-*-*-*-

It had already been a quite few hours since Taekwoon had woken up. He had been wandering around his and Hakyeon’s shared apartment for a while now, busying himself with little matters as he waited- albeit impatiently- for Hakyeon to come back from the dance studio.

Hakyeon had been pulling a few all-nighters lately, tiring himself by planning and perfecting the choreography of a dance for a couple of his students whom he had entered into a competition that was in but two weeks. Taekwoon was concerned about the amount of sleep Hakyeon lost over said matter, but it was Hakyeon’s first time entering students into a competition, and the younger just could not bring himself to dampen Hakyeon’s happiness and excitement. The way his boyfriend seemed to glow so happily was infectious, Taekwoon thought fondly as he stirred the cup of hot chocolate he was making for Hakyeon.

His small smile turned into a frown around forty or so minutes later, as he glared menacingly at the puffy, white marshmallows that bobbed merrily on top of the now cold mug of chocolate. Two slices of toast, both smeared with strawberry jam and butter- also gone cold- rested on a plate beside the mug. Huffing, Taekwoon excused himself from the table, a small pout on his lips, sulking indefinitely as stalked into the living room. Plopping down on the comfortable bright red couch that he and Hakyeon had bought together, Taekwoon began to play with the rim of his white sweater absentmindedly. His eyes roamed the room mindlessly before they halted abruptly on a framed picture of Hakyeon smiling up prettily at him, eyes crinkling into two little crescent moons, tan skin glowing in the morning light.

Then he really woke up and remembered that Hakyeon would not come back to him anymore.

He shot up from the couch as if he had been electrocuted and stumbled to the hall. Grabbing his black trench coat and matching black and white striped scarf- one of the many that Hakyeon had knitted for him- Taekwoon pulled on the coat and threw open the door of their apartment.  As he wound the chunky scarf around his neck, he realized that he was already walking to the park he used to drag Hakyeon to every single weekend. As he strolled past the café, past the playground, every step of his journey was filled with memories of Hakyeon.

Everywhere he went, every corner he turned around, Taekwoon saw Hakyeon standing there, smiling at him. Everywhere he looked; there was a part of Hakyeon. The smell of Hakyeon’s favourite hot chocolate and pastries overwhelmed his senses as he hurried past the café where they had used to go to relax. His hurried footsteps only lead him to the empty playground where they had met for the first time.

“Hello! I’m Cha Hakyeon, what’s your name?”

Six-year-old Taekwoon looked up from the brown kitten he had been to see a slightly long haired kid about his age grinning down at him. The kid was dressed prettily in a pink, warm-looking parka similar to Taekwoon’s own orange one, a pair of navy shorts, a scarf that was a shade lighter than the pink jacket, white, cotton socked feet decked in a pair of snow crusted, girly looking shoes.

Taekwoon tilted his head slightly, ignoring the giggle that escaped Hakyeon’s lips. Was Hakyeon a girl? Taekwoon wondered, staring the attractive butterfly clip that held Hakyeon’s long bangs to a side.

Wrenching his eyes off the other child, Taekwoon resumed the cat, which mewed happily as it basked in Taekwoon’s attention. All girls other than his Eomma and his noonas had cooties, Taekwoon thought firmly, no matter how pretty they were.

 A few minutes later, he looked up- once again at Hakyeon’s voice- as the other called out to him. “Jung Taekwoon!”

Taekwoon looked around, eyes finally settling on Hakyeon’s short figure, which was walking farther away from him, hand-in-hand with a taller boy who bore surprising resemblance to Hakyeon. “Yah, Jung Taekwoon!”

Taekwoon stared silently at Hakyeon, who was now waving at him enthusiastically, knowing that Taekwoon’s attention was captured.

“Good bye!”

And Hakyeon walked away, grabbing another boy’s hand- a smaller one, this time- who also bore striking similarity to Hakyeon and the taller boy. Taekwoon looked after them, head tilted, blinking as he wondered how Hakyeon knew his name. Then he took off his backpack, and stared at his nametag, which was pinned onto his navy backpack, a small smile on his lips. Even though he did not know why, he felt so glad that he had insisted on pinning his bright yellow nametag to his bag.

A cold breeze made Taekwoon shiver slightly in the coldness of the winter morning, snapping out of his memories. He paused near a wooden bench that stood under one of the many leafless trees that lined the roads and closed his eyes, inhaling shakily. He could feel Hakyeon’s warmth, he could feel Hakyeon’s arms wrap around him, he could feel Hakyeon’s head resting in the crook of his neck.

When he opened his eyes, Taekwoon could see Hakyeon standing on the bench, smiling down at him. He saw Hakyeon lean down, and press his lips to Taekwoon’s forehead, and then, Hakyeon was gone, as if he had never existed. But Taekwoon could still feel the warmth of Hakyeon’s lips.

Taking a few steps forward, Taekwoon let his shoed feet sink into the snow on the pavement. He closed his eyes, listening as Hakyeon’s loud, cheerful voice told him to hurry up. Opening his eyes, he felt a grim smile pull at his lips when he saw Hakyeon standing a few feet ahead of him, shaking his head.

Hakyeon’s softly smiling face was all that Taekwoon could see as the shorter walked over to him and intertwined their fingers, humming as he put their hands in the pocket of his jacket.

It began all over again, as Taekwoon took in the calm, deafening silence of the morning, walking past the small corner shop where he had met Hakyeon again. Every time he opened his eyes, all he could see was Hakyeon, and when he closed his eyes, all he could hear and feel was Hakyeon.

“Oh?”

Taekwoon looked up from the little girl he had given a sweet to see a tall tan skinned boy of his age staring at him from across the shop. A familiar yet unfamiliar smile blossomed on the other’s face as he strode down the empty aisle towards Taekwoon, his eyes crinkling into adorable crescents in a way that Taekwoon immediately took a liking to.

“You’re Jung Taekwoon, aren’t you?” The boy asked, brushing his long bangs out of his eyes as he adjusted the books in his arms. “Jung Taekwoon from the playground? Nine years ago?”

Taekwoon blinked, straightening slowly as he tried to recall the day that the other seventeen-year-old was talking about- it proved to be a rather difficult feat though, considering Taekwoon had gone to the playground almost every single day nine years ago. He still did. Realising that the stranger was waiting for a reply, he nodded, and answered softly, hesitantly. “… Yes.”

The boy burst out into a grin so bright that Taekwoon had the sudden, unexplainable urge to cover his eyes, his eyes widening at the next sentence that left the high schooler’s lips.

”It’s me, Cha Hakyeon!”

Tears began b in Taekwoon’s eyes, and he hastened to wipe them away with trembling hands, holding in the need to break down and start crying like a lost child in the middle of the road. And then Hakyeon was next to him again; Taekwoon could see him again, he could feel him again… Before he was gone, again.

Taekwoon walked in silence for the next twenty or so minutes, suppressing any memories that threatened to pop out, staring resolutely at the snow-covered ground until he was standing just outside the park, at the intersection. Still, his feet came to an automatic halt at that one point, his body refusing to move. Taekwoon tore his eyes away from the fresh snow to look up, heart heavy as he met Hakyeon’s bright eyes. He watched, helplessly, as Hakyeon’s lips turned up in a sweet, content smile, and then, Hakyeon was crossing the road, waving adorably at him.

Memories slammed into him at full force.

This time, it was not the sound of Hakyeon’s animated laughter, or his lively chatter that Taekwoon heard, nor was it Hakyeon’s overexcited gestures and energetic movements that Taekwoon saw.

The sound of sirens was the only thing Taekwoon could hear in the world as he watched himself dash across the road, the bag of pastries in his arms falling down to the ground with a rustle, forgotten and uncared for.

Hakyeon’s body lay limp on the pedestrian crossing, blinking lazily in shock as Taekwoon did his best to ignore the red of Hakyeon’s blood that painted the road. Falling to his knees upon reaching his lover, Taekwoon gently pulled Hakyeon into his arms, cradling the elder like a baby, pressing soft kisses to Hakyeon’s bloody bangs, his eyelashes, his cheekbones, and finally his lips, as he cried, telling Hakyeon that everything would be alright.

“-Yeon-ah, please, please, don’t leave me, don’t go, Yeonnie, it’s going to be alright, you’ll be fine-”

“-Sir, please move aside-”

Taekwoon tightened his grip protectively on Hakyeon as the men tried to take his Hakyeon away from him, begging, pleading for them to save his Hakyeon. For once, Taekwoon did not care that others could see him cry, as the tears that blurred his vision streamed down his full cheeks, as he held Hakyeon in his arms, the elder hushing him, whispering sweet nothings into his ears, trying to calm him down as he shooed away the interfering on-lookers.

“Hush, Taekwoonie, I love you…”

And Hakyeon’s words made him cry even harder as he was pulled down in a hug. Cold lips met chastely, briefly, before Taekwoon mumbled out a teary, heartfelt ‘I love you too’, followed by a choked up ‘Please don’t leave me’.

Hakyeon’s eyes crinkled one last time, and Taekwoon’s soft, pathetic whimpers turned to loud, distressed calls for his lover as Hakyeon’s eyes lost their light, fluttering shut as his tan hand fell from Taekwoon’s warm face that was streaked by tears and blood.

Taekwoon reached up with a trembling hand to wipe away the tears that streamed down his cheeks, the silver ring on his ring finger brushing against his skin. Quickly withdrawing his hand, Taekwoon sniffled and blinked, before turning away from the intersection. He headed into the park, perfunctorily making his way over to Hakyeon and his usual bench. He sank into the wooden bench, stuffing his hands into his pockets after setting his headphones in place, eyes fluttering shut as the piano started playing.

It was one of the many songs that he had composed, written, and sung for Hakyeon, but it was the only song that Taekwoon had written after Hakyeon’s death; the only song that did not have one of Hakyeon’s of dance steps to along with it, to complete it.

It’s already been a few hours since I woke up

I’ve been wandering around our apartment for a while now

I even made your favourite breakfast today

But then I really wake up and remember that you won’t come back to me anymore

Taekwoon chuckled bitterly, recalling how those lyrics had become his morning routine practically every single day after Hakyeon had died. He had not been able to get used to a Hakyeon-less life, no matter how hard he tried to.

I put on my coat and head out of our apartment

I’m walking to the park I used to drag you to every weekend

Past the café, past the playground

Every single step of the way is filled with memories of you

Everywhere I go, every corner I turn around

You’re standing there, you’re smiling down  at me

The smell of your favourite hot chocolate and pastries, the empty playground where we first met

Everywhere I look, there’s a part of you

When I close my eyes, I can feel your arms around me

When I open my eyes, I can see you smiling at me

You lean down, you peck my forehead, then you’re gone

As if you never existed, but I can still feel the warmth of your lips

Taekwoon felt a wry smile tug at his lips, mouthing the lyrics for the rap part, feeling Hakyeon’s warmth and comforting presence again.

I take a few steps forward, my feet sink into the snow

You’re already ahead of me, you’re telling me to hurry up

Then you shake your head, your softly smiling face is all I see as you walk over to me

You intertwine our fingers and put our hands in your pocket

Taekwoon began singing the chorus under his breath, the rap for the whole song finished. He could almost hear Hakyeon’s soft voice in his ear, singing along with him.

Everywhere I go, every corner I turn around

You’re standing there, you’re smiling down  at me

The calm silence of the morning, the small corner shop where we met again

Everywhere I look, there’s a part of you

When I close my eyes, I can feel your arms around me

When I open my eyes, I can see you smiling at me

You lean down, you peck my forehead, then you’re gone

As if you never existed, but I can still feel the warmth of your lips

Taekwoon felt the long fingers intertwine with his own, an acquainted thumb drawing circles on his open palm that now lay on the cold bench.

I’m smiling (I’m shaking but I’m holding it in)

You’re here (I can see you again, I can feel you again)

Taekwoon’s voice dropped as Hakyeon's warm presence disappeared, leaving him aloof and alone on the bench, eyes closing as the accident replayed itself in his head for the nth time.

I’m standing outside the park, near the intersection with a heavy heart

I look up and our eyes meet

I see you crossing the road, I see you smile and wave at me, tears fall

His heart felt so cold. He could not even move his fingers anymore; his whole body felt strangely heavy, yet light at the same time. The coldness spread from his heart to the rest of his body, until he was completely frozen, blank eyes staring fixated at air.

Everywhere I go, every corner I turn around

You’re standing there, you’re smiling down  at me

The sound of sirens and the red of your blood, the road where I lost you forever

Everywhere I look, there’s a part of you

Taekwoon’s eyes fluttered shut, his dark lashes resting on his full cheeks, the frown on his face disappearing gradually, as if an invisible person was soothing him.

When I close my eyes, I can feel your arms around me

When I open my eyes, I can see you smiling at me

You lean down, you peck my forehead, then you’re gone

As if you never existed, but I can still feel the warmth of your lips

Just as Taekwoon’s eyes shut, his cousin, Jung Ilhoon, called him from across the park, waving excitedly at his elder cousin even though Taekwoon’s eyes were closed.

I’m walking to the park I used to drag you to every weekend

Every single step of the way is filled with memories of you

Ilhoon gently shook his sleeping cousin upon reaching the elder, frowning when Taekwoon did not wake up.

“Hmm, he’s usually a light sleeper,” Ilhoon muttered, tugging Taekwoon’s wrist half-heartedly. “Why isn’t he waking-”

Taekwoon’s lifeless body slid from the bench onto the snow-covered ground, and Ilhoon could only sit frozen in horror as he realised that his cousin’s pulse was gone.

-*-*-*-

Four years had passed since Taekwoon’s death, and five and a half since Hakyeon’s. Ilhoon sighed sadly as he sat down the colourful bouquet on top of their grave, where Taekwoon had joined Hakyeon shortly after the latter’s death. Another bouquet- as colourful as his own- joined his, and Ilhoon looked up to see a tall man standing next to him.

“Hakyeon hyung?” Ilhoon blurted out without second thought, then flushed upon realising that it was someone else. There were similarities, but there were differences too, between Hakyeon and the young man who stood in front of him. This man was taller and younger, and had a wide, sensuous mouth, as opposed to Hakyeon’s shorter, more feminine frame and long neck.

The man chuckled and shook his head, and offered a name. “Yook Sungjae. Yeonnie hyung was my cousin.”

No sooner than those words left his lips, Sungjae’s eyes widened and he grabbed Ilhoon’s wrist, fingers gripping the slender wrist with a force enough to bruise. “Look!”

With a quivering hand, Sungjae pointed at a laughing couple walking away from them hand in hand. The all-too-familiar sight had Ilhoon inhaling sharply- the loving looks, the taller of the two ducking down to steal  brief, tender pecks every now and then- as he registered Hakyeon’s infectious giggles and Taekwoon’s soft, content chuckles. He forced himself to look away, glancing up at an equally stunned Sungjae, whose jaws seemed to have unhinged.

Rubbing his eyes, Sungjae stared at the now empty stone path, feeling the dire need to go and admit himself into the nearest asylum. “Please tell me I did not see that.”

“Was that..?” Ilhoon trailed off hesitantly, eyes back on the stone path shaded by the trees.

“I swear, those hyungs…” Sungjae ruffled his hair in frustration before yelling. “Yah, if you’re going to just die suddenly like that, then at least stay dead! Let us rest in peace!”

All that answered was a light, twinkling breeze that brought with it the smell of Taekwoon’s favourite latte and Hakyeon’s favourite hot chocolate.

-*-*-*-

A/N: ... Hello! Hi there! So these plot bunnies have been chasing me no matter where I go recently, and every time I open my notebook, I see this song, and then a particular plot bunny just keeps staring at me with a big pout and puppy eyes, and I... This happened... So, um, this is my first ever fanfic... So please go easy on me? My heart is scared of mean comments...? Um... So, yeah, this was obviously a Neo fic (well, duh, dum-me -.-) and if you just scroll back up and squint with a telescope, I think you'll be able to see the Iljae. And, uh, English is not my first language, it's my second, so so very sorry for any grammar, punctuation or spelling mistakes!

Please comment!

XOXO

StarShipSailor