End of June 2015

I never realized how rare true friendship was until the raw concept really came to my mind.

Someone you can trust, that will always have your back, that won't turn against you when the world does. Someone that loves you and cares for you and laughs with you, no matter what the circumstance. Someone you genuinely enjoy the presence of, that won't make you worry over the smallest details, that will lead you on the right path, that wants the best for you.

Friends.

Friends and lovers were alike; both of them were close relationships that cared deeply for their significant other. The difference was the feelings shared; friends were platonic and had no interest in the romantic chemistry whereas lovers were meant to be, their hearts connected. Either way, both were very important.

In this big, wide world, there were so many potentials. Potential friends, lovers, enemies. 

I liked how fate tied people together even with the 7 billion potentials in the world.  But I still had a hard time wrapping my head around how people found true friendship.

True friendship was a beautiful thing. It was what made me excited to go to school, what made me feel reassured when I was upset, what made me feel loved and cherished. I was lucky to have my family, Hani and Jinnie and now, Jiwon. 

But I remember more difficult times when I was younger; times when I was too shy and anti-social to make friends, when I was left behind in the dust while everyone else ran off.  When friendship was non-existent. Perhaps the hurts of the past made it hard to believe that true friendship lasted.

It was the end of June and the air just kept getting more hot and humid. The sky was bluer, the clouds were whiter, the sun was brighter and I was happier. School was coming to an end quite soon and despite all of the studying I had endured, things were looking up.

It was an early Saturday morning, around 7am. I never got up that early on weekends however today was an exception.

Jiwon had invited Hani, Jinnie and I to eat breakfast at his dorm and to meet the rest of iKON.

I couldn't help but feel nervous even though I had already met more than half of iKON (two of them not knowing). These were Jiwon's members, the people he would spend his whole career with. I already knew what they were like from watching WIN and Mix & Match but I still felt terrified.

It was a casual breakfast so Jinnie, Hani and I all dressed up in overall shorts and t-shirts in different colours; me in black and white, Jinnie in dark blue and white and Hani in dark grey and white. I usually wore no makeup, however Hani and Jinnie insisted that I did.

"It's just Jiwon." I muttered, as Jinnie and Hani brought out their eyeliner and coloured lip liners. 

"Nooo, it's iKON." Hani corrected, outlining my eyes and almost poking my eyeballs out. "They are Jiwon's best friends, practically family. It doesn't hurt to make a good impression."

Jinnie and Hani didn't do much, just outlined my eyes and put on a bit of pink lip liner but somehow, I still looked different. My eyes looked sharper and my lips more innocent. The thought of Jiwon seeing me like this made me feel a bit embarassed.

Jinnie, Hani and I caught the early bus to Seoul, along with a box of cookies we bought at a local bakery. Hani looked beyond excited at meeting the rest of iKON ("They all know T.O.P!") and Jinnie just stared out the window, a small smile on her face. We were all in a good mood.

Finally, we arrived in Seoul and following Jiwon's homemade instructions ("Turn right at the Twisty thingy, Keep walking until you see that old guy doing Tai Chi on his lawn"), we managed to make it in front of the apartment complex iKON's dorm was situated in.

Jinnie called Jinhwan to unlock the door at the entrance for us. A few minutes later, Jinhwan emmerged from behind the door, his fluffy hair popping out, his sweet eyes blinking adorably.

"JinJin! Emmy! Hani!"

He greeted us cheerfully, gesturing us to come in. He looked especially adorable in his famous cow pants and a simple white t-shirt ("Sorry, I haven't changed yet.")Once we had entered, he had enveloped us in quick hugs, leaving a bit of cologne on all of us.

"Yah. Kim Jinhwan, you smell so fancy today!" Jinnie complained as Jinhwan led us up the stairs. "My nose might die because of you!"

"I'm just a 21 year old male that wants to smell nice; what's so wrong?" Jinhwan asked, smiling as he patted Jinnie's head. It was different than how he did it with me; with her it was softer, more affectionate. Hani nudged me upon noticing it but I made no comment.

We arrived at the dorm after quite awhile and Jinhwan knocked on the door in a certain way that managed to sound musical. 

After a few minutes of listening to clangs and muffled screaming, someone finally opened the door.

It was Jiwon standing there, breathless as if he just did a lot of work, his hair wet and dripping, wearing skinny black sweatpants, shirtless.

His skin was slightly tan from spending time in the sun which just made his whole chest glow. As expected, his stomach rippled with chisled abdominals and I could see the lean, muscular form of his long torso as well.

He answered the door, casually, leaning on the door frame, not even fazed by the fact his top half was . I couldn't help but notice the way his strong biceps flexed and the way his collarbones jutted out as he leaned forward and how long his neck looked without a shirt and how the water droplets from his hair were dripping down his well-sculpted body...

"What the , Jiwon," I cussed, directing a hard punch to Jiwon's rock hard abs. Jiwon made an "oof!" sound and so did I. The experience was painful for both of us.

"Get a shirt!"

Jiwon pouted but obeyed me, however not before quickly kissing the top of my head, making my whole face turn red.

"Cute makeup." He whispered in my ear.

"KIM JIWON!" I called after him, entering the living room, as Jiwon laughed, making a quick escape to his room. Meanwhile I was stuck there blushing while Jinhwan, Jinnie and Hani just stood there, smiling a bit too widely.

"Ah! The guests have arrived! I'm Kim Donghyuk, nice to meet you!" 

Donghyuk slid into the living room out of nowhere, dressed in jeans, an oversized t-shirt and circular glasses. His hair was smooth and slightly mushroom-like and his smile shone brightly like the sun. It was like an angel had entered the room.

I almost started squealing right there on the spot. Donghyuk was my second-favourite member of iKON; he was intelligent, hard-working and extremely talented. He also had the a very sweet and gentle personality not to mention he was adorable and only a year older than I was.

We all introduced ourselves to him, me, my voice too loud and my eyes too wide. Donghyuk laughed when he shook my hand.

"All of you are so cute! Thanks for coming over; it's a pleasure to meet you guys!"

"The...pleasure is ours!" I stuttered, bowing deeply. "We...brought cookies!"

I handed the box to Donghyuk who accepted it, gratefully.

"Thank goodness! All of us did the cooking so I'm not completely sure if what we made was edible. It's good to have back-up!"

"What are you talking about? I made it; of course it's edible!"

Song Yunhyeong came up from behind Donghyuk, putting him into a headlock and bowing to all of us at the same time.

"Hello! I'm Song Yunhyeong, the former visual...how are all of you?"

Yunhyeong, the one I personally found to be the most handsome, was the jack-of-all-trades of the group; the one talented at everything. He wasn't the best rapper or singer or dancer but he was great at everything else; long jump, cooking, arm wrestling. His dark hair stuck up from his forehead and he wore shorts and a long-sleeved shirt. 

He was so pretty that I almost forgot to breathe. He shook hands with all of us and I just stared at him in complete awe.

Jiwon finally came out of his room, dressed in jeans and a simple white t-shirt that he still managed to look completely gorgeous in along with Hanbin. Contrary to how I originally perceived him, he was smiling, bowing as he walked towards us, dressed in black sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

Seeing Hanbin instantly made me flashback to the memory of him sitting on my back and I rubbed it, as if the ache were still there. Jiwon, who caught me doing it, almost burst into laughter.

Hanbin introduced himself, smiling however his smile slipped into a frown, upon laying his eyes on Hani.

"You're...you're the girl that threw chocolates at my head!" 

Hanbin's eyes were so wide with horror, one might have thought Hani was a monster. 

"I threw it to be nice! You looked so grumpy I thought some chocolate would make you happy!" Hani argued. "That was supposed to be for T.O.P!"

"You didn't have to throw so hard!"

The two refused to shake hands, looking like two five year olds fighting over a toy.

Hanbin sighed, moving on, shaking hands with me and smiling, though his smile looked a bit strained. 

"So you're the famous Park Jiwoo." He said, scanning me if I were an interesting specimen. I nodded, scared out of my mind, bowing.

"It's nice to meet you, Hanbin-sshi. I admire you greatly."

Hanbin's expression softened when hearing my words, and he patted my head, much to Jiwon's dismay.

"You're a good kid." He said. "Too good for Jiwon, in fact."

"Hey!" Jiwon complained, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from Hanbin.

"Get your own Kiddo!"

Hanbin stared at us for a few seconds, pensively, before laughing.

"I'm just telling the truth, Kimbap. She seems too good for you!"

"Anyone's too good for Bobby Hyung."

Junhoe strolled in, his hair wet from his shower (why was it that I always managed to run into him whenever he was in the shower?) wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. He smiled, his face smug as he scanned Jinnie, Hani and I.

"I'm Koo Junhoe...though I'm sure you all know that." He raised his eyebrows when looking at me, and I gulped, slowly trying to hide myself behind Jiwon. The memory of him holding my hand in the shower was a memory I wanted to erase, forever.

Junhoe shook hands with all of us, stopping in front of me, his face especially smug as he lifted an eyebrow.

Shaking my hand, he whispered "Your hands are awfully tan...Bobby Hyung."

My eyes widened in shock and I stared at him in panic as he laughed at my expression.

The arrogant little knew all along.

Jiwon, who was behind me, also looked surprised but made no comment. As Junhoe walked away, we both turned to each other and nodded.

This will never be spoken of ever again.

Finally, the adorable maknae, Jung Chanwoo entered the room, his brown hair covered with a backwards baseball cap, wearing black shorts and a black baseball jersey. His skin was tan and his eyes were wide and despite his youthful looks, he was also the tallest. Chanwoo was known for being cute and lovable and shy. He was also the member closest in age to me; we were born in the same year and I was only 8 months younger.

"Hello there! I'm the youngest, Jung Chanwoo!"

His voice was so cute and sweet that I had the urge to pinch his cheeks as he shook hands with all of us.

After introductions, we all set up the food. Since there wasn't a lot of space in the kitchen, we set up a tablecloth on the ground and set up the food there.

The boys had cooked us basic breakfast food; rice, kimchi chigae, eggs and beef and although it was a bit too salty, everything tasted delicious. I swore Yunhyeong almost cried when I asked for seconds.

And while we ate, we talked; the guys asked all of us questions about our lives in America and we asked them questions about their preparations for their debut. Donghyuk was in the middle of composing a song, which he promised to let us listen to when he finished and Junhoe insisted that the new song they had recorded made his voice sound like gold. Chanwoo's dancing and singing was improving by the day and Yunhyeong managed to make YG smile during their monthly assessment. And Triple Kim was of course, working their hardest to make their debut the best that it could be.

Jinnie told them about her music and how she was currently practicing hard at piano( her and Donghyuk had a whole converstation about piano music), Hani talked about expanding her collection of Big Bang items ("I could steal something for you!" Junhoe had volunteered) and I expressed my sudden desire to be better at making food (Yunhyeong and Chanwoo fought over who should teach me).

It was the nicest experience I had ever had; sitting and eating homemade breakfast with iKON and discussing our lives, like a family. I had only known them from behind a screen but actually being here with them was surreal.

Laughing and good vibes and pleasant conversation and just genuinely enjoying each others' company.

This day was making me understand what true friendship was.

+ + +

"Hey, Jiwoo, can I talk to you for a sec?"

It was Hanbin who pulled onto the hem of my t-shirt, interrupting my conversation with Junhoe, who was explaining how he knew that it was me and not Jiwon in the bathroom.

"Bobby hyung would never shove my head. He's super gentle with me because he wants me to open up to him." Junhoe had said. "Also he knows the exact place where I keep my shampoo AND he doesn't trust the internet. I was a bit freaked out to realize a stranger was in my bathroom, but then I remember him mentioning he made a new friend and Jinhwan was acting all suspicious the night before and everything made sense. I was genuinely impressed by the voice, not gonna lie. Playing around with you was fun."

"Yeah, what's up, Hanbin-sshi?" I asked, after making Junhoe promise to pay for my hospital bills the next time he was keen on giving me a heart attack.

Hanbin bit his lip, looking a bit nervous. "Let's...go to my room." He finally said, and I followed him to his, Chanwoo's and Yunhyeong's large room.

I sat down on a random bed and Hanbin sat across from me. Staring at him, as he looked at me, his expression shy and nervous, it made me a little less terrified of him. It was rare to see him in this kind of state.

"It's about...Jiwon." He finally managed to say, not making eye contact with me. He bit his lip, his tone nervous and anxious and those feelings somehow managed to flow into me.

"What?!" Immediately, I got up at the sound of Jiwon's name.

What could be wrong with Jiwon? He seemed fine to me. But then again, I saw him once a month whereas Hanbin was with him everyday. Something had to be up.

"What's wrong with him? Is he sick? Does he not get enough sleep? Did something bad happened to him that he hasn't told me about? "

I started interrogating Hanbin with all sorts of questions, my eyes wide, my actions hyena-like and he managed to smile despite the tension in the air.

"Jiwoo...he's fine." Hanbin assured me, getting up and putting his hands on my shoulders, firmly holding me into place. He tilted his head, staring down at me,, as if observing me even more than he already had.

"Jiwoo..." Hanbin started, his face suddenly inquisitive, "What do you like so much about Jiwon?"

He leaned down, so that our faces were at the same level, his round eyes boring into mine.

"Huh?"

My mind went blank, completely blank  even though there were so many things I liked; his kindness, his smile, his dorky personality, his love for his family...It was impossible to choose only one. 

"His existence." I blurted, sounding utterly ridiculous but I had no other way to summon it up. "I like...everything about him."

Hanbin looked a bit surprised at how explicit my answer was.

"Ah..."Was all he said, straightening back up, his face getting further away from mine. I took a deep breath, not realizing I had been holding it the entire time.

"JIWOO! WE'RE GOING!"

I heard Hani's loud voice holler and Hanbin's eyes widened at the sound of it. They still hadn't warmed up to each other.

"Looks like you have to go...and so do I since we have practice. "Hanbin said, checking his watch.

"Can you by chance...come over to the YG Building...next Friday around 4:00 pm? We'll talk there." 

I nodded, though I did it a little hesitantly. Why the YG Building?

Hanbin smiled, ruffling my hair.

"You're a good kid, Park Jiwoo."

"JIWOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I'M COMING!" 

Hanbin and I both left his room together which turned out to be a mistake. Everyone was waiting for us in the living room, all of them with curious looks on their faces.

No one made any comments but it was clear that they were all wondering what the hell Hanbin and I were doing, alone in his room. There was a long, silent pause as we all stared at each other, not sure of what to say.

I looked over at Jiwon, who looked the most confused.

"Well," He finally said, running his hand through his hair. "We should all get going now that everyone is here. Onwards!"

We all exited the iKON dorm, resuming back to a more comfortable aura. Jinnie was chatting with Donghyuk and Jinhwan, Hani was laughing with Yunhyeong, Chanwoo and Junhoe and I was stuck walking with Hanbin and Jiwon.

"So...today was really fun. Thanks for having us over you guys!" I said, brightly. trying to get rid of any tension.

"Yeah, anytime Jiwoo! " Jiwon replied, his voice higher than usual, most likely feeling the same way I did. Hanbin made no comment and the three of us walked the rest of the way in complete silence.

Once we had arrived outside, we all had to depart ways; iKON to the YG Building and Hani, Jinnie and I to the library. Donghyuk, Yunhyeong, Jinhwan and Chanwoo gave all of us hugs, while Junhoe, Hanbin and Jiwon just gave us high fives.

"Let's do this again!" Donghyuk said, brightly, his smile so angelic, I had to turn away to stop myself from squealing.

They all waved to us, getting into the van. Hanbin turned to me, before getting in.

"Friday. 4:00 pm." He mouthed, and I subtly nodded.

What did Hanbin want?

+ + + 

Friday came sooner than I had expected and all throughout the school day, I felt like barfing. Hanbin wanted to talk about Jiwon...but was it good or bad?

The only thing that subsided my anxiety was the texts I would recieve from the rest of the iKON members. I had collected all of their numbers under loving contact names ("Little Junhoe", "Precious Prince Yunhyeong", "Baby Maknae Chanwoo", "Angel Donghyuk", "Sweetheart Jinhwan", "Scary Leader Hanbin" and of course "Idiotic Bunny Rabbit") and some of them would text me the randomest things.

Currently, I was discussing song titles with Donghyuk and asking Yunhyeong which chapstick flavour was best and with every text I recieved, my anxiety of meeting up with Hanbin lessened.

Unfortunately, it couldn't last forever. 4:00 p.m was coming up quickly and soon enough, I found myself in front of the YG building.

I texted Hanbin to come get me downstairs and 10 minutes later, he arrived, his hair messy and his cheeks full and pink. His cute looks just added to my anxiety.

"Ah! Jiwoo! Come on in!" 

I followed Hanbin into the building, my second time being there. Just like the first time, we took an elevator to one of the floors and went into a recording room with a computer monitor.

I sat down awkwardly as Hanbin shut the door, smiling at me uncomfortably as he sat down.

"Well...um...thank you for coming and making an effort to come here." Hanbin started, bowing, his posture stiff. His awkwardness reminded me of myself in social situations. "I know that the city is quite far from where you live so I'm grateful you took the time to come here."

"It's fine, Hanbin-sshi." I insisted. "I know that you're one of Jiwon's best friends and that you know him better than I do. I just want to make sure he's alright."

Hanbin smiled at me, though his expression was a bit sad. I never seen such an expression on his face, even during WIN and it unsettled me. It wasn't him being sad; it was him feeling sad for me.

What could have Jiwon possibly done for Hanbin to feel remorseful?

I contemplated this as Hanbin turned away from me, clicking through on files on the computer monitor. Finally, he found one and soon enough a video filled the screen. As it played, loud rap music accompanied it.

It was iKON, all of them dancing to a remix, perfectly synchronized choreography and facial expressions in one of their practice rooms. In the reflection of the mirror, I could see many audience members analyzing them, YG being one of them.

Suddenly a loud text tone went off and briefly, everyone looked over at Jiwon. Jiwon, who looked caught off-guard, missed a beat. I cringed as he struggled to catch up with the other members for the rest of the video, but seemed too distracted to. Meanwhile, YG's face was contorted into an expression of disappointment and even I felt ashamed and embarassed just sitting there and watching.

I had never seen Jiwon ever mess up. The concept seemed impossible; he worked too hard for even the slightest mistake to even happen. And he got distracted by a text? That sounded nothing like the Jiwon I knew. My eyes and brain were having a hard time absorbing the images on the screen.

The video finally ended and Hanbin turned to me, a solemn expression on his face. He looked like he had watched the video a thousand times, but still couldn't digest the content.

There was a long silence as the two of us sat there; me in confusion and him in disgruntlement. 

"What...what was that?" I finally asked, pointing at the screen, my finger shaking. "Jiwon would never mess up like that. And texting at a time like that...? What was he thinking?"

Hanbin looked pointedly at me, his mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to blurt it out but didn't know how to.

My eyes widened upon realizing the reason behind his lack of speech and the look he was giving me.

"Hold up..." I glanced at the video and back at him, and he nodded, as if confirming my suspicions.

"I'M THE ONE THAT TEXTED HIM?!"

Hanbin didn't even need to reply because I already knew. I was the reason to why Jiwon had messed up in that video. Because me and my stupid self decided to text him at an inconvenient time.

I should have been more considerate of Jiwon and his schedule. How careless could I be?

"It was the monthly assessment. Back in Februrary." Hanbin clarified. "YG wasn't very impressed."

"Obviously not! I messed him up!"

I buried my head into my hands. How could I do this to Jiwon? And how many times have I done it to him? YG's disappointed face flashed in my mind and I cringed, thinking about the backlash Jiwon had to face because of me.

I was supposed to be his friend. I was supposed to help him and support him, not bring him down.

"Unfortunately...that's just the beginning." Hanbin admitted, as he clicked through other videos.

Dance practices, recordings...I watched in shock as Jiwon subtly messed up in all of the videos that Hanbin showed me. Some of them, I noticed Jiwon looking extremely tired and others he just looked distracted. By the end, I wanted to bury myself into a hole.

"Please don't tell me...I'm the cause of all of that?!" 

Hanbin shook his head, to my relief. "Not all, but some. Jiwon has been busy with performances for Show Me The Money and endorsing Sprite as well as doing a lot of extra work for our debut album. He works the most out of all of us so it's no wonder he's so tired."

I felt a hole puncture into my heart once I heard Hanbin say that. Jiwon's lack of sleep worried me greatly and I reminisced the second time I met him in the library when he fell asleep on my textbook. So sleepy and vulnerable; it broke my heart.

"But as much as I hate to admit it, you play a role in this as well. He checks his phone a lot more often and he's always trying to sneak out to hang with you. He has also missed some important practices because he was with you and he even showed up late to a meeting with YG because he didn't get back in time. Pair that up with his already hectic individual schedule and his activities with the group and it's no wonder that Jiwon's overall performance is suffering."

I couldn't believe the words entering my ears. Jiwon's perfomance was suffering?

But this was Kim Jiwon, one of the most talented, diligent, hard working people I knew! There was no way that he would ever let himself or his performance...decrease like that. 

"Kim Hanbin, this is Jiwon we are talking about. He...he would never....it's impossible! He puts 100% into everything and 100% is what comes out!" I argued. My mind was spinning, trying to digest Hanbin's words.

Hanbin gave me a sad half-smile.

"You saw the videos, Park Jiwoo. I can't deny it."

"But...why? I mean, I get the busy schedule...but why does he want to see me so often?"

That was what was really bugging me. He had no choice when it came to endorsements and performances. But what was so special about me? Why was he willing to spare a few minutes in his busy day just to hang out?

Hanbin shrugged. "To be honest? I think there's something in you that he really likes. Something about you that disconnects him from work. That makes him feel happy, without a care in the world. You're like...Winnie-the-pooh."

"Excuse me?" I lifted an eyebrow at Hanbin's strange answer.

Hanbin snapped his fingers as if he came up with a fascinating discovery.

"That's right! Winnie-the-pooh! You're like his pooh Plushie! Someone he seeks for comfort, that makes him feel better no matter what the circumstance, who he knows will make him feel happy."

Like a friend.

Kim Jiwon came to me because I was his friend. Because I was someone that separated the reality of work leaving him with the comfort of friendship.

Hanbin sighed loudly, it making a whooshing sound that filled the room.

"You know...I think this whole situation is kinda both of your faults." He admitted, bluntly. " I mean you, it's unintentional; it's not your fault that you enjoy spending time with him. Jiwon's putting this on himself; he's the one spending his time to go to you. To make himself happy, to forget his busy worklife. And he's suffering because of it."

I frowned at the way Hanbin was describing Jiwon. He made him sound like he was selfish; like he cared more about his happiness than his work and s. Which I knew he didn't. As Hanbin had said, we both had partaken in this relationship meaning that it wasn't solely Jiwon benefitting from our relationship. After all, he did it for me too.

"Our relationship was two-sided, so I wouldn't put most of the blame on Jiwon." I said, remembering all the  times Jiwon gave me advice and taught me important life lessons. " After all, he came to see me to make me happy as well. His friendship had done so much for me so it's unfair to say he comes to see me solely for his own happiness. He's thinking about me as well. Therefore, we are both at fault."

I sighed, staring up at the ceiling, watching the ceiling fan spin in circles. Everything felt a bit disoriented now that I had learned that I was pulling Jiwon down. It all seemed so ironic because that was the last thing I ever wanted to to him.

"This whole Jiwon thing...how bad is it?'

"What do you mean?"

"Has he performed less than up to par recently?"

Hanbin thought about it before shaking his head, making me almost want to kiss him from hearing the first good news, all day. This problem couldn't have been that bad if Jiwon was doing okay now. It was probably just some minor thing that blew away.

"However I fear it will come back. " Hanbin continued, instantly bringing my mood down. "Jiwon needs to be at his best for this debut and I can't risk anything. Our debut is in danger."

I looked at Hanbin in disbelief, but his face was stony and serious."What do you mean by that?"

Hanbin sighed loudly, which seemed to be the only action he could do .

"I recently met with YG and he's been skeptical of Jiwon. You saw that assessment and all of those videos; it's no surprise YG is so concerned. He's considering delaying our debut because he's not sure if Jiwon is ready. He is one of the most important people in this group and if he's suffering, it reflects on all of us."

"...You're kidding."

"I really wish I was."

YG was well known for delaying the comebacks and debuts of his groups and iKON was no exception. Their debut kept on getting delayed throughout the year to the point people were convinced he would retire before iKON could debut.

September 15th was a definite set date but knowing YG, he could change it whenever he see fit. And with Jiwon's suffering performance, a delayed date didn't seem so far-fetched.

There was no way in hell I was going to let him delay Jiwon's dreams any further. The picture was bigger than that; it was for his friends, his family, s. I was going to do anything in my power to make sure iKON got their debut.

I turned to Hanbin, getting up at the speed of lightning and slamming my hands on both arm handles of his chair, leaning my face close to his. Hanbin jumped up in surprise by my quick actions.

This was no time for any tomfoolery. The image of YG's disappointed face kept on appearing in my mind as well as every mistake Jiwon ever made. I wasn't going to let them happen, ever again.

"Kim Hanbin. I started, my gaze steely and my voice serious."What are we going to do about it?" 

Hanbin bit his lip and went back to his nervous shell again, meaning he knew that what he was going to say might upset me. At this point, I would do anything to make sure Jiwon was back on track so I didn't care. Jiwon was not going to lose his dream because of me.

"Jiwoo. " He started, his tone somewhat hesitant. "You... have to ...ignore him."

I froze, a cold feeling spreading throughout my veins, like I had been hit by a pointy, ice-cold glacier.

"Eh?"

Ignore Kim Jiwon. In order for Jiwon to stop getting distracted by me, to stop using me as his source of comfort and happiness, I had to completely cut him off from my life.

That meant no more seeing his smile, or hearing his laugh or his dorky jokes, or his voice calling my name. No more butterflies in my stomach, or heart pounding or blushing whenever he kissed my head.

It would all be gone 2 months earlier than planned.

But would it all be that bad? I wouldn't have to tell Jiwon I was leaving and he wouldn't be as distracted. And I could forget my feelings about loving a boy that will never love me back.

Leaving Korea and my feelings for Jiwon. Those were the two thoughts plaguing my mind at the moment and they would be easily dismissed, tossed away in the wind by just simply ignoring.

But he wasn't just my friend and even if he were, it still wouldn't be as easy. How could you rip yourself apart from the person you adored most? The person who understood you, who took the time to get to know you, who loved you when the world was dark, who supported you all the way. How could you turn your back on them and leave them, crumbling and abandoned on the lonely sidewalk?

And it was even worse because I loved him. Loved every inch of him from the hairs on his head, to the bottoms of his feet. I knew that I would miss just the thought of his presence and the way he made me felt like I was glowing inside. The way he made me feel loved and cherished. The way his mere existence made mine a bit brighter.

And I wanted to spend the next two months doing the same to him. Making him smile, making him laugh, making him forget every hurt and pain in the world. Cherishing the precious time when I was Kim Jiwon's best friend and he was mine.

But I cared too much about Jiwon's dreams to prioritize that. His debut was on the line. His chance of seeing his family. His hopes and hard work.

I had no other choice. If I truly did love and care for Jiwon, I would put his needs before mine. I didn't need him the way he needed his dreams and his family. Plus, it also meant not having to tell him that I was leaving and hopefully even fully extinguishing my feelings for him.

Before I could think even deeper into the situation, I found myself nodding to Hanbin's suggestion.

"Kim Jiwon is very important to me just like he is to you. If I'm blocking his road to dreams and potential , I should back off. He's been a true friend to me, and I should be a true friend to him. He has worked too hard for this for me to stand in his way. I'll...I'll ignore Jiwon."

It all came out fast-paced and rushed, as if I were trying to spit out the words as fast as possible so I wouldn't have to have them in my mouth, ever again. I could feel the familiar prick of tears in my eyes but I swallowed them down, trying my best no to cry.

"It's not forever, Jiwoo." Hanbin reminded me, trying to be light-hearted. "You can always see us after our debut."

Oh how I wish.

I shook my head biting my lip, hard. "Hanbin, I won't be there by then. I won't even be there for your debut. I'm leaving at the end of August."

Hanbin's eyes widened in shock. He stared at my face intensely, so intensely that I looked down.

"Even so, " I continued, my voice shaking. "I'm not backing down on my words. I'll do what I can do to ensure your debut happens and is successful."

Hanbin awkwardly cleared his throat, nodding.

"It's for the best." He agreed, solemnly. "With the debut coming up, there will be less to do for Sprite and Show Me The Money and soon enough Jiwon will have enough time to focus solely for the debut. I think he'll do his best without all of the distractions. It will be sad to see Jiwon less happier without you but I think it will be good for him in the long run.Thanks, Jiwoo." 

Hanbin looked at me and my sad expression as if he saw a reflection of himself in my face. He got up  before leaning down and pulling me into a hug.

It felt weird to be wrapped in Hanbin's arms, in the arms of someone I used to fear so much. Today had eliminated those formerly fearful feelings though, and I all I felt was protection.

"I really wish I didn't have to do this." Hanbin admitted. "But I have to do what's best. I just wish you weren't wrapped up in this. You don't deserve it, at all. Promise me you'll find happiness, Jiwoo."

"I will. As long as you promise to take really good care of Jiwon. Make sure he eats a lot and gets enough sleep. Make sure he doesn't stress too much and that he doesn't get sick. I trust you, Hanbin." I muttered into the fabric of Hanbin's sweater.

Hanbin chuckled. "I will, Jiwoo." He promised me.

As I left the YG Building, waving my last "Good bye" to Hanbin and in a sense to all iKON , I realized that Kim Hanbin had taught me something about friendship. 

Hanbin cared for Jiwon deeply, to the point he was willing to endure this awkward conversation with me just to ensure he would end up okay. I knew how hard it was for him because like me, he wasn't someone that was very social. He was an introvert yet he made an effort to interact with me on Jiwon's behalf.

I also admired how he kept close tabs on him, trying his best to help him and come up with solutions in any way possible. He put in his efforts to ensure that Jiwon was alright and that he had his priorites in order. He led Jiwon on the fruitful and sucessful path so that he wouldn't drown. He was truly a friend of Jiwon's.

Now it was my turn.

Jiwon had made me enjoy life. He made me excited to wake up, to greet the day like a friend. He taught me how to be diligent and positive and what tears meant. He did so much for me and he never realized it.

And now I had to push him onwards to reach his dreams.

No matter how sad it would make me or how much I would miss him, I knew that this was truly for the best. Right now Jiwon needed the boys to keep him focused, not me to keep him distracted. He needed to improve instead of furthering the chance of YG delaying their debut (which had occured many times). 

Yet no matter how many times I told myself this in the dark of night, guilt still plagued each and every tiny crevice of my brain.

True Friendship is beautiful and precious and rare, like a diamond.

And so are you.

Was I a fool to let you go?

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It's my favourite person in the world's birthday (guess who??) so naturally, I felt the need to update.

Quite a bit of goes down in this chapter, basically the beginning of the only conflict in the story. I'm not sure if it makes sense but I tried.

IT'S MY JIWONNIE'S BIRTHDAY! PLEASE GO WISH HIM HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

& I'm watching Reply 1988 right now, anyone else???

-Donggu