Word Count: 3,300
Rating: PG (body insecurity)

a/n: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. WE'RE SORRY *CRIES*

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The light, buzzing static of the radio turning on roused Hakyeon from the semi-deep sleep he was in; it should had been replaced years ago but it was one of the first things him and Taekwoon had bought when they first moved in together, and the only thing that had a winning record for waking Hakyeon up. Taekwoon was able to sleep through it undisturbed as well, which was important considering Hakyeon woke hours before he did.  

It had been a long day at the school the day before with faculty meetings and a social gathering afterwards which he was obligated to attend. Hakyeon hadn’t gotten home until long after Taekwoon crawled into bed, knowing Taekwoon had waited up for him to return until he could no longer keep his eyes open despite Hakyeon’s frequent texts telling him to just go to bed.

Needless to say Hakyeon hadn’t had enough time to fall into the deep slumber he needed to feel completely rejuvenated, a hand shooting out from the covers that completely enveloped his body to blindly feel around for the radio, flipping the off switch before letting out a quiet groan into the pillow and kicking his feet in protest.

Hakyeon debated calling into work sick, making Taekwoon do the same as well so they could just spend the day in bed, but his coworkers knew he hadn’t drank that much and Taekwoon would scold him for doing such a thing. And despite how tired he was at the end of each day, Hakyeon did love his job.

It was with these thoughts in mind that Hakyeon shook his reluctance, throwing the covers off himself to sit up and greet 5:45 am with a stretch, a grunt and a yawn. But before he could slide from the bed he had to turn to the other side of the bed where the sheets were rising and falling over the large form of Taekwoon, breathing steadily in his peaceful sleep.

Every morning Hakyeon took a moment to wonder how in the world he had gotten so lucky, to wake up and see his best friend, his soulmate, sleeping so cutely next to him, mouth slightly agape. He felt an overwhelming surge of love when his eyes skimmed down Taekwoon’s chest to his stomach where he had his hands folded above the covers, gaze resting on the silver band around Taekwoon’s pale finger: his husband.

Leaning over, Hakyeon gently brushed a few long strands of dark hair from Taekwoon’s face before pressing a delicate kiss to his thin lips, smiling fondly. It was almost painful to have to pull himself away from curling up into Taekwoon’s arms to go shower and get ready.

However, when Hakyeon finally did so, drawing himself from Taekwoon’s warmth and the comfort of the bed, the sleeping lion kept still among the cave of pillows and blankets. It wasn't until he heard the sound of the shower from the cracked bathroom door, did he begin to stir.

Taekwoon hated the mornings for the mere fact he couldn't process anything until he had two cups of coffee in his system. Even when he dragged himself out of bed on the weekends to cook them breakfast, he was down the caffeinated liquid while frying the eggs and bacon.

Despite all of his fussing and grumpy glares at this ungodly hour of the day, there was something Taekwoon looked forward to--Hakyeon. Hakyeon getting ready for work.

Usually Taekwoon would slide an arm in front of his face and pretend sleep was still housing him. He would watch from the cracks of his eyes as Hakyeon rummaged through the closet and drawers, choosing his outfit.

Taekwoon wasn't doing this to be weird. He never thought it was a violation of Hakyeon's privacy. It was just his way to bask in the beauty of Hakyeon's immaculately created form.

Hakyeon was the shy type when it came to skin exposure. As much as he loved skinship and to cuddle anyone he loved to the brink of death, when it came to peeling off those layers, he would always hide himself from Taekwoon's view.

Taekwoon knew when they dressed together for the day or even for a date night, Hakyeon idly took his time in choosing his clothes, only to scurry and change into them the second Taekwoon left the room. When he'd come back moments later, Hakyeon would be completely dressed, acting as casual as ever.

So it was these mornings, when Hakyeon was unguarded and unsuspecting, that Taekwoon savored any glimpse of Hakyeon's beautifully crafted melanin skin.

Hakyeon savored these mornings even if he had to wake up before the sun had even lifted into the sky to start spreading its soft, pastel colors of the day; it was these mornings when he could enjoy a nice, hot shower with himself.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like when Taekwoon joined him, or that their showers always ended up taking longer because one of them just couldn’t keep their hands to themselves (usually Hakyeon), it was that Hakyeon liked his showers almost scalding hot and Taekwoon was always quick to complain about the temperature.

The steam billowing out behind him as he walked out of the bathroom indicated that yes, he had gotten his perfect shower, the closed-mouth smile stretching his lips confirming this as well. His dark skin was even glowing a bit red from the harsh temperature of the water.

One towel was around his slender waist, another expertly twisted up on his head. Sure, he had only seen women in the movies do this with their towels but it was effective in drying his hair quickly, and why should they be the only ones to utilize the trick?

Being a gym teacher, Hakyeon’s outfit choices were pretty limited to spandex or sweatpants, and some type of athletic shirt, but that didn’t mean he had to look like a total slob and he had acquired quite the assortment of stylish sporty clothing over the last couple of years.

Dresser drawers were open, rummaged through and closed multiple times, accompanied by the occasional annoyed grumbles of “where the hell did I put it?’ or “it better not be in the wash…”

This process took about twenty minutes, until Hakyeon had a sizable pile of both tops and bottoms laid out at the foot of the bed. Only then did he unwrap the towel from his head and shake his damp hair out, letting it fall messily over his forehead, and slip off the towel from around his waist.

They were tossed into the laundry basket in the corner, one of the towels missing entirely; for a gym teacher he wasn’t the most coordinated but he wasn’t the one who had to actually play the sports, he left that to the kids.

Hakyeon stepped into his favorite brand of black briefs, the ones Taekwoon gifted him every birthday, anniversary and Christmas. He got other things as well, Taekwoon quickly learning that one pair of underwear wasn’t going to suffice for a present.

They fit snugly on his muscled thighs and round bottom, a body toned from decades of dance, and as Hakyeon did some mornings, he put his hands on his slightly curved waist and just admired himself in the mirror.

He wasn’t as muscular or as broad as his husband, but he liked the shallow dip of his hips just before his waist, the smooth expanse of his stomach that lacked the defined ridges that Taekwoon’s had, his lean arms that he could flex to show the bit of muscle he had developed, and the striking definition of his legs, the favorite part of himself.  

Well, not quite. His truly favorite part of himself was what encapsulated everything he was admiring: his bronze skin. It was something he had always been confident in, for the most part, but years of on-screen torment from his former group members had chipped away at the once strong wall, little bits at a time.

But there had always been someone there to pick up those tiny pieces and glue them back into place. Someone who would hold him if he was having a particularly hard night, to whisper into his ear just about beautiful he was and how he looked like the sun had painted him itself to shine just as bright, someone to press their thin, gentle lips to every inch of his insecurity and magically make everything better.

Hakyeon loved his skin because Taekwoon told him every day just how marvelous it was, and the smile on his face grew wider as he thought about those moments.  

Taekwoon could see the smile enriching upon Hakyeon’s features, a delicate feature on his overall round facial contours. He wondered what he was thinking about to render such a small moment in his morning routine, his barely open gaze walking down the length of Hakyeon’s form.

The prominent reason Taekwoon continued to buy Hakyeon’s favorite pair of briefs besides effort was due to the way the expensive material embraced the perfect curves of his pelvis. Every inch from his hips where the elastic band wrapped itself around him, to the top of his thighs right beneath the beautifully crafted slopes of his rear. Hakyeon always filled out whatever clothing he wore, a captivating wonder to Taekwoon.

There was something different about this morning though. Taekwoon could usually feel himself lapse back into sleep after absorbing his fair share of Hakyeon’s exposed frame, but today his thoughts kept him awake.

When he saw Hakyeon go through another round of sorting through the pile of clothes, Taekwoon slowly pushed himself up, rubbing at his eyes to open them wider. The blankets slipped down to his waist, his own upper body bare as his warm skin prickled from the loss of being covered.

Hakyeon had decided on a pair of light gray sweatpants today, one leg slipped into the cotton material and the other lifted to do the same when he caught sight of the large mound of shifting blankets in the mirror and a pair of thin eyes watching him.

“Taekwoon!” The surprise in his voice was mimicked in his facial expression, Hakyeon caught with his other leg half in his pants. He would have fallen over had he not been so close to the end of the bed and able to brace himself on the edge of the mattress.

“H-How long have you been awake?!” With a bit of a struggle Hakyeon managed to yank his pants up almost to his belly button, higher than what was necessary, before he crouched down to scramble through the pile of shirts that had been sacrificed to the floor when he prevented his fall.

“Long enough.” Taekwoon’s small reply came through his sleep-ridden voice, his hand finally lowering as he dragged his tired gaze up to Hakyeon. He could feel his hair disarrayed, his longer locks tangling together in the back. Maybe he should trim his hair.

A new haircut contemplation had to be put on hold though as he was squinting his blinking eyes at Hakyeon’s crouched figure. The smallest frown weighed down on his lips as he saw the panic surfacing through Hakyeon--Taekwoon knew exactly why. “You don’t need to rush.”

The answer made Hakyeon flinch, shutting his eyes as the grip he had on the dark blue spandex shirt in his hands tightened, wrinkling the fabric.

Hakyeon’s gaze slid over to the old radio clock, knowing it would betray him but still responding, “I’m…going to be late.” A lie. He still had thirty minutes before he liked to leave, and forty-five until he absolutely needed to.

There were many mornings he coaxed Taekwoon into taking advantage of those extra fifteen minutes, occasionally Taekwoon persuading him, but not this morning. Especially not this morning.

Of course Taekwoon’s eyebrows pushed together, the space between them wrinkling. He knew exactly what time Hakyeon had to leave and he didn’t even need to glance at the clock to know Hakyeon was setting up his escape.

“I-I didn’t know...you were awake.” Hakyeon’s voice continued to sputter like an aged engine trying to start, stuttering as he quickly untangled his fingers from the shirt and pulled the sleek fabric over his head so his body was covered. It didn’t make him feel any better, knowing Taekwoon had already, secretly, been watching him. It was okay for Hakyeon to admire himself in the mirror but anyone else, even Taekwoon, felt like an intrusion, a burglar breaking in to steal whatever sliver of self-confidence he still had.

“Mm,” Taekwoon let his simple response confirm the situation. He had nothing to hide anymore as well, this one morning of revealing his furtive habit of studying his husband in his vulnerable state probably leading to Hakyeon forever being on guard.

The shirt was form-fitting, hiding nothing, but it was still a safeguard to his bare skin being exposed, “I’ll go make coffee.”

The engine in Hakyeon’s brain went from zero to sixty as the words rushed out, his face clearly flushed and almost pale as he stood to retreat to the safety of the kitchen.

However, to a shocking degree, sleepy sloth-like Taekwoon became an alert pouncing lion. He was out of the mess of sheets and within a record time, he had Hakyeon whirling around straight into his arms.

Hakyeon gave a startled gasp but otherwise didn’t protest, knowing it would be useless once wrapped up in Taekwoon’s much stronger arms.  

Taekwoon was only in a pair of briefs, his skin flush against the smooth material of Hakyeon’s spandex while his arms cradled him firmly within his long arms. He wasn’t going to let Hakyeon escape, not from this room and certainly not from him until this was resolved.

“Hakyeon,” Taekwoon started, the name falling so effortlessly from his lips. “Don’t run from me,” he whispered, his hold tightening as one hand pressed flat against Hakyeon’s while and the other cupped the back of his head, fingers tangled in his hair.

It wasn’t the stern way in which Taekwoon said his name, but the softer approach he took instead that made Hakyeon tense in his hold, his arms stiff at his sides, “I-I’m not…..” He whispered, partially true, because even if he wasn’t to be the one to directly confront the issue, he wasn’t going to run from it once confronted.

It was almost hypocritical. Hakyeon as leader, always having been the one to bring the others aside to talk about their problems when all this time he had been avoiding one of his own. But that’s how it always had been: unless Hakyeon truly reached a breaking point, he had learned to channel his emotions elsewhere for the better of the team, the better of VIXX, needing to be the leader the rest could lean on.

While normally Taekwoon’s touch was comforting, reassuring, right now it brought Hakyeon’s insecurity bubbling to the surface, feeling it scratch and crawl over every surface of his skin.

His tongue felt dry as he opened his mouth to try and speak, as if he had just been sandpaper, “You...you know I don’t like it. You know I don’t like it, Taekwoon...why were you watching me?”

Hakyeon’s voice was barely a whisper though his words felt as heavy as an anchor, his gut wrenching at the discovery that Taekwoon, his husband, the one person he trusted more than anyone, would have done something like this. He could only assume this wasn’t the first time either which made the twisting in his gut that much more severe.

"Because you never let me admire you," Taekwoon sighed, a small puff of air expelling from his lungs as his shoulders slumped. He kept holding onto Hakyeon, ensuring he wouldn't leave his arms. Once Hakyeon was in them though, he never left.

“I know…” Hakyeon sighed softly, regretfully, fully aware of that fact.

Hakyeon would always hide himself from Taekwoon's gaze. When they were intimate it was normally done in the safety of the dark. For the times they enjoyed their mornings or rainy afternoon's, Hakyeon would always make sure he was fully protected by the cloak of blankets. And then afterward, Hakyeon would hurry and slide on pieces of clothing so he never slept .

There was never a time Taekwoon could just lay there and study all the ways in which Hakyeon was truly beautiful in his natural skin. Taekwoon was keeping count of the moles he saw decorating Hakyeon's lovely body, like the one on his ribcage or the one on his back beneath his right shoulder blade--but he knew there were still so many unaccounted for.

"I just want to look at you, Hakyeon," Taekwoon murmured, his words fighting to come out as he couldn't bear to think of the ways Hakyeon thought he wasn't perfect. "You're beautiful."

Even though Hakyeon was sure he was blushing from the base of his neck to the tips of his ears, self-consciousness, nerves, and Taekwoon’s sweet words concocting the pink mixture, he finally tilted his head up to meet the eyes looking down at him that were overflowing with so much love and warmth Hakyeon swore he felt his heart flip.

“I’m sorry…” His hands rose from his sides and slowly slid up the pale expanse of Taekwoon’s chest, fingers spreading across his shoulders before linking behind his neck, “You’re the one person I shouldn’t be hiding from, shouldn’t be afraid to show myself to.”

Hakyeon balanced up on his tiptoes to allow himself to more easily press his lips gently to his slightly taller husband’s, a brief, apologetic kiss before he continued, “I love you, Taekwoon, so much. And while it should make things easier, it almost makes it harder instead. It’s not that...I don’t want you to look at me, I know you appreciate everything about me more than anyone...I just…I don’t know…it’s like there’s this subconscious barrier I just can’t overcome.”

There was a lingering sadness in Hakyeon’s eyes, a lingering look of regret that he had become like this, that Taekwoon had married him like this, before his feet were flat on the ground again, chin tucked to his chest, hands slowly unhooking.

Hakyeon had been able to boast for hours about his y appearance and infinite charms during his idol days, much to the dismay of s, but when it came to being so vulnerable, so intimate, with Taekwoon there was some unseen force holding him back.

Although his hands automatically moved to trace over Hakyeon’s lowering arms, the tips of them finding his lover’s forearms before slipping to find his wrists where he held him gently, he let Hakyeon finally pull back.

Hakyeon’s words cut in the sense that Taekwoon wanted to be Hakyeon’s shelter, his enclosure from the sharp fragments of the world. He wanted Hakyeon to run with him and feel whole and complete, not like he had to keep parts of himself from Taekwoon.

“Step by step,” Taekwoon suddenly spoke. He wasn’t going to be compliant with this, especially not when it was so important for the both of them, for their marriage. “Please, Hakyeon. Take it step by step.”

This was his way of pleading for his husband to find ways in which to overcome this insecurity--whether it be by telling himself over and over through mantras of self-love, or being courageous and letting Taekwoon study him piece by piece, until he was completely bare to him with no more reservations.

“Step by step.” Hakyeon repeated, his tone hushed as he nodded as if to help himself reaffirm what he was agreeing to.

Hakyeon slipped his wrists from Taekwoon’s hold but he didn’t pull away, instead wrapping his slender fingers along Taekwoon’s large hands to guide them down to the bottom of his shirt, slipping them under the hem of the fitted fabric.

Even though he had expected it, Hakyeon’s body twitched feeling the cool fingers against his warm skin; Taekwoon’s hands always seemed to take longer to warm in in the mornings, he noticed. They were left there, letting Taekwoon be the one to move on his own accord now, as Hakyeon rested his hands back on Taekwoon’s chest, curled into nervous fists, eyes shut.

Step by step. He could do this, for their marriage, for Taekwoon, for himself.