The Unforgotten

            A soul can choose to enter the body anytime between conception and birth, contrary to all the beliefs out there.  Of course, it’s preferable to do it earlier than later to allow yourself more time to get acclimated to the new world, but Ryeowook didn’t choose to leave until a month before he was due to be born.  This allowed me to leave at the same time so that we didn’t have to spend any time apart, since my mother was already pregnant with me, although she had scarcely figured that out.  Changmin, true to form, was doing the same.  His mother didn’t even know she was having him yet, but she was about to.  She was sure to get some mountain of morning sickness the moment Changmin’s soul came on board, I felt certain of it.  But he had no reason to stick around since his soul mate had already incarnated and if his best friend was heading out as well, he may as well get a head start. 

            Henry said his good-byes to us a couple days before, hating to do so right before a person started to have their memories wiped out, but Minho could not be talked out of it.

            “I don’t know why you guys always end up leaving first,” Minho complained, dabbing at his tearstained cheeks.

            I just gave him a patient smile.  Changmin always felt the need to answer questions.  “You know they say that’s because we still carry over a little of our past lives with us and if you start switching up the order everyone was born, everyone would get confused.  You’d start talking down to me because you’re suddenly older in one life and I’d get resentful for you treating me like I don’t know what I’m doing when I was your uncle in the last life.”

            “You weren’t my uncle in the last life.  You were my boss,” Minho pointed out.

            “I know.  That was just a hypothetical situation.”

            “Well, quit doing that.  There’s enough real lives you can draw examples from,” he said, narrowing his eyes at Changmin.  “You’re just trying to confuse me.”

            “I am not,” Changmin said, indignant.

            I sighed heavily.  “Just let it go, you two.  We aren’t going to see each other for at least fifteen years or more,” I reminded them.

            Ryeowook nudged me with his elbow.  “Idiot,” he said under his breath.  “You’re going to make it worse.”

            “Those are going to be some of your last words to me,” I reminded him, “calling me an idiot.”

            Ryeowook tilted his head to the side.  “Not the worst thing I’ve said to you over all the lifetimes, if I remember correctly.”

            He’s broken my heart so many times, I can’t even count.  There have been plenty of lifetimes that we’ve met and things didn’t go smoothly or ended ugly.  Even in lifetimes where we stay together, we always have our share of fights.  I’d rather not think back to any of them.  Sometimes the things that people who love you say hurt more than what anyone else in the world could ever hurl at you.  No slander or knife to the gut, can compare.  Trust me, I’ve been in both those situations. 

            “Come here, Min,” I said, spreading my arms wide.

            Minho hugged me and got my shoulder all wet with his tears. 

            “You still have a lot of your other friends.  Taemin is still here,” I pointed out.

            “This is the last time I’m doing this bull.  Next time I get to go first,” Minho said, hugging Ryeowook next.

            “I don’t know about you,” Changmin informed him, “but this is the last life for all of us.”

            “What?  No fair!  You should have to go through this once too!” he complained.

            “Sorry, buddy,” Changmin said, giving Minho a hug good-bye.

            “Damn elders,” Minho mumbled to himself as he trudged away.

            Changmin then turned to us.  “I’ll let you say your good-bye alone and go in first.  Meeting in our teens will seem like no time at all,” he assured us, although I thought that perhaps he was trying to convince himself of that more than us. 

            “It will,” Ryeowook said, hugging him good-bye.

            “I can live with that,” Changmin said.  “Besides, sometimes a little break is nice.”

            Changmin wrapped his arms around me and then picked me up and spun me in circles.  Thankfully you can’t get dizzy here or I would have been feeling it for the next several minutes.  “Bye, Kyu,” Changmin said, finally releasing me.

            “Good-bye, Changmin,” I said, keeping it simple so I wouldn’t lose it.

            Changmin walked off and we were alone at the entrance of the building used to send people back to Earth.  I walked over to the side, where there was a small garden with a small stone fountain of a fish spitting out water and several rose bushes around it and looked down at the koi swimming around.

            “I’m not ready to leave you again yet,” I told Ryeowook.

            “You don’t have to leave now, but I do,” he reminded me.  “I’ve stayed longer than I should because I didn’t want to leave you either, but I’m barely giving myself a month, which isn’t much time.”

            “It isn’t,” I agreed.  “You can’t wait longer.”

            Ryeowook walked over to me and cupped my face, drawing it up until my eyes were looking into his.  “Once this life is over, we’ll never have to part again.  Just think of it that way.  The sooner we start it and finish it, the sooner we’ll be together for eternity without interruption.”

            “I won’t be happy if we’ve failed though,” I said.  “There are too many other people that will be affected as well.”

            Ryeowook nodded.  “I just wanted to remind you that the end remains the same, essentially.”

            “It’s just the journey,” I said.  “But it’s not my journey, it’s yours.”

            “You do realize that if you live through the accident that there’s a chance you’ll be injured permanently.  Right?  Don’t think that just because you live means that you’ll be able to continue to sing with us.”

            “The elders warned me I might lose my voice,” I told him.

            Ryeowook’s mouth dropped open and he stepped back in surprise as if he’d been slapped.  Heechul’s letter had not contained that information.  He probably did not know of it himself.  Clearly, I’d just shocked Ryeowook with something he hadn’t heard before, but I didn’t know it until I’d said it.

            “I’m sorry, love…I thought you knew.”

            Ryeowook shook his head, his eyes filling with tears.  “Lose your voice?”

            “In several of the possible ways that I survive, it is through doing a surgery that robs me of my vocal chords.  I’m sorry, somehow…I didn’t realize you didn’t know,” I offered.

            Ryeowook wiped his tears from his eyes.  “Are you sure that living is better?”

            “I can’t let Leeteuk down,” I insisted.  “Even if the chances aren’t great, I still have to try.  If he swears it will break his resolve as a leader, I believe him.”

            “He was only a child,” Ryeowook argued.

            “He was not speaking as a child in that moment,” I informed him.  “Trust that I’d know the difference after all this time.”

            “I know that you’re worried about how I would handle it, but I promise you that I would survive.  If you can make it for most of your life alone, so can I,” he assured me, grasping my hand.

            “You might be able to, but I can’t.  I don’t want to sit here all alone waiting for you and worrying,” I said.  “I’d rather stay by your side as long as I possibly can.  Can’t you see that I can’t even stand to be without you now?”

            Ryeowook wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek several times.  “Trust me, I’ve done everything I can think of to make this group feel united from the outside.  We won’t be able to do anymore until we meet again,” he swore, backing up enough to look at me.

             “Until we meet again,” I said before kissing him good-bye.

            I always tell the people doing the erasure procedure to take the memories of Ryeowook first, otherwise I don’t think I’d let them finish.  Ryeowook always tells them to take the memories of me last, so he can think of me until the very end.  I think he must be stronger than I am.  They always have to tie me up until the last memories of him are gone while Ryeowook just lies there peacefully until his mind is completely blank.  If he is reincarnating a long time before me, I never go to watch this process.  There are few things as painful as the one you love completely forgetting about your existence in their life.  All that remains is what they mean to you. 

            I find, after all of these incarnations, something still remains in my heart after they wipe my memories.  Whenever I met him for the first time in a new life, I always have the sensation that we’ve met somewhere before.  Some things just can’t be erased from universal truth.  I love Ryeowook.  Even if I forget temporarily, I eventually remember again.  Something always wakes that memory back up.