Myeong-dong Cathredal, Seoul, 2019

Soojung stared at her own reflection through the mirror once again–pitying the white long gown cladded on her along with the lustrous diamonds and beautiful veil on top.  She was supposed to be happy and blessed, yet all she could feel was the warmth of wretched tears running down her cheeks. She wanted to be decent and for once being obedient to what the universe wanted her to have, even though it means days without Kim Jongin, hardships without Kim Jongin, happiness without Kim Jongin, and romance without Kim Jongin. A life without Kim Jongin.

Soojung breathed over and over again beneath the suffocating air around her. She tried to take long breaths as much as she could to prevent herself from breaking down and cry. Her life with Kim Jongin in it had always been beautiful, then why should she start another one without him? Why can’t destiny let her be with him? Why can’t the universe allow her to go through the days with him? Why can’t she have that one chance to decide on what she wants? Those silly questions were haunting her day and night, yet no one or even a slight whisper could ever answer it for her, not even Kim Jongin.

She should have been the happiest girl for being endowed to marry a man who has everything within him; he practically has everything she had always asked for in her prayers. God was being so nice to her for giving someone who has the exact same look as the man she falls in love with, thus she should be beholden for it. But why did tears keep on falling down as if it was the cruelest gift God ever blessed her with? Was it that hurtful for her? Was it that much unfair to be given a beautiful guaranteed life? Why couldn’t she be grateful for it? She was going to live a perfect life in less than half an hour. What was so wrong about it that she kept on wishing it was all just a long mere dream?

The answer is only because it’s not the guaranteed happy, tranquil life she’s going to live. It’s simply because she wouldn't be with the one she wanted to be with, even when the groom has no difference in physical terms with the person she loves.

Because he’s Kim Jongdo, Jongin’s twin brother.

As much as they resemble each other physically, he’s still not Kim Jongin that Soojung loves dearly with every inch of her being. 

Soojung held back her tears in reflex when she heard a voice of door cracking open behind her. She quickly wiped her tears carefully–trying not to ruin the flawless bridal makeup– and turned around; hardly trying to put the brightest smile she could offer to the visitor who wanted to visit the lucky bride. She was expecting felicitation and encouragement from anyone coming hence she would remember how lucky she was for marrying Jongdo. Yet, once again, she broke down in agonizing cry when she noticed who it was at the door. Seeing him on his natty dark blue suit that was meant for the groomsmen was too much for her. That time, she really wanted to hold his hand and escape from reality.

She had never asked him to come over and ruined her heart once more. His presence itself would absolutely be the biggest burden for her that day. He should never go there or attend the wedding if it’s possible, but what kind of person misses out on his own twin brother’s wedding? 

Perhaps, he just wanted to say the last goodbye to the one whom he cherishes the most in his life, or could he say, the love of his life.

“God is good, right Soojung? I have nothing much to offer you and here He gives you the world,” he tried so hard to keep his voice stable as he held back the tears. His heart was shredded but he knows it’s all for the best. Nothing beats the price for seeing the one you love is guaranteed for a prosperous blitheso