pages.

“W-wait, unnie!” Seulgi all but yells. Her cheeks bloom like a Bella Vita rose as she scrambles to regain possession of her sketchbook. Joohyun tracks the motion and pulls on a dashing, teasing smile. Sensing Seulgi’s reaching hands, she smoothly pins the sketchbook between her and the back of her chair. “Not so fast, Seul,” she says in a gentle, lilting tone. If it were about anything other than this, Seulgi would’ve laughed and eased back into her chair.

But this was her sketchbook. The pages were with her innermost thoughts and musings. In a pinch, it sometimes served as a makeshift journal. The little details, the things or ideas Seulgi chanced upon that she didn’t want to forget she would scribble in the margins. In many ways, that sketchbook was a part of her very essence. Seulgi’s known Joohyun for years now, but that didn’t make her sketchbook any less private.

The worst part of it all was that most of the portraits Seulgi had drawn were of Joohyun herself. Seulgi felt a rush of panic come over her. The last thing she wanted Joohyun to see was page after page of her likeliness shaded in fancy pencil. Seulgi leans in for one last attempt at stealing it back, but their manager walks up to the table with Seungwan, Sooyoung, and Yeri in tow.

In a somewhat regretful tone, he announces their need to return to their dorm immediately. They needed to get some rest before their interview for ‘Ice Cream TV’ with Minho. Joohyun slips out the cafe door in record time, leaving Seulgi to stare remorsefully after her. How could she have let this happen? What would Joohyun think when she looked through her sketchbook?

Yeri slings a friendly arm around her waist in greeting, but Seulgi barely acknowledges her bubbly presence. She lets the younger woman guide her toward their van, her stomach tightening and twisting into knots. The entire ride back to their dorm, Seulgi kept glancing over at Joohyun in the front seat. It looked like the older woman had stowed it away out of sight. No matter how hard Seulgi craned her neck, her sketchbook was nowhere to be seen.

Dejectedly, Seulgi turns her attention outside her window. She leans her head against the cold glass and watches slivers of Seoul zip by. People waddle through the streets, bundled up in scarves and sweaters. Street vendors fry up fresh food, sending wisps of vapor into the air. A few trees and bushes have already bloomed, breaking up the urban cityscape with vibrant hues of green and pink and red. Seulgi liked spring well enough for its warming temperatures, but the colors that came with its arrival by far were her favorite.

If Seulgi had her sketchbook on her, she’d be mapping out a forest of cherry blossom trees. For a split second, she felt herself instinctively reach for it. Only when she comes up emptyhanded does she remember Joohyun’s holding it captive. She spies the older woman looking at her from inside the rearview mirror and frowns ever so slightly. When would she get her precious sketchbook back? And even more pressing, how would Joohyun react when she saw its contents?

Thinking about it was stressing her out. When they all filed out of the van and into the dorm, Joohyun remained carefully out of reach. Before Seulgi could give chase, Seungwan intercepted her in the living room, asking if they could hit the practice rooms and brush up on the choreography sometime this week.

Amid Seungwan’s excitement, Joohyun scampers away into her bedroom. The click of the older woman’s door lock sends Seulgi’s spirits sinking to a new low. With a heavy heart, Seulgi glumly agreed to Seungwan’s request. She slinks into the kitchen to fix herself a bit of a pick me up snack and resigns herself to watching old reruns on the television. Sooyoung joins her for a bit, offering a few remarks on the shows that help ease Seulgi’s mind.

Later that night, no one else seems to have trouble falling asleep except for Seulgi. Seungwan’s snoring softly in the bed across the room, having fallen asleep promptly after their earlier discussion. Sooyoung and Yeri had turned in a few hours earlier, and Joohyun hadn’t emerged from her bedroom since they arrived home. Seulgi stared off into the darkened ceiling of their shared bedroom. Her mind was too loud with thought to even dream of falling asleep.

One of her biggest secrets was in the hands of the one person she vowed never to tell. Seulgi’s harbored her unrequited crush for years. Somehow, Joohyun hadn’t caught onto how she felt. Perhaps they were too inseparable for Joohyun to take notice truly. Or maybe ignorance was bliss. Either way, Seulgi was 95.5% certain that the older woman had no idea how she felt about her. Unless if she’d cracked open that sketchbook by now. Nothing like figuring out someone has a crush on you by finding out they’ve made a billion portraits of you, right?

Seulgi groaned internally. The clock on her bedside table alerts her it’s an ungodly hour of the night. If Seulgi wanted any chance of not being a complete zombie for tomorrow’s interview, she needed to get some shut eye. Feeling frustrated with herself, Seulgi threw back her covers and pads to the kitchen. Maybe a soothing glass of warm milk would help ease her nerves. At the very least, it’d give her something to do other than ruminate about Joohyun.

She flicks on one of the overhead lights and nearly has a heart attack in the process. In the dim glow of the kitchen, Joohyun leans against the countertop. She’d been waiting Seulgi out. Seulgi and Joohyun had enough sleepovers in their trainee years for them to memorize each other’s sleeping habits down to a tee. It’s not entirely shocking the older woman knew Seulgi would make a restless trip to the kitchen, but that doesn’t stop the jump scare from being effective.

“Christ, unnie,” Seulgi breathes, clutching a hand to her chest. The sight of Joohyun nearly made her fall to the floor, scrabbling for a potential weapon. Maybe watching that scary movie with Yeri last week hadn’t been the best of ideas. “Don’t scare me like that!” After Seulgi gets over her initial bout of