I remember when I began to annoy her. I don’t think she remember it but we were in the 3rd grade when she tried to shoo me away from her friend that I tried to scare as revenge after she teased me. When she saw me quietly walking up towards her friend she swatted her hand at me and told me to go away and leave her friend alone. I got mad at her and decided to annoy her as much as I could, and on the same day I threw small pieces of rubber at her. And I remember that some pieces got stuck in her hair without her notice. Sometimes I would poke her on her arm and run away with her chasing after me. It was so fun to see her annoyed face and hear her shout after me in anger, I couldn't find myself to stop teasing her. I enjoyed it too much.

I didn’t realised that the more I , the more I liked her. And then I fell for her. What made me fall for her? Was it her kind yet persistent personality? Was it her smile that made me smile? Was it her clumsiness and her funny face expressions that always made me laugh even at the times when I didn’t felt well? I don’t know, but I know that I have fallen hard for her.

Chanyeol, my childhood friend, usually joined in our play and too, but he was kinder to her than I was. He always smiled when she was around, he would crack jokes to make her laugh and he always in a kind way just to make her annoyed and hit him gently on his arm while pouting. I saw everything he did to get closer to her. And everytime, I could feel my stomach twist in jealousy when I saw how close he got to her.

One day we where playing video games at his house. In the midst of defeating a boss he told me that he liked her. I remember I got so caught off guard that I couldn’t speak properly. I just responded with an “Oh…” and continued playing without listening to him when he rambled on how he thought how cute and sweet girl she was. I didn’t know what to do. The girl Chanyeol liked was the same girl I liked. I didn’t told him that I liked her too, I didn’t want him to know now that I knew his feelings for her. The next day was like normal- I and she would pout and try to hit me. Chanyeol would make her pout turn into a smile by joking around. My heart clenched when I saw the scene of her smiling and laughing because of him. I realised that maybe she was happier with him than me.

The day we ended 6th grade was a painful day for me, I knew that it was the last day that she and I was in the same class for the last time. I didn’t show much emotions for the entire time at the venue in the park. We sang our song and then hugged our teachers as a good bye. I was standing with Chanyeol, waiting for my parents to come out from the crowd. While I was waiting I scanned around the people till my gaze fixed on her. My stoic face softened when I saw her secretly wipe away tears that fell down on her cheeks without anyone noticed it. Then my brows furrowed when a smiling tall drummer came up to her and showed her a blue rose he got from his parents. I walked to them and standed beside them, without saying anything. She smiled to him and looked at the rose with sparkling eyes. I couldn’t help but stare at her, she looked really pretty with her plain blue dress and her hair down.

I wish she looked at me that time.

We didn’t say anything to each other on that day, and we haven’t talked since then.

I was walking through the halls with my hands inside my pockets. I didn’t had anything to do since I just ended a lession and had now ten minutes break time. While walking I saw her walk towards my direction. I recalled the time when Luhan, one of my classmates, told me that he had heard that she have feelings for me. If she have feelings for me then why does it feel like she ignores my presence?

Our gazes met but she quickly looked ahead of her, ignoring me. I felt my heart yug sligthly, but it was normal for me to see her do that. Then I saw my friend standing at her locker. She was busy taking out her stuff for her lession. I smiled and walked towards my friend, I glanced at her before I approached my friend by hugging her from behind.

“Hey!” I smiled.

My friend turned her head to me and smiled. “Hi Sehunnie~!”

I released my hug and I couldn’t help but look to the side. To see her reaction. But I couldn’t see it because she was facing another direction and she quickly walked past me, away from my sight. My stomach twisted but I kept the smile on my face. “What are you having now?” I asked my friend.

“English class.” she sighed and closed her locker. I just chuckled and patted her shoulder.

“It will be alright.” I told her. She gave me a tired smile. “I have to go now. Have fun now!” I laughed when she whined a little before we parted.

The smile on my lips disappeared as soon as I turned around. The feeling of her ignoring me was a little too much for me. What was her reaction? Does she even care? Why did I even do that? I asked myself. If Luhan said was true, then I would have hurt her, right? I’m such a bastard right now. But it’s nothing wrong to greet my friend! She just happened to be there and see our friendly greeting. I mentally shrugged my shoulders. But why do I feel so bad for doing that? I sighed for the second time. Many thoughts ran through my mind that I didn’t noticed that I was beside my locker.

Why am I such a coward?! Why can’t I tell her my feelings for her? I slammed my head against my locker. I’m sure that people around me turned their heads because of the noise I made, but I didn’t cared. Strangely, it didn’t hurt compared to the pain in my heart. It hurts so much.

I guess it is because she deservs a better man than me.